I am from a family of six(6) and the also the first son of my family.it happens that we lost our dad at a very tender age..then i was 8yrs and in primary six.mum is a civil servant and she has single handedly train four out of the six as graduates..but it happens that am the only one who has gotten a meaningful job.
Then other three..one stayin with me why hurting for a job..the second teaching in a secondary school while the last but not the least is about completing her NYSC.
The problem am having is that i spend almost 60% of my hard earn money taking care of them and family isues with little to save for the future. October i will turn 26...and i planned marrying early atleast before 28 but with the way everything is going in the family..seems the whole family burden is on me..dont realy know what to do, dont want them to see me as not willing to help them again or being selfish with my personal plans in life.
someone please talk to me in the way i will easily understand.

U re investing wisely. Family comes first I know. They might be the one to give u a leap tommorow.

Though family is good you also need to think of your own future

Set a target and start working towards it

You need to find out the inclinations of the less lucky ones
Are they interested in business etc
Reduce non-essential expenditures

But set your target


Even if it takes you three years start now

Please hang on a little longer, supporting them however you can while you prepare for your future family. To a certain extent, I believe that without you, they will survive, but don't quit on them completely.

yvete,Biolabee,butterfly..realy grateful for your all concern at this critical moment

biolabee: Though family is good you also need to think of your own future

Set a target and start working towards it

You need to find out the inclinations of the less lucky ones
Are they interested in business etc
Reduce non-essential expenditures

But set your target


Even if it takes you three years start now

isnt three years much...cos the most important thing in my mind is to settle down with marriage,dont want to remain single anymore.

Why do u want to get marry dat early? 28 is quite too early for someone wit family burden like u do. Ur mum made d sacrifice when y'all were young. Now its ur time to do same. Why not wait a little and try to ensure ur younger ones are a little independent b4 settlin down. So by 30 u can start plannin to get married. Then, u'll feel fulfilled.

My brother, there is a reason we are born into our families. Believe me, i understand how you feel. Continue to support them anyway you can,but don't "pamper" them. God bless you and increase you.

Yvete: Please hang on a little longer, supporting them however you can while you prepare for your future family. To a certain extent, I believe that without you, they will survive, but don't quit on them completely.

we've been surviving this struggle together until now..dont know why they see me as their servior,i ought to be laying holdon one or two assets now...seems they are the only thing i can account my money for now..wondering if they are living for me.

Mamaflex: Why do u want to get marry dat early? 28 is quite too early for someone wit family burden like u do. Ur mum made d sacrifice when y'all were young. Now its ur time to do same. Why not wait a little and try to ensure ur younger ones are a little independent b4 settlin down. So by 30 u can start plannin to get married. Then, u'll feel fulfilled.

Yea i understand 28 been early but not too early...but its personal for anyone and i intend doing mine like that.

Helping family is good but don't forget to plan your own future. Let me give u an example from my life. My mum's brother (the first son) had to carry all his brother's burdens. He didn't get married until all his brothers were married. Now, he is retired and his kids are still in secondary school. His brothers keep saying they have family commitments and they can't help him.

Not everyone will be this unhelpful but u don't want to be dependent on others later.

hmm sad experience..well am not thinking of them helping me in time to come..just this family ties holding us together.mum hasnt retired yet..she z stil assisting as well but to me it seems my siblings are over dependent on me since i got this job.

First of all, set a target, plan how you are going to spend your income in percentage, like 30% for them, 35% for youself and the remaing 35% for saving, and let your siblings know that you also have to plan for your future.

Be wise, dont turn yourself into mumu, from what i read here, you should have less to do, because the one who is teaching in a secondary school should be able to take care of himself without bothering you, and the one serving should also be able to manage his/her allowance judiciously and prudently without bothering you as such, so, let them know that, they too can manage the little income they are earning for themselves without disturbing you, you can also advise them to find some other things doing, like petty trading, to attract additional income, so, you will only be left with the ones still in school, and even those ones should also learn to do something too to earn more little little income, that will help to reduce the rate at which they will depend on you..........look, my brother, "oun ti aye ba so eniyan da ni won ma fi bu", if you dont plan yourself and your future now, and you are spending all you have on them, God forbid, if any financially-related problem happens to you and you are unable to solve it, of course, people will ask you how come you dont have saving.
Yes, you have to be there for them, to help them, but be wise with it.


