First let me give a definition of the word
significance. The Merriam – Webster
Dictionary defines it as the quality of being
important.
What, then makes a husband feel important
when he is with his wife?
Basically it boils down to this. When she is
willing to put aside other things to spend time
with him, or to show him that he takes
precedence over everything else (except God,
of course), then he will feel significant.
If she places him lower on her list of
priorities, he likely will not have a warm fuzzy
feeling when he’s around her. He will be less
than satisfied with the marriage relationship,
and will be vulnerable and open to temptation
by any woman who makes him feel more
important than his wife does.
****************
Scenario 1:
A husband rents a favorite DVD and wants his
wife to watch with him. She is very busy
organizing the freezer, then cleaning the oven,
so she is unable to watch. If this happens
once, it probably isn’t a big deal. If it is a
consistent pattern, however, it spells trouble.
The husband will eventually stop bringing
movies home, and will occupy himself
elsewhere instead of with his wife.
Scenario 2:
A husband tries to initiate sex with his wife.
She shares with him a list of things that have
to be done around the house. She lets him
know that she is more than willing to “do the
deed” after the items on the list are finished.
They both go about their tasks, after which he
or she or both fall asleep. Voila! He is feeling
less important than housework. Eventually he
will just go to bed without her every night, not
even bothering to wait up for her.
Scenario 3:
A husband asks his wife to pick up his suit
from the cleaners. It’s important that he have
the suit because he has an important meeting
in the morning and he wants to give a good
impression. She gets busy with other things
during her day and forgets all about the suit.
Again, like in scenario 1, if it is a one-time
thing, no biggie. But if it happens consistently,
then clearly he will feel (and rightly so) that he
in fact is a very low priority for her.
Eventually he will just take care of his own
errands, being self-sufficient, not bothering to
ask his wife for a favor.
****************
You see, husbands need to feel like they matter
more than the housework, more than having a
clean oven or an organized freezer. They need
to feel significant when they are with you (and
when they aren't).
Don’t get me wrong. Feeling insignificant is
not an excuse for bad behavior such as abuse
or infidelity. However, by choosing to place
their husbands lower on the totem pole, many
wives face the penalty that comes with making
that choice. They place their marriages in a
precarious position. Even if their husbands
don’t run out and grab the first woman who
smiles at them, there will be consequences in
terms of the lack of loving feelings it produces
in the marriage. A husband will be less likely
to want to spend time with a person who has
placed such little value on his significance.
One deep desire drives every
(man’s) heart: we need to be
significant. We need to know we
matter. Our need transcends doing
something special; we long for being
something special. - Sam Williamson
And, um, before you get all hyper on me and
yell at me for ignoring the fact that many
husbands place a low priority on their wives …
Yes, they do. Granted. There are many men
who place jobs, hobbies, friends, etc. far above
their wives. They too will pay for their
choices. And I would address that issue if I
were a woman blogging about stuff facing
Christian wives, but I am not, so I will stick to
what I know and let someone else deal with
the flip side.
Let me know what you think about this topic.
As always, I’d love to hear from you.
From the inside out,

Deleted

The three scenarios sound like you describing BREE of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

slimyem: The three scenarios sound like you describing BREE of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

You're sooo right.

If she do, u go talk say she no do, if she do u go talk say she do.

Nice one, thanks for the reminder, but my hubby for one will still complain if the house is not thorougly cleaned. I just pray God to give us the grace to me able to combine it all.

In all these three scenarios, there is one simple solution. The hubby should help out around the house. Problem solved. You're welcome.

ileobatojo: In all these three scenarios, there is one simple solution. The hubby should help out around the house. Problem solved. You're welcome.

Advice Unappreciated. The woman is the one who needs to manage her time properly, plus there'll always be chores to do. She needs to strike a balance.
You're welcome.

There are some husbands that are meant to leave anyways, here are a list of 8 husbands that should hit the road.


http://www.elijahforce..com/2013/05/8-kinds-of-husbands-that-should-hit-road.html

Why can't he help out?
He wants time he should help her create time by helping her reduce work load, or getting her help.
Husbands find proactive situations and not whine endlessly

ileobatojo: In all these three scenarios, there is one simple solution. The hubby should help out around the house. Problem solved. You're welcome.

debrief08: Why can't he help out?
He wants time he should help her create time by helping her reduce work load, or getting her help.
Husbands find proactive situations and not whine endlessly

Help ke? So his Abunna will fall off and he'll become a woman?!!

