OP go ahead and do what you need to do
God bless you and increase you for what you ve done so far

Thanks alot guyz,please dont see me as someone that is ungrateful..i realy love and cherish my family and also grateful to God for my mummy for bringing me up this far.

Family first, be sure to take care of all your brothers and wait till each of them are comfortable before getting married. That is the reason you came first, and this is what is expected of every first child as a matter of responsibility. Period.

Billyonaire: Family first, be sure to take care of all your brothers and wait till each of them are comfortable before getting married. That is the reason you came first, and this is what is expected of every first child as a matter of responsibility. Period.

Says who? He should help his family. that doesn't mean he doesn't have his own nuclear family to start.

LEvuls: I am from a family of six(6) and the also the first son of my family.it happens that we lost our dad at a very tender age..then i was 8yrs and in primary six.mum is a civil servant and she has single handedly train four out of the six as graduates..but it happens that am the only one who has gotten a meaningful job.
Then other three..one stayin with me why hurting for a job..the second teaching in a secondary school while the last but not the least is about completing her NYSC.
The problem am having is that i spend almost 60% of my hard earn money taking care of them and family isues with little to save for the future. October i will turn 26...and i planned marrying early atleast before 28 but with the way everything is going in the family..seems the whole family burden is on me..dont realy know what to do, dont want them to see me as not willing to help them again or being selfish with my personal plans in life.
someone please talk to me in the way i will easily understand.

Ok so I know you want to be a good brother but let me give you some advice. You need to get your siblings to work. Even those that are still in school, get them to do some kind of work, selling recharge cards, part time waiter or some kind of job. Even the one looking for work, let him do something to make some money. If they totaally depend on you to provide for them I promise you it will never end. When you have someone taking care of you, paying your rent and fotting ur bills you are unmotivated to work hard. I'm speaking from a friends experience. Her husband has bn taking care of his 8 siblings and parents. He is in his 40's now with no savings and not 1 of his siblings has a sensible job. They r in their 30's and still asking him to pay their rent(because his wife kicked them out of her house). I'm just saying, it;s noble to care for them, but you must push them out of the nest. Just Saying

LEvuls: I am from a family of six(6) and the also the first son of my family.it happens that we lost our dad at a very tender age..then i was 8yrs and in primary six.mum is a civil servant and she has single handedly train four out of the six as graduates..but it happens that am the only one who has gotten a meaningful job.
Then other three..one stayin with me why hurting for a job..the second teaching in a secondary school while the last but not the least is about completing her NYSC.
The problem am having is that i spend almost 60% of my hard earn money taking care of them and family isues with little to save for the future. October i will turn 26...and i planned marrying early atleast before 28 but with the way everything is going in the family..seems the whole family burden is on me..dont realy know what to do, dont want them to see me as not willing to help them again or being selfish with my personal plans in life.
someone please talk to me in the way i will easily understand.

ur mum took care of u from the time u were 8, saw through sec. sch and uni. until u got a job. wow wot a great woman she is. pls my dear incase u dont knw u re more like a husand to her and a father to ur siblings. woteva a father will do for his children to make them do it for ur siblings. is not easy bt dats why u re there. do u knw is possible it was the prayers of ur siblings dat got u dat job? leave marriage for now. face ur siblings.
i am in the same boat with u jst dat no job yet, bt i knw it will come and by then i will train them until they re successful by God's grace.

LEvuls: yvete,Biolabee,butterfly..realy grateful for your all concern at this critical moment

you are a good man.. and youve gotten good advice on this thread
pick what is applicable, pray to Baba and let him guide your steps

Thanks guys am sure there other matured guyz facing this same war with me..they ll definately appreciate ur deep concern shown here. when it ll come to urs i pray that God provide reasonable ppl that will commune with u.

You all have given the op good advise but I still feel there is Eve in this picture that is pushing the op to marriage and abandoning the responsibility he picked up not up to three years, this same responsibility and more his mother has been shouldering for over 18year... This is your destiny, work with it and make it work for you.


NOTE:
Tell that young woman to give you time to settle your family so that she can have a peaceful family herself.

4words: You all have given the op good advise but I still feel there is Eve in this picture that is pushing the op to marriage and abandoning the responsibility he picked up not up to three years, this same responsibility and more his mother has been shouldering for over 18year... This is your destiny, work with it and make it work for you.


NOTE:
Tell that young woman to give you time to settle your family so that she can have a peaceful family herself.

