Ok I don't even know where to start.last nite when I was about putting on my gen set it didn't come on.so I noticed their was a problem.I called my hubby by 6pm cos he was hanging out with his friends.I told him to come assist us since we were in darkness(was I wrong)he said ok but didn't return till 11pm.and when he returned he fixed it but I was already asleep and very upset with him because where he was wasn't far from the house.this morning I saw a condomn in hiS jean pocket he wore out last night.I asked him abt it and he said it has been in his car.I have been d one using d car since he wasn't in Nigeria for a short time and am very sure their was no condom in d car.we started arguing and he said I was interrogating him.he said going out with a condom is ths safest thing he can do for himself and then I said that means its ok for your wife to move out with it too abi.he got upset and started hitting me,flogging me with his belt and his shoe.now my point is since we got married this is the 4th time he has slapped me and the first he is beating me like this.he beat me up like a child even locking our room door .finally he hit my head on the stabilizer in our room.where did I go wrong.how can a man who claims he loves me so much beat me up such way.he said I talk to him like he is my houseboy.I don't see myself forgiving him and don't see myself having any intimacy with him either.the feelings I have for him keeps reducing.I really don't know what to do

I have to follow this.

alutacontinua: I have to follow this.

Me too

WOw!!!!*speechless*

I can't comment b'cos I'm not married but there is one thing I'm sure of, You were definitely not wrong...

Absolutely speechless, I don't even know what to say. You didn't do anything wrong o, your husband is a heartless being( I beg your pardon).

Mrs, as much as I do not support nor condone your husband's physical abuse, its important we understand the tone and manner with which you addressed him resulting to beating.

Any man that cannot think of any other solution in resolving issues with his wife other than beating is as good as being sent on a long journey in the prison. It is barbaric and crude. However, from your post, I can see that you are yet to master your husband in exploiting his weak avenue to come to compromise with you on issues. Yesterday was not the first time he beats you and may not be the last time if you keep using the same means of calling his attention to wrongs. In a situation like this, you adopt becoming a monkey to catch a monkey style. You alone understand your husband deeply. I know there is an appealing angle you can get him over to you.

Obviously, your husband do not believe he is doing a barbaric thing by beating you, there is no advice that can be given to him here. He is not even reading. The advice will be for you to not fuel anything that can raise his adrenalin to use force on you (your life is very very important) so swallow your pride and ego, resist argument leading to physical abuse with him for now. He needs psychological help and a brain reset about dealing with his wife. Get him help before he becomes a serial abuser.

Lastly, there is no way you refused to forgive someone and you think you can live in peace? It is not possible. Due to your accumulating hatred, whatever he does now will be shit to you and the resentment will only keep growing. Its not good for your health. Even if he changes, the seed of hatred and unforgiven heart to him you have will blind you to it. Find a place in your heart to forgive him and heal of the hurt, its the first step to restoration. Have you ever discussed this action of his with him?

bellong: Mrs, as much as I do not support nor condone your husband's physical abuse, its important we understand the tone and manner with which you addressed him resulting to beating.

Any man that cannot think of any other solution in resolving issues with his wife other than beating is as good as being sent on a long journey in the prison. It is barbaric and crude. However, from your post, I can see that you are yet to master your husband in exploiting his weak avenue to come to compromise with you on issues. Yesterday was not the first time he beats you and may not be the last time if you keep using the same means of calling his attention to wrongs. In a situation like this, you adopt becoming a monkey to catch a monkey style. You alone understand your husband deeply. I know there is an appealing angle you can get him over to you.

Obviously, your husband do not believe he is doing a barbaric thing by beating you, there is no advice that can be given to him here. He is not even reading. The advice will be for you to not fuel anything that can raise his adrenalin to use force on you (your life is very very important) so swallow your pride and ego, resist argument leading to physical abuse with him for now. He needs psychological help and a brain reset about dealing with his wife. Get him help before he becomes a serial abuser.

