..

never write off love because of a few unfortunate circumstances. You will never know when real love is coming your way so just be patient and know that sometimes we do not meet thee one because we are probarbly not ready. Everyone deserves love and your time will come. In the meantime try also to pray about it and be specific about the kind of a situation you want. Remember that before you meet that 1 good soul that was meant for you , you might have to go through a million heartbreaks first but do not force and do not give yourself to anyone. Do not compromise as well. Remember that if people walk away from you let them walk maybe they were not going to be good for you in the long run

Thanks for the encouraging words.

dnt worry, i will setup a commitee to look into that

@OP
let me be the bearer of bad news: the problem is YOU, and only YOU should be blamed for you predicament.
you see, there are a lot of donkeys out there, and you should be wise enough now to see through the charade and BS from the said donkeys. if you dont, then the blame is on you, and not these donkeys that finally got a gal to shack with (aka YOU).

you have to look at your dating procedures, look at how you deem someone fit to be dated, look at how you act during courtship, and most importantly who you are as a person. there must be something seriously wrong with you (no offense) if all the men in your life only desire you as a second best, and not as their #1 girl.

as for your story, the guy already told you to disappear from his life for a certain period of time. how difficult was it for you to understand that? aka not expect to hear from him during that period.

now you want to give up on men because of the wrong choices YOU made?! you are confused, sista!

@ mrbrownjay
Thanks for your insight, but am a bit confused about you saying this is all my fault. Are you are telling me that a man who cheated on me and got someone pregnant is my fault? or that a man whom i lost my virginity to deceived me that he was single is my fault? or that a man who gave me his keys and professed undying love to me and later turned around to be a jerk is my fault? I really am confused here.

@highlife10

Life is very unfair. Most times, the solutions usually come when we've outgrown the problems. However, you do not need to recoil in defeat. Such move might turn you into a monster, and that may appear as insurmountable to prospective admirers.

Brave up. Move forward...in risk and optimism.

highlife10: @ mrbrownjay
Thanks for your insight, but am a bit confused about you saying this is all my fault. Are you are telling me that a man who cheated on me and got someone pregnant is my fault? or that a man whom i lost my virginity to deceived me that he was single is my fault? or that a man who gave me his keys and professed undying love to me and later turned around to be a jerk is my fault? I really am confused here.

YES sista, i am saying just that, but these are just my views. how can you give your virginity to a man that you were not 110% sure that he was the one? if you now find out that he was cheating then blame yourself for not making the proper checks on the man you were willing to "receive" between your legs. just because he said the right words was NOT all that you should have checked. so sorry but you can only blame yourself for dating a cheating bastards and foolishly believing that he was the one, when he already had someone in his life.

same thing with the donkey who gave you his keys. so a guy hand over his keys to his cribs, and you automatically raise him to the status of future husband?! didnt you check him out? didnt you guys COMMUNICATE? dint you guys make plans? didnt you guys study one another and ask the IMPORTANT questions? obviously you didnt......and if you did then i am sorry to say that, THEN there must be something about you that turns these man away from you.

yes it is possible that you may just be unlucky but the odds are against you. so pls look at your actions to see where you may have failed.

what type of men are you usually attracted to? is there a certain characteristic you look for when you agree to date em?

so far it seems like it might be you as mrbrown said. yes things happen and you can't predict what will happen when you start seeing someone but you don't seem to be learning from the different experiences you have had.

when a relationship goes bad, you should take an inventory of all that happened, how it happened and the reasons those things happened. This way you can learn more about yourself. This way those things can probably be avoided or when you run into a man who shows those red flags you wont allow yourself to get into such situations.

It seems you started too early as far as i m concerned. Those men you mentioned must have been intimate with you . Not so?

Dont start regretting and blaming men for the woes and i wont say is your fault either . The best thing you can do is to be observant, careful , diligent in your approach to relationship. Men are the best likewise women are the best . We are meant for each other and God has made us not be perfect but to manage situations as they come.

