When a mans trust in his wife is betrayed by her having affairs with other men and he caught her red handed with a man on top of her should he still stay married to her or divorce her? Is there a place for christian forgiveness in such a case?

Yes, forgive.

The good book said: He who hath no sin should first cast the stone and the pharises left one by one.

Mehn dat crazy..

u do av to forgive even though it not gonna be easy..

And dat if she is even sorry for wat she did.. Cos dere is no need forgiving someone who is not gonna repent...

Those are one of the few things u gat to live with..

yrs

Yea he has to forgive but to forget will b difficult, just dat there will b no trust in dat marriage, I always say dat "if there is no trust, there is no love" may God help us to b contented in our marriage. And ladies pls if u can't keep ur marriage don't get married until u are ready. U can play all sorts of games wen u are single but pls respect ur marriage and ur partner and u will b happy forever.

I believe that the same reason why a woman forgives her husband is the reason why the husband should forgive his wife. Now that is just a belief.

Now in practical terms, I will forgive her and still get a divorce and forget by not remembering I was ever married to her. I expect her to do the same thing if I cheat.

armyofone: Yes, forgive.

The good book said: He who hath no sin should first cast the stone and the pharises left one by one.

Biggest f.... bullcrap.
Would you give such stupid advise to your own brother?

I can't believe these people asking a man to forgive a an adulterous wife he caught red handed.
Forgive for what?
Am I living in an alternate universe?

Op, forgive only if you want to be a cockhold husband for the rest of your life.

Yes.

To err is wo man...
If she's remorseful and if it's a one time slip , why not?

jeffizy: Yes.

To err is wo man...
If she's remorseful and if it's a one time slip , why not?

Remorseful?
Big laugh. Would you not be if you were caught red handed?
Are armed robbers not remorseful when they are caught?
C'mon man.
The problem with we Africans, perhaps especially Nigerians, is the we always put sentiments where they do not belong.
We always put the square peg in the round hole.
For a woman to commit adultery requires long serious forethought. Before a woman contemplates such actions, she has to mentally damn her husband and convince herself that her husband deserved the damnation and humiliation.
Secondly, by the time the husband had discovered, she would have been doing it for a very long time.
Thirdly, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Fourth, if you ever ever forgive a cheating wife, you are forever doomed.
You will drop to minus zero in her eyes.
You would have given her all the powers she only dreamed of. She will completely emasculate you and turn you into a vegetable of your former self.

Let god do the forgiving for that kind of stuff. You are not god. You are human.

@Plaetton ,
Marriage is not like eating yam where you drop the yam when it's too hot to chew!
Where else will i as a "Nigerian" put sentiments if not in my marriage? If it's about pegs and holes, we will all be "happily" divorced.

When you say divorce is the only option, have you thought about the thread that goes beyond the needle?
I mean kids, documents binding ,ventures you both share, years put into the marriage, etc!

While it's not a worthy act, there are still various options open to be explored. Corrective and punitive measures of course.

May i ask you this question. If you as a man got caught, will you suggest your wife divorce you?

My own problem still lies in the fact that if a man were to be caught cheating, the story changes!
Why should it be any different for any gender?

alutacontinua: My own problem still lies in the fact that if a man were to be caught cheating, the story changes!
Why should it be any different for any gender?

Some say it's being sentimental.

jeffizy:
Some say it's being sentimental.

It's just not fair.
If a man wants to be forgiven when he cheats, he should also be ready to forgive a cheating wife OR VICE VERSA. SHIKENA!

You can still forgive and divorce.

There is a real life story about a woman that cheated on her husband, infact she got pregnant for another man in the process. The man forgave, didn't divorce her and took the baby as his.


Personally my heart can't bear the thought of another man sleeping with my wife. If she does that, I will forgive and divorce her.

albridge: When a mans trust in his wife is betrayed by her having affairs with other men and he caught her red handed with a man on top of her should he still stay married to her or divorce her? Is there a place for christian forgiveness in such a case?

no one here knows your mind, you are the only one who knows what suits you in this kind of situation, but these questions can help you to take the right decision........
-will your wife forgive you if its you that was caught red-handed like that?
-how will you like to be treated after the act if you are the one that was caught like that?
May God help you.

Before u dish out ur advice, it's wise u put urself in that shoes first, cos it's easily said than been done. @op, before u forgive, consider the following. 1. why do she do that? 2. how long have she been cheating? 3. is she truelly sorry for her action that she will not do it again? 4. do u have kids together? if the answers worth it, then forgive and dont divourcs her. if not, forgive and let her go.

Pls send her away to save urself further heartbreak and disease.

A man is biblically allowed to divorce his adulterous wife if he has been faithful to her otherwise he will remain umarried and equally zip up(celibate) and if he shuns God's instruction by going into another marriage, he will become a permanant adulterer thereby attracting righteous curse for his new wife and children. The scripture says "Who is the person that can deliver one when God placed a curse on him" and i guess the answer is "nobody". The bible says that anyone who wants to come to equity must come with a clean hand. Let us all be guided.

Princess zoe: A man is biblically allowed to divorce his adulterous wife if he has been faithful to her otherwise he will remain umarried and equally zip up(celibate) and if he shuns God's instruction by going into another marriage, he will become a permanant adulterer thereby attracting righteous curse for his new wife and children. The scripture says "Who is the person that can deliver one when God placed a curse on him" and i guess the answer is "nobody". The bible says that anyone who wants to come to equity must come with a clean hand. Let us all be guided.

In order words he is doomed to remain with his adulterous wife right?

osundu: Pls send her away to save urself further heartbreak and disease.

Don't mind these silly people pretentious people dishing out bad advice they never give to their own brothers.

What if the wife brought hiv/aids to her husband? Would these people be telling him to forgive?
They never seem never seem to answer the most important question of whether they would forgive if they were the victims.

plaetton:
Don't mind these silly people pretentious people dishing out bad advice they never give to their own brothers.

What if the wife brought hiv/aids to her husband? Would these people be telling him to forgive?
They never seem never seem to answer the most important question of whether they would forgive if they were the victims.

Do you have an issue with couples (husbands and wives)forgiving one another when they cheat or husbands forgiving wives when they cheat?

plaetton:

Remorseful?
Big laugh. Would you not be if you were caught red handed?
Are armed robbers not remorseful when they are caught?
C'mon man.
The problem with we Africans, perhaps especially Nigerians, is the we always put sentiments where they do not belong.
We always put the square peg in the round hole.
For a woman to commit adultery requires long serious forethought. Before a woman contemplates such actions, she has to mentally damn her husband and convince herself that her husband deserved the damnation and humiliation.
Secondly, by the time the husband had discovered, she would have been doing it for a very long time.
Thirdly, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Fourth, if you ever ever forgive a cheating wife, you are forever doomed.
You will drop to minus zero in her eyes.
You would have given her all the powers she only dreamed of. She will completely emasculate you and turn you into a vegetable of your former self.

Let god do the forgiving for that kind of stuff. You are not god. You are human.

Are you a Christian?

If yes, remember the Lord's prayer

... and forgive our trespasses as WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TREPASS AGAINST US...

If you don't forgive people who offend you, GOD WILL NOT forgive you.

bukatyne:

Do you have an issue with couples (husbands and wives)forgiving one another when they cheat or husbands forgiving wives when they cheat?

Good question.

Albridge in asmuchas i don't understand your post, my message came from biblical aspect. I respect and honour God's warnings especially if marriage is involve. I guess with even common sense we are suppose to know that if a man cheats or cheated his wife and later caught his wife doing same, he is to forgive because he too is guilty of same sin. That is why in a marriage were the man or the woman is selfish, peace and understanding are scarce. Besides in such circumstance the man was actually the one that first defiled his marriage. All these apply to the women as well. Maybe you should re-direct that question to God. Can you?

bukatyne:

Are you a Christian?

If yes, remember the Lord's prayer

... and forgive our trespasses as WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TREPASS AGAINST US...

If you don't forgive people who offend you, GOD WILL NOT forgive you.

With due respect,that's a silly question. Have you asked if the cheating wife is a Christian?
Would you forgive your wife for same? Did the
Cheating wife practice safe sex while cheating? Those are relevant questiond to ask yourself.

If forgiving a cheating spouse was such a great Christian virtue, why did Jesus endorse divorce under such circumstances?