Lastly, there is no way you refused to forgive someone and you think you can live in peace? It is not possible. Due to your accumulating hatred, whatever he does now will be shit to you and the resentment will only keep growing. Its not good for your health. Even if he changes, the seed of hatred and unforgiven heart to him you have will blind you to it. Find a place in your heart to forgive him and heal of the hurt, its the first step to restoration. Have you ever discussed this action of his with him?

get him help, if she even suggests he needs help she will get another round of beating.Please OP didn't u notice this trait while dating him, sorry to say your husband is an animal, how on earth would someone use a stabilizer to hit another person, he could have killed you. Please get your act together and leave him !!

peggykorol: Ok I don't even know where to start.last nite when I was about putting on my gen set it didn't come on.so I noticed their was a problem.I called my hubby by 6pm cos he was hanging out with his friends.I told him to come assist us since we were in darkness(was I wrong)he said ok but didn't return till 11pm.and when he returned he fixed it but I was already asleep and very upset with him because where he was wasn't far from the house.this morning I saw a condomn in hiS jean pocket he wore out last night.I asked him abt it and he said it has been in his car.I have been d one using d car since he wasn't in Nigeria for a short time and am very sure their was no condom in d car.we started arguing and he said I was interrogating him.he said going out with a condom is ths safest thing he can do for himself and then I said that means its ok for your wife to move out with it too abi.he got upset and started hitting me,flogging me with his belt and his shoe.now my point is since we got married this is the 4th time he has slapped me and the first he is beating me like this.he beat me up like a child even locking our room door .finally he hit my head on the stabilizer in our room[b][/b].where did I go wrong.how can a man who claims he loves me so much beat me up such way.he said I talk to him like he is my houseboy.I don't see myself forgiving him and don't see myself having any intimacy with him either.the feelings I have for him keeps reducing.I really don't know what to do

, Madam, life has no duplicate o! Pls try as much as possible 2 avoid arguments with him, ur husband needs prayers. The problem is we women think we shouldnt pray 4 such things, but prayers work like magic. Also, if its getting too much just kindly leave and give urself some space b4 he kills u. Dont die in silence, marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.

steph7: get him help, if she even suggests he needs help she will get another round of beating.Please OP didn't u notice this trait while dating him, sorry to say your husband is an animal, how on earth would someone use a stabilizer to hit another person, he could have killed you. Please get your act together and leave him !!

Yes, she can help him get help. Its not compulsory she tells him directly to seek for help with his temperament. The man is her husband, she knows him better on how to tame him. She is yet to exploit her resources to that.

So, it is safe for him to go out with a condom but not safe for you ekwah? SMH. I really think it is high time I left this family section. The stories here are frightening to say the least. .

Madam ur life is in danger,beating u when u are right I bet u will be dead meat if u had been d one caught with a condom.go for counseling if possible involve ur parents u are cohabitting with a psycopath.he has no right whatsoever to raise his filthy hands on you*boiling with suppressed anger*

Madam, has he been beating you before marriage? What did you think a slap was going to degenerate to? A kiss? You have every right to be upset about finding a condom. he knew he has been exposed and was ashamed to admit his weakness to you. So he turned it to rough. Like my people will say, o da si rough ni. You have been collecting his slaps before. Why are you upset he beat you. Apples and oranges maybe?

I suppose you are still in his house while posting this,some things will never change until you force it to.If your strategy is fasting and praying alone without action,then you are on a long thing.

Single ladies shine your eyesooo!!!!madmen don full everywhere ooooo ! ! ! God save those that are yet to make a choice.

Chineke o I dont even know where to begin my advice.

