I could talk to her for you if you like. Get into her head and find out what she really feels about you.

Before you make that move of shutting her out forever.

Amya: I could talk to her for you if you like. Get into her head and find out what she really feels about you.

Before you make that move of shutting her out forever.

stay out!

Ahhh! Two messages. Completely contradicting each other!

Who is right?

I am not entirely certain that Beraltie has my best interests at heart. I sense that he does not like the idea of an Oyinbo being with a Nigerian girl. That somehow he does not like me, that he refuses to think it possible. That he has prejudged me. Then again I cannot speak for him, and I do not like being strung along.

I guess I must trust what I feel. I feel that she is confused. She wants me to come back and deep down she likes me romantically. (YES baraltie...it is possible!). However, she is shy and cautious. She wants to spend more time together before anything happens. I am sensing that being 28 and unmarried is both shameful and demonstrative of her success with men up until now in her life (not that this is an issue for me). I suspect that she does not have many suitors and options. She wants me to swoop in and "save her" as she puts it.

The thing is, I love her for who she is. I do not want to be this oyinbo savior who will take her to the west. I want her to love me for who I am, irregardless of skin color and background, as I do with her.

But I need to know! I need to know IF she is hoping for more with me and WHY that is. It cannot be because she thinks I can give her many things. That is no basis for a relationship. I felt and believed that there was a connection between us.

Before I even consider dropping my life in the west and spending more time together with her in Naija, I need some indication about what she wants. Yes it would be a risk for her to indicate her feelings, but considering what she would be expecting from me, it is nothing.

She has no idea...I would put serious thought into it if she only told me that she wanted me.

If she does not want me...then that is fine. I just need to know what the score is. Why can she not tell me this?

----------------------------

As it stands...she will have to do the chasing now. I am moving on.

I will stil say,abi u de fear am? All this u have been saying here can't u tell her?wen I meant demand her being straight wit u I mean tell her ur fears,doubts ,insecurities abt two of u,how her actions sends dual messages to u,tell her everytin u re saying here and DEMAND an answer subtly not like in a millitary way!!!! Dats being a man...Abi make I help u? If she is confused tell her u give her time to make a decision ,abi make I help u?lol. Its not enough to come out open to a girl,after that u define d relationship,u " try get into her head" and see wer u stand ..dats wat we do

eeewise: I will stil say,abi u de fear am? All this u have been saying here can't u tell her?wen I meant demand her being straight wit u I mean tell her ur fears,doubts ,insecurities abt two of u,how her actions sends dual messages to u,tell her everytin u re saying here and DEMAND an answer subtly not like in a millitary way!!!! Dats being a man...Abi make I help u? If she is confused tell her u give her time to make a decision ,abi make I help u?lol. Its not enough to come out open to a girl,after that u define d relationship,u " try get into her head" and see wer u stand ..dats wat we do

Look...as you have guessed, I don't really pursue women. I do not have a great deal of experience in it. This sounds bad...but I am only really interested in a relationship. She was great...I really like her, but part of this was the hope that it would lead to something more. I don't think I will want anything to do with her if it turns out that she is not interested at all. Perhaps she knows this...perhaps she doesn't want me, but she doesn't want me to leave her alone.

What I am saying is that I do not think I will want to talk to her if it results in her having no feelings for me. Worse still, I think she knows that. She wants me, but she doesn't want to commit to a relationship. She would rather have me there...but not give anything back. This makes me a little angry and resentful.

For a long time after Nigeria, I told myself that we were just friends. But it felt like she just kept pushing and pushing for more. I told her that I wanted her and it all went to crap. I am angry that she thinks that she can force my hand like that and then carry on as if we are friends. Like it is fine that I can just be a friend that finds her attractive...with nothing ever happening. This is NOT OK. I do not want those kind of friendships.

You assume that I know the "plan" for us. I do not. There never was any "plan". I just love her and want be around her. I want a relationship, I want to marry, I want children. She knows all this and shares the same "plans". But me deciding to migrate to Naija, to uproot everything, to start a new life with her. IT IS A BIG DECISION. She needs to open up and tell me her plans, what she wants. It cannot be all me setting something out for her. Both of us must be involved in the planning.

Na wa o,Oyinbo man,u no even drop any christmas gift for boyz
Btw I think your final decision is a good one.

nipeks001: Na wa o,Oyinbo man,u no even drop any christmas gift for boyz.

ehhhh?

How do I withdraw and allow us both the save face?

I want to be with her. She is what I want. I get the feeling that now I have stated my feelings, she would have been a bit more obvious and clear if she was interested.

I want to move on...but the more I try, the more she contacts me.

I don't think I can be her friend anymore. She wants to treat me like a woman. A friend, with no hope of anything more. I don't want that with her and she cannot see it. She still wants me to be attracted to her, to toast her...without her giving anything. I cannot do that anymore. It hurts too much.

So what do I say to her? I am not going to contact her, I am going to try and move on for the third or fourth time...but I guarantee she will call within the next week and start it all up again : (

Why does she play with love like this? She knows my feelings...why can she not just be open and honest with me?

She needs to know that this is not okay and she needs to know WHY. Perhaps after a few months, after I have met a few more women and moved on I could talk to her again. But not at the moment.

So what do I say to her? How do I do it politely and respectfully?

She loves me!

I was open and completely honest. I told her how I felt, how much it hurt to leave her, how I cannot stop thinking about her, how I want her as a partner not as a friend.

She said it, for the first time, "I love you".

Now comes the hard part. I have to told her there is a lot to talk and think about. I need to decide what to do next because this is really big.

I need to be able to trust her and explain all of this to my family.

I could be coming back to Nigeria.