@Op...You know what, my honest opinion is that when u rejected him at first, you lost him forever. I for one as a guy will never love a girl I once asked out and rejected me the way I loved her when I first asked her out. It's jst a guy thing. Nobody wants to play 2nd fiddle.
You should ask yourself some questions. Why did u reject him at first. What is different now? He will definitely ask you those questions. I also do not like a lady who doesn't know what she wants because apparently you do not. If you want some seriously you go for it. Take a risk. Tell him you like him. Prove it. Maybe he'll reconsider you in his heart but you also risk being used and dump because u've not shown u knw wat u want in the past. Is that a risk you're willing to take? It's up to u to decide.

legal-tender:




You are so right.
I might consider throwing care to the wind

Just an additional advice: if you are gonna throw care to the wind, please don't do that on facebook. Never! You'd probably get no reply after he reads your mail. And that will only render you more desperate.
Try get his number and talk to him. Otherwise, meet him one-on-one.

The below must be added, though. That's the price you may have to pay for not taking someone seriously who took you seriously:

12 inches!:
you also risk being used and dump because u've not shown u knw wat u want in the past. Is that a risk you're willing to take? It's up to u to decide.

legal-tender:


The subject of this discussion is very attractive and was quite aware of that fact, one of the reasons I believed he may not be quite ready for a committed relationship. He isn't aware of what happened with the other guy.
Nothing to do with finances and social status and we would probably be on around the same income at the moment and I know for a fact that I am lot "hotter" than I was when he asked me out.

That is not possible ma'am.

Be bold. contact him.the worst he will say is that he is not interested in you. Life is short - do what you must. Don't live in regret dear . JUST DO IT.

Hello @legal-tender, I know my advice may mean nothing to u, but remember u asked for a honest advice, which was y I gave one at first.

See, I am a guy, and I am only advising u as a guy and like I would advice my sister.

Now think it this way- u saw a guy, liked him so much n gathered the courage to walk up to him to tell him u do n wud love a date from him and he just told u- NO I can't date u, n u walked away regretting, hurting of course.

Years later, that guy turns up and start making move to date u, start acting lovey dovey all of a sudden, be honest dear; won't u be scared that he is up to sth? That's how a guy would feel too, but d diff is that a guy may pretend (the bad guys though) to like u just to use u n dump u n tell his friend that that mumu girl that turned me down came back begging me, so I show her pepper, do u want that

He may welcome u cheerfully n u guys end up loving again, but the chances are very very slim dear.

People telling u to be bold n tell him u like him that it doesn't make u desperate, did they analyse the circumstances surrounding this your situation?

This isn't just a guy u have just met or just saw and liked and wish to make first move, nope, this is a guy u wholeheartedly told NO I can't date u, and ppl are now advising u to be bold and go back and tell him that u love him or whatever? That's not just being desperate, its called- eating what u once vomited and its uncalled for, move on!!!

I read where u said u are hotter now than before, that doesn't change the fact that his mind is no lonher straight towards u, of course ur being hotter now than before may only ginger his tetesterone and sexual desire to pretend he likes u more now, just to get in between ur legs.

But then, since ur hotter now than before, I believe u are supposed to attract better men, hotter men too...y not move on to avoid later regrets pls Just my advice.

You also need to answer some questions asked by some poster up to help u make a better decision.

Goodluck

Stick your neck out! A agree with saucer, you really have nothing to lose [size=5pt]except a big chunk of pride if he says no [/size]. But you might still be disappointed if he says yes because its been a long time and you don't know what he's like now. Anyways goodluck!

Did the op refer to him or herself as being "hotter" than he or she was originally?

You go tey for there.

@OP, I am not castigating you for what happened but I will share my view from a guy's perspective even though I do not know the nitty gritty of what transpired!

At that time, it appears you didn't know what you wanted or you have realised your impression/opinions about relationship were 'wrong' in the light of experience or maturity! You might think the manner you said NO was the best but your disposition at that time would have killed his ego, bruised his HEmotions and zapped his happiness! Over time you have come to realise his value when you have 'lost' him.

You need to know he is not exactly the same person you used to know based on the lesson he has learnt from you and others. You have to also know you are not the same person he knew then because your views have changed, you have learnt lessons from other guys and you are now *hotter/hottest*.

