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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session (29499 Views)
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Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by ceaser: 6:58am On Sep 22, 2013 |
carefreewannabe: From my experience: To be ignored out of anger CAN be worse than to be yelled at. Now that's another twist to this issue. And your observation just might be right. I think it pains me more to be ignored than yelled at. Deep down, I'd want some form of conversation with my spouse (I can't go gisting with another person nau) and ignoring me would break me more. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by passionate88: 7:09am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Bunchers stab: dis 1 don change guys tireNo b lie o, guys go just dey pyto her dn later na shout dm go shout she go jst end d relationship. That type na im sm guys dey find |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 7:23am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls? |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by passionate88: 7:55am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Mz Vox: Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls?walkaway, d guy dey behave like small pikin. Or na him dey do things for u?.na him dey feed una for house? |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 8:12am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Blackgold09: ogar marry dat ur babe na[color=#000099] i no even get babe sef |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by greedie1(f): 8:30am On Sep 22, 2013 |
simdam500: Would just sit, stare and watch u yellme too.....i have grown to a point where harsh words don't hurt me. you hurl them, they bounce off, you exert your energy for naught.our elders say silence is golden, i concur. when you remain unprovoked, they will be forced to shut up. on very rare occasions when i decide to shout back, ewo!!!! shock no go gree him talk again, he ll switch to ' swt, its ok, im sorry, e don do, im sorry pls' lol he stopped a long time ago sha cz he knows that if he yells, he is on his own. me thinks not shouting back is the best cure for a shouting partner and more painful too |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by ceaser: 8:57am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Mz Vox: Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls? That means when you two are married and have misunderstandings, he'll bad-mouth you to his friends, your families and his families just so to garner sympathy to his side. It's unhealthy, cos when a third party has to always settle the most trivial of problems in relationships, it's a sign that both couples are either immature or not ready to stay together in the first place. So if he refuses to change, I advice you reconsider your stand. Reporting to in-laws just on trivial disagreements, haba! That's too much nau. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Konnektions146(m): 9:11am On Sep 22, 2013 |
misunderstanding is always the father of quarrel which in some cases turn to yelling, @op, i am a guy but i found that that if u really care abt your partner and yur happiness which i value a lot, try learn how to apologise. it has a way of solving isssues as quickly as possible. you can as well keep quiet as she yells and at the end yu make her look stoopeed and after the session u act as if nothin happened, @veave, arcbabe et al, i believe yu ladies are quite young and really are feeling good abt your lives now, but let me tell u, knowing wen to apologise is a clearly a matured acts and not for kids. now lets check, u have a guy, yu re dating him, he knows u in and out, and u guys seem ok, all of a sudden u mess up, u fail to apologise and he thinks yu are annoying and proud, he talks to a friend about it and dey condemn ur actions, my dear, that relationship is goimg( abeg who loose?) believe it or not yu need him as much as he needs yu but the issue is that wen u fail to understand u need to apologise, u keep changing men and its not good for a lady as u will even drive away some cool guy that would ve been yur best. please ladies, change yur mindset, guy have seen all abt ladies....no one if thinkin u re cheap or valueless, just be realist cos if u dont, age will teach u the hard way. @vivianc, as lastpage said earlier, avoid saying that "its over", learn how to absord words, learn to forgive, learn to undertsand----i bet yu re not happi abt this, all de guys yu broke up with, some are married now and u are not, some met ladies who tolerate dem and make de best out of dem cos u did not. decide on what u want and be patient. forgiveness is a virtue, 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Cestmoi1(f): 9:26am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Though i'm still single,I have a bad temper wen i'm angry but i don't yell.So,i pass out my message across to him without mincing words,he will just keep quiet.I can't stand keeping malice for long,i ruminate on anything i've said for some minutes,apologize to him,smother him with kisses and tickle and hug him,he'll resist for a while bt give up after sometime,laugh out loud and say....'wahala e ti poju',we'll then discuss my bone of contention,apologize to each other this time and hug and exchange the I love u words.C'est fini. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by volcanoash(f): 9:31am On Sep 22, 2013 |
ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" . fine |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Rubyventures: 10:21am On Sep 22, 2013 |
soledadd: Couples differ in ways of settling quarrels. And its better one finds a way suitable for ones spouse so that issues may not escalat. My own i think may be different. And if applied by another may not work but it has been workng for us. Initially i usually appologise, but hubby sees it as if because i find it easy to render appology it makes me to always be misbehaving then if i appologise it does'nt seem to go down well with him. Again in our case there is nothing like one partner shouting to the other, because if i shout he would shout back and if he shouts i will fire back immediately saying everything i need to say before it becomes too late. At the end we would have quarrelled. No matter what after that we give ourselves some space for one or two hours. Then we would forget everyting and start conversing again as if nothing happened. After the quarrel, from what we voiced out each person will make amendment towards the others grieviances and we move on. No appologies no regrets from any side and no one is expecting appology. Its from quarelling that we reshape our behaviours to suit ourselves. @soledad this works for me and my other half too. You put it down exactly word for word. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by aijaydiva(f): 11:29am On Sep 22, 2013 |
Although im not married, but if i wrong my boyfriend i apologize to him. But he has d habit of either ignoring my apology or blaming me the more when i apologize. So these days, i just apologise and leave him. Never knew it wld work. Now if he does d same, after sometime he'd come and apologise to me for ignoring my apology. one thing i've learnt; things cant always be rosy. Sometimes Wen u come across some unwanted situations, instead of quitting, device new means to curb d situation especially wen u understand wat works 4 ur partner. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by EdDave(m): 11:55am On Sep 22, 2013 |
I can never be with someone who yells. How do you find your way to my heart? That's why I m attracted to cool and mature ladies. There will be disagreements but we are supposed to talk and not shout. We are not kids for Gods sake. I dated a girl once; very pretty and quiet. All was rosy, until my company hit d rocks. It was so bad I didn't even have credit to call. All my friends kept calling to sympathise; all except my 'baby'. After 2 weeks of no contact, She called me and started yelling. So u can't even load N100 to call me?. I was flabbergasted. When I tried to explain, it was like fuel on fire. I reacted too. When I discovered I was yelling too, I cut the call and apologised some days later when I could recharge. She apologised too. Then it began. The series of her yelling and me apologising. If she misses our appointment, I should understand. If I do, yelling begins, for peace sake, I apologise. If She calls me, her 1st words ll be 'You are not calling me ba?' When i call, the 1st tin i hear is ' So you decided to call today'. it dont matter weda i called just yestday. I normally don't take that crap. Dont know why I allowed this go on for 6months. One day, as I was apologizing, my credit ran out. I bought to reload. then I changed my mind and sent an sms breaking up wit her. The foolish girl thought I was joking and replied me telling me to go away. Called me the next day, I no pick. I didn't pick her calls for the next 12months. Sms full ground. She beg tire. If u want to turn me off, just nag or yell at me once and I promise you, we ll neva be the way we used to. Yelling is very unnecessary. If I m ready for us to talk it out, why can't you? |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Rejoice5000(f): 1:05pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
[quote author=ifyalways]Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" . Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus. There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven. [/quote] hahahahahahaha nice one but funny through. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by easydoesit24(m): 1:30pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
bebe2:lolz try it 1ce or twice nd he will get 2knw dat u r nw more mature dan b4 u knw time define maturity |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by obayaya(m): 1:56pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
Mz Vox: Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls? run..... 3 is crowd... even if it's your mum |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by bolagabriella: 2:16pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