Marrying at 28, is not too early, but before you achieve that, you have to start planning for it now.
May God help you and give you the wisdom needed for you to take the right decision.

I wanted to write an epistle but after reading 's comment,it was as if she read my mind.Do what she said and mind you that 28 is never too young for marriage.

byvan: I wanted to write an epistle but after reading 's comment,it was as if she read my mind.Do what she said and mind you that 28 is never too young for marriage.

Thanks alot..God bless u and

My dear! All wot u av bn doing is an act of charity and d reward for charity can never be quantified u jst need to hold on and put God in everytn u do and ps make sure there is no element of pride in u. I wil also advise u to b self disciplined as regards ur spending make a plan.let's assume u earn 100k per month, u can say like 20k goes to my family monthy regardless of if any demand comes up kp it in a seperate saving and let around 30k b for urself monthly if u nt a heavy spender and 10k can b for unforseen expenses dr u hav abt 40k to save or close.
May God help us all

Poster, truly in your heart if you know that without your support, they will suffer, please keep at it. Thank you. Don't let anybody discourage you with bad examples. Your mum did it all her life, I am sure she sacrificed a lot for her children. Don't start resenting your younger ones.

LEvuls: we've been surviving this struggle together until now..dont know why they see me as their servior,i ought to be laying holdon one or two assets now...seems they are the only thing i can account my money for now..wondering if they are living for me.

Ever heard of the word destiny-helper? Maybe thats what you are - the Joseph in the family. Without sounding like a preacher's wife, I believe that some families have one person that leads them to a land of plenty (Read Joseph story) even when they're taken for granted.

Good thing you realized early because it could mess up your plans for your future family. I watched my Dad do this all his life and till today, the responsibilites continue. Please don't drop this baggage when you get married so they don't blame your innocent wife for everything. Start now, but slowly. I think your mum is proud of ya!

Mamaflex: Why do u want to get marry dat early? 28 is quite too early for someone wit family burden like u do. Ur mum made d sacrifice when y'all were young. Now its ur time to do same. Why not wait a little and try to ensure ur younger ones are a little independent b4 settlin down. So by 30 u can start plannin to get married. Then, u'll feel fulfilled.

I love this! Spot on!
Before 28 or even 28 is quite early for a guy to get married especially when he has circumstances all around him.

OP, I suggest you hang on a little. Spend and invest wisely
And as the 2nd poster says, family comes first.
Your siblings you are helping today may turn out to be the ones helping you out tomorrow.
Don't rush anything and never for a day regret that you help your siblings.
I wish you the best.

Thanks staicey just that i feel now is the right time to marry cos with the way things are, being single or married family problem will always be there...jus looking for the possible best i can limit my spending on them.
Also grateful for those who have shown concerned solution for it...wil try one or twos of ur suggestion and see how it goes.

LEvuls: Thanks staicey just that i feel now is the right time to marry cos with the way things are, being single or married family problem will always be there...jus looking for the possible best i can limit my spending on them.
Also grateful for those who have shown concerned solution for it...wil try one or twos of ur suggestion and see how it goes.

I think the last two siblings are the once that need care.Graduates should go and hussle because life is no bed of roses.they should learn to stand on their own feet.

LEvuls: Thanks staicey just that i feel now is the right time to marry cos with the way things are, being single or married family problem will always be there...jus looking for the possible best i can limit my spending on them.
Also grateful for those who have shown concerned solution for it...wil try one or twos of ur suggestion and see how it goes.

Yeah spending should have limits and these limits should be limited in such a way that your siblings doesn't feel bad. Am glad you know family pros will always be there, married or not.