There is no harm in trying to get him back but the following are possible:

1. The guy uses his *church* mind and tells you it is over between both of you. Hence, there would be no need to flog a dead horse!

2. The guy uses his *devil* mind and plays alongs with you. He might even give you false hope till you receive an invitation to attend his wedding with his *sweetheart*. I don't want to go into much details of what could happen if the guy plays along but the fact is he might want to get back at you and pay you back with high interest!

3. You happen to get back to him at the right time when he has no one and he is willing to take you back! However, this will require a great deal of effort, considerable amount of time, unswerving commitment and God's grace to work! It is not always easy to mend a friendship/relationship that has been on sabbatical! There is a Yoruba adage; *Pounded yam of twenty years go still dey hot!*

Good luck Sis! Take your decision and act wisely.......

EagleEyes259: @OP, I am not castigating you for what happened but I will share my view from a guy's perspective even though I do not know the nitty gritty of what transpired!

At that time, it appears you didn't know what you wanted or you have realised your impression/opinions about relationship were 'wrong' in the light of experience or maturity! You might think the manner you said NO was the best but your disposition at that time would have killed his ego, bruised his HEmotions and zapped his happiness! Over time you have come to realise his value when you have 'lost' him.

You need to know he is not exactly the same person you used to know based on the lesson he has learnt from you and others. You have to also know you are not the same person he knew then because your views have changed, you have learnt lessons from other guys and you are now *hotter/hottest*.

There is no harm in trying to get him back but the following are possible:

1. The guy uses his *church* mind and tells you it is over between both of you. Hence, there would be no need to flog a dead horse!

2. The guy uses his *devil* mind and plays alongs with you. He might even give you false hope till you receive an invitation to attend his wedding with his *sweetheart*. I don't want to go into much details of what could happen if the guy plays along but the fact is he might want to get back at you and pay you back with high interest!

3. You happen to get back to him at the right time when he has no one and he is willing to take you back! However, this will require a great deal of effort, considerable amount of time, unswerving commitment and God's grace to work! It is not always easy to mend a friendship/relationship that has been on sabbatical! There is a Yoruba adage; *Pounded yam of twenty years go still dey hot!*

Good luck Sis! Take your decision and act wisely.......

Thank God for internet, ppl who wish to learn can now have access to great counsels like this one. I endorse this comment

ths wht i can say. U still hv feelngs for him and wud like to start sth i.e "u wanna be startng somethng" like mj said. 2 moves blockd , but aint discouraged u wanna use ur lifeline, y nt go for it ,girl. If ur timid u know how it wll turn out and ur reactions will alwys b motivatd by d need to keep ur pride and avoid embarrassment. But if u go for it can b a learning xperience. Call him, use a different line if he's ignoring ur numbr. Dont gush like a tactless kid but come out straight to request a meetg with him, b firm , he may want to front and brush u off like dirt , but dnt take it. After a date/second meetg is fixed , come out with the load on ur mind, start wt wat transpired btw d 2 of u in d past and link it to d present. Pause. Look into his eyes no smiling (he'll take smiles as a bribe) . Wait 4 him to speak. If he asks wat dyu want frm me - gulp - tell him u want to get back togethr wt hm. Strt somethng (add new and byutiful ) and tht he's been on ur mind.(or u wanna go to being friends if its friendship u want) Leave an escape clause (its okay if uve gt sb etc). He may squish ur pride out of vengefulness but u'll b bttr of despite d outcome. U'll b bttr of because mny years frm now u knw u took action rada thn let fear of rejection dctate to u. Ps: it will b nice to hve monica's track "never ment to cause u no pain/i just wanna get bck to being d same" playing in d bckground. Gudluck . Tell us hw it went.

--

Hmmmm...be warned tho...the question you asked is being answered by many people some of which may not be qualified...take every answer with a pinch of salt...
I'll ask you some questions and the answers should guide you.
do you like looking back in your life and having regrets you never did this or that?
do you enjoy wondering what would have happened if you'd done something or not?
is anyone living your life for you?
one thing with @dailynews, I like him but he looks at things from one angle. good but, not good for advices..in advise, a well rounded perspective is always needed

It all depends on the way you rejected him..if you rejected him in the polite "i have a fiance way" he'd be cool..but if you did the the "nigerian girl" way best believe he has not forgiven you especially if he is the type that has come across many ladies after ur "rejection".
My advice, forget this fight or you'll get your pussi burnt. Men dont do shakara like women O.. He doesnt gbadun you again.

