you try as much as possible to avoid shouting at your partner, but sometimes you cant just help it. how do you reconcile after such big fight

Apologise. Simple. Then make up s3x

Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

^^^^ correct!

ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

You and kpekus, ehn.......
But you really made a lot of sense.

Charity begins at home they say. Treat people how you want to be treated.

All my yelling starts and ends on NL... Yeah I'm holier than thou in that aspect

ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

Respect!!!!!!

ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

hahaha, na wa o, some men have it good,

and me go keep malice for 3days all the please and petting will go on deaf ears.

i fit try ur system o, but i bet my hubby will think its a trap

Pls I also need help cos I don't know how to handle this and its ruining my relationships.

I'm not the yelling type and honestly I don't like to be yelled at, especially by a man. So depending on what he said to me while yelling, if they are really hurtful things then that ship has sailed. I might forgive but I find it difficult to reconcile cos i would always wonder how those hurtful things could come out of his heart and what more is in there.

Honestly, this has been my burden. The going will be so rosy but immediately the guy yells at me maybe with hurtful words, the next thing that will come outta my mouth will be "its over between us!" And that's it, it doesn't matter how long we have been together or how sweet he has been.

What if this happens when I get married? The sentence; "Its over between us!" comes out so freely from my mouth. I'm so scared of myself and the things I can do.

I don't know if the problem is from me or not cos we always think we have no flaws. So if there is any role I play in this I would love to start working on myself. But since I can't see it, I pray someone here can. Please help me ..................


Sorry Op for maybe hijacking your thread. Just that I have been struggling with this for sometime now and i'm too shy to create a thread for it. So please forgive me..........

I honestly can't process why someone needs to raise their voices at me before they're heard? I think it's a very bad manner and lack of home training. Maybe cos I work with mostly white people and has never in my entire life been yelled at from childhood , I will not tolerate any razzo / low class behaviour in the Real world or your arsè will be seriously whipped courtesy the boyz, (zero tolerance for rubbish )... It all ends here .

my kids startle when I blast loud music or cheering at games , they'll freeze and turn blue if they're being yelled at directly.

Viv... one thing is sure, you can't change anybody to what you want, your own man will come , please don't settle for what you can't cope with in the long run.
other good people will advice you on your other struggles.

bebe2:

hahaha, na wa o, some men have it cud,

and me go keep malice for 3days all the please and petting will go on deaf ears.

i fit try ur system o, but i bet my hubby will think its a trap

You sound like someone I know.

Not so cool behaviour.

Begging & yet ur apology is not accepted, big turn off.
I will just tell you off after a whole day.

Jide, I don't understand it too. If I wronged you I prefer you talk to me about it, I would apologise. You don't have to yell and in the process say hurtful things to me. I'm too sensitive and would keep processing the things you said to me in my head.

I also don't understand how someone would say he loves me today, and that same loving heart would say hurtful things towards me tomorrow.

I don't know, I guess there is a part of me that wished we could take it all back. Or maybe sad that things ended the way they did .............

And my mum thinks I have an intolerable heart, she said its not good for a woman. She says a man would definitely yell at you and say hurtful things to you that you would wish the ground would open up and swallow you, but its never enough reason to end the relationship.

vivianc:
What if this happens when I get married? The sentence; "Its over between us!" comes out so freely from my mouth. I'm so scared of myself and the things I can do.

I don't know if the problem is from me or not cos we always think we have no flaws. So if there is any role I play in this I would love to start working on myself. But since I can't see it, I pray someone here can. Please help me ..................


Sorry Op for maybe hijacking your thread. Just that I have been struggling with this for sometime now and i'm too shy to create a thread for it. So please forgive me..........

Vivianc,

Words are like eggs, when spoken it can't be taken back, hence u hold on to words more seriously than others....just like me. I don't believe people say things out of anger or unknowingly.....nope....its what they had always wanted to say to me & didn't have the courage until they reached a boiling point.

So, if you love that man dearly, and u believe two of you can work together to be one, sit him down & talk to him.
Let him know how hurtful his words are.
Let him realise you are getting to a point where u are considering saying goodbye to him for his hurtful outbursts.