Truth be told that you should make your body the greatest weapon now so that men will not one toy with your emotions anyhow. It's apparent is your nature to be credulous/gullible(ready to believe anything a man say to you.

Right now the chances you have is to be very careful because we still have wonderful men around. We are really worth dying for. Avoid a situation you have to start counting the number of men who has gone under you.

Why dont you get your family and friends involved, tell them you're looking for someone, most times they can do the vetting for you.

And yes, seems you're attracted to a particular kind of guy, you should re-evaluate yourself and what you look for in a man.

@ 25omega
I am usually attracted to the intellectual type. The so called safe guys because I think they will treat me better than the bad boys. This is why I am so shocked by their actions. I don't care about a man's physical appearance. I am drawn by his humour, charm and wit. These guys in question are not candidates for mr. Nigeria. They are average guys in terms of looks.

highlife10: @ 25omega
I am usually attracted to the intellectual type. The so called safe guys because I think they will treat me better than the bad boys.

Being an "intellectual" type is no guarantee a male will be a "safe " guy ( whatever that means).


As per your last sentence, most guys who are not under the influence of juju, might be able to sense when they are being used as a means to an end, not to mention they could also be in the relationship for the same reason as you? Ie scouting for someone to give them a good time, not necessarily someone they are serious about.

@ tpia
What do mean by most guys not under the influence of juju can sense when they are being used? I have been working since I was 16 and do not ask anyone not even my own parents for financial support. And why would a man between the ages of 34 and 40 still be looking for a good time? I dated them because I thought they were mature men who had their act together.

highlife10: @ tpia
What do mean by most guys not under the influence of juju can sense when they are being used? I have been working since I was 16 and do not ask anyone not even my own parents for financial support. And why would a man between the ages of 34 and 40 still be looking for a good time? I dated them because I thought they were mature men who had their act together.

Used in a non-financial sense. I wasnt talking about money.

I didnt want to ask how old you are, but i already guessed a general range. And there must be more guys than these three you mentioned, i'm also guessing.

As per the rest of your post, a man of any age can be looking for a "good time" - having a "good time" isnt age specific.

Its quite possible you"re playing too smart with men, sometimes they can sense it if they're still with their natural non-juju thinking faculty.

Anyway, the main issue here is you may need to evaluate your criteria for choosing men.

highlife10: @ tpia
What do mean by most guys not under the influence of juju can sense when they are being used? I have been working since I was 16 and do not ask anyone not even my own parents for financial support. And why would a man between the ages of 34 and 40 still be looking for a good time? I dated them because I thought they were mature men who had their act together.

i guess we can finally see why you have been fooled so often......do you actually believe that any man from 34 and up DO NOT want to have a good time? lady, sadly there are gazillions of married men who want a "good time" with gullible women like yourself who will believe anything they hear from an adult man. some men would tell you whatever YOU want to hear, so long as it gets them to have unrestricted access to your cootie cat. i suggest you grow up and learn FAAAAAAAAAST!

@tpia
How old do you think I am?

Maybe you should reduce the Age range to 30-35

probability of meeting a single man within these age range is higher.

Most of those in those age range you choose is supposed to be desperate and wouldnt want to do long term relationship, but if he is stalling..he is married as most men within that range should have been married or have issue or something.

Its not entirely your fault in anyway.. I wouldnt blame you, it was more down to the Age choice.

Just follow that advise and Pray..you have more probability with men of lower age range in early 30s than with higher age range @mid to late 30s

Good Luck.

@mrbrownjay
Hmmm, yous sound like we should be mind readers and psychics. I can only go by someone's actions as I am not one to believe everything a man tells me. The guy who got someone pregnant was wonderful for the 3 yrs we were together. Not once, did he give me a reason to think he was cheating. This is someone that I had met and bonded with his family and he did with mine. There was no reason at that point for me to believe he was just looking for a good time.