No! No! No! It's better for him to sit there wallowing in self pity because wife wants to keep a clean house instead of sitting to watch a damn movie with him.

Two months later it's gonna be - MY WIFE IS SO DIRTY! SHE DOES NOT DO HOUSEWORK.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if some Nigerian men have a single IQ digit.
If u were any useful around the house, maybe she wouldn't have to be so darn busy all the time.

It's so ridiculous how these men think themselves babies, I blame Nigerian mothers. Truly, I blame y'all.
What about the wife?? You are so goddamn worried about being the utmost priority, you haven't even taken out time to evaluate yourself. What do you do to make her feel special, what have you ever done to make her see she's your utmost priority. Why don't you "lead" by example.

A man notices that his wife is always busy with house chores and never has time for him, and his brain hasn't told him once that just maybe he should help with the house chores.

This post is a very selfish one, to be honest because all you listed is all about what you want.
You want to watch a movie with your wife. You didn't ask her what movie she wanted to watch, you prolly picked a movie that you wanted to watch. Movies and sexx are not the only way to spend quality time with your wife.

You can have the same quality time by cooking together, washing the dishes together. Keeping her company in the kitchen while she cleans the fridge. Help her out dammit!

@OP: Are the three scenarios you've just described, part of the ongoing issues between you and your wife?

Because if the answer to that question is yes, it's getting really tiresome, having to read threads created by both of you flooding the Family Section:


https://www.nairaland.com/1369514/what-think-wrong-couple-pls
https://www.nairaland.com/1369514/what-think-wrong-couple-pls
https://www.nairaland.com/1372226/#17018732

In each of these threads created by you and your wife, endless pieces of advice have been given to you both but nothing seems to work, does it?

You've been advised to seek the services of an experienced Marriage Counsellor, and ChairCover personally went seeking one for you. She gave you the information and contact link on how to get in touch with this marriage Councillor. Have you even called up the marriage councillor?

Like someone mentioned earlier, I too am now beginning to doubt the authenticity of both your posts. Maybe you're the same person operating under different handles, creating these make-believe scenarios...or you're mischievously working with a friend on this...

It is a husband's world for sure!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. . .
If he leaves. . . HE STAYS GONE!
SOJA GO. . .SOJA COME, ASHAWO FULL LAS VEGAS KE!

You see, husbands need to feel like they matter
more than the housework, more than having a
clean oven or an organized freezer. They need
to feel significant when they are with you (and
when they aren't).

Mu he he he he he

They place their marriages in a
precarious position. Even if their husbands
don’t run out and grab the first woman who
smiles at them, there will be consequences in
terms of the lack of loving feelings it produces
in the marriage. A husband will be less likely
to want to spend time with a person who has
placed such little value on his significance.
One deep desire drives every
(man’s) heart: we need to be
significant.

MAKE ANY MAN WEY DON MEET MOI. . .come h-ask me all disi KWESHUNS ke!

Back to my sweeeeeeeeeeeet job jare. . .COUNTING MY DOLLARS. . . Dreaming of my NEXT VACATION with my BOYFRIEND!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

@ all. This post has nothing to do with us. It was copied from this site:

http://genuinehusband..com/2012/04/why-husbands-leave-part-1-significance.html

Cheers!

This couple ehnnn

I have been following your story and in my opinion your issues are trivial, please go and resolve it amicably.

Husband sef is too touchy ahn ahn, you act like the woman. How can you react to everything your wife does? I am really sorry but how old are you? movies?? SMH

adetoks2010: @ all. This post has nothing to do with us. It was copied from this site:

http://genuinehusband..com/2012/04/why-husbands-leave-part-1-significance.html

Cheers!

Even so, have you both taken up CC's advice to go see a marriage counselor? Do you not think that is a more productive way to spend you time trying to patch up your marriage? Rather than creating endless threads on nland, over flogging the same issue?

