I am seeking for advice. My boyfriend is in Nigeria and i am not. Well, i just moved out of Nigeria. SInce i left, we have been quarelling every now and then. I am so confused that i am seriously considering breaking off the relationship but i also feel that is not the best thing to do right now.

I know people do this distance thing a lot and don't have issues like i do. I don't know why this is happening to me.
Please help

i would say is either they guy is missing you or you guy thinks as far as you're not with him, as in you not in nigeria, means that he has lost you.

It a very simple saying, "Out of Sight is out of mind" believe me, this saying is working everywhere. I think thats exactly whats happening. I will advice is either you come back if you truly love him or he should come to you but my dear please and please, am a guy and must be honest with you, guys are very very trickish, if he eventually come over, my dear forget him, then you will know that u r his worst enemy. Right now he feels thats you are now bigger than him. Both of you should try and see reasons together cuz two wrongs can never make a right. Act right.

Distance relationship works when it is based on patience, trust, hope and sincerity. If these attributes are not seen in your own with your guy in Nigeria, then you all should put an end to it cos no need of going ahead with it as it will only breed lies, revenge, blackmailing and physical attack.

you are finally out of the honey moon area of you relationship. this is the time to really find out if your relationship is actually worth working on. If you can get through this, your relationship would come out stronger so be patient with him.

He probably feels like he has lost you because of the tales of people travelling away and finding something better so he is scared

Thank you all so much for your advice. As for breaking up with him, i don't have the strength to. These things are easier said than done.

@omega25red
Thanks for your words. I will try hard to be patient. But honestly, its not easy. Cos to be honest, i might just get frustrated and do what he dreads the most and that is finding someone else. I never knew i was going to experience this

Distance relationship works when it is based on patience, trust, hope and sincerity. If these attributes are not seen in your own with your guy in Nigeria, then you all should put an end to it because no need of going ahead with it as it will only breed lies, revenge, blackmailing and physical attack.

I agree.

@ Sonye. What exactly do you quarrel about?

@stillwater,
the last time, he told me he loved me and i did not respond. I honestly don't respond all the time but now it seems to be a big deal. Also, if i remind him of something i seem he must have forgotten, he flares up!
When i was in Nigeria, i used to do all these and there was no problem. He was even appreciative of me reminding him about things i think he forgets to do. But now, it feels like one big deal.
The last time he got angry, he used the "F" word. Something i have never heard him say. Is my relationship coming to an end?

hmmmh, they always flare up when you don't respond to their I love yous . Bruised Ego is what they call it . Anyway what stops you from saying I love you back? And why do you have inhibitions?

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

It's hard enough to make local relationships work, but having miles, States, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more difficult. However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. Here's how to give yours every chance to survive and thrive.

Steps

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line.
o Ex.: Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?
2. Communicate in some way every day - more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VOIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!
3. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
4. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while on you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
5. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
6. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
7. Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you'll decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.

Tips

• A long distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.
• One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
• It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant - even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.
• When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc, ) and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.
• Buy a game that you can play together over the internet, such as an MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game). You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
• Mail each other scented clothes.
• Send each other spontaneous ecards.
• Make a creative countdown (ie: photo calendar, a drawing for each day showing another thing you love about the person) and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next.
• Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not outloud or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come.
• The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
• Buy a webcam so you can chat face to face and see each other, so when you meet you will remember what they look like.
• Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.

Warnings

• Remember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether it's long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
• Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying - but so can proximal relationships.
• Remember that only you and your long distance partner understand the nuances of your relationship. Friends, family, and colleagues may not understand your preoccupation with someone they have never met or rarely meet. Listen to their advice with a grain of salt unless they have been there themselves.
• While instant messaging and e-mails play a large role in long distance relationships, remember that they can in no way replace verbal communication. Written conversations leave out the vital facial expressions and intonations that help your partner interpret the tone of the message. Save important conversations for the telephone or face-to-face communication so that everyone is on the same page.
• Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other it is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work you must make a great effort not to drift apart. Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort (hug, kiss, hold hands), and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time without the need or desire to be with someone else.

Though , I have not read the above before, I admit they work quite well provided there is trust. I am using them and it work wonder.

The couple should also find time to be together physically if it is possible.

The great thing about long distance relationship is that it does not give room to physical exploitation. It also promotes self-control and give the partners room to work on their dreams. I totally agree with the above.

Condition applied: TRUST, AND COMMITMENT must be there.

@sonye,
when you are together, and he says "I love you" he neednt hear your reply to know what you feel. Sensible men can read your feeling by just looking at your face. That is why he did not make any issue of it. However, when you are miles apart without seeing one another, your words count. You need to be open and express yourself as clear as you can. Your keeping quiet when he expressed his feeling is sending wrong signal to him. His imagination would run riot and create a living picture which may be different from the reality.

In short, your action might have been the reason for his change of attitude. To be honest, you have problems on hand. You have to find a way of re-assuring him that you love him. By that frequent quarell, something is broken already and it may be a decider on how far you two go.

My advice is that you find way of communicating with him. Mend the fence and re-ignite the trust.

@ his_grace

Was that meant to be a joke? I do not appreciate such. So you mean it is ok for me to disrespect womanhood by sleeping around because of the weather? If i am cold, i turn on my heater thanks.

@all except some,
thanks for teaching me all i need to learn. Its actually my first time of doing this distance thing. I do apreciate your advice

Give us an update how it go. So someone can expose any shortcoming. Don't make an issue out of it though. Keep a cool head and face you mission until you achieve your goal.

Give us an update how it go. So someone can expose any shortcoming. Don't make an issue out of it though. Keep a cool head and face you mission until you achieve your goal.