MRbrownJAY:

i guess we can finally see why you have been fooled so often......do you actually believe that any man from 34 and up DO NOT want to have a good time? lady, sadly there are gazillions of married men who want a "good time" with gullible women like yourself who will believe anything they hear from an adult man. some men would tell you whatever YOU want to hear, so long as it gets them to have unrestricted access to your cootie cat. i suggest you grow up and learn FAAAAAAAAAST!

This also begs the question of how old the poster is not in an insulting way of course. I ask because from what i have read on this site it seems like people are eager to get married at a young age.
if you aren't married at a young age you will have to find the older men who chances are, they are already married or they are looking for a young woman. If they run into a career minded woman who is matured they would just want to get some azz and peel off.

i hope my thoughts ^^ didn't offend you

You gotta relax yourself,Hold your pee and for sure the right man is gonna find but i hope you still have time for all these patience....

.

@ Op be positive about Guys just be nyz and friendly and define your r/ship from d start,lastly build your self confidence ,add me up 225A4606

One beaten, twice shy
Thrice beaten, forever shy !
Simply put, You ve just entered one chance thrice

youngalex: @ Op be positive about Guys just be nyz and friendly and define your r/ship from d start,lastly build your self confidence ,add me up 225A4606

Haba bros! No be u give better theoretical advice na? Which one be add me up again? U wan teach am practical too.. Brooossiiiee

@youngalex
Thanks for your response. I would have liked to add you, but I don't have a blackberry.

At highlife10 that's life and like others have previously said the tide would turn - just be patient and stay focused - God would give you the desires of your heart. I don't think you did anything wrong except being intimate with a guy you are not married to- but no one is above mistakes. Our righteousness are like a filthy rag before God. You did nothing wrong loving the ones who claimed to love you- don't be weary in doing in due season you would reap if you don't faint. Do not give up on love- because it is indeed a beautiful thing. Like you have mentioned earlier- focus on you- your career, your emotional health and on developing your self in all areas. Love and things have a way of finding us when we least expect it. And I'm certain yours wouldn't be an exception.

And to you Mrbrownjay- my first reaction after reading your post was to rain down on you but then again I would be fighting another's battle- a lost cause for that matter. It behooves me as to how your thinking could be so myopic. I bet you would claim to be speaking the so called truth. My dear in life no matter how careful you are, no matter how obedient you are to the rules, no matter how much you think you have everything on lock down- things can always go the opposite direction. Some people in life are honest others dont give a crap. The most important thing is doing the right thing and believeing that all would work out for your good. The fact that a lady ends up with all 3 dog men' doesnt necessarily' mean she's a dog attractor. There is a great chance of me running into 3 sales people in a market who would try to rip me off before meeting a honest sales person- that doesn't make me the problem customer.

Please think outside the box and be more empathetic .

highlife10: Hello nairalanders, I have a question for you all. I have never been lucky when it comes to relationships and I don't know why. Let me give u my history. The first guy I dated at 18, I found out that he was married 8 months into the relationship, his wife and son were in london. The second guy I dated got someone pregnant while we were together but I didn't find out until the baby was born and a DNA was carried out. It was his baby and I broke up with him. The third guy I'm "dating" for the past 4 months is already starting to act funny. At first he was declaring love and even gave me a key to his place. Then 2 weeks ago, he told me he has a project that will require us not to see for 3 weeks and that I should stay away until he asks me to come. I asked why and he said it's his job. So being that I have a key to his place and have used it several times before, I decided to go to his place unannounced. I got there and tried to open the door, but to my surprise the door didn't open. I tried again and again and nothing. This bastard had changed his locks. I called him and he said he was far from home and would talk to me later. He didn't call me. My birthday was last week and he didn't even call or text to say happy birthday and I had been telling him for the past 2 months that my birthday was coming up. I can't make any sense of this behavior. I have always been nice in my relationships and do not ask for anything financially. He sent a text on Saturday asking to see me, but I didn't respond. I have decided to move on and just focus on my career. My friend keeps telling me there might be a reason but I don't think I want to listen to any explanations. At this point, I don't know if I want to be in any other relationship. I think I should just focus on saving up money for my business and forget about romance. Do u think men are worth the trouble?

huh?? ...u had babies for 18 men?? ..i dont gerrrit!