In my home,yelling is a normal thing to both my folks but I hate it so I curbed myself...and I always walk away whenever they yell at me then I start singing or listen to either a love song or gospel song.I hate yelling,I've never yelled to anyone in my life except once at my mom,even when I was about to break-up with my ex,I never yelled just talk.communication make or mar a relationship and to me communication means us (me and my bf or spouse) sitting down and trashing issues out one by one and I love doing this on bed,just the two of us lying down and saying what's on our mind.it helps us to both listen and pass our message across.when you yell,to me you are just talking but you don't want to hear/listen and communication is not a one way thing but a two way thing,so you should always talk to your spouse not yell and listen more than you talk cos I believe there's a reason for everything.the reason why your spouse did what caused the yelling,to him or her might be justified when he or she was doing it but to you,it might not be.so try to listen to his or her thought/reasons then you correct them in a way that they themselves will see the faults in their actions. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by veave(f): 2:24pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
Mz Vox... please run very fast without looking back. A man with a leaking tongue is worse than hell fire... @All... thanks for the advice, goin to work on monday to turn a new leaf. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by derrygee(f): 5:44pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
I remembered when we first got married,each time my hubby yells at me,saying hurtful words to me i would start crying like a baby.But now av grown a thick skin,I no send again.I think that what makes me strong. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by chisombond(f): 9:20pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
You make so much sense. yellowpawpaw: |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by slimzey: 11:17pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
He only raises voice when he is pushed so hard. And den I end up saying sowi but he won't stop making reference to old issue and DT annoys me a lot. But if he is wrong I don't raise voice @ him except when very necessary. He recently learnt the am sowi tins. He hates its when i turn my back @ him so he takes dt as an opportunity to give me a good massage dt turns out usually the best. . . |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by bourbon(m): 3:09am On Sep 23, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:u're mawte&so on point |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 7:19am On Sep 23, 2013 |
ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" . |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 7:21am On Sep 23, 2013 |
So if itd every every 30mins the episode comes up u wuld be givin kpecus every 30mins. Smhu |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Ngokafor(f): 8:06am On Sep 23, 2013 |
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Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 8:59am On Sep 23, 2013 |
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Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by swagqueen(f): 10:05am On Sep 23, 2013 |
Mz Vox: Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls? This is the profile a wife batterer. I suggest you visit the thread for abused women. Their fiances started like that. Please watch it and if possible,quit the engagement now. When he marries you,he will have complete control over you and start assaulting you. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by Nobody: 10:12am On Sep 23, 2013 |
Mz Vox: Dunno wia 2 start frm bt I gat 2 start frm somewia, my Fiance is such a guy that talks a lot, any course of misunderstandin btwn us, he starts yellin, d nxt fin I see him is reportin me 2 factually every member of my family, and even went 2 d extent of leakin out my secret 2 ma mum in which I neva expected frm him... But he later comes bck apologisin.. His behaviours always startles me, wat amai gonna do abt it pls? Mz Vox, Swag queen is right. What you should do about it is leave that relationship asap. He is an abuser and won't change so no need wasting time hoping for that. If you make the mistake of marrying him, you can be about 100% sure that he will beat you when you get married. You need to escape now before it's too late. Here's the link to the thread swag queen's talking about. https://www.nairaland.com/1444825/abused-wives-girlfriends-only/19 |
Re: How Do You Reconcile With Your Partner After A Shouting Session by chupcake(m): 10:18am On Sep 23, 2013 |
Maybe cos of the way I was brought up, I don't believe yelling at anything is the way to go. I grew up with a dad that cannot pass a point across without yelling or beating the hell outta you (He's got his strong points tho, caring to a fault). My primay goal in life is to be a better husband and a better father than he was and I guess I know firsthand what yelling does so I don't do it. I am not married but I had a live-in GF for a couple of months. She's also the type that yells. Most times I just shut up and watch and when she's done, I go ahead and ignore her for the whole day and when it's time to sleep (we made it like we always sleep on the bed together and always fall asleep in each other's arms no matter how bad it is) so most quarells don't last till the next day. If you don't stay together, just cool off, analyze and always apologize even if you aren't at fault.. I found out doing this won't make your partner feel bad about themselves. |
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