And why has god Not forgiven mankind for the sin of Adam,and for that matter,Satan?

Actually, the real question is what each and everyone of us would do if we found ourselves in the op's predicament.

plaetton:
With due respect,that's a silly question. Have asked if the cheating wife id a Christian?
Would you forgive your wife for same? Did the
Cheating wife practice safe sex while cheating? Those are relevant questiond to ask yourself.

If forgiving a cheating spouse was such a great Christian virtue, why did Jesus endorse divorce under such circumstances?

And why has god Not forgiven mankind for the sin of Adam,and for that matter,Satan?

Actually, the real question is what each and everyone of us would do if we found ourselves in the op's predicament.

Would you please answer this question?

bukatyne:

Do you have an issue with couples (husbands and wives)forgiving one another when they cheat or husbands forgiving wives when they cheat?

My fellow Nigerians, it is no wonder that we live today in the equivalent of a failed state. A failed state is characterized by lawlessness, immorality, anarchy and irrationality.
Did i mention corruption at all segments of society, including, unfortunately, the home.?

For some very strange reasons, we seem have an aversion for holding people accountable for their actions.
we always seem to have a get-out-of-jail card for every sin, thanks to our romance with morally ambiguous middle east religions.

Is it not one's moral and religious duty to hold adults accountable for their deliberate misdeeds?

Is marital vow not the most sacred of all vows?

Suppose that this op genuinely decides to forgive her for this very act, and then a few months later he discovers that she had been doing it for years, should he also forgive her?
Again suppose he decides to forgive her and then few months down the road, also discovers that she had been doing it with not just one man but with several men, should he also try to forgive her?

I can bet you anything that if the op digs deeper, what he will discover would completely blow his blind and shatter his spirit.

Op. Get this woman as far away from you as possible as soon as possible. You may then begin to forgive her long after she is gone from your life, not now.
It is the only way can regain and reinvigorate your human spirit, pride and self-esteem.
If you do not, you are defeated and your spirit may never rise to its full potential.

ileobatojo:


Would you please answer this question?

It does not matter in what way I answer the question. You are trying to ignore the issue to focus on me. Focus on my points.

Now, forgiveness is certainly one of the most attributes of marriage and is always encouraged.
Do not get me wrong.

Having said that, a man catching his wife in an adulterous position would certainly be the most damning, most humiliating, the greatest blow to a man's self-esteem and self-worth.
It is the clearest violation of every single word and sentence of sacred vows of matrimony.
If one violates all that in one swoop, what exactly is left in the union? Friendship? trust? love? respect?
All these have been violated and sold cheaply for cheap thrills.
Kindly tell me, what could be left for this man to hold on to till death do us part?

And you sir, pls tell me, would you forgive and just let things back to normal if you were the victim?

plaetton:

Having said that, a man catching his wife in an adulterous position would certainly be the most damning, most humiliating, the greatest blow to a man's self-esteem and self-worth.
It is the clearest violation of every single word and sentence of sacred vows of matrimony.
If one violates all that in one swoop, what exactly is left in the union? Friendship? trust? love? respect?
All these have been violated and sold cheaply for cheap thrills.
Kindly tell me, what could be left for this man to hold on to till death do us part?

Understood.

Now, would you please answer this question?

bukatyne:

Do you have an issue with couples (husbands and wives)forgiving one another when they cheat or husbands forgiving wives when they cheat?

bukatyne:

Do you have an issue with couples (husbands and wives)forgiving one another when they cheat or husbands forgiving wives when they cheat?

Absolute garbage.

It is the fear of punishment that should keep people from committing crimes.
If we all have a get-out-of-jail card in the form of forgiveness always in our pockets, then pray tell, what would be the incentive to living a moral life?

Why dont you tell your partner or spouse to go out and seek cheap thrills, because your have your christian forgiveness card ready to bail him or her out of the prison of accountability and personal reponsibility.

There are boundaries.
even in our criminal justice system, some crimes elicit warnings, some elicit fines, other elicit jail time and the worst gets the death sentence. And we all know that the law is impersonal.

Adultery,the violation of trust in marriage, the most intimate and sacrosanct of personal relationships, is to me , unforgivable.
Forgive at your own peril.

Now answer my question. Would you forgive?