. Dat is seein behind d written words!op is yet to tell us what is pushing him!not that he has been takin care of them for yrs!he just started and its a burden to him already but not to his mum who didn't abandon him and remarry! @op,I will still ask u,what is pushing u? Maybe when u tell us d truth,people can advice u accordingly!

yellowpawpaw: @op,is somebody confusing u?u r seein ur younger ones as burden cos u manage get work?.assumin its one of them dat is workin and not u,he will abandon u,abi? Instead of u to help ur mum finish what she started which includes u,u want an escape tru marriage.am I seein elements of selfishness here or I didn't get u? Wen ur wife brings whoever for u to help,I'm sure u will turn d other way too.u just started and u r very bitter! U r ungrateful my dear! Hope u r not bein pushed?c d human nature! I'm sorry I'm a little bit harsh but u need to be told d truth and sit up.marriage?well,its ur choice

As harsh as this sounds, it seems to b d words to bring u back in line. From what u wrote, ur siblings do not look like d lazy types who totally fold their hands n beg u for money. Yea? This is family u r talking about not friends. Common bruh! Hang on now, they might need u now, u never can tell who needs who 2mao. Try saving something outta d remaining 40 percent. With time they ll get something n free u up.

Honestly u sound like u r not so happy helping them now n that really hurts me. Buh like someone said above, I also v a feeling that without u, ur family will still survive n b fine.
B gud man. Cheers.

4words:
NOTE:
Tell that young woman to give you time to settle your family so that she can have a peaceful family herself.

you are funny bro,thanks for being sensitive to this part but she isnt the one pushing for the marriage..not in any way her idea.She has always being the one encouraging to continue the good work i ve started with my family,more over she is also part of my family cos we grow up together and being there for each other when needs arises and in as much as i take her advice i dont allow it to overshadow my personal decisions.

@OP
While it is great to help your family members as supported by many posters on this thread, I'll advise you do it wisely, plan for yourself and PLEASE DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK. My post may stand bizarre but talking from experience many family members are ingrates, they believe you owe them a living and wait till they have some money then they'll show you their true colours.

From what u have said my friend, I tink u lack leadership quality, becos ur family need a father figure which of cos by virtue of ur position in ur family u are their Father. As u are going to father this ur family, do not be a dictator also learn to apply sense of wisdom and do not see the help u render to them as hindrance to ur progress, c it as an opportunity to serve and contribute to growth of humanity just like ur mother sacrificed for all of u. Now u can call for a meetin so that u can sample their opinion about ur marriage issue, then build an idea from the discourse. Tanks.

funnyx: @OP
While it is great to help your family members as supported by many posters on this thread, I'll advise you do it wisely, plan for yourself and PLEASE DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK. My post may stand bizarre but talking from experience many family members are ingrates, they believe you owe them a living and wait till they have some money then they'll show you their true colours.

Gbam!!my point exactly!

Rooneyboy: @ Poster, u are very self centered and an ingrate.

That is too bad!........he needs encouragement, not bashing!

@op, as people here had really encourage u, have saving, even if u need to get marry in the next 2 years....u need plan,savings and alot of emotional committment.

God bless u .

Rooneyboy: @ Poster, u are very self centered and an ingrate.

That is too bad!........he needs encouragement, not bashing!

@op, as people here had really encouraged u, have saving.

Even if u need to get marry in the next 2 years....u need plan,savings and alot of emotional committment.

I pray for u, God's favour will multiply in ur life, and u will get promoted with double increase in ur income in Jesus name.

Kudos to ur mum.
God bless u .

funnyx: @OP
While it is great to help your family members as supported by many posters on this thread, I'll advise you do it wisely, plan for yourself and PLEASE DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK. My post may stand bizarre but talking from experience many family members are ingrates, they believe you owe them a living and wait till they have some money then they'll show you their true colours.

yea,some family members are turn-offs.

@op, so many wonderful advises here.
please always remember that someone sacrificed to get where u are now!
The best time you can help ur siblings is now. Who knows mayb God has even blessed you for their sake? Please hang on a little more.. pray for the success of your siblings.. I bet u, your mother will always b blessing u in her heart.

Oh, I remember one of my friends dad in your situation, he barely had nothing while raising up his own kids b/c of various family problem or the other.. most of my friend's cousins were trained by this man. I can't remember going to their house and meeting less than 5 relatives at any time. Today, the man has retired-the very day he got his retirement letter was d day his first born got a job at cheveron (hope u know what that means). D second born is a lawyer doing very well, the third born studied agric in school and now works with Total. D last born is the only one managing in a bank..