Start advising men on how to be better men and husbands. It takes two to tango. The thing you criticize most in other people is what you hate most about yourself. Go fix yourself.

@op, this Is my typical daily routine. .
I am a "married" women who is currently pregnant and have a toddler.
I work 8am to 6pm Monday to Saturday in a private organisation while hubby works with government.

5am: wakes up, says morning prayer, brushes my teeth and head straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for my toddler baby.
6:30am, wakes baby up. brushes his teeth, feed him cereal, put him on the potty, stays with him to pet him to poopoo inside the potty (doesn't like using it). After cleaning him up, I bath him and get him set for his daycare.

7:20: I eat breakfast, tidy up the house, clean up an get ready for work.

I take baby to day care and proceed to work.

By the time I get to work, I am already 1hr late. This happens every blessed day.

By 5pm, pick baby from daycare and take him to my work place till I close by 6pm, then we go home.

Most times I go to the market from work to buy few stuffs.

As soon as I get home, I prepare and give baby food. Then sweat it out in the kitchen preparing dinner. depending on what I am cooking, I finish cooking most times between 8.30 - 9pm. serve hubby his food, eat mine, wash up all the plates. while cooking, every 3minutes interval, I take baby to the toilet or potty to weewee (he is still learning how to weeeee without pampers).

10pm: I bathe and go to bed. The struggle continues in the morning. same routine.

THIS IS MY HUSBANDS ROUTINE.
7:30am: he wakes up, go straight to clean up himself. Brush his teeth, baths and get set for work.

Eats breakfast and leaves for work.

7pm: he is at home, pings and chat and watch movies till dinner is ready. After eating, he bathes, continue watching movie, chatting and pings till 11pm.

Now I have begged, begged and begged he should assist me in the m
morning to bath our baby and dress him up for school but he refused. Said its a woman's duty to do everything in the home including solely caring for the children.

Infact last two weeks, I discusses this same issue with
him, explained to him how my boss has been complaining of my lateness. He shoul at least be considerate but he said i should go and ask other married women how to cope.

I dont have to go in too deep to expiain how thi his particular behaviour has affected me. I see myself now as a single mother! and oh I contribute financially to the home.

on sunday is busiest, church h, market, wash clothes, prepare soups and stew. no rest.

Cant afford to get a maid now. No much money!
Op if this is your idea of marriage, you need to think again. brb

^^^ Your husband needs a serious scolding if the routine above is true. How on earth will he leave you to do all those stuff, even if you are a full time housewife you still need help from him.

Na wa for some men oo

andromida: Start advising men on how to be better men and husbands. It takes two to tango. The thing you criticize most in other people is what you hate most about yourself. Go fix yourself.

How so? doesn't make any sense to me. It's a good rhyme quote but not true.

Men don hear am

iamsaved: @op, this Is my typical daily routine. .
I am a "married" women who is currently pregnant and have a toddler.
I work 8am to 6pm Monday to Saturday in a private organisation while hubby works with government.

5am: wakes up, says morning prayer, brushes my teeth and head straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for my toddler baby.
6:30am, wakes baby up. brushes his teeth, feed him cereal, put him on the potty, stays with him to pet him to poopoo inside the potty (doesn't like using it). After cleaning him up, I bath him and get him set for his daycare.

7:20: I eat breakfast, tidy up the house, clean up an get ready for work.

I take baby to day care and proceed to work.

By the time I get to work, I am already 1hr late. This happens every blessed day.

By 5pm, pick baby from daycare and take him to my work place till I close by 6pm, then we go home.

Most times I go to the market from work to buy few stuffs.

As soon as I get home, I prepare and give baby food. Then sweat it out in the kitchen preparing dinner. depending on what I am cooking, I finish cooking most times between 8.30 - 9pm. serve hubby his food, eat mine, wash up all the plates. while cooking, every 3minutes interval, I take baby to the toilet or potty to weewee (he is still learning how to weeeee without pampers).

10pm: I bathe and go to bed. The struggle continues in the morning. same routine.

THIS IS MY HUSBANDS ROUTINE.
7:30am: he wakes up, go straight to clean up himself. Brush his teeth, baths and get set for work.