A man who wants u for you will do something about it.

Its better for u than just saying Its Over after every yelling incidence.

Even after resolving the issue, Some words you say might be used against you later in the relationship.

Cheers!

vivianc:

I also don't understand how someone would say he loves me today, and that same loving heart would say hurtful things towards me tomorrow.

@the bolded...
Hmmm....I believe that too.

Seems you are the female version of me!!!

Shouting session with partner ke? After reconciling please try and read some anger management self help books.

I don't tolerate or won't have ANYONE talk less my partner shout me around or shouting around me so no SHOUTING sessions at all.

Never remember shouting on ourselves after these yrs, Don't even shout on kids either .

As per disagreeing on certain matters, annoying each other, I just frown my face and give him the one word sentences..yes, no, ok..
Even after apologizing, it takes a while before I digest it.

If I'm wrong, I apologize immediately and crack some jokes. Then rub his back for him.
That doesn't Mean we don't make reference to the past quarrel.

Vivi, sometimes ppl say things out of anger, when they apologize, you should tell if its from their heart, forgive and move on, also tell them how much it hurts you for them to never spill such on you again.
You are ok the way you are, if you wanna change ..,.then learn how to curse him too when he spill crap on you. Na gee gee .

I would go with the former.

As for me, I hv phobia 4 yelling, beating, shouting,cursing etc. We don't do such and I will never create room for them.

Vivi, I was a kind of hot tempered b4. Words and pride almost caused me my lv life. Can't tolerate a guy that does the above cause, he wouldn't like to c my reaction when such happens.
What did I do, stayed clear from such guys. No matter d lv, I c a sign that will make me flare up, I don run.
Circumstance made me start flaring up and I never liked it. So I choose wisely.
I pray u will do d same. I tell u, it will help subdue that proud spirit. There is no gain in it except hurt and regrets afterwards.
Not for once hv I raised my voice on my patner since we met.

Royal Roy:

You sound like someone I know.

Not so cool behaviour.

Begging & yet ur apology is not accepted, big turn off.
I will just tell you off after a whole day.

I know its wrong, its one of my prayer points, I just pray for the spirit of forgiveness. Am not like dat with friends o, just my poor hubby.

But am alot better now, compared to 10yrs ago dnt know why he stayed wit me.

Learn every day

bebe2:

I know its wrong, its one of my prayer points, I just pray for the spirit of forgiveness. Am not like dat with friends o, just my poor hubby.

But am alot better now, compared to 10yrs ago dnt know why he stayed wit me.

Learn every day

Good One.

You will get there.

Cheers

yellowpawpaw... please i need classes on how to handle pride and a quick temper. i also have a fast tongue too... i promise myself everyday i wunt flare upp and raise my voice... but i just dont know how...

Hmmmmm...... where do i start from Ok.

My husband yells at me o just to drive home his point but says thats how his voice is naturally.

The things he says to me makes me wonder why he married me in the first place. Its only twice that i have yelled back at him! Most times,i just count from 10 to 1 in my head to ensure i don't say a word to him. I just focus my attention on something else and shut down my ears to his raves and rants.
He does not apologise after yelling at me and cursing me out o.

But when I'm wrong,i just kneel (not always,sometimes i stand too)beside him and say baby,I'm sorry.pls forgive me.it won't happen again.then proceed to give him a foot massage and of course #the lights go off afterwards#

But if na him o,hmm no apologies o. But i still forgive him.it doesn't matter. I love him right

[quote author=kreami diva]Hmmmmm...... where do i start from Ok.

My husband yells at me o just to drive home his point but says thats how his voice is naturally.

The things he says to me makes me wonder why he married me in the first place. Its only twice that i have yelled back at him! Most times,i just count from 10 to 1 in my head to ensure i don't say a word to him. I just focus my attention on something else and shut down my ears to his raves and rants.
He does not apologise after yelling at me and cursing me out o.

