I dated a girl for 2 years plus without s.ex and I did all I could to show how much I really loved her. I am a very gentle guy, actually an introvert in a way.

In those days, I cherised and respected women, ladies and girls as I held them in high esteem. I was perfect loving and caring kind of guy who would/could do anything for a lady I really loved.

I would give this girl money without thinking about it, I would call her so often, write her poems.

While she would hardly allow me to kiss, let alone se.x. I didn't burdge or consider it a big deal.

It so happened that everything I did became bad that I irritated her. She gets angry and despite I not having fault at all, I would still be the one to beg her, but she would fume for so long; sometimes it could take 2days to beg her.

And then came a dude into the picture. I later realised she was acting this way because of the dude. She became an emotional manipulator such that she only calls or send me a call-me-back text when SHE needs money.

It would be something like: 'baby, I am missing you' and after a day, she would call me to say she is broke. I would send her money but at that time I was a student and wasn't working. I can't imagine how many times I sent this girl money out of love I had for her. Not because I am rich and I know how often I deprived myself of good things I could have enriched myself with.

It happened that I lost a parent but she never came for the burial. A day to the burial she requested I should buy her a phone but never asked me for money to come for the burial. Apart from the day of demise, she never called me except I called her, I don't get to hear from her.

It was during this time I found out she was dating another dude, which she denied initially. I would call her and she would terminate the call while talking to this dude at night. This went on for months.

There was a time she asked me for airtime only for her to use it to call this dude at night. I knew she would be on phone that night and so I rang her and truly, she was. The next day I was at her house and I saw series of text the dude sent to her. I went to her sent messages and saw what she sent in return... When I confronted her she, she gave a flimsy excuse which prompted me to take the number from her phone. I called the dude and confirmed they were dating... I guessed he sensed it and called her.

Guess what? She called me, infact that was the longest calls I ever got from her. And instead of begging she was insulting me. She went as far as saying, if I met the guy in person do I think I can stand him or have the guts to look at him in eyes, let alone ask questions?

Damn! She was rather defending him than begging me.

Later she told me she wont be seeing him again and we made up. A few weeks later, I saw her email to the dude... While coming from the bank where I had gone to send her money AGAIN!

I asked her and she denied.

Well, we I still ignored and went on. However since I lost a parent, I couldn't keep up with financial demands. Things nose-dived such that we were "grounded to halt".

In the middle of all this, she dropped the bomb-shell that the dude had se.x with her while I was still mourning because it was still fresh. She pleaded and claimed it was a mistake. She requested to see me and I went as far as scooping a few thousands again at the detriment of my siblings. How I pulled that stunt still baffled me till date. But I did made up for that error.

As usual, she messed up again with another dude and this time, in my presence....


That's just a summary...

I broke off from her the next day, but not without so much pain; so much pain that I have never felt in since I was born. The thought being played, exploited, the wasted money, energy, risks... Made me cringe.

3 days later, she sent me a text and I quote: 'if you know you want me to forgive you, send me Nx,x x x now'

just imagine!

For the first time in my life, my heart plotted evil. I thought hard of what I could do to her to make pay and feel pains... The worst was that she never apologised. I relayed my plans to a friend who knew her and they quickly started begging me, including her own friend.

Time grew old; seconds became hours, hours became months and months became years...

I had to take you down memory lane of where I am coming from but that's not the main gist.

That singular experience has really reduced my tolerance level for women. If can easily slap a girl at slightest provocation if she messes up.

She however summond courage to come and beg...

We do communicate once a while and just last night, she said she is scared of me. I asked her why and she said because of the past and that she had been wanting to tell me.

She also said that's why she avoids me due to her presentiment.

She said it seems I have not forgiven her. It got to a point she begged me to change the subject of discussion. And I ask her why. She said it makes her feel guilty due to her past. She claim to regret what/all she did to me and was sorry(in February).

When she said she is scared of me. She dreads me these days I guess. She feels in her spirit.

The strange thing is that I do call her if I feel like. Honestly in my spirit I haven't forgiven her which I have been living in denial.

Sure she begged and I told her I have forgiven her, but my spirit hasn't forgiven her.

When she told me she is scared me of me, I felt the quake of her voice and it came from her heart. But my spirit hasn't forgiven her. I felt like crying yesterday and I wondered what kind of heart I have developed towards a fellow human. I have never had it like this in my life before; I mean finding it hard to forgive someone, someone I was loved and it made me feel guilty.

I don't know how to get this thing off my chest.

I don't know why I can't forgive her or how could I look up to God with prayers when I have an unforgiven spirit towards a fellow human. This thing is really complex as I have tried so many ways but non seems to be working for me. Avoiding her didn't work neither did bringing her close such as calling her. Absolutely nothing has worked.

How did you forgive and forget the one that betrayed you?

I need help..

