Toh!

angelhair: A while ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair. It wasn't a short term roll in the hay it was more of a relationship with another Lady.

Well to cut the long story short after all the trouble, the separation the quarrels and the tears and begging for forgiveness, we decided to give it another shot.

We moved on with our lives , until last week when I tried to use his phone and found a suspicious received call. Then I discovered he was still in contact with her. now this lady has moved on, she's married now and has a child and is fearful for her own marriage cos I did threaten her about telling her husband what she was up to, so I'd doubt she will try.

So I asked him, dude what is all this about? From our discussion I realized that their relationship wasn't just sexual that he loved her and now he has a hard time letting go of her.


It is tough for me you know. I told her if he loves her, he can go to her and I'll be fine. He says he doesn't but I know he's lying, I know he loves her cos I cld tell he was pained when he realized she was getting married.

It's all really depressing right now, should I give him space to get over it cos he keeps calling her just to talk to her. Honestly right now, I'm tired, I'm about to give up.

One quick question
Did your husband know or date this woman before you got married to him?

Daresh:

Are you serious @ all?

Yeah, life has taught me never to trust any human. I can only trust myself as it stands now. I know its kind of awkward, but I don't need to pretend about what I believe, and that's the truth if you want to live long and have peace in this life. So don't wait until you learn from experience, be wise- learn from other ppls mistakes/experiences.

@op,you need to put your foot down and tell him the amorous affair has to stop or you'll take a more drastic action.Call his bluff & see how he reacts.His reaction to the threat would tell you how far gone he is & determine your next line of action.Apparently,your softly,softly approach isn't cutting it & for the record,prayers have never cured anyone man of infidelity.At least I have yet to see one

ItS really distressing for a woman to find out that her husband(not boyfriend o)is in love with anoda woman.That is why I always encourage wives not to relegate their duties to the kitchen only,you have to be his lover,gist like teenagers,play like real buddies,be free, make his interests yours and his business your headache n finally shag him like a LovePeddler .trust me your man ain't go nowhere.

...

I wonder who brainwashed some of these ladies into believing they can't go through there husband's phone.

for me, i dont know what i would do if my hubby cheated on me (9yrs + of marriage and a kid), so i cant advise you on what to do. I would say this however, what i would do would depend on my relationship (i mean our mood/feelings/interactions) leading up to the time i make this discovery, it could also depend on his attitude towards me however i might forgive him and consider giving him another chance, after all people make mistakes but if he is IN LOVE with another woman, damn, dts a very bitter pill for me ooooh. hhmmm, i would struggle to even look him in the eye not to talk of going away for a romantic weekend to rekindle shittttttt!!!!!
My dear, i dont envy you at all and waoh, i pray God gives you wisdom to do whats right, whatever that might be.

angelhair:


No he started dating her after we got married. Infact it was when I went to have my baby that they started talking. She worked in his office so they saw everyday. Honestly the tin is weighing down my soul.

I really feel bad, and sorry for your situation. Honestly, there is nothing anyone can tell you here that would change things automatically the way you wish and desire. Ppl suggesting u go for counselling dnt really understand your situation honestly.

Counselling will only damp the pains for a moment. And I suggest you pray and hand it over to God, you and others may see it as foolishness or the usual Nigerian counsel. But still, that's the best thing for you to do. Find a way to make him feel pity for you, ask him how he would feel if you are loving another man while married to him.

Don't threaten him with divorce, just be coordinated, calm and reasonable and gradually use words to bring him back to his senses.

Lastly, don't think there is a better man out there cos 80 to 90% of married men in Nigeria cheat, the innocent ones are those that aren't yet caught. So don't feel Tina's husband is the best or more responsiblie, and don't go thinking- if I had married James, this wouldn't have happened cos like I said, it is sad though, and a bitter truth, majority of married men cheat.

People can call me names and insult me, but that's the reality and not the theory. Just try and hang on, he will come to his senses with time.

Accept my sympathy though, it will soon be over.

...

angelhair: A while ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair. It wasn't a short term roll in the hay it was more of a relationship with another Lady.