Eats breakfast and leaves for work.

7pm: he is at home, pings and chat and watch movies till dinner is ready. After eating, he bathes, continue watching movie, chatting and pings till 11pm.

Now I have begged, begged and begged he should assist me in the m
morning to bath our baby and dress him up for school but he refused. Said its a woman's duty to do everything in the home including solely caring for the children.

Infact last two weeks, I discusses this same issue with
him, explained to him how my boss has been complaining of my lateness. He shoul at least be considerate but he said i should go and ask other married women how to cope.

I dont have to go in too deep to expiain how thi his particular behaviour has affected me. I see myself now as a single mother! and oh I contribute financially to the home.

on sunday is busiest, church h, market, wash clothes, prepare soups and stew. no rest.

Cant afford to get a maid now. No much money!
Op if this is your idea of marriage, you need to think again. brb

Is this is a joke??

iamsaved: @op, this Is my typical daily routine. .
I am a "married" women who is currently pregnant and have a toddler.
I work 8am to 6pm Monday to Saturday in a private organisation while hubby works with government.

5am: wakes up, says morning prayer, brushes my teeth and head straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for my toddler baby.
6:30am, wakes baby up. brushes his teeth, feed him cereal, put him on the potty, stays with him to pet him to poopoo inside the potty (doesn't like using it). After cleaning him up, I bath him and get him set for his daycare.

7:20: I eat breakfast, tidy up the house, clean up an get ready for work.

I take baby to day care and proceed to work.

By the time I get to work, I am already 1hr late. This happens every blessed day.

By 5pm, pick baby from daycare and take him to my work place till I close by 6pm, then we go home.

Most times I go to the market from work to buy few stuffs.

As soon as I get home, I prepare and give baby food. Then sweat it out in the kitchen preparing dinner. depending on what I am cooking, I finish cooking most times between 8.30 - 9pm. serve hubby his food, eat mine, wash up all the plates. while cooking, every 3minutes interval, I take baby to the toilet or potty to weewee (he is still learning how to weeeee without pampers).

10pm: I bathe and go to bed. The struggle continues in the morning. same routine.

THIS IS MY HUSBANDS ROUTINE.
7:30am: he wakes up, go straight to clean up himself. Brush his teeth, baths and get set for work.

Eats breakfast and leaves for work.

7pm: he is at home, pings and chat and watch movies till dinner is ready. After eating, he bathes, continue watching movie, chatting and pings till 11pm.

Now I have begged, begged and begged he should assist me in the m
morning to bath our baby and dress him up for school but he refused. Said its a woman's duty to do everything in the home including solely caring for the children.

Infact last two weeks, I discusses this same issue with
him, explained to him how my boss has been complaining of my lateness. He shoul at least be considerate but he said i should go and ask other married women how to cope.

I dont have to go in too deep to expiain how thi his particular behaviour has affected me. I see myself now as a single mother! and oh I contribute financially to the home.

on sunday is busiest, church h, market, wash clothes, prepare soups and stew. no rest.

Cant afford to get a maid now. No much money!
Op if this is your idea of marriage, you need to think again. brb

What is this?. . .

iamsaved: @op, this Is my typical daily routine. .
I am a "married" women who is currently pregnant and have a toddler.
I work 8am to 6pm Monday to Saturday in a private organisation while hubby works with government.

5am: wakes up, says morning prayer, brushes my teeth and head straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for my toddler baby.
6:30am, wakes baby up. brushes his teeth, feed him cereal, put him on the potty, stays with him to pet him to poopoo inside the potty (doesn't like using it). After cleaning him up, I bath him and get him set for his daycare.

7:20: I eat breakfast, tidy up the house, clean up an get ready for work.

I take baby to day care and proceed to work.

By the time I get to work, I am already 1hr late. This happens every blessed day.

By 5pm, pick baby from daycare and take him to my work place till I close by 6pm, then we go home.

Most times I go to the market from work to buy few stuffs.

As soon as I get home, I prepare and give baby food. Then sweat it out in the kitchen preparing dinner. depending on what I am cooking, I finish cooking most times between 8.30 - 9pm. serve hubby his food, eat mine, wash up all the plates. while cooking, every 3minutes interval, I take baby to the toilet or potty to weewee (he is still learning how to weeeee without pampers).