WAM?:
And to you Mrbrownjay- my first reaction after reading your post was to rain down on you but then again I would be fighting another's battle- a lost cause for that matter. It behooves me as to how your thinking could be so myopic. I bet you would claim to be speaking the so called truth. My dear in life no matter how careful you are, no matter how obedient you are to the rules, no matter how much you think you have everything on lock down- things can always go the opposite direction. Some people in life are honest others dont give a crap. The most important thing is doing the right thing and believeing that all would work out for your good. The fact that a lady ends up with all 3 dog men' doesnt necessarily' mean she's a dog attractor. There is a great chance of me running into 3 sales people in a market who would try to rip me off before meeting a honest sales person- that doesn't make me the problem customer.

Please think outside the box and be more empathetic .

i hear you, and i still believe that the only person to blame is the OP, nobody else, as there will always be cheats, scammers and what not in this life......it is down to how smart you are to avoid them (especially if you were fooled once before). yes some of them are VERY good, but it doesnt change the fact at hand, does it?! blaming these people for your stoopidity in falling for their tricks is absurd. but then again, remember, these are simply my views on the matter.

No.



So what you gonna do

WAM?:
It behooves me as to how your thinking could be so myopic. I bet you would claim to be speaking the so called truth. My dear in life no matter how careful you are, no matter how obedient you are to the rules, no matter how much you think you have everything on lock down- things can always go the opposite direction.

nobody is saying life does not throw curveballs.

Some people in life are honest others dont give a crap. The most important thing is doing the right thing and believeing that all would work out for your good.

no one is arguing with this either.

The fact that a lady ends up with all 3 dog men' doesnt necessarily' mean she's a dog attractor. There is a great chance of me running into 3 sales people in a market who would try to rip me off before meeting a honest sales person- that doesn't make me the problem customer.

if a lady keeps attracting men who she says are the wrong type for her, then she needs to look inwards and figure out exactly why she's attracting these men.

if this has happened not once, twice, but three times and she still says the fault is 100% with the males, then it only means she's avoiding looking at the real issue. And she hasnt told the whole story, only one side of it.

if you keep running into sales people who are trying to rip you off in the market, then surely that means word has gotten out that you're an easy target? If you notice something like that then you're supposed to find ways to protect yourself from being ripped off, eg stop trusting people easily or stop allowing people to take advantage of you?

Please think outside the box and be more empathetic .

as far as i can see on this thread, empathy is what people have offered her.

tpia@:


nobody is saying life does not throw curveballs.





no one is arguing with this either.





if a lady keeps attracting men who she says are the wrong type for her, then she needs to look inwards and figure out exactly why she's attracting these men.

if this has happened not once, twice, but three times and she still says the fault is 100% with the males, then it only means she's avoiding looking at the real issue. And she hasnt told the whole story, only one side of it.

if you keep running into sales people who are trying to rip you off in the market, then surely that means word has gotten out that you're an easy target? If you notice something like that then you're supposed to find ways to protect yourself from being ripped off, eg stop trusting people easily or stop allowing people to take advantage of you?





as far as i can see on this thread, empathy is what people have offered her.

I hear you- I pray you never fall into the hands of these scammers. Like I said no matter how well you are at playing the game of life- life still happens. I cannot count how many stories of innocent people who for the most part do the right thing and are still scammed - but like I always tell them though it rains the sun would shine again. If you have never gone through those times it's best to keep watch and pray not run your mouth as to how well you can be. Another thing you must understand is that people have different personalities and you cannot always attribute what one attracts to whom they are. A guy would approach any girl it's up to her to give the green light or the red. And trust me no matter how much you feel you have your guards up you still need to watch and pray!