No man should ever hit a woman let alone FLOG her. Hmmmm, your husband cheats ramdomly, became aggressive when caught and whipped your a...rse. Pele. I wont advise you to leave just yet cos he might still change. However, we both know that for as long as you express any form of displeasure with his behavior,you will get hit. Thus, here is what you should do, talk to him alone and through respected members of his family, get busy with your life, pretty up and learn karate for self defence. There is no point in you loosing your looks and some vital organs along side your self esteem. He will stop throwing the punches once he gets a black eye or two in the process.

Sorry dear, the Lord will look into your case.

What tone could I have used in asking?crying tone?I asked him simply by showing the CD.we were using condom before as I wasn't ready to get pregnant and then we stopped a month ago.now their are some.condoms left.why is he moving the remaining ones from one place to another if truly he wasn't using them with some girl.while dating no beating no matter the disagreement we had.it just started one day with a slap.now I know slaps don't lead to kisses but what should I have done then.my worry is this would continue to happen and I don't want such.I can't love someone who abuses me such way.for the times he slapped me he apologised some hours later saying he Won't do such again and he is so ashamed of himself.saying he has never hit a woman before and am the first blah blah...lastly he said I should stop talking to him like am his God/father.I just feel he is shying away from the truth.

He has progressed from slapping to beating you up. Now that he has tasted the full thing and has seen how it 'successfully controlled' the situation do you think he's going to stop now? Who stops doing something that's working? After beating you up, it sha stopped you from nagging right? Success!!

He slammed your head against the stabilizer and you don't know what to do? Ok o.

You were of course right to confront him when you found a condom, his reaction was because he had been caught. Please wake up and stop trying to find a way to blame yourself.

Yepa!

Stabiliser!

4th time..

Long distance again?

Ok o

May God help us all

Hope you guys dont have any child together yet

COs its better to start thinking of life after the marriage

The man already told you he is cheating and has no intention of stopping in addition he beats you anyhow

Next time your had hit the stabilizer it might lead to something else brain damage or death

So think this situation twice at this point what are you benefitting from the marriage

Exactly. He has already told you point blank that he is cheating on you and is completely unremorseful. Matter of fact, he believes you should be grateful to him that he's even using condoms. So he's going to continue cheating definitely. And to top it up, he will beat you mercilessly if you challenge him. Is this marriage?

If you are not pregnant, put your slippers on your head and flee for your life. It will only get worse. I sense you are a very mellow type of woman while he has always been in charge. Like he said, you talk to him like God/Father. So how dare you challenge God? As the woman, you set the pace in the relationship and subsequently the marriage. It is good to tell him before marriage what you will take and what you wont. So that if you are not his type, he can find someone who wont have a problem with being beat up. You obviously dont like the beating. But if you pretend to be a submissive wife, taking all sorts in relationship, but want to assert authority during marriage, then you are too late. It will be war, because he didnt marry an assertive person, or a person who will challenge his authority for a reason.

peggykorol: What tone could I have used in asking?crying tone?I asked him simply by showing the CD.we were using condom before as I wasn't ready to get pregnant and then we stopped a month ago.now their are some.condoms left.why is he moving the remaining ones from one place to another if truly he wasn't using them with some girl.while dating no beating no matter the disagreement we had.it just started one day with a slap.now I know slaps don't lead to kisses but what should I have done then.my worry is this would continue to happen and I don't want such.I can't love someone who abuses me such way.for the times he slapped me he apologised some hours later saying he Won't do such again and he is so ashamed of himself.saying he has never hit a woman before and am the first blah blah...lastly he said I should stop talking to him like am his God/father.I just feel he is shying away from the truth.

You are still speaking english. . Goodlucky

Exactly! Peggy, please file for separation. Violent marriage is very bad and no woman should stay in a marriage where she is being beaten (slapped, kicked, belt/shoe whipped, head knocking on walls/stabilizer). By now you should be at your parents home while searching for your own apartment.

ileobatojo: He has progressed from slapping to beating you up. Now that he has tasted the full thing and has seen how it 'successfully controlled' the situation do you think he's going to stop now? Who stops doing something that's working? After beating you up, it sha stopped you from nagging right? Success!!