Well to cut the long story short after all the trouble, the separation the quarrels and the tears and begging for forgiveness, we decided to give it another shot.

We moved on with our lives , until last week when I tried to use his phone and found a suspicious received call. Then I discovered he was still in contact with her. now this lady has moved on, she's married now and has a child and is fearful for her own marriage cos I did threaten her about telling her husband what she was up to, so I'd doubt she will try.

So I asked him, dude what is all this about? From our discussion I realized that their relationship wasn't just sexual that he loved her and now he has a hard time letting go of her.


It is tough for me you know. I told her if he loves her, he can go to her and I'll be fine. He says he doesn't but I know he's lying, I know he loves her cos I cld tell he was pained when he realized she was getting married.

It's all really depressing right now, should I give him space to get over it cos he keeps calling her just to talk to her. Honestly right now, I'm tired, I'm about to give up.

what are you waiting for?
call the other woman's husband and warn him to keep his wife on a leash. whatever nonsense she's got going on with your husband would stop as soon as her husband knows she's been having an affair.....

at this point, you have got nothing to lose.
she's made your life miserable, you should do the same. throw an element of surprise into their affair and i hope to God her hubby is a traditional husband that would beat your hubby to stupor. sometimes, some men need to be physically beaten to get the message!

come on, dial her husband right now....

e dey happen.

SniperInADiaper: Mtchew! If my husband falls in love with another woman then his as*s is gone. What kind of man does that?

What?
You wan cut off his as*s.

I will inform ya hus ASAP.

Naija women don dey fear me ooooh

coogar:

what are you waiting for?
call the other woman's husband and warn him to keep his wife on a leash. whatever nonsense she's got going on with your husband would stop as soon as her husband knows she's been having an affair.....

at this point, you have got nothing to lose.
she's made your life miserable, you should do the same. throw an element of surprise into their affair and i hope to God her hubby is a traditional husband that would beat your hubby to stupor. sometimes, some men need to be physically beaten to get the message!

come on, dial her husband right now....

Your just mean

Sanboy25: First, you shouldn't have searched your husband's phone.
Then, it's a good thing that the woman is getting married.
If your man really wants to forget her, he should cut the ties once and for all if not, he'll always have lingering feelings for the woman. Both of you should go on a week-end, spend time together in order to build up once more a 'intimacy' between you two.
Don't lose faith, things are only getting better as the woman is married to another man.
Their story will end here (I think... )

what can we call d hocuspocus u guys awys say? She shldnt av checked her husband's phone and then it wld av been going on behind her and she shld jes pretend things are fine?

And the funniest part of these issue will be u blaming her for not being sentitive in her marriage it backfired! Like the woman getting pregnant for her husband and all that shitz!

I tire for una, i swear!!

angelhair:
Your just mean

you deploy crazy solution for a crazy problem....

In my view, babyosisi has said it all: its all about being wit ur soulmate. Which begs d question: DO U BELIEVE IN SOULMATES? Will u find or wait for d one who has a surrreal yet natural connection wit u? And when u find him/her (there's a time, dont miss it), wil u stick wit him/her regardless of family pressures, tribal sentiments, status barricades etc. This is at d root of most divorces, marital problems, cheatings &late marriages (esp among ladies who miss their divine matches cos of flirting, sampling &mummy's pressure to marry a 'made' guy from d same ethnic zone).

angelhair:

You don't understand. Read my initial t well well. I said I thre him out of the house, we fought, he begged, his mum begged for him, I opened his nyash in the office, it was public disgrace. The matter cooled down for over a year now. He is "talking to her". Not sleeping with, just talking. But it is cos he loves her that he cannot let it go. She has moved on, married, kid, but he hasn't . The relationship was for 3 yrs and he is having a hard time forgetting her. @ DrMary, my hisband and I are very close. We do almost everything together. Go ti work, go to movies, spend the weekend away from the kids. Our close friends have no idea what is going on. I mean we spend plenty time together, the sex is good. I'm involved in his business, he's involved in mine we spend major time together. I guess when I'm not there he gets lonely and remembers his love and calls her. Its really sad.