But when I'm wrong,i just kneel (not always,sometimes i stand too)beside him and say baby,I'm sorry.pls forgive me.it won't happen again.then proceed to give him a foot massage and of course #the lights go off afterwards#

But if na him o,hmm no apologies o. But i still forgive him.it doesn't matter. I love him right

That seems such an unfair situation..are u sure you love him? I think you are doubting it in your heart. Sorry for you , hope some good changes come about. Perhaps you can talk to him how you feel about this issue. Raising ones voice to the partners isnt a sign of respect at all

kreami diva: Hmmmmm...... where do i start from Ok.

My husband yells at me o just to drive home his point but says thats how his voice is naturally.

The things he says to me makes me wonder why he married me in the first place. Its only twice that i have yelled back at him! Most times,i just count from 10 to 1 in my head to ensure i don't say a word to him. I just focus my attention on something else and shut down my ears to his raves and rants.
He does not apologise after yelling at me and cursing me out o.

But when I'm wrong,i just kneel (not always,sometimes i stand too)beside him and say baby,I'm sorry.pls forgive me.it won't happen again.then proceed to give him a foot massage and of course #the lights go off afterwards#

But if na him o,hmm no apologies o. But i still forgive him.it doesn't matter. I love him right

does he ever say sorry even when its obvious that he is wrong?

vivianc: Jide, I don't understand it too. If I wronged you I prefer you talk to me about it, I would apologise. You don't have to yell and in the process say hurtful things to me. I'm too sensitive and would keep processing the things you said to me in my head.

I also don't understand how someone would say he loves me today, and that same loving heart would say hurtful things towards me tomorrow.

I don't know, I guess there is a part of me that wished we could take it all back. Or maybe sad that things ended the way they did .............

And my mum thinks I have an intolerable heart, she said its not good for a woman. She says a man would definitely yell at you and say hurtful things to you that you would wish the ground would open up and swallow you, but its never enough reason to end the relationship.

Have you ever been angry and said very bad things before Or better still thought of it?

veave: yellowpawpaw... please i need classes on how to handle pride and a quick temper. i also have a fast tongue too... i promise myself everyday i wunt flare upp and raise my voice... but i just dont know how...

Dear, its in u. If u want to curb pride and quick temper,u can do it. Nobody was born with such. Its the environment we find ourselves in that moulded us to what we r and we accepted that as normal.
Look at those around u, like beget like.
Eg nl family section, if u hv d time check out various posters and whom they attract.
Having a r/ship with someone that is like u will worsen it. U need d opposite.
Involve urself into humanitarian work.
It humbles pple. One of my friend is very very proud with sassy mouth. She wouldn't allow u to even talk. I quietly withdrew myself.
Also learn how to walk away. It might be rude but its better to walk away than spew rubbish from ur mouth.
Practice with nairaland if u hv d time. It might look funny but this is one training ground for many. Eg, ur post might attract negative comments. Out of anger u might want to lash out. After typing, pause and read then delete or leave d typed whatever and go,come back later and delete it. U will feel so happy within.
As u r advising somebody, u r equally advising urself in any post. it gives joy and makes u want to improve more unknowingly.
Check ur background and know if there r some diggin to do.
At times its good to deny ourselves some certain things u know.humbles us.
Look at life differently.
I made friends with d elderly and wise ones. Learnt a lot from them.
In ur r/ship, always look out for the other party. If u feel tensed up about something,don't wait,u can ping d person,then talk about it later.
Always know that we r very imperfect including u.
Take each day as it comes. No too much expectations from anybody.
And on and on........


I don't even know if I make sense.
(Muah)

miqos02: does he ever say sorry even when its obvious that he is wrong?

My dear, some pple r damn to proud to say sorry. Rather they will try to justify calling black red with senseless arguments. For peace to reign, u will end up saying u r sorry.
But for how long?

Aluta, its not all men. Some will never ever raise their voice to a cat not to talk of human.

I have never actually been in a shouting session. So I am here to learn for future instances.

[size=25pt]we always sort it out late hourS in the night on the same bed[/size]

Saying "am sorry" solves the problem.