*edit*
I had a friend in a similar position as "your boy".some friends in our clan swore never to talk to him if he took a certain girl back ! If ur boy has told his boyz...haha

wow ! I just read @eagleeyes reply.. thats comprehensive enough.

@ all the people suggesting the Op will be used, im sure she is smarter than that

If the guy tries to use her for sex all shes got to do is say no and keep it moving.. i believe the purpose of her thread was how to revive interest, not how to 'avoid being used'

Nevertheless OP i really suggest you don't do it. If you really are more attractive, im sure you have more options

I had a friend in a similar position as "your boy".some friends in our clan swore never to talk to him if he took a certain girl back ! If ur boy has told his boyz...haha

Haha i know all about that.... guys have lots of mean names for dudes like this

Op, the only way you will get this guy is if you have grown prettier or are still as pretty as you were in the past.

But, i guess the good thing about the op is that she has grown smarter but , u knw guys we go for young n succulent over old and wise.

The guy is probably chilling with one twnty two twnety three year old girl.

Bo hoo hoo

kambo: ths wht i can say. U still hv feelngs for him and wud like to start sth i.e "u wanna be startng somethng" like mj said. 2 moves blockd , but aint discouraged u wanna use ur lifeline, y nt go for it ,girl. If ur timid u know how it wll turn out and ur reactions will alwys b motivatd by d need to keep ur pride and avoid embarrassment. But if u go for it can b a learning xperience. Call him, use a different line if he's ignoring ur numbr. Dont gush like a tactless kid but come out straight to request a meetg with him, b firm , he may want to front and brush u off like dirt , but dnt take it. After a date/second meetg is fixed , come out with the load on ur mind, start wt wat transpired btw d 2 of u in d past and link it to d present. Pause. Look into his eyes no smiling (he'll take smiles as a bribe) . Wait 4 him to speak. If he asks wat dyu want frm me - gulp - tell him u want to get back togethr wt hm. Strt somethng (add new and byutiful ) and tht he's been on ur mind.(or u wanna go to being friends if its friendship u want) Leave an escape clause (its okay if uve gt sb etc). He may squish ur pride out of vengefulness but u'll b bttr of despite d outcome. U'll b bttr of because mny years frm now u knw u took action rada thn let fear of rejection dctate to u. Ps: it will b nice to hve monica's track "never ment to cause u no pain/i just wanna get bck to being d same" playing in d bckground. Gudluck . Tell us hw it went.

This may work. Even on me.Lol. What u really have to do is come out bold. By bold I mean VERY BOLD like this guy says. Show you want him back. Verbalize. Show you know what u want and you're going for it. That is the main challenge u have to deal with. That u dnt knw what u want. Afterall u said No in the past. Why the sudden change in response. Besides I'm also interested about your sudden change in response talkless of the guy in question.

If he is cold to you, that means he is sulking because he Still have feelings for you.
He is keeping his distance to avoid being hurt. For all he know you may be playing with his emotion, setting him up for a fall
Courage is the word, you need to ask yourself what you really want and damn the consequence.
My advice, if you love him; go for him.

EagleEyes259: @OP, I am not castigating you for what happened but I will share my view from a guy's perspective even though I do not know the nitty gritty of what transpired!

At that time, it appears you didn't know what you wanted or you have realised your impression/opinions about relationship were 'wrong' in the light of experience or maturity! You might think the manner you said NO was the best but your disposition at that time would have killed his ego, bruised his HEmotions and zapped his happiness! Over time you have come to realise his value when you have 'lost' him.

You need to know he is not exactly the same person you used to know based on the lesson he has learnt from you and others. You have to also know you are not the same person he knew then because your views have changed, you have learnt lessons from other guys and you are now *hotter/hottest*.

There is no harm in trying to get him back but the following are possible:

1. The guy uses his *church* mind and tells you it is over between both of you. Hence, there would be no need to flog a dead horse!