He slammed your head against the stabilizer and you don't know what to do? Ok o.

You were of course right to confront him when you found a condom, his reaction was because he had been caught. Please wake up and stop trying to find a way to blame yourself.

The deed has been done.

From your post( reading between the lines) I know you truly LOVE YOUR MAN.

I don't subscribe to hubby hitting wifey but you need to know his "boiling point"

Aviod provoking him.

Don't beleive everything you read on NL or elsewhere, over 75% of Nigerian/african men won't mind beating-up their wife. They don't see anything wrong in it.

I know some people will call for man head.

If he is not naturally a voilent/cruel person, FORGIVE HIM if he is remorseful.

You know what I would have done? I would wait until he is fast asleep and then drop stabilizer on his head. I will take out all his belts and beat him very well. In fact, if I can tie him to the bed without waking up, I will. I will only stop when he is unconscious.
Then I take all my stuff and his for good measure and move out of his sad lonely life. Anuofia.

byvan: Single ladies shine your eyesooo!!!!madmen don full everywhere ooooo ! ! ! God save those that are yet to make a choice.

Nwanne kpesiere anyi ekpere ike o, egwu dikwa! Ihe nke a bu gini biko nu? Everyday ona afiotu, ndi luru di n'ebe, ndi na alubeghi ana ebe.

I don use akpuru achia wash my eyes o, make e clear well well.

May God help us!


@poster: I'm not qualified to advise you but I pray you get the best advice here. I also pray God grants you the courage to implement whatever decision you take no matter how drastic. All I can say is please take care of yourself, go see a doc and get some drugs, maybe pain relieve drugs. Ndo biko inugo?

peggykorol: Ok I don't even know where to start.last nite when I was about putting on my gen set it didn't come on.so I noticed their was a problem.I called my hubby by 6pm cos he was hanging out with his friends.I told him to come assist us since we were in darkness(was I wrong)he said ok but didn't return till 11pm.and when he returned he fixed it but I was already asleep and very upset with him because where he was wasn't far from the house.this morning I saw a condomn in hiS jean pocket he wore out last night.I asked him abt it and he said it has been in his car.I have been d one using d car since he wasn't in Nigeria for a short time and am very sure their was no condom in d car.we started arguing and he said I was interrogating him.he said going out with a condom is ths safest thing he can do for himself and then I said that means its ok for your wife to move out with it too abi.he got upset and started hitting me,flogging me with his belt and his shoe.now my point is since we got married this is the 4th time he has slapped me and the first he is beating me like this.he beat me up like a child even locking our room door .finally he hit my head on the stabilizer in our room.where did I go wrong.how can a man who claims he loves me so much beat me up such way.he said I talk to him like he is my houseboy.I don't see myself forgiving him and don't see myself having any intimacy with him either.the feelings I have for him keeps reducing.I really don't know what to do

So you should pet him on the back when you found the condom? My dear it will only get worse! He's just a wife beater and a cheating bastard! He's been cheating all these while and just want to use reverse psychology on you by saying you talk to him with disrespect. Who wouldn't? If he was the one that found the condom on you, would he have smiled at you with a hand shake? Brace up, coz u've seen nothing yet! Since you have found out the type of person he is, he will continue to use reverse psychology on you, so he would be seen as the victim.

Such person when the devil start tormenting their lives, they blame it on witches, forgetting they invited the ant infested firewood!
Grrrrrrr... I so feel like strangling him!!!

Sorry to hear you case. I think you both need to have an honest discussion with your husband, your family and his family. His behaviour cannot continue at all, this is because your life might be in danger. Problem is that he is not remorseful and may not know what he is doing is wrong. May be that was how his father always beat his mother so he may see it as normal. Someone in authority has to tell him what he is doing is wrong and he must stop.