BTW, its my pleasure

byvan:


I think the last two siblings are the once that need care.Graduates should go and hussle because life is no bed of roses.they should learn to stand on their own feet.

Yea for real they(graduates) know, and i believe they are doing there best to be dependent but we all know the situation of Nigerian graduates and getting job,its not been easy for them..i keep praying to God to make it happen for them cos i dont know how long they are going to continue with the hussling....staying with me seems their chances of making is clearer but for how long?realy troubled about them.

Firstly, your mother deserves praise for having single handed-ly trained almost all of you, in-fact everyday she deserves a kiss from u all. she indeed is a true mother

There is nothing wrong with helping your immediate family, especially if you guys share a close knit relationship, but it has to be done with a lot of wisdom and patience, so that your actions are taken for granted, construed or lead to laziness.

Nigeria is a very tough country, especially for the young and aspiring, as long as they are going out in search of jobs and not hanging around with friends idle or staying home without concrete plans on how to get employed, u can be patient with them.

I also read where u stated u want to get married by 28, my brother, i would advise u like a good friend to rethink that particular idea, there is more to life than marriage and time is the best factor when considering marriage, its very obvious your family depends hugely on you and u are yet to find base personally despite having a job, i am not saying u do not have the right to seek what u want, but u do not want to double your trouble and become trapped.

Concentrate on stabilizing yourself financially, you would have to do a lot of saving and make a lot of sacrifices, even if its 5k from your salary every month, put that 5k in a fixed account every month and forget it there.

Your story is very synonymous to many, i know its very hard, but u sound intelligent and having persevered this much, do not give up, keep fighting and stay strong and in a short while all would be well.

1. Family is everything
2. If u stay strong until d sibling after u becomes financially stable, u can now share responsibility.

Most importantly, when u are needed is NOW. What ever u do now has a bearing on the future of ur siblings and by extension on ur mum. D best gift u can give to ur mum is to make her happy by being there for ur siblings like she has been for u all.

MY VERDICT: I say hang on for 2more years. It will be worth it in d long run.

[quote author=Rooneyboy]@ Poster, u are very self centered and an ingrate. [/quote
Thanks bro

@ poster, God bless u for wat u've done so far but wat if your mom kept all her money to herself and refused to train u. how will u feel? they are some family members dat wouldnt even care and everybody will find their square root for themselves. continue helping them but dont forget to plan for ur new family as well. You can wait till your 30 before getting married.

Rooneyboy: @ Poster, u are very self centered and an ingrate.

When u start earning money and giving to people, then and only then should u open ur mouth to any convenient radius and call him an ingrate. Ode!!!!

@op,u r doin well but it seems u r bein pushed.rnt u gr8ful ur mum trained u?some mummys I tell u won't do what ur mum did!and she is still helping out!what a great mum.tell her somebody said she will enjoy d fruit of her labour.I'm touched.now if u marry,from d way u sound,everybody will take cover.cause u hv ur own family now. ur wife may hv younger ones,won't u help?why r u bitter helpin ur younger ones?its a rewardin sacrifice and there is not much to b done now. pls, pls, either way, u will continue helpin pple till u die.wen u all depended on ur mum,u didn't c it as a responsibility but as soon as u gat job,its now a burden!house them,feed them,whatever,they r ur blood.some pple help total strangers talk more of family.helpin them will not stop u from doin anything u want to do but u all gat to use ur brain.hope no sheripoko is confusing u!

@op,is somebody confusing u?u r seein ur younger ones as burden cos u manage get work?.assumin its one of them dat is workin and not u,he will abandon u,abi? Instead of u to help ur mum finish what she started which includes u,u want an escape tru marriage.am I seein elements of selfishness here or I didn't get u? Wen ur wife brings whoever for u to help,I'm sure u will turn d other way too.u just started and u r very bitter! U r ungrateful my dear! Hope u r not bein pushed?c d human nature! I'm sorry I'm a little bit harsh but u need to be told d truth and sit up.marriage?well,its ur choice