Dude, the only way u can forget abt the whole thing is if you severe all ties with her. As long as u are still in contact with her, U will never forget!
But come o, u allowed a girl to use u that way? OMG!
Never fall in love with ur heart without taking ur brain along

Ur story is similar 2 my experience.try nd pray 2 God 2 help u forgive her or seek counselln,dats if it wil work 4 u cos i av also tried 2 forgive my ex bt there's dis hatred dat keeps burnin in my hrt 4 him anytime i remember al he did 2 me.i just wish God wil help me one day.

Thanks. But that's in the past. No girl can repeat such except she just wanna get herself in hell.

The problem is really how to forgive her completely as sit seem I haven't. She knows I am no longer whom I used to be and can not be maneuver like she would do in the past.

She feels there is a looming sinister, a nightmare to harm her.

Qhal: Dude, the only way u can forget abt the whole thing is if you severe all ties with her. As long as u are still in contact with her, U will never forget!
But come o, u allowed a girl to use u that way? OMG!
Never fall in love with ur heart without taking ur brain along

Precisely!

Mine is living in fear as if I am plotting evil but cunningly pretending. She is scared of me... Actually, it made me feel pity for her. It's like a nightmare.

My only prayer to God this morning was the grace of forgiveness, complete forgiveness.


I need more contribution, please.

doris4u: Ur story is similar 2 my experience.try nd pray 2 God 2 help u forgive her or seek counselln,dats if it wil work 4 u cos i av also tried 2 forgive my ex bt there's dis hatred dat keeps burnin in my hrt 4 him anytime i remember al he did 2 me.i just wish God wil help me one day.

ipain: Precisely!

Mine is living in fear as if I am plotting evil but cunningly pretending. She is scared of me... Actually, it made me feel pity for her. It's like a nightmare.

My only prayer to God this morning was the grace of forgiveness, complete forgiveness.


I need more contribution, please.

hello dear,u dnt av 2 plot evil against her,cant u see her conscience is already judging her 4 wat she did 2 u by stil askn if uv 4given her and is scared of u,dat alone is killin her.leave her 2 God so dat she wil feel pains,am sure she hasnt found any1 like u dats y she wants 2 make up wit u

i feel you wella man....its not a forgiving spirit,its an ego thing,your ego has been terribly bruised...thats the sad truth....the best way for you to heal and reclaim your damaged eroded ego is to severe all ties with the said gal,...invest your energy on something fruitful,treat the girl like the monster that she is...and lastly,get yourself a more beautiful,decent,educated girl than your ex...it sure helps.



BTW:YOU FALL MUGU SHA....how can u allow a mere woman treat you dis way??

Just be urself. Dont revenge. U did all for love. Pray 4 compensation, a lady who u will appreciate n make u wish u never married ur ex.

Deshclones, you are right. It's more an ego thing or so it seems. She downgraded me and made me feel I was no good because she had guys flocking aroung her. But in February, she claimed she wasn't thinking before acting and blamed it on friends and age factor.

the funny thing is that if I ask her, which I did yesterday, she would say she loves me. How does all I wrote above translate to love. Anytime I ask I her that question, she would give that annoying lie-plated response and such lie further anger me.


This thing happen more than 3 years ago. I don't know if I am putting screw on myself by thinking I haven't forgiven her.

I feel I haven't forgiven because of that pain I feel in my heart when I remember what happened between us. I get angry when I think about it.

At one time she playfully called me baby on facebook. I went haywire; called her all sort of names including ashawo(very unlikely of me before the saga).

In the early stage, I would send insultive text and so many things. She had visited me and she could feel the anger in my eyes even though I feigned, she quickly started begging me again.

Actually, I have a damsel far more beautiful and classy than her. God willing, that's my wife.

But I just want a situation where I wont feel that pain/anger again when I remember it. Most times when I talk about it it brings back the anger as if it's fresh or in cases where similar stories evolve.

deshclones: i feel you wella man....its not a forgiving spirit,its an ego thing,your ego has been terribly bruised...thats the sad truth....the best way for you to heal and reclaim your damaged eroded ego is to severe all ties with the said gal,...invest your energy on something fruitful,treat the girl like the monster that she is...and lastly,get yourself a more beautiful,decent,educated girl than your ex...it sure helps.



BTW:YOU FALL MUGU SHA....how can u allow a mere woman treat you dis way??

Thanks. Yes, I have someone I am dating now. She is a blessing.

Exponental: Just be urself. Dont revenge. U did all for love. Pray 4 compensation, a lady who u will appreciate n make u wish u never married ur ex.

I am not plotting evil(that was just the same week of the break up).

The thing is she feels I would harm her.

