bellong: ^^^ Your husband needs a serious scolding if the routine above is true. How on earth will he leave you to do all those stuff, even if you are a full time housewife you still need help from him.

Na wa for some men oo

@bellong, its not a nollywood movie script. This is my life.

iamsaved: @op, this Is my typical daily routine. .
I am a "married" women who is currently pregnant and have a toddler.
I work 8am to 6pm Monday to Saturday in a private organisation while hubby works with government.

5am: wakes up, says morning prayer, brushes my teeth and head straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for my toddler baby.
6:30am, wakes baby up. brushes his teeth, feed him cereal, put him on the potty, stays with him to pet him to poopoo inside the potty (doesn't like using it). After cleaning him up, I bath him and get him set for his daycare.

7:20: I eat breakfast, tidy up the house, clean up an get ready for work.

I take baby to day care and proceed to work.

By the time I get to work, I am already 1hr late. This happens every blessed day.

By 5pm, pick baby from daycare and take him to my work place till I close by 6pm, then we go home.

Most times I go to the market from work to buy few stuffs.

As soon as I get home, I prepare and give baby food. Then sweat it out in the kitchen preparing dinner. depending on what I am cooking, I finish cooking most times between 8.30 - 9pm. serve hubby his food, eat mine, wash up all the plates. while cooking, every 3minutes interval, I take baby to the toilet or potty to weewee (he is still learning how to weeeee without pampers).

10pm: I bathe and go to bed. The struggle continues in the morning. same routine.

THIS IS MY HUSBANDS ROUTINE.
7:30am: he wakes up, go straight to clean up himself. Brush his teeth, baths and get set for work.

Eats breakfast and leaves for work.

7pm: he is at home, pings and chat and watch movies till dinner is ready. After eating, he bathes, continue watching movie, chatting and pings till 11pm.

Now I have begged, begged and begged he should assist me in the m
morning to bath our baby and dress him up for school but he refused. Said its a woman's duty to do everything in the home including solely caring for the children.

Infact last two weeks, I discusses this same issue with
him, explained to him how my boss has been complaining of my lateness. He shoul at least be considerate but he said i should go and ask other married women how to cope.

I dont have to go in too deep to expiain how thi his particular behaviour has affected me. I see myself now as a single mother! and oh I contribute financially to the home.

on sunday is busiest, church h, market, wash clothes, prepare soups and stew. no rest.

Cant afford to get a maid now. No much money!
Op if this is your idea of marriage, you need to think again. brb

Gosh........ (and am saying gosh cos I know I myself can like to give myself stress but phew I am tired for you reading all that).

As most posters have said, you probabaly started it all trying to form superwoman.Alot of women (I think my mum sorta did this too, I saw that and said lai lai I aint doing that) in marriage just take it upon be themselves to do everything and never ask for help.Its very easy to fall into but you have to make a conscious effort to resist it.

Yeah your husband is certainly not nice for seeing a part of him struggling and refusing to help (some men are simply horrible at chores).A nicer person will say ok I hate doing chores wi lets pay someone to help you esp in Nigeria where such help (not children o) is readily available and affordable.

As CC advised, sometimes you have to ko (resist) some things. I know how it is (I hate mess and it takes an extra effort for me to turn a blind eye when my husband says he will wash the plates and I can still see them there 4 hrs after) but if I can turn a blind eye, believe me you can.You are pregnant for God's sake, , what other time does a woman deserve to be pampered.As long as its not filth as in germs sometimes leave the house unattended to.Believe me, he will ask haan haan why is this housr so untidy.And you will say I am tired(haan I trust myself if it's not my pelvis, its I can feel my tummy stretching ) and sorry you cant do anything.Dont cook and make sure you would have eaten to your satisfaction outside.Tell him you need help if not God forbid for something to happen to you.

No one is indispensable and as I said In one thread I created, everyone needs some ME time.I daresay the best time to even have that is when you are pregnant.I can so feel you on being pregnant and having a toddler.My husband would just look at me sometimes (TBH I too know that I can like to look for work where is none) and say you this girl pls dont let people blame me o, who sent you to cook all this now or why the heck are you clearing out cupboards now? Most weekends he would just take my daughter out cos he knew thats the only way I would get some rest.Its really tiring so I can soo feel you.

If he wont look out for you, abeg look out for yourself.

slimyem: iamsaved is the lady whose husband is always running away from home...

I see. I remember her thread now. I knew that handle rang a bell...
https://www.nairaland.com/1354297/husband-always-running

iamsaved:

hahahahahah. Ontop all this slavery ooooo. God is in control sha.

Will discuss the house maid issue with my mum today. Even as i am typing this, my body is weak. Its well. When a woman unfortunately ends up with a man who sings; its the wife that does this and that and refuses to assist, she won't kill the man na. Anyway, I have my plans and I can't next yead for it to materialize. MARRIAGE!

So you have a mother and didn't think to solicit her help before ??

You better surround yourself with family now-now: mum, sisters, cousins, etc before the unthinkable happens to you. That is, if you care at all for your health and that of your unborn baby.