If you were abroad I would just say call the police but we all know how Nigerian police are. You cannot continue suffering in silence and it seems you have no children yet. So please, you both need to come to terms with how you want you marriage to be going forward, but the excessive beating has to stop.

There are always to sides to the story so if you naturally have a sharp tonge then try and be more cautious the way you talk, having said that there is no justification for cheating on and beating you. None whatsoever! I wish both of you well.

ogoplus:
The deed has been done.

From your post( reading between the lines) I know you truly LOVE YOUR MAN.

I don't subscribe to hubby hitting wifey but you need to know his "boiling point"

Aviod provoking him.

Don't beleive everything you read on NL or elsewhere, over 75% of Nigerian/african men won't mind beating-up their wife. They don't see anything wrong in it.

I know some people will call for man head.

If he is not naturally a voilent/cruel person, FORGIVE HIM if he is remorseful.

Avoid provoking a supposed responsible married man she found a condom in his pocket? I can see how you intentionally avoided the condom part. Argggggggggggg! Why should the woman be at the receiving end?

He must have a BIG and SHARP pen-Knife!
You nefa tok true.
WHERE DID HE REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY BEAT YA?
C'mon. . .don be shy.
Some of us have been there you know. . .AND PLAN TO DIE THERE!
Amen!!!!

vivianc:

Nwanne kpesiere anyi ekpere ike o, egwu dikwa! Ihe nke a bu gini biko nu? Everyday ona afiotu, ndi luru di n'ebe, ndi na alubeghi ana ebe.

I don use akpuru achia wash my eyes o, make e clear well well.

May God help us!


@poster: I'm not qualified to advise you but I pray you get the best advice here. I also pray God grants you the courage to implement whatever decision you take no matter how drastic. All I can say is please take care of yourself, go see a doc and get some drugs, maybe pain relieve drugs. Ndo biko inugo?

Hahahaha, even when am here. Hmmmm

peggykorol: Ok I don't even know where to start.last nite when I was about putting on my gen set it didn't come on.so I noticed their was a problem.I called my hubby by 6pm cos he was hanging out with his friends.I told him to come assist us since we were in darkness(was I wrong)he said ok but didn't return till 11pm.and when he returned he fixed it but I was already asleep and very upset with him because where he was wasn't far from the house.this morning I saw a condomn in hiS jean pocket he wore out last night.I asked him abt it and he said it has been in his car.I have been d one using d car since he wasn't in Nigeria for a short time and am very sure their was no condom in d car.we started arguing and he said I was interrogating him.he said going out with a condom is ths safest thing he can do for himself and then I said that means its ok for your wife to move out with it too abi.he got upset and started hitting me,flogging me with his belt and his shoe.now my point is since we got married this is the 4th time he has slapped me and the first he is beating me like this.he beat me up like a child even locking our room door .finally he hit my head on the stabilizer in our room.where did I go wrong.how can a man who claims he loves me so much beat me up such way.he said I talk to him like he is my houseboy.I don't see myself forgiving him and don't see myself having any intimacy with him either.the feelings I have for him keeps reducing.I really don't know what to do

Just finished reading the thread, and this is my advice to you.

1) Don't walk out of the marriage as some has adviced, note that , No two marriages are the same . Marriages are mearnt for the two partners to work out there modalities.

2) Allow him , don't question him any longer. I believe everyone has a heart. He married you, there is something that he saw in you that made him leave his house and seek for your consent in marriage.

3) Always learn how to put your marriage in prayers, any time you are praying. Some woman out there want him, so you should use your spiritual warfare which is prayers, to fight back.

4) Any one here that is married that can own up and say that him or her partner hasn't quarrelled or attempted or fought before should say it here.

5) Try to know when he is upset, when he is, leave him and when he is in a more better mode, tell him what he is doing or what he has done which is wrong.

6) Don't involve friends to settle your marriage dispute, because your marriage would thrown out to people outside and they would use it to talk over.

Thanks.