A couple friend threw dis questn at me & asked them 2 giv me a little time 2 really think abt it.

D couple had waited 4 abt 3 yrs now, no child. D husband was diagnosed of havin zero sperm while d wife (stays more abroad than in Nigeria) hs growth of fibroid.

Pls help advise sensibly. Tks

They should go for proper adoption, not the miracle ones they get from okigwe etc. because before you know it na, they start singing God has perform miracle for us...I born triplet. Trust me, it will backfire.

As for IVF, they are above 40 yrs make dem no collect bad eggs and s perm wey go make the pikin get Down syndrome,
What we call i mbecile.

We have lots of kids that need to be loved.

I pray she does the right thing

I go with chillisauce, proper adoption is better, because with IVF, failure rate is high and Down syndrome can not be ruled out because of the age.
Goodluck to the couple.

adopt

chaircover: Sometimes in this life, you need to go through the "I have tried it" for you to be at peace with where you find yourself.

If they can afford it and the doctors assure them that it is possible, then they should go for it. If in the end it doesn't work then at least they know that they tried and they can go and sdopt.

I believe that doctors are professionals in their field and they will tell them if one, the man with the zero count can still produce sperm, two if the womans fibroids wont affect the pregnancy and three if these is a reasonable success rate bearing in mind the situation.

I am however surprised that it has taken them this long for them to even consider either of the 2 options above and even now they still dont know what to do and are relying on other peoples advise.

Oh come now CC!

Nor be Naija dem dey? The only place in the world where the "pastor's" say has more sway than medical science? Where rather than use their God given brains, they choose to follow the herd mentality and swallow gazillion bottles of olive oil, burn midnight candles and do all sort of unmentionables in the 'quest' for miracles.

No, at 42 and 43 respectively, they're still waiting on miracles. Don't discourage them from their chosen paths of blind-faith.

Chillisauce: They should go for proper adoption, not the miracle ones they get from okigwe etc. because before you know it na, they start singing God has perform miracle for us...I born triplet. Trust me, it will backfire.

As for IVF, they are above 40 yrs make dem no collect bad eggs and s perm wey go make the pikin get Down syndrome,
What we call i mbecile.

We have lots of kids that need to be loved.

I pray she does the right thing

A woman at 40 can have successful ivf treatment and give birth to health child(ren). Maria, jennifer, celine, infact many known and unknown women have gone tru such successfully.

how abt d cost and attendant consequences of each option? can we also throw some lights on dis?

Efemena_xy:

Oh come now CC!

Nor be Naija dem dey? The only place in the world where the "pastor's" say has more sway than medical science? Where rather than use their God given brains, they choose to follow the herd mentality and swallow gazillion bottles of olive oil, burn midnight candles and do all sort of unmentionables in the 'quest' for miracles.

No, at 42 and 43 respectively, they're still waiting on miracles. Don't discourage them from their chosen paths of blind-faith.

Funny, a few weeks ago I was questioning why a lady will be following her Mother in law to a church to drink Oil instead of going to a Doctor to know what is wrong I was called not in so many words an "unbeliever"
Well, instead of telling Nigerians the truth go and find out what is wrong and find a scietific medical solution God has availed while praying for success we say No be jumping to prayer houses and drinking concoctions.
They may have been sowing seeds and drinking oil all the while and have just recently wised up, what do you expect when people will steal babies, do IVF and come and lie in church that na man of god pray?https://www.nairaland.com/1388299/should-follow-church/1#17302823

When people like us talk they go say no be so, now after following pastor for years we are now asking what they have been doing all the while? Believing a lie we have so promoted na.

chaircover: I remember that thread and I was one of the people who advised that the woman should follow her own MIL to church as her MIL had requested and I clearly stated my reasons for saying so.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in going to church AS WELL as seeking medical treatment.

Seeking religious involvement actually does have its own advantages and it stirs up hope and gives you strength from within & sometimes when you are down it needs the word of God to reassure.

When I was ill some years ago, my pastor and his wife came and prayed with me and it helped me physiologically & it gave me strength and hope. When you are down, you are not on tip top form spiritually. There are some things that medicine just cannot touch.

Totally Totally different scenerios Madam.
You were sick
1. Did you go to the hospital and get diagonised?
2. Did you take the prescribed medical treatment?
3.The Pastor came to VISIT you AT HOME and It was YOUR Pastor
Or
1. Did you stay home and be guessing what is wrong
2. Did you start following someone to a church where they give oil to drink for the kind of sickness?

Nothing absolutely nothing wrong in faith, but not that one in the story.
The lady must have her own church and pastor, The Lady and her husband should get checked up know what is wrong and start doing what is prescribed not doing follow follow to oil drinking churches.

I back up everything with prayers but I don't fold my arms and alude everything to spirituality.

People should check their body, get medical scientific prove, apply medical advice stay in their churches and pray not jump all around and get in trouble as they always do.
I am sure if this couple open up and tell you how much they have "sown" in this their 10 year journey you will be stunned

chaircover: Debrief that lady never said that she hasn't gone via the medical route. You just assumed that.

If you read her past posts, this lady has a cordial relationship with her MIL

Lets look at individual cases on their merits and not just on a blanket basis. Everything isn't black and white, but in many cases its lots of shades of grey.