CC, you are asking what will happen if she doesn do all these things, He will run as he has done previously.
This is the man who ran and left her pregnant and didn't show till the baby was almost 1 and people were blaming her and saying she must have made him run.
Well if she doesn cook, clean and slave he will run again, and its better she dies being super woman that for him to run na.

debrief08: CC, you are asking what will happen if she doesn do all these things, He will run as he has done previously.
This is the man who ran and left her pregnant and didn't show till the baby was almost 1 and people were blaming her and saying she must have made him run.
Well if she doesn cook, clean and slave he will run again, and its better she dies being super woman that for him to run na.

Let's not forget her home is a war zone where she had all sorts of arguments with her hubby: Medium to heavy arguments she graded them, if I remember clearly.

Those two have deep seated issues that need to be resolved. I warned her there about what she was doing to herself re: vulnerable to high bp and other pregnancy related complications, as I've again pointed out in my first response to her here on this thread (without realizing it's her).

Right now, my only concern is about her well being and that of the baby she's carrying. Life does to begin with and end with a man. It's not a do-or-die affair. She needs to get her priorities straight and look after number one.

Which woman here hasn't had medium to heavy quarrels with her husband?
How does that justify leaving a pregnant spouse for almost a year and she gets blamed because they quarreled.

I don't know any couple who doesn't quarrel over the same issues she listed house hold chores, finances etc. Now she has stopped asking for help and she is getting drained, toh, if she gets a maid and he sleeps with the maid we will still come back and blame her here.
A bad man is a bad man and likewise a woman, if the person with the issues doesn't change it will be an endless merry go round with one person carrying all the load and mostly breaking down.

My husband and I quarrel all the time about the plenty water he leaves on the bathroom floor, his mess which he calls "organized mess" his doing things half half, my own love for things to be in order, my spendings on shoes, how I let people get away with murder. We quarrel, every couple quarrels, but a couple willing to make it work will make it work, however when it is one person carrying the load of a couple, there is a problem. Till they can work together as a couple na different issues everyday.
He needs to start taking responsibility for his actions or lack of it and not her overburdening herself.

Which woman here hasn't had medium to heavy quarrels with her husband?
How does that justify leaving a pregnant spouse for almost a year and she gets blamed because they quarreled.

I don't know any couple who doesn't quarrel over the same issues she listed house hold chores, finances etc. Now she has stopped asking for help and she is getting drained, toh, if she gets a maid and he sleeps with the maid we will still come back and blame her here.
A bad man is a bad man and likewise a woman, if the person with the issues doesn't change it will be an endless merry go round with one person carrying all the load and mostly breaking down.

My husband and I quarrel all the time about the plenty water he leaves on the bathroom floor, his mess which he calls "organized mess" his doing things half half, my own love for things to be in order, my spendings on shoes, how I let people get away with murder. We quarrel, every couple quarrels, but a couple willing to make it work will make it work, however when it is one person carrying the load of a couple, there is a problem. Till they can work together as a couple na different issues everyday.
He needs to start taking responsibility for his actions or lack of it and not her overburdening herself.

^^ Her hubby stated categorically that he doesn't like stress and went as far as telling her that he left home for what? Five years when asked to perform certain chores - sweeping and cutting the grass I think. Doesn't that in itself tell you a lot about his character??

Some people have called it insane on his part but that's beside the point. The point here is that he warned her about his dark side while they were still dating. Despite his 'unstablity', she still saw or rather deemed it fit to marry him. He left her for months before and after the birth of their first child..and yet she went ahead and got pregnant with the second one? Meaning she hasn't learnt her lesson yet.

Yes, arguments occur with normal couples and they deal with their 'ish' the normal way. Hers isn't and she needs to understand that.

@debrief I wish I cld give u a big hug right now, cos u are so real and practical I remember that thread of iamsave n d way she was been attacked n blamely seriously as if they knew her personally. Atleast from what she has written now we are beginning to understand better the kind of man she is with.
Am still wondering what kind of quarrel will make a man leave his wife n child from almost a year( and yet some ppl said dat he is justified) except their is threat to his life even in that situation he can still get across to his child.
@ iamsaved I am begging u in God's name pls take it easy with ur health, I am also pregnant with my first, n even though the pregnancy has been easy on me I still knw how it feels sometimes. Cos of d care n attention my hubby gives me I hadly ve that mood swing experience by some but I still get soooo tired sometimes n emotional.
You re a strong woman jst hang in there and let some posters has said nothing wld happen if u refuse to do some chores n jst take the needed rest. Ask ur mum n siblings for help too they would understand more than you knW, take care of urself it is very important

@debrief I wish I cld give u a big hug right now, cos u are so real and practical I remember that thread of iamsave n d way she was been attacked n blamed seriously as if they knew her personally. Atleast from what she has written now we are beginning to understand better the kind of man she is with.
Am still wondering what kind of quarrel will make a man leave his wife n child from almost a year( and yet some ppl said dat he is justified) except there is threat to his life even in that situation he can still get across to his child.
@ iamsaved I am begging u in God's name pls take it easy with ur health, I am also pregnant with my first, n even though the pregnancy has been easy on me I still knw how it feels sometimes. Cos of d care n attention my hubby gives me I hadly ve that mood swing experience by some but I still get soooo tired sometimes n emotional.
You re a strong woman jst hang in there and let some posters has said nothing wld happen if u refuse to do some chores n jst take the needed rest. Ask ur mum n siblings for help too they would understand more than you knW, take care of urself it is very important

Firstly @op abeg sorry oooo. I have practically hijacked your thread. Its a sort of eye opener for me and a wake up call.