Yes, I do call, laugh but she feels under that facade lies a looming sinister. It's more like a constant fear that I may harm her at any point to get a revenge.

doris4u: hello dear,u dnt av 2 plot evil against her,cant u see her conscience is already judging her 4 wat she did 2 u by stil askn if uv 4given her and is scared of u,dat alone is killin her.leave her 2 God so dat she wil feel pains,am sure she hasnt found any1 like u dats y she wants 2 make up wit u

Why do u keep exposing urself to her when she brings up so many terrible feelings inside of u,i dunno why ppl buy into all dat western all" exes must be friends crap", avnt u seen from d rates of dier crimes of passion dat it doesn't really work, just block her off ur social network, delete her number, she'll get d message, mayb in a few years if u see her, all u'll feel is a mild form of disgust. Not all exes should be befriended and *lll save urself some anguish if u understood that

Since u av a relationship wit some1 else focus on ur girl nd 4gt d looser.Aftr 3yrs or more she nw wants u,na wa 4 dat girl,pple neva knw they av until they loose it

*weeping*

Enegod: *weeping*

Jesos! So you can weep





Ipain, it happens, just don't let her be the reason why you will treat a good woman wrong.

God forgives, i don't, in other words retaliation is a must!!!!!!!

Mehn, that was really foolishness on your part.... The only reason why you haven't forgiven her is because deep down in you, you still have feelings for her, because if not, you won't be bothered about her in anyway, calling her also shows the feelings are still there. Funny but true

Odedoyin25: God forgives, i don't, in other words retaliation is a must!!!!!!!

ROZAY

sweet-tease:

Jesos! So you can weep





Ipain, it happens, just don't let her be the reason why you will treat a good woman wrong.

was weeping at his phoolishness

hmmm nawa o

it is well sha

Yes, I get you. Thanks.

didicold: Why do u keep exposing urself to her when she brings up so many terrible feelings inside of u,i dunno why ppl buy into all dat western all" exes must be friends crap", avnt u seen from d rates of dier crimes of passion dat it doesn't really work, just block her off ur social network, delete her number, she'll get d message, mayb in a few years if u see her, all u'll feel is a mild form of disgust. Not all exes should be befriended and *lll save urself some anguish if u understood that

Bro,I feel ur pain. But at such time,it's gud to let go of the past and move on. Granted it would be hard to forget,but u gotta move on. She is currently battling with her conscience and if care isn't taken,she might commit suicide.


If ur conscience is accusing u,u know you have done something wrong.

2sexy finally ...
I feel your pain oga, letting it out is part of the healing process.

Danhumprey: Bro,I feel ur pain. But at such time,it's gud to let go of the past and move on. Granted it would be hard to forget,but u gotta move on. She is currently battling with her conscience and if care isn't taken,she might commit suicide.


If ur conscience is accusing u,u know you have done something wrong.

Suicide? If I hear. Except the lady involved ain't a Nigerian, coz our naija ladies

Lol Feelings? It may be hard for you to believe this but what you imagine to be feelings of love is actually HATRED.

You don't want to hear what I wanted to do to her, but sake of God, I aborted the idea.

However, years gone by she feels I am gonna harm her even though I still call her. Truth be told, bro. She ain't further from it. But that was what I felt a few years ago.

So, how is that 'feelings' as you described it?

I felt calling her would make me forgive her and feel good, but it hasn't because I still feel pain each time I think about it. Honestly, a greater part of me calls for revenge but my 6th sense knows it isn't appropriate to embark on such pyrrhic victory. Therefore, I am surpressing that notion.

Even typing this showers me with sour memories of the events.

Mannylex: Mehn, that was really foolishness on your part.... The only reason why you haven't forgiven her is because deep down in you, you still have feelings for her, because if not, you won't be bothered about her in anyway, calling her also shows the feelings are still there. Funny but true

from my point of view, i think u've forgiven her, ur only problem is that u ve not forgotten wat she did. It pops up in ur mind wen u remember her and u feel a kind of hatred for her but that dosent mean u ve not forgiven her. U ll take tym to heal and u may never forget d experience. Dont be hard on urself, just move on with ur life. Its a twisted world with so much ironies, d good gals end up mostly with d bad guys and vice versa. U ll meet d right person but just try to let go ur past cos u might end up hurting ur true love cos of a past mistake. Wish u d best.

Since the relationship didn't end well, I don't see y u should still b communicatin with her. From your story, she deserve to b murdered. The only way for u to forget is to stay away frm her.

men you fall hand oh.

Anyway just cut all ties with her, she is nothing but a she devil herself.

For Bleep

I am like you in some ways,but when it comes to handling my hard earned cash to women,am very strict about it.

As an Igbo boy. I dont play with my cash.

Chukwu Nna biko

Exponental: Just be urself. Dont revenge. U did all for love. Pray 4 compensation, a lady who u will appreciate n make u wish u never married ur ex.

Yeah.. Be benevolent.., you surely meet someone who deserves all your trouble and pains in your past relationship.. I actually going through something similar.. I really do hurt a lot!