When was the last time you said to
yourself - okay, I can't control this, I'm
going to not let it bother me? And can
you say that you didn't let yourself get
devastated by a relationship that you did
everything to save but could not? When was the last time you cut yourself
some slack? Most of us have, at one time or another,
been in a relationship with too many
elements beyond our control. This is
natural. In every aspect of our lives,
there will always be things that will
happen beyond our control. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. So why struggle against something like
that? This is most likely to happen when you
are dating, which involves two people
with minds of their own trying to do
things together and building
expectations. For instance, you cannot
control whether or not your girlfriend cheats on you. But faced with the prospect of such a
thing happening, most of us begin to be
plagued by fear and doubt. Anxiety
leads to stress and our lives become
miserable because we realize we've lost
control over the relationship. We begin to be afraid, possessive, and negative
and all the other things that make a man
unattractive. It's when we begin to focus too much
on things that are not within our control
that our misery begins. But do you realize that you actually
have a choice? You have a choice to
consciously ignore what you can't
control. You have the right to choose to
be happy. Choose what to focus on and retain
autonomy We may not have control over many
things. But we do have power over what
we choose to focus on. You have the
choice to only focus on things that you
can do something about. You can learn
to be the guy that doesn't invest too much of himself in a relationship so that
he's at a loss when it ends. You can date wholeheartedly on the one
hand while you retain your autonomy on
the other. That is the ideal balance you
should be looking for. Retaining autonomy implies not losing
yourself in a relationship. As you date,
you should keep working to be an
attractive man with a stable and healthy
circle of female friends; you can nurture
a personal focus that keeps you excited about your life and looking forward to
the future even if the person you cared
about leaves. By focusing on the right things you can
discover a more attractive you - a guy
who has great passions and hobbies that
make him brim with vitality and energy.
Vitality is what women find most
attractive in men. Remember that a woman in your life can
bring you a lot of joy. But it's easy to
get consumed by a relationship if you
don't develop a healthy structure for it.
Dating should not be stressful. It is
possible to have a great mutual relationship with a woman while
retaining your autonomy, so you can
have a fulfilling life without its
attendant anxieties and fears. So go ahead and find your autonomy!