2. The guy uses his *devil* mind and plays alongs with you. He might even give you false hope till you receive an invitation to attend his wedding with his *sweetheart*. I don't want to go into much details of what could happen if the guy plays along but the fact is he might want to get back at you and pay you back with high interest!

3. You happen to get back to him at the right time when he has no one and he is willing to take you back! However, this will require a great deal of effort, considerable amount of time, unswerving commitment and God's grace to work! It is not always easy to mend a friendship/relationship that has been on sabbatical! There is a Yoruba adage; *Pounded yam of twenty years go still dey hot!*

Good luck Sis! Take your decision and act wisely.......

Thanks Eagle eyes.
I don't think I deserve the devil mind treatment. I was never nasty to him. But then, he may have be more hurt than I thought.

Phinalphantasy: Hmmmm...be warned tho...the question you asked is being answered by many people some of which may not be qualified...take every answer with a pinch of salt...
I'll ask you some questions and the answers should guide you.
do you like looking back in your life and having regrets you never did this or that?
do you enjoy wondering what would have happened if you'd done something or not?
is anyone living your life for you?
one thing with @dailynews, I like him but he looks at things from one angle. good but, not good for advices..in advise, a well rounded perspective is always needed

yes

kambo: ths wht i can say. U still hv feelngs for him and wud like to start sth i.e "u wanna be startng somethng" like mj said. 2 moves blockd , but aint discouraged u wanna use ur lifeline, y nt go for it ,girl. If ur timid u know how it wll turn out and ur reactions will alwys b motivatd by d need to keep ur pride and avoid embarrassment. But if u go for it can b a learning xperience. Call him, use a different line if he's ignoring ur numbr. Dont gush like a tactless kid but come out straight to request a meetg with him, b firm , he may want to front and brush u off like dirt , but dnt take it. After a date/second meetg is fixed , come out with the load on ur mind, start wt wat transpired btw d 2 of u in d past and link it to d present. Pause. Look into his eyes no smiling (he'll take smiles as a bribe) . Wait 4 him to speak. If he asks wat dyu want frm me - gulp - tell him u want to get back togethr wt hm. Strt somethng (add new and byutiful ) and tht he's been on ur mind.(or u wanna go to being friends if its friendship u want) Leave an escape clause (its okay if uve gt sb etc). He may squish ur pride out of vengefulness but u'll b bttr of despite d outcome. U'll b bttr of because mny years frm now u knw u took action rada thn let fear of rejection dctate to u. Ps: it will b nice to hve monica's track "never ment to cause u no pain/i just wanna get bck to being d same" playing in d bckground. Gudluck . Tell us hw it went.

Thanks for the advice.
I don't have liver to call so if we "accidentally" meet, I'll take it from the bolded.

KnegroDamus: @ all the people suggesting the Op will be used, im sure she is smarter than that

If the guy tries to use her for sex all shes got to do is say no and keep it moving.. i believe the purpose of her thread was how to revive interest, not how to 'avoid being used'

Nevertheless OP i really suggest you don't do it. If you really are more attractive, im sure you have more options

Thank you. I don't know why many think women can't say no and stick to it

Regarding not doing it, I'm still uncertain. I think my safest bet is to "accidentally" bump into him and allow his attitude towards me dictate what happens next.

bamosagie: If he is cold to you, that means he is sulking because he Still have feelings for you.
He is keeping his distance to avoid being hurt. For all he know you may be playing with his emotion, setting him up for a fall
Courage is the word, you need to ask yourself what you really want and damn the consequence.
My advice, if you love him; go for him.

you reckon?

12 inches!:


This may work. Even on me.Lol. What u really have to do is come out bold. By bold I mean VERY BOLD like this guy says. Show you want him back. Verbalize. Show you know what u want and you're going for it. That is the main challenge u have to deal with. That u dnt knw what u want. Afterall u said No in the past. Why the sudden change in response. Besides I'm also interested about your sudden change in response talkless of the guy in question.

It's not sudden, I got to really like him post the asking out, while we were still cool. As I'd stated in the original post, months later.
If he had asked again within that period, I won't be on here seeking advice

@Legal tender, I am touched that you have opened a thread because of me. But forget it, I am with sunnshyn now