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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1488422 Views)
akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:12pm On Oct 10, 2013 |
1. She is not picking your calls right? Don't worry, send her a text saying "Honey have you seen the money?"... She will call back. 2. He is not picking your calls right? Don't worry, put his picture on your profile and write "I'll miss you, R.I.P boo"... He will call back as fast as he can, try it and see. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:53am On Oct 11, 2013 |
TEXT CHAT:: Boy: I'm coming to see you honey, I dont care about the high gas prices or nothing I'm coming no matter what. Girl: Awwww Okay I'm fine love, get ready baby Boy: I love you, I cant wait to see you...I'm getting ready to leave now Girl: Okay but hunny I'm on my periods, just letting you know incase.... Boy: My car just blew up, I cant come to see you ... Girl: Get your friend to take you, like he always does.... Boy: He got shot by armed robbers so i cant come, I'm sorry.. Girl: Oh never mind, I'm not on my periods. My panties are just looking too red... Boy: My friend has just been discharged from hospital and he has said he's okay, he's fine and he will take me now. I'm coming sweetheart Girl: Shit! I'm really on my periods...just did not notice the blood..... Boy: damn!!!!!!!, he has been shot again, i wont come!!!! 23 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:23pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Two friends smoked weed... One went behind a tree, removed all his clothes and came back to his friend naked! He stood in front of his friend and asked, "How do I look in my new suit?" The friend looked at him, smiled, took another puff and said, "You look so amazing in the suit but you put your tie below the waist instead of putting it on the neck!" 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:13pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Akpos who had been lying down in his sick bed at the hospital knew that he may not survive, so he called his wife on phone: Akpos: Hello honey. Wife: yes darling. Akpos: i have something to tell you before i die. Wife: What's that?. Akpos: When i die, i want you to marry Ofego. Wife: Which of the Ofego?. Akpos: Ofego of Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego. Wife: But Ofego of Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego is your enemy. Why do you want me to marry him?. Akpos: I want him to suffer what i suffered from you. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:17pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students this question: John if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? JOHN: "Just a minute, I have to go and pee." TEACHER: "That would be rude and impolite.How about you musa?" MUSA: "I'm sorry, I really need to go to the toilet." TEACHER: "That's better but still not nice to say the word toilet. Oh Akpos, how about you?" AKPOS: "Darling, may I be excused for a moment? I've got to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner." 14 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by chycoroxie(f): 9:48pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
A lady and Akpos were having drinks at the bar. Later that night the woman whispered to Akpos, "LET'S GO TO MY PLACE". So they left. At the woman's place they started kissing and undressing each other, then the lady whispered in the sexiest voice, "TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT U DO BEST" Akpos tied her on the bed and...and... ran away with her TV, Laptop, Blackberry, ipad and iphone. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by unique634(m): 6:34am On Oct 12, 2013 |
Oboy, na mtn d cause am oh[color=#000099][/color] 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:11am On Oct 12, 2013 |
Romantic Evening!!! Two Women chatting in office. Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours? Woman 2: It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep. How was yours ? Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale! At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: How was your evening ? Husband 2: Great... I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you ? Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!! Moral: Presentation does matter... No matter what the reality is. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 1:23pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