AHh, i see, my level of sympathy for you is reduced. You say he is talking not sleeping with her? You are so blinded by love that you let it cloud your judgement. Unfortunately you are in love with someone who's heart is already taken! You are d option not the priority. He isnt shagging her "yet" probably becos she doesnt want to or perhaps d environment hasnt presented itself. I am sorry for you but if you choose to remain in that marriage, i suggest you emotionally WEAN yourself off that woman's love you call ur hubby becos i dont think he would get over her! its unfortunate children are involved and i can bet you if that woman's marriage pack up today, your hubby would run to be with her and abandon you.
i wish you well in all you do

coogar:

what are you waiting for?
call the other woman's husband and warn him to keep his wife on a leash. whatever nonsense she's got going on with your husband would stop as soon as her husband knows she's been having an affair.....

at this point, you have got nothing to lose.
she's made your life miserable, you should do the same. throw an element of surprise into their affair and i hope to God her hubby is a traditional husband that would beat your hubby to stupor. sometimes, some men need to be physically beaten to get the message!

come on, dial her husband right now....

if you are brave enough, try this approach. Go straight to the husband and let him know what his wife is doing behind his back. This may lead him into divorcing his wife (your hubby' mistress), which may as well backfire on your own marital peace. But if you are brave, try it and expect the worst.

will get back to you with b comprehensive response.

angelhair:


No he started dating her after we got married. Infact it was when I went to have my baby that they started talking. She worked in his office so they saw everyday. Honestly the tin is weighing down my soul.

Ndo my sister
I hope he can free himself from this
But let me remind you that you have done nothing wrong
It is easy for people to turn around and blame you for not being loving enough or not being attractive anymore leading him to fall into the arms of another
It is nothing you did
He cheated/ is cheating
You have no blame in this

This is an emotional affair my people, and an emotional affair for a man is deeper than a physical one, when a man falls in love from his soul, he falls hard. It is very hard to break such a bond. Its better your husband is sleeping around for sex with no emotional connection, than for him to be in love with one particular woman. As someone said 90 percent of married men cheat, there is still a percentage of men who are principled enough to stay faithful, and you better belive that, but emotional affairs are not planned. It happens to the best of us. If your husband manages to sleep with this women that will be the end of two marriages, because that will seal the deal completely. As I said, talk to your husband, see if you both can work something out, he may need your help in this.

angelhair:

You don't understand. Read my initial t well well. I said I thre him out of the house, we fought, he begged, his mum begged for him, I opened his nyash in the office, it was public disgrace. The matter cooled down for over a year now. He is "talking to her". Not sleeping with, just talking. But it is cos he loves her that he cannot let it go. She has moved on, married, kid, but he hasn't . The relationship was for 3 yrs and he is having a hard time forgetting her. @ DrMary, my hisband and I are very close. We do almost everything together. Go ti work, go to movies, spend the weekend away from the kids. Our close friends have no idea what is going on. I mean we spend plenty time together, the sex is good. I'm involved in his business, he's involved in mine we spend major time together. I guess when I'm not there he gets lonely and remembers his love and calls her. Its really sad.

Your husband isn't in love with her, he is infatuated with her, I still believe your husband loves you. If he didn't I doubt you and your husband will still have a good relationship. Go for counselling , I'm somehow tempted to say go for coogar advice oh, call her and tell her to leave you husband a lone or you'll inform her husband. Some women just annoy me, you are married and your not satisfied with the one u have.

coogar:

what are you waiting for?
call the other woman's husband and warn him to keep his wife on a leash. whatever nonsense she's got going on with your husband would stop as soon as her husband knows she's been having an affair.....

Will that solve her problem? It could worsen things as a matter of fact. Remember the hubby "cares about this lady". Doing that will send them straight to each other's arms and they may LIVE happily ever after.

coogar:

at this point, you have got nothing to lose.
she's made your life miserable, you should do the same. throw an element of surprise into their affair and i hope to God her hubby is a traditional husband that would beat your hubby to stupor. sometimes, some men need to be physically beaten to get the message!

