Fellow nairalanders, I have a sister who has been in a distance relationship for some times. The guy in question lives and works in UK.
Recently, he pesters my sister to come on a visit in UK (hoping this may culminate into asking her hand in marriage).
Her question is, should she agree to come and should she ask for Visa and flight ticket fees??
Reasonable and sincere response please.

Has she asked him why he can't come to pay her a visit first?

The guy in question is a social worker. He said he is very busy till February next year but that my sister should come.

Is your sister a regular UK visitor?

Can she afford it?

Is SHE comfortable with the idea?

Have they met before or just e-romance play play?

@jay bee.
The duo knew each other in Nigeria years ago.
She can afford paying for the journey. But is it reasonable to expect the UK guy to pay?

bayooz: @jay bee.
The duo knew each other in Nigeria years ago.
She can afford paying for the journey. But is it reasonable to expect the UK guy to pay?

There is no right or wrong answer simply because circumstances are/can be different.

For all we know, the dude might be struggling in the UK whereas money ain't necessarily an issue for your sister. As a couple, they ought to be able to decide these things without outside interference.

Heck, people in relationships should always have frank/open/honest conversations with one another. If she wants him to pay then she should ask him. I just don't like the idea of having expectations or making assumptions/conclusions based on what society perceives as "the so called right thing to do"

chaircover:

just saw your response.

Personally I think they he should pay at least 50% and bearing in mind that he is the one inviting her over, he should even pay more than 50%. She of course needs to respect herself and put something tangible down too.

Would you also advocate that the woman contribute 50% if she was the one doing the inviting?

I honestly believe there is no right or wrong decision on this!

If the guy is reasonable enough, he should pay for the ticket since he invited her of his own free will.

Your sister on the other hand can afford the ticket on her own, which makes it a case of do as ur mind tells you.

If I were in your sister's shoes, I will do this

"Honey, am almost rounding up all necessary preparations, got my documents intact, some nice evening wears & I got a sack of Ijebu garri for you too, it only remains the air ticket now"

The man should be able to say categorically at this point if he will help her out with it or not.

chaircover: He is the one doing the inviting and he would have gone to Nigeria himself if not because he cant give up work, in which case he would have paid 100% towards his ticket . . .not so

This is where the differences in roles of the different sexes in relationships comes in.

In the early days, It is not unusual for the guy to do all the chasing and wooing. Many times when a man invites a lady out for lunch, he pays . . . . . . let just see this situation as the guy inviting his babe out

I'm actually not trying to comment based on this circumstance alone hence my issue with the expectation angle.

I've read somewhere on this same NL where some girls expect their respective bf's to pay for transport fee (A-->B B-->A vice versa) all because he asked them to come visit. This shouldn't be the norm and if we are trying to move women away from over relying on their bf's then they better start wearing the independent women tag a bit more.

@op you say he pesters her to visit him in the UK right?....well i am inclined to think it would make more sense if he makes arrangements for her tickets as well so that at least she wont have any excuse to stall any further.....

...it's not enough to fold his arms waiting for a visit while she's saddled with the fianancial implicatiion cos obviously it's not chicken change for her hence the question...

..that being said,it might be a bit awkward asking outrighly for money for tickets but she can start by saying'sweetheart, i cant wait for us to be together but am kind of down financially so what are we going to do about my tickets and all...


..*me no dey for all that osho free moves sha*...

Ngokafor:
..*me no dey for all that osho free moves sha*...

...

Hehehe....you would call funding yourself to go see your boyfriend/husband Osho free moves?

No, she should fund for her trip herself. If he is a good man with head on his shoulder, he will refund her the money when she arrives, like a card with check to cover the trip with "Baby, don't open till you get to Nigeria"

Royal Roy:

Hehehe....you would call funding yourself to go see your boyfriend/husband Osho free moves?

....okay maybe that was lame, but i cant imagine my Fiance inviting me over to the UK to be with him and then keeps mute over subsequent arrangements regardless of whether i have a job or not .It doesnt sit well with me am sorry...

Me I no dey go. Ticket money pls!
Uk no be abuja or lagos.

If he is struggling to make ends meet, he should come home let's hussle together.

This is how e dey take start. From ticket money to sponsoring d wedding to........

yellowpawpaw: Me I no dey go. Ticket money pls!
Uk no be abuja or lagos.

If he is struggling to make ends meet, he should come home let's hussle together.

This is how e dey take start. From ticket money to sponsoring d wedding to........

..like seriously!...all in the name of not being 'materialistic',na waoo!..

she should pay for the visa fees and ask for ticket money by dropping hints about the ticket cost.abeg he should contribute something substantial cos guys can be funny.If she foots it all alone this time,theres no saying he wont take advantage of that and play dumb next time.Even if he isnt making much in the UK,he gats to contribute something.

No self respecting man would ask a woman to come visit without thinking of funding it fully. He should not just fund it but give her a swell time. It is bad enough that a man would not make time out and come himself, busy or not.
That man should be studied very well. Too many broke dudes waiting to exploit hardworking babes. My sincere advice is your sister should wait till Feb when he is less busy so he can come himself. She should not seem desperate for marriage. Na dat kind thing dey cause see finish.

bayooz: The guy in question is a social worker. He said he is very busy till February next year but that my sister should come.

I cannot give a definite answer but I will say the girl should not ask. If she has the capacity to fund the trip without stress, let her go ahead to do it without asking for the ticket. I expect a reasonable person who invited someone over to discuss about the funding for the trip.

If on the completion of the journey, the guy didn't say anything about how flight ticket or visa processing fee, she should count her cost and move on. Forget the guy and look for more responsible fellow. Meanwhile, whenever she is ready to visit, let her cruise the town to enjoy her self funded trip.

Godspeed and goodspeed...

This is not as difficult as you are making it sound. OP said the guy invited her, so the guy should make arrangements for her stay in the UK. OP, tell your sister not to ask for any money neither should she offer to pay. She should just ask her boyfriend what the process of coming over is and what arrangements he has made. Even if she knows the process, she should just pretend as if she doesnt, so that the guy will come out with his plan.

He will need to send her a letter of invitation to the embassy and a copy of his passport and bank statements for the visa application. If possible she can let him decide the length of visa she should apply for - which determines the visa cost and also what airline to fly. She is the guest so she should let the host take the lead. As the discussions happen, he would let her know whether or not he intends paying for the trip and she can then decide what to do. But I will suggest she should not ask for the money neither should she offer to pay. All she need do is put him in the driving seat and the rest will happen.

Why are you guys trying to be economical with the question 'who is going to pay for the trip?' Lol
I hope they've passed the dating phase and are actually in a serious relationship. If they are in a serious relationship then the girl should ask him point blank who is going to pay for the trip? His response will determine if he is a serious person or not.

stillwater: Why are you guys trying to be economical with the question 'who is going to pay for the trip?' Lol
I hope they've passed the dating phase and are actually in a serious relationship. If they are in a serious relationship then the girl should ask him point blank who is going to pay for the trip? His response will determine if he is a serious person or not.

What if he can't afford it but she can, would that make him a not so serious person?

jay bee:
What if he can't afford it but she can, would that make him a not so serious person?

So he knew he cannot afford it and he's berating her to come?

stillwater:

So he knew he cannot afford it and he's berating her to come?

smarty pants

If it was the girl who said she wanted to see him, Does she also pay the fares?

All these I never chop mentality among naija babes sha.

dayokanu: If it was the girl who said she wanted to see him, Does she also pay the fares?

All these I never chop mentality among naija babes sha.

The OP's Sis should just see it as a vacation and pay for the trip or split the costs 70/30, 80/20. Let us stop being leeches gehs.

Doesnt the op's sis want to see her man too? Why is it one-sided?

Na wa!

jay bee:
smarty pants

Seriously both of them should lay their finances out to each other if this is a serious relationship. There's nothing to hide. The girl should stop dilly dallying. You said I should come, ok, you know that costs money right? So what are we going to do about the cost? Then plan from there.