@ Poster; Lots and Lots of Patience! Dats wat u need 2 keep asking God 2 grant u could believe me u sure do need it in abundance. Whoever wrote out d quote sayin "Patience is a Virtue" didnt make a mistake "Gud Luck 2 U Though

Cheijemba,
that is cool.

Sonye,
I no lie u o, if u left ur guy in 9ja u should be verrrrrry afraid.
Finding a guy in Glasgow is like searching for a needle in a haystack, unlike in 9ja where girls are on d prowl.
I've bin in ur shoes, my guy was in d UK while i was in yankiee, men i bin de show London every 3mths. If he was in 9ja i 4 just fashie d school wey i go do.
Its normal to have fights but u better slow down and reduce them so he doesnt find solace in another. If u love him and want to keep hime then just be as open as possible.

good luck on this one sha, u go need am!!

@ topic,

GET IT INTO UR THICK SKULL-----LONG DISTANCE DON'T WORK!!!!

Busta:

@ topic,

GET IT INTO UR THICK SKULL-----LONG DISTANCE DON'T WORK!!!!

Chill girl, u know thats not true, I'm in one and it's working real fine for us, the most important is communication(Constant), trust & patience and other little stuffs.

It works girl

whether long or short, they require constant communication by the ppl involved, trust, open minded and truthfullllll.above all, prayerful. So gurl, u will be fine, itz normal for people to fight, when dere is new development, change comes along with it, so u both have 2 adjust to the change among many would be more communication

Relationships are difficult enough not to talk of long distance,

It definitely takes twice, if not three times as much work.

Da Junta:

Chill girl, u know thats not true, I'm in one and it's working real fine for us, the most important is communication(Constant), trust & patience and other little stuffs.

It works girl

yeah?
it's all rosy now but give it time and kata kata go bust real soon.
it does not work!!!!

Bunker Busta !!

!

Busta:

yeah?
it's all rosy now but give it time and kata kata go bust real soon.
it does not work!!!!

Well u can say anything but when d time comes, i will definately invite u to our engagement party to prove u wrong. k

Da Junta:

Well u can say anything but when d time comes, i will definately invite u to our engagement party to prove u wrong. k

No Probs. . . .keep me updated.
I'll be there.

Bunker Busta !!

@ Busta
You sound like you have never been in love. You sound like i am dropping dirt in the bin. Please be realistic and imagine yourself in the situation before you go on with what you are saying

Well u can say anything but when d time comes, i will definately invite u to our engagement party to prove u wrong. k

Abeg invite me too oh. Let me too experience a good thing

@sonye
i am in stirling schooling. not too far from glasgow.

just for the records ,long distance relationships never work on most ocassions .

i v done it before and i must say it requires a great deal of commitment and time sacrifice
your boyfriend is having quarells wih you because the issue of infidelity will always crop up between you,its either you r pissed of wth him for not picking up his phone when u called or he s pissed off with you for not pickn yours up, dont forget ppl feeding him info about your movement and vis versa, if its something you realli want to work then dont listen to anybody, come rain or shine always make sure you create time to chat even on normal stuffs at least 2/3 times a week even at times when thinkn if its worth it,and enuff textn, there ll be days you ll think and ask yourself if its realli worth it especially if you see your friends going out with their bf s , and always guage his reaction, lil things for you to know if he is as committed or if he wants out

Long distance relationships are very difficult and sooner or later infedelity might become an issue- i pray its not your case. I want u to also know that most distance relationship u think worked out happened as i am about to explain. PLS I DON'T MEAN ALL CASES THOUGH. It's what i noticed.

The person he/she leaves maybe Nigeria and goes abroad. He/she starts dating other people maybe the partner at home starts doing the same but hiding it from each other.The later relationships does not work and they come back to each other and then from the surface people see it and says it worked. The truth is ----It worked because their later relationship did not work, if it did, one partner would have left the other. Now is that a relationship, when they used each other as a fall back. I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN.

Another thing is when u leave somebody (DISTANCE), u r never sure u know the person any more. how would you be in a relationship with someone u don't know. In six months the nicest of person can become unimaginably bad. If love him as i think u do work towards being close as soon as possible or the best thing too pray for the best which i wish u.GOOD LUCK

thanks a lot

God help you sha. Tiz nothing but a bundle of heartbreaks and more heartbreaks if you ask me.

Too much confusion over simple matter.

Argument between optimists and the pessimists. Only a few are rational. Most are either sentimental or product of their past disappointments. They didn't even tell us whether they caused the pain or not.

Shortdistance relationships, unarguably produce more heartbreaks and cheats than long distance relationship. But nobody had discredited it. Marriage failed, break-up, and collapse even when the couple live under the same room for years. A cheating husband or wife is often attracted to a concubine staying away from him. Yet, the critics have not deem it fit to examine why it happens.

If a man is dating two people. One in long distance, the other in short distance, he is more often attracted to the one in long distance than the short distance. Unless, he is sleeping with the lady at near him. Or the lady at long distance is bad.

In a nutshell, long distance relationships fail not necesarily because of the distance but because the elements of a happy enduring relation are not present. Whether short or long, any relationship that lack communication, trust, patience, endurance, and motivated by sex would inevitably fail. And when they have those ingredients, they would succeed no matter the barrier.

Long distance relationship exposes the other person's weakness, infidelity, fake profession of love, insecurity, impatience, lack of commitment etc. I am sure that if anyone in short distance relation notice those trait, he or she would abscond as fast as s/he can.

I think many of us are just saying we can't trust our partner if he/she travel away from us for legitimate reasons. And that is a cheering news. Anyone in long or short distance relation must discountenance the emotion and leave such a partner. He/she is not trustworthy and that is a good news to a discerning mind.

Next?