njuwo: Bill Gates organized an enormousthis one got me ROTFWL 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:39pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAS A TIME!!!!!!!!! Your friend graduated at 22, and at 25. You are still hustling to get the admission for the 1st degree! Calmdown!!!! Your Friend got a good job immediately after University, you are still hustling to get one even after MSc. #Calm down sweetheart!!! Your friends are getting married, and all the guys/ chics coming your way seem to want just fling, #Relax Dear! When your friends are getting things you think you deserve, do not despair, #remain focused. #LISTEN : Life isn't a race with sumone else, the 1st to DEPART is not always the 1st to ARRIVE. Life is about your own SAFETY, SUCCESS and HAPPINESS. Be Patient, Smart, Focused and God fearing. # God is Sovereign and his timing is always PERFECT and he makes it so Good. 21 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:13pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
A very ugly guy died and went to hell. He knocked on hell's gate. Devil asked; who is dat? He replied; it's me. Devil opened d door and was shocked to see d boy's ugliness and shouted; BLOOD OF JESUS! 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:07pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
FUNNY THINGS ABOUT NIGERIANS . We love arriving late to an occasion just because we feel others would arrive late too - AFRICAN TIME. We flash with private number. We are very loud especially when we are talking on the mobile phone. We wear sun glasses at night. We run in the rain even though we are already wet. We answer questions with questions. We always use 'o' at the end of everything. We call every elderly family friend uncle or aunty. Some of us will go to South Africa for one week and come back with American or British accent. Our parents like to sew uniformed outfits for us and our siblings for special occasions. We love to crush chicken bones and fish bones Calcium things Our mums especially would force us to eat even if we aren't hungry or when we're sick. We love to invite people to occasions someone else invited us to. If someone die in Nigeria, we don't believe it is natural Village must be involved. Our Mothers remind us they carried our pregnancy for nine month when we refuse to go on errands for them. We see u awake in the morning and ask u "u dont want to wake up?" These are what make us UNIQUE!!! 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:34pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the ass of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention." 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by scalpking: 9:35pm On Oct 13, 2013 |
GUYS THIS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH TILL YOUR STOMACH BURSTS EXTRA ORDINARY WORWOR>>>>http://www.nigerianrooster.com/index.php/en/ |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:30am On Oct 14, 2013 |
GUYS How guys ask for girls' number.... "Babygirl dis chat is getting boring here.are u on WHATSAPP?" How guys ask if girls have boyfriends.... "U really do look pretty.am sure your bf is lucky to have u.hope he has told u dis?" GIRLS... How girls ask for recharge card from boys... "Am really enjoying your chat dear cos u are so lovely.I would have loved to continue but my MB is almost finished.pls can you help me out?" How girls ask if guys have girlfriends... "Why would you say am lovely.abeg nor let your girlfriend beat me o." Hahahaha... Abi I lie? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:21am On Oct 14, 2013 |
A farmer caught Akpos in his garden, plucking and packing vegetables in a sack. FARMER: what the are u doing here? Akpos: A strong wind blew me here. FARMER: Then what are those vegetables doing in your hands? Akpos: I was holding unto them so the wind will not carry me any further. FARMER: OK! So why is that sack on your back? Akpos: That was what I was wondering before you came. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:21am On Oct 14, 2013 |
There is this girl I love so much but I still don't know why she won't talk to me anymore. It started like this: She posted on Facebook: "All men are dogs!" I commented: "Which breed is your father?" That's how the problem started. Please did I ask the wrong question? 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:36pm On Oct 14, 2013 |
A girl ran home with a 20 naira note and showed her mum. Her mum asked her; "how did u get it?" She replied; Bros Akpos dat lives down d street sat on a tree and told me to craw".. Her mother said; "why are u so foolish, dnt u knw dat he wants to see your pant".. The next day, she ran home with a 50 naira note and showed her mum. Her mum asked her where she got d money frm and she replied;"Bros Akpos dat is living down d street sat on a tree laughing and he told me to craw". Her mum said;"why did u do dat again, dnt u knw he wants to see ur pants".. She replied; "Mummy he thinks he is wise but dis time i removed my pant". 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:50pm On Oct 14, 2013 |