To all the ladies above, thank you for your advice.

I love my life oooo, so so much but the situation I found myself in is quite a terrible one.
I never choosed to be a super woman or slowly kill myself with work. As a matter of fact last month, I discussed with a family friend (his friend) all this issue of house work and how my husband's attitude is really destroying our marriage. The man adviced both of us even gave examples of how he makes himself useful in his home but well my hubby is the type that "if word enter from one ear, e go fly commot for the other".

The man told him to be pampering me, that as a pregnant woman, i need lots of rest, petting etc etc but my hubby told him flat out that "he is not used to mills and boom kind of life". In other words, he doesn't know how to pamper a woman or see the need why he should do it.

I have talked, begged, pleaded, complained but he just refused to help out. I won't kill him you know or continue to quarrel/nag.


The bad part is that now, I have grown this dislike for him. I no longer see myself as a Mrs. I cant wait dor next year to come.


*how do I fall in love with such a man?
*how do I have respect for him?
*is this not slavery?
*does this sound like a marriage or union?

The work is not even that much if am getting help from him.
Yesterday when he was travelling, I was happy (imagine). I even wished he will extend his stay to weeks!

It is well.

Madam abeg let us hear word. Will you Say that you didnt see these traits in him when you guys were dating? You wanted to marry him by fire by force, so please deal with it. Please women should deal with the unbearables during courtship and save us these numerous stories of woe on Nairaland

4tunebest: Madam abeg let us hear word. Will you Say that you didnt see these traits in him when you guys were dating? You wanted to marry him by fire by force, so please deal with it. Please women should deal with the unbearables during courtship and save us these numerous stories of woe on Nairaland

lol at by fire by force as if you were there. Funny.

Even if she wanted to marry by fire by Force is it not this same society that pushes women to that point. YOu should have seen the comments on Rita Dominic's birthday, instead for people to wish her well their only interest was that she isn't married and her life is a "waste"! Imagine! If a woman complains about certain traits in her boyfriend all she will hear is how she's too choosy and all men are babies and blah blah.
Women must learn to be strong and withstand all the pressure because at the end of the day, the amebos will go to their homes and she will be left to deal with whatever problems she finds herself in.

@ iamsaved,you can ask one of your younger ones or cousin to come and help since you can't afford a maid yet,at least till you give birth. Even if you plan to leave him next year you have to ensure that you take care of yourself rigth now first. Abeg o, you owe your kids that because God forbid anything happens to you he will just marry another woman and your kids will be the ones to suffer. No man is worth that.

tatiana009: Even if she wanted to marry by fire by Force is it not this same society that pushes women to that point. YOu should have seen the comments on Rita Dominic's birthday, instead for people to wish her well their only interest was that she isn't married and her life is a "waste"! Imagine! If a woman complains about certain traits in her boyfriend all she will hear is how she's too choosy and all men are babies and blah blah.
Women must learn to be strong and withstand all the pressure because at the end of the day, the amebos will go to their homes and she will be left to deal with whatever problems she finds herself in.

@ iamsaved,you can ask one of your younger ones or cousin to come and help since you can't afford a maid yet,at least till you give birth. Even if you plan to leave him next year you have to ensure that you take care of yourself rigth now first. Abeg o, you owe your kids that because God forbid anything happens to you he will just marry another woman and your kids will be the ones to suffer. No man is worth that.

My sister I tire oooo. I know better now. Thanks to this thread.

tatiana009: Even if she wanted to marry by fire by Force is it not this same society that pushes women to that point. YOu should have seen the comments on Rita Dominic's birthday, instead for people to wish her well their only interest was that she isn't married and her life is a "waste"! Imagine! If a woman complains about certain traits in her boyfriend all she will hear is how she's too choosy and all men are babies and blah blah.
Women must learn to be strong and withstand all the pressure because at the end of the day, the amebos will go to their homes and she will be left to deal with whatever problems she finds herself in.

@ iamsaved,you can ask one of your younger ones or cousin to come and help since you can't afford a maid yet,at least till you give birth. Even if you plan to leave him next year you have to ensure that you take care of yourself rigth now first. Abeg o, you owe your kids that because God forbid anything happens to you he will just marry another woman and your kids will be the ones to suffer. No man is worth that.

My sister I tire oooo. I know better now. Thanks to this thread.