My dear, God is not unjust to forget ur labour of love. Do it wholeheartedly and God will bless u

One of my uncles always say this, that you don't marry to settle but you settle to marry. So my dear I will advice you to settle first before you marry.

Let me lend you some words from the elders.

Helping your younger ones is more like you are investing in your own future. If you neglect and push them out now. My brother, in the future they wouldn`t let you and your kids rest(they will never allow you eat the fruit of your labour). Why do we have so many area boys in our society today? They also come from families, somehow they were neglected. They first unleash their terror on their immediate family before extending it to the larger society.

Apply wisdom my friend. While planning for your future, ensure that you get them fixed. You wouldn`t loose by doing this. If you follow a short cut on this matter by pushing them out to fend for themselves, well............

The only thing I can say to you is that you should keeping praying and in no time, things will change for good.

There is a reason its called "Family".
If you werent a graduate would have said pls while you train them at school,enroll too as I have seen cases.
Its simple,support them as you have been doing bt from the little you dnt spend workout a savings/investment.
Thank God none has a terrible sickness.
When you are married its advised you divide what you have between your home and your father's house as your children needs to be trained too(My people would say,they are also your children not his children alone).Point is while helping out encourage them to get a skill or start something that way everyone gets to be independent atleast.(A graduate I know works with DSTV as a technician and still searching but lives in his brother's house).
Its the best thing that ever happened to us..."Family",but work around everything planning and discuss with ur husb b4 marriage.

LEvuls:
Yea for real they(graduates) know, and i believe they are doing there best to be dependent but we all know the situation of Nigerian graduates and getting job,its not been easy for them..i keep praying to God to make it happen for them cos i dont know how long they are going to continue with the hussling....staying with me seems their chances of making is clearer but for how long?realy troubled about them.

Look again at the bold portion above - you making excuses for able adults who have jobs.
If they cannot live WITHIN THEIR MEANS/EARNINGS they should find LEGITIMATE ways of increasing their income by saving & investing in their own self development and search for better jobs and/or business.

This UNNECESSARY depency syndrome is partly why our society is in doldrums. People need to learn to be INDEPENDENT after they finish school and get a job. QED.
Don't fall into this EVERLASTING trap.

@ OP: I understand your pains and concerns, but I want you to know that if you are determined to be a source of blessing to your family God will provide enough for you to take care of them. But really, this is a phase that is bound to pass and you will be duly rewarded for the sacrifice you are making for your family. Have you noticed that God exceedingly blesses any member of a family who naturally feels responsible for the others while the selfish ones who are only concerned about their personal comfort gets only enough to take care of themselves. If God has made you a channel of blessing for your family, rise to the occasion trusting God that He will help you carry the burden. Take care of them and watch as God will step into the situation and take care of your needs too( marriage and finance)in due course. Don't take the privilege you have for granted, getting rid of them will not necessarily make you a richer. Besides, no one really knows tommorrow the people you are taking care of right now may end up as a main pillar of support in your life in the future, so do your best now and let heaven and earth record that you gave your best.

LEvuls:
Yea i understand 28 been early but not too early...but its personal for anyone and i intend doing mine like that.

If your mom too had pursued her personal preference and not sacrificed herself for the family would you be where you are today?

God put you in this position for a reason. And stop complaining.

Your mom who took care of you for almost 20yrs what should she now do? Or dont we have women who would dump their kids somewhere and go enjoy their lives the way they wanted?

Thats the lot of firstborns to care for their family in the absence of fathers

my dear, i am in your shoes ooo, infact mine is worse cos my mum was bedridden for 7years and all the family tried thier best but got tired along the way including my father(i do not hold any grudge against any of them), divorced cos he couldnt cope, she was retired from her job amongst others..phewwwww! i slept in LASUTH ikeja corridor for as long as i can remember, my first 3 years salary of working was spent on her, sibilings and father. i learnt to reduce what i drop on the table by sharing it between my family and GOD.

When this being called "God" was going to show up,he brought my own husy my way,6 months down the line she got healed, was paid her gratuity/pension, i had my dream wedding and my marriage has been blessed and beautiful till date.

Moral lesson, hang in there with courage,if you give your sibilings N10, reduce it to N8 and give God the N2 on it, send that N2 on powerful spirit filled errands and watch the peace and glow of God over your life.

Its tofffffffffffff oooooooo but try, your dreams will come to pass as you which according to God's plan.

plenty hugsssss

it is well with you.. kike
uve been thru a lot

thanks for sharing your experiences