Who said english is simple? Read Sister Onome's testimony! "Praise thy Lord. Hmmm! It's not a small something. *Well, actually, it all started a two day ago, which I'm in my house. So a small hungry is catching me, so I look in the house, nothing much to chop only small plantain which I've not fried before.... So, I tell myself to fry it and chop, as I'm frying that plantain, so phone ringing, so I look, it's a faring place, so I now run, which I reach there, it's my father which call, so I now say: "Father call after, I is plantain frying." So I keep it. So now, I now turn around, as I turn round, all of a suddenly everywhere in my house have turn to smoke. Children of God as I'm approaching, smoke is bigging, smoke is just bigging and bigging. It's a fearing thing o! If it's you self, afraid will catch you. So I now call the name of Jesus three times. I shout Jesus Jesus Jesus! All of a miraculously, smoke start to be vanishing, to where? I no know. It's a miracle something o! Smoke start to disappearing small, small, small. Then, my plantain have burn to matches. Hallelujah...Pr aise thy Lord somebodies. But my main testimony today be say; I chop that charcoal and nothing is happen to me.! Praise thy Lord". 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:40pm On Oct 14, 2013 |
Akpos entered a bar, climbed the table and shouted "Who is the strongest here, show yourself" A huge guy stood and went straight to the table where Akpos was standing and said.... "Here i am, i am the strongest here" Akpos seeing the man, smiled and said..... "That's good! Pls come and help me push my car to the mechanic"! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:08pm On Oct 14, 2013 |
A famous inspirational speaker said: “Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.” Audience was in shock and silence. He added: “She was my mother.” (A big round of plause and laughter) A very daring husband tried to crack this at home. After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: “Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife” Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker… . . . By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water! Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste. 7 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:37am On Oct 15, 2013 |
AKPOS: Thieves broke into my house last night, searching for money. OCHUKO: What did u do?. AKPOS: I woke up and started searching with them hoping to fine money for my transport fare. 4 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:25am On Oct 16, 2013 |
Ochuko: Akpos, wasup? Akpos: I'm ok. Ochuko: Why are you dry like this? Akpos: My guy it is poverty. Ochuko: Poverty is a disease o! Well everything is in God's hand. Akpos: mehn! you are really looking good, what's the secret behind it? Ochuko: It is dream life o. Akpos: hmm..how? Ochuko: It is enjoyment in dream o.. Always enjoying life at Mr.Biggs. Akpos: ok i will try it..hope it'll be helpful. Ochuko: Make sure it is Mr.Biggs you go o. *Next Day* Ochuko: Wasup? that stuff really work, i can see your stomach has developed. Akpos: My guy i would have been dead by now if it wasn't for God. Ochuko: How?. Akpos: As i went to Mr.Biggs, i ate bread until the bread hang on my throat. As i woke up i realise my pillow case has nearly finish. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:17am On Oct 16, 2013 |
The Executives Of All Academic Staff Union of Universities Of Nigeria (ASUU) And Some Nigeria Universities' Lecturers Were Called For A Meeting In London. They All Met At The Muritala Mohammed International Airport Lagos. While They Were Seated And Relaxed In The Plane, They Were Informed That The Plane Was Built By Their Students And Was On It's First Experimental Trip. On hearing this, they all ran out of the plane, except one. He was asked why he was still on d plane and he replied; I know what i am teaching them, If This Plane Is Made By Our Students, It Will Not Start. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:30pm On Oct 16, 2013 |
Teacher - "We are the descendants of Adam and Eve." Akpos - "...Excuse me sir, but my dad says we are the decendants of ape." Teacher - "We are not talking about your family here". 3 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:19pm On Oct 16, 2013 |
Akpos was busy writing while the Teacher was talking. Teacher : Akpos what are you doing? Akpos : I am writing a letter. Teacher : To who? Akpors : To myself. Teacher : What's inside the Letter? Akpos : How the hell am I supposed to know, I haven't received it yet! 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:02pm On Oct 16, 2013 |
A kid went to the police to report about his lost bicycle. KID: My new bicycle has been stolen. POLICE: When did u notice? KID: This morning POLICE: Do you have a suspect? KID: Yes,my mum and dad. POLICE: why do u suspect them? KID: yesterday at midnight i heard mum say make it stand well so I can sit on it very well ' 'and dad said ''climb up fast before it falls . and mum said ''push slowly slowly don't hurt me....... POLICE: hahaha o boy na senior bicycle be that oo=D=)) 7 Likes 2 Shares |
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