10pm: I bathe and go to bed. The struggle continues in the morning. same routine.

THIS IS MY HUSBANDS ROUTINE.
7:30am: he wakes up, go straight to clean up himself. Brush his teeth, baths and get set for work.

Eats breakfast and leaves for work.

7pm: he is at home, pings and chat and watch movies till dinner is ready. After eating, he bathes, continue watching movie, chatting and pings till 11pm.

Now I have begged, begged and begged he should assist me in the m
morning to bath our baby and dress him up for school but he refused. Said its a woman's duty to do everything in the home including solely caring for the children.

Infact last two weeks, I discusses this same issue with
him, explained to him how my boss has been complaining of my lateness. He shoul at least be considerate but he said i should go and ask other married women how to cope.

I dont have to go in too deep to expiain how thi his particular behaviour has affected me. I see myself now as a single mother! and oh I contribute financially to the home.

on sunday is busiest, church h, market, wash clothes, prepare soups and stew. no rest.

Cant afford to get a maid now. No much money!
Op if this is your idea of marriage, you need to think again. brb

Actually, I blame you 100% for the situation you currently find yourself in. If you present yourself as a doormat to your man, don't complain if he wipes his feet on you - which is precisely what's happening to you.

You're pregnant with an energetic toddler in tow and you hold down a full time job working six days a week. You're on your feet [size=14pt]17 hours[/size] a day.

Seriously, you deserve some sense knocked into you. D'you think you'll get a medal for being the 'most hardworking, pregnant African woman in town'? If you can't see the dangers of what you're doing, I'll tell you:

~ You're overworking yourself AND running yourself to the ground. It's just a matter of time before you 'burn out'.

~ You're putting both your health and that of your unborn child at risk.

~ At this rate, you'll age fast and look triple your age in a few years time.

~ Your boss is already complaining about your persistent lateness to work. There is only so much they can tolerate. They too have a business to run and won't be 'understanding' for ever. You risk losing your job (as you must be aware).

You say you can't afford the services of a maid for the housework. Fine. But can you not afford to buy a washing machine at the very least? I know what it's like to bend-down-and-wash while pregnant and I promised myself it'll never ever happen again.

Secondly, have you and your hubby not got any relatives to help you out with the child minding and chores? Do you not have a mother in law? Your own mother? Sister? Sister in law? Why punish yourself so?

If you do have such family members, you better swallow your pride and seek their help! Esp if you're based in Naija. And pls dont give me stories of 'evil' inlaws wanting to break up your home. You need help and you need it fast, lady.

The OP is using dis thread to pass a message to d wife. This is his way of communication. I bet d wife will send a BB chat.
.
Wife :I read your message on NL. I understand & will do my best"
Husband : That's good of you. Will be expecting all-round improvement.
.
Afterall, NL peeps said they should communicate!!!

I put up that stuff there mainly cos of the op. He has to know what its like for women when husbands like him refuse to assist their wives. Women are not slaves but your partners.

In my situation, my hubby is just plain wicked, yes I said it. Even when he sees me at my weakest point like when I was terribly sick in early pregnancy, he never cared. Anyway he believe into slave trade marriage but well I have my plans. I am just waiting it out since I am pregnant.

this thread is not about me. let me not talk too much.

^^ Lady, if I were there with you, I'd personally pull on your ear. Hard!

You need to look after yourself! Just because your man can't be bothered doesn't mean you have to carry the whole world on your shoulders.

Pls go and get someone to help you out with your toddler and household chores. You only have one life, not nine.

^^ Is she for real or Nollywood stuff?

iamsaved is the lady whose husband is always running away from home...

slimyem: iamsaved is the lady whose husband is always running away from home...

hahahahahah. Ontop all this slavery ooooo. God is in control sha.

Will discuss the house maid issue with my mum today. Even as i am typing this, my body is weak. Its well. When a woman unfortunately ends up with a man who sings; its the wife that does this and that and refuses to assist, she won't kill the man na. Anyway, I have my plans and I can't next yead for it to materialize. MARRIAGE!