You've got absolutely no single clue about men. None at all

come on, dial her husband right now....

angelhair: A while ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair. It wasn't a short term roll in the hay it was more of a relationship with another Lady.

Well to cut the long story short after all the trouble, the separation the quarrels and the tears and begging for forgiveness, we decided to give it another shot.

We moved on with our lives , until last week when I tried to use his phone and found a suspicious received call. Then I discovered he was still in contact with her. now this lady has moved on, she's married now and has a child and is fearful for her own marriage cos I did threaten her about telling her husband what she was up to, so I'd doubt she will try.

So I asked him, dude what is all this about? From our discussion I realized that their relationship wasn't just sexual that he loved her and now he has a hard time letting go of her.


It is tough for me you know. I told her if he loves her, he can go to her and I'll be fine. He says he doesn't but I know he's lying, I know he loves her cos I cld tell he was pained when he realized she was getting married.

It's all really depressing right now, should I give him space to get over it cos he keeps calling her just to talk to her. Honestly right now, I'm tired, I'm about to give up.

Seperation is the best now. Time will determine your best action

ajetunde:
Will that solve her problem? It could worsen things as a matter of fact. Remember the hubby "cares about this lady". Doing that will send them straight to each other's arms and they may LIVE happily ever after

who cares what they do with each other afterwards? the damage has already been done. to think her husband is still making contact with this lady after they have been caught once suggests he's unrepentant!

You've got absolutely no single clue about men. None at all

so tell us how much clued you are about men - you people just ptyalise nonsense as if men are aliens. the single thought that diseases/infections can be transmitted between these two families makes me want to vomit!

wy2000:

Seperation is the best now. Time will determine your best action

The woman has two kids
How easy is that
I think counseling should come first

wy2000:

Seperation is the best now. Time will determine your best action

No, separation is the worst move they can make now, they have a good relationship now, what is still holding them back is the communication, once that is gone with time they'll be good.as long as that woman is still in the picture they are bound to hit bumps

SniperInADiaper: Mtchew! If my husband falls in love with another woman then his ass is gone. What kind of man does that?

Pls remind me never to marry you, or anyone who looks like you, or has same name as you etc

C'mon, the guy is in love. He's a victim of romantic accident he should be pitied and helped. Reminds me of former South Carolina governor.

@ topic. I don't know if I'm the right person to advice you, but I think you should move away from him a bit. Let him realize that there is a possibility of loosing you as well. Bc right now he believes his lover is slipping away but he still has you as guaranteed. He needs to appreciate how it's hurting you, and how it'll hurt his kids if his marriage is broken. Talk to a counsellor (I'm no expert but I have a history of failed marriage. It ain't pretty) . Don't let him take you for granted while he runs around for his lost love. Which kind soul mate.

Whatever happens, cheer up, smile, have close trustworthy friends you can talk to. And please don't kill yourself. Learn how to love yourself too.

toshmann:
Pls remind me never to marry you, or anyone who looks like you, or has same name as you etc

C'mon, the guy is in love. He's a victim of romantic accident he should be pitied and helped. Reminds me of former South Carolina governor.

@ topic. I don't know if I'm the right person to advice you, but I think you should move away from him a bit. Let him realize that there is a possibility of loosing you as well. Bc right now he believes his lover is slipping away but he still has you as guaranteed. He needs to appreciate how it's hurting you, and how it'll hurt his kids if his marriage is broken. Talk to a counsellor (I'm no expert but I have a history of failed marriage. It ain't pretty) . Don't let him take you for granted while he runs around for his lost love. Which kind soul mate.

Whatever happens, cheer up, smile, have close trustworthy friends you can talk to. And please don't kill yourself. Learn how to love yourself too.

So Tosh dey deep like this

Daresh:

Are you serious @ all?

Are you a learner? They guy na licenced Out of point poster.


Op, this kind of situation