Abeg lets not derail this thread for the OP.

Madam leave derailment issue aside, you were the ones who asked what the couple were doing for 10years that they are just looking at realistic options and the answer is clear, they were going round pastor to pastor drinking oil as you had adviced someone else to do and as most Nigerians do.

Let's say the truth bare and pure abeg.
As I asked and will keep on asking, do these pastors have babies they keep somewhere and dash?
Must a Pastor pray for you to have "comfort"
Why did Christ die if we still insist on going to God through 3rd parties?

Anyway, Poster, Tell your friends to go and talk over with a Doctor who will give them realistic statistics on the possibility of IVF. They should also be financially and mentally prepared.

For future couples going through the same thing better go and check what is wrong do the medicals and pray, don't go jumping round paying for oil and drinking concoctions.
God gave us science to use for human advancement.
The same Pastors run abraod for medical treatment for common headache.

The Poster who was following to go and drink oil if you are reading this go and meet a Doctor before you spend all your money and come back when the condition is worse and you will be asked what you were doing all the while.

yellowpawpaw:

A woman at 40 can have successful ivf treatment and give birth to health child(ren). Maria, jennifer, celine, infact many known and unknown women have gone tru such successfully.

My dear, If I was 40 living in the west, I might try IVF, but if I was 40 living in Naija...I no try oh.

The risk involved even if it 30% risk, I no go.

Might get a good eggs and S perm but maybe one power failure through out the night fit make the egg sour and doctors no go know .

Forgive my ignorance, what am saying, I don't think we have arrived yet in sophisticated IVF facilities, environment, staff, power etc.
Considering the cost too, the trial and error methods, etc...
If you wanna go through that route, just know the consequences and try and be able to live by it.

Bank holiday Monday? What the heck is that cc ?

chaircover:

I find your comments quite distasteful but if I say anything now, you will take it personal & that is why I avoid having arguments with you, but this time you have really pushed it.

Show me where I said anyone should go from church to church drinking oil! Please quote and show me!!!!!!

Why dont you ever calm down, read the story well & understand it before furiously hitting your keyboard?
How many times have you jumped the gun hissing before you have to backtrack and apologize
Must everything be black and white?
Madam pls calm down o!

So follow my MIL to church now automatically means stealing babies and drinking oil? . . .in all churches?? Oh my word!!

By all means write your book/save the world or whatever you are doing, but I'm begging you dont rope people into it. Do not ever say what I never said. If you dont understand something then you ask!!! dont go tarnishing people all over the place.

Madam debrief, By all mean derail as much as you want, the floor is open . . .

Today is bank holiday Monday . . .no time ish

Lol, get on all you want, at least you said I apologise when I get it wrong.
Yes Churches are where most of these things happen, a lot of Nigerian Churches are middle men- Women for baby factories that is if the pastors are not even the baby producers themselves.
That is the reality.
People should stop following people around drinking oil.
Get realistic practical solutions and pray to God by themselves, Jesus died so we wouldn't need a third party, simple and plain.

Since the husband has zero sperm, if they decide to go the IVF route, they will need to use a donor sperm. And we know that IVF is not 100% successful. Save yourselves time, stress and money and just do a legal adoption.

Chilli,stop yabbin us, NEBO is working. Abi u still experience power shortage in ur area?

Anyway,I get ur point. U r right.

Ehen CC wetin be Bank Holiday day?

@poster, if they have the money to spare, let them try a brief while just to satisfy themselves that they tried their best to conceive their own genes. Couples in the 40s can bear healthy and normal kids. 43 and 42 is hardly health risk years yet but considering the fibroid issue with the wife, her chances are reduced. On the other hand, if they can afford it, let them also at thesame time try for adoption ( because I hear legal adoption is a long and tedious procedure and they dont want to start raising a baby when they are 50 and above.

They can start trying out the IVF and at the same time commence the adoption process (if they can afford it). The IVF may not work out due to their conditions. I wish them luck.

Fibroids don't keep you from getting pregnant. I'd use the $ for IVF, and hopefully it will work.

Adoption is NOT something to talk someone into. Either you are the adopting type or not.

It is not right to adopt a child who has already been separated from his/her family to serve

as a consolation prize to your infertility.

Adopted kids are really special need kids. They suffer profound losses, and are truly emotionally

different from biological kids born into their own families.

I think adoption is wonderful, but forcing someone to grow up in the dark, with closed and sealed

records, secrets and lies,no genetic mirroring and genetic bewilderment is just cruel and they stigma

tize the adoptee as some kind of dangerous underclass.

I know you'll find this difficult to understand but i don't think that adoption should be used

as a form of birth control, which it is, I also don't think that it should be used as a topic of conver-

-sation at a table, which it is.

Adopt if you can and have always been open to it. The pitter patter of a child in the home may make you both a bit relaxed on the issue, and truly prepare for the birth of a biological child. But by all means do the IVF as well. Please only adopt if you are capable of taking care of and loving the child better than your own.

Bottom line here is this:

This thread should serve as a lesson to those Palm-oil, Groundnut-oil, and Olive-oil drinking, midnight red-and-white-candle-burning couples looking for the fruit of the womb who choose to put their 'pastor' before medical science or research.

Use your God-given brains and think!

Shikena.