A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and
watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she
was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve
your pain if you'd allow me", she told him earnestly.
Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright, I'll be fine in a few minutes, he replied breathlessly as he remained
in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them
to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside and began to massage him. She then
asked him: How does that feel? To which he replied: It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.

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Can you pls repeat that joke, this time in Yoruba language cos i dont understand it

nice one joo!!!
LMAO

webdezzi:

Can you please repeat that joke, this time in Yoruba language because i don't understand it

u wont cos it was neva meant 4 u

check out the yoruba thread u might see a joke there u probably can relate to

@poster
nice one

Nice joke @poster.

That woman sabi jabo too much. She for ask where the ball hit am first b4 proceeding on the therapy. But come to think of it, me i no mind that kind over sabi ooo

lol good kola

the golfer 4 no talk say na his tumb she hit, he 4 her continue till e cum

icemann:

the golfer 4 no talk say na his tumb she hit, he 4 her continue till e come

I perceived that your love that thing well well,Na lie?

For those who never read this before

Never Argue With a Woman

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors the boat and settles in to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, thinking it rather obvious.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," says the warden as he motors away.

Can you please repeat that joke, this time in Yoruba language because i don't understand it

These people would want everything under the sun said in Yoruba. Hahh! What a people!!

1luvkipsus:


These people would want everything under the sun said in Yoruba. Hahh! What a people!!

Let us not talk about people here,let our contributions be on the jokes posted.
Thank you.

First joke was cool

Both jokes were very cool

first joke got me foflmao

lol

For those who never read this before

Keeping Up The Family Bond

An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."

"'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -- he orders only two beers. Word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all, "

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

really nice jokes lol

Funny tho

For those who never read this before

What A Pity?

An 80 year old man was having his annual check up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.
But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a
grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle, and do you know what happened?"
the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at, " replied the doctor.

What a pity, someone, somewhere has done the deeds

ok now

For those who never read this before

Alligagator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way,
but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature
and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts,
"Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

For those who never read this before

Our Son's Careers

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was
still unable to decide about his career path,  so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid,
hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a
priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son
arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against
the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.

Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room,
carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I ever imagined, "

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the concerned father.

GENERAL QUESTION
What do you think he is going to be?

lol

For those who never read this before

[size=15pt]Exciting Indian Ride[/size]

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.
An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop
so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing," shrugged the woman, " I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held
onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride unprotected, "

Ha, she must have felt like rewinding the scene.What a shame.
Anyway sha, very funny.

lol

For those who never read this before

[size=15pt]Trading Places[/size]

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he Prayed:

“Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen.”

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning,
sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:


“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. However, you’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You just got pregnant last night.”

For those who never read this before

[size=15pt]House On Fire[/size]

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.
Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog.
Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"

The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law."

For those who never read this before
 
[size=15pt]What A Response[/size]

My 7 yr old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I was recovering from surgery and spent most of the day in bed.
I told him the tv was my boyfriend, he entertained me all the time.

The tv set was old and would just shut itself off for no reason. I'd give it a few hard wacks on the side and it would come back on,
was no big deal to me.

The pastor stopped by to check on my recovery and my son answered the door. At that time I was trying to get the tv to come back on.
The pastor asked my son if I was busy. My little one said, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend".