bukatyne:

My dear, that is a lot of women's dreams...

My only problem will be when they deceive an innocent woman with so much dreams and after marriage they begin to block her!

If they can make their stance known before marriage and the wife to be agrees, then that is their headache!

Well said!

Every body NOW have a "dream" including girls whose sole dream is to get married to "any" man or thing.

Make una dream on. Reality is waiting. . .

When you're married, you can't have a dream independent of your husband. That's why before you marry, you discuss with your propective husband about your dreams and aspirations and see how you guys can affix it to your collective dreams or not. If he doesn't like your dream and won't support you and you really want to hold on to that dream, then look for someone who will support your dream.

dudet:

The OP specifically referred to women; besides, if my dream is to have a happy home (as a woman/wife/mother) as against a successful career, does that make me any less an individual?

It certainly does not, that is what you want, you really don't need to justify your actions to anyone

@ post, Us Women needs to calm the hell down. Always wailing more than the aggrieved. If you must be a career woman, please do. If you must be a housewife, please do. If you can find the right balance. Good for you. One is NOT better than the other. There are pros and cons involved in both so don't come and lord your personal choice over anyone here

I presume that majority of this people in here shouting equality are not married, go and ask the ladies that are TRULY enjoying their marriage if they are not submissive. Enough gragra jare. The secret that most silly ladies don't catch on is that submissive women always always have the final say in decision making at home. Trust me on this!!

Women are emotional, men have their ego. You understand this as a woman/ man then happiness awaits you in your home.

Capital NOOOOOOO. Don't try it. You'll hate yourself later and will always wonder what would have happened if u had followed your dreams.

Most of those who sacrificed their dreams are those who never had one to start with

bukatyne: Standing Ovation....

In addition, a lot of women do not have dreams so don't blame their poor husbands for their lack of achievement...

Interview 1000 female graduates/ undergraduates on what they want to be/their dreams and you will weep.

Some of them are a waste to their generation

Like Fashola said, women should stop saying 'men do NOT allow them to do a, b, c..., they should instead say... I want to do a, b, c who will stop me?'

And its so true because right from secondary school even primary school some girls would have given up that its the guys that are supposed to work hard they are just there to get the certificate and hope for a rich man to come marry them

loswhite: Js advice women not to get married so that they can build their own house and they don't have to answer to anybody. They can also pay a boy to sleep with them so that they can get give birth to a child dat can answer their maiden name. Dreams accomplished

A million like. The whole issue seems to be a rat race just for material acquisition at the detriment of family value or stability all in the name to attain equality with the man. Women should identify what makes them happier. If career other than marriage that catches your fancy, then pls, do men a favour and stick to it. Every man values the stability of his famility above all things and as such, he prefers a woman that is prepared to make sacrifices to that effect. The primary responsibility of a woman is to ensure the excellency of her home, any other thing is secondary. Many men appreciate a career woman that can also support the family but not the one that gives no room to family development.

Career (dreams) and Family are not weighed after one weds.

When one correctly understands marriage, one appreciates that the moment one marries, one agrees to subsume their career (or other aspirations) for the greater good of the marriage if required.

It's not a choice one makes after marriage, it's a decision taken when you agree to marry.

Yes, it's all very well to say balance the two or find someone that will be supportive. And indeed, that may well work out. But if the situation demands it, it's not a choice.

I speak as a Christian.

TV

_{I'd love to hear a woman articulate these "dreams/visions", not just trumpet them generically. I'd also like to hear, why family would have to be "de-prioritised" in favour of pursuing said dream. As much as I'd love it, I don't rally expect it. Unthinking positions and paper thin arguments.}

bukatyne:

you are NOT very bright, are you?

You should direct that to yourself since you failed to see meaning to what he said.

bukatyne:

Sorry, in my books, it does!

You think God wasted His time and resources to create you to just have a happy home?

I guess men do not want happy homes right?

Is there no desire for you to even improve your world and excel at something?

Why is your dream not to be the best daughter?

You are first an individual before a daughter, wife or mother!

Like I said, most women have no dream/vision

And what has your dream birthed than spewing crab. If an intelligent woman finds satisfaction in raising a good home, and you call that unfulfilled dream, abi? People like you are the cause of social decadence and manance due to the volunability of children occationed by the greediness of women like you who prefer to be seen as influential over family stability. In your limited mind, material acquisition is gain leaving family value abi? Everything in life boils down to decision, which ever appeals to you, embrace it. But forcing your perception on someone else opinion is not appropriate.

People have certain reasons to do such, I would not say that clear cut, one should not do it. e.g. disabled child,child learning disorder, expensive nanny's, unreliable nanny's etc

But I would encourage woman " NOT TO DO IT"
NOT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Basically thats how woman start carving their way towards abusive relationships.

Though the advantages of being a stay at home mum may outweigh the disadvantages. But I would personally be very uncomfortable.

Besides, all that brain waisted. Hell no. I can raise my kids for 2-3yrs. not more than that. Though I would like to have a career or business that will allow me to be a mom and a career woman and also give my husband attention.

But to give up your dreams just like that Is a big NO Marriage should bring out the best in you, like enhancing your skills, encouraging etc not take out the worst in you.

Alot of woman who give up their dreams end up regretting it later on in life. Yes it should not be, me, me, me all the time but at the same time the "ME" should not take a back seat just like that. Regrets creep up later on in life, when you neglect "YOURSELF".

There is also no evidence that Kids who were raised by stay at home mom, become better adults in life So long as they turn out to be just like other kids, I do not see a point in sacrificing my life when the results will still be the same.

@Efe come chop knuckle jare. I saw that thread you mentioned. The issue with the man was that he got threatened by his wife's success. some boys were even advising him to divorce the wife, mstchewwww. Insecurity of the highest order. Efe your head correct joor.

It seems its now politically correct nay the astute thing for married women in these times to acquire property individually in their own names without recourse to the marriage institution while the man acquires in both partners' names.

Interesting......


Truly I wait for the day when it changes from MAN's Money, our money; woman's money , my money , To a more equitable my money my money-face your wahala by yourself....

It should not be long anymore going by the volume of support for the woman's act.

Biola,I quite disagree with u.
Let me use my culture to buttress my point.
An igbo man got married and along the line started acquiring ppty. In the next of kin, he writes, children,mother, brother but no wife. When the man dies,the family will pounce on d woman. U hv heard of many cases, read many even here. So I ask u, where does this leave the woman?

I did my service in a big organisation and worked in records dept. When we were updating files, MAJORITY of the men did not put their wives as NOK but children and bro. If the man kpai, c tussle even to court level. Now what do u want such women do?

Women r getting wiser by d day and taking destinies in their hands.
Had it been men r doing the suppoesed normal thing, women won't go this far.

I hv seen threads here about whom a man will make his next of kin. Go and read it. I think it answered all the ?s u might want to ask.

I will always encourage women to fight for themselves. If ur man c no reason for bypassing ur name, I c no reason why u wouldn't bypass him and do ur own thing as u deem fit. Its only bad if he is jointly doing things and u decided to go solo.

talk2davoo: part of d curse dat d woman received after d serpent deceived her is dat she'll be under d man.d man also received his own share of d curse as a result of his dissobedience.now answer,what are the vanguards of gender equality trying to achieve? A reversal of d curse placed on woman by God? Be careful,gender equality is evil.although wasnt so from begining but after d fall of Adam and Eve.@her dream,i will say dat if things are done in order of their priority, husband also ranks first among every dream and aspiration that a woman may have including her dream of becoming world president

Isn't the proper step to take against curses, a reversal of such curse?! For a reversal step taken against a curse to be evil, then the curse must be good then!

Lordlexyy: A million like. The whole issue seems to be a rat race just for material acquisition at the detriment of family value or stability all in the name to attain equality with the man. Women should identify what makes them happier. If career other than marriage that catches your fancy, then pls, do men a favour and stick to it. Every man values the stability of his famility above all things and as such, he prefers a woman that is prepared to make sacrifices to that effect. The primary responsibility of a woman is to ensure the excellency of her home, any other thing is secondary. Many men appreciate a career woman that can also support the family but not the one that gives no room to family development.

In the alternative, the modern world opens doors for women, confirms their equality and value to the society. The modern world sees a marriage as a healthy partnership with the participants having equal respect and rights for themselves with no room for abuse.

yellowpawpaw: Biola,I quite disagree with u.
Let me use my culture to buttress my point.
An igbo man got married and along the line started acquiring ppty. In the next of kin, he writes, children,mother, brother but no wife. When the man dies,the family will pounce on d woman. U hv heard of many cases, read many even here. So I ask u, where does this leave the woman?

I did my service in a big organisation and worked in records dept. When we were updating files, MAJORITY of the men did not put their wives as NOK but children and bro. If the man kpai, c tussle even to court level. Now what do u want such women do?

Women r getting wiser by d day and taking destinies in their hands.
Had it been men r doing the suppoesed normal thing, women won't go this far.

I hv seen threads here about whom a man will make his next of kin. Go and read it. I think it answered all the ?s u might want to ask.

I will always encourage women to fight for themselves. If ur man c no reason for bypassing ur name, I c no reason why u wouldn't bypass him and do ur own thing as u deem fit. Its only bad if he is jointly doing things and u decided to go solo.

yellowpawpaw: Biola,I quite disagree with u.
Let me use my culture to buttress my point.
An igbo man got married and along the line started acquiring ppty. In the next of kin, he writes, children,mother, brother but no wife. When the man dies,the family will pounce on d woman. U hv heard of many cases, read many even here. So I ask u, where does this leave the woman?

I did my service in a big organisation and worked in records dept. When we were updating files, MAJORITY of the men did not put their wives as NOK but children and bro. If the man kpai, c tussle even to court level. Now what do u want such women do?

Women r getting wiser by d day and taking destinies in their hands.
Had it been men r doing the suppoesed normal thing, women won't go this far.

I hv seen threads here about whom a man will make his next of kin. Go and read it. I think it answered all the ?s u might want to ask.

I will always encourage women to fight for themselves. If ur man c no reason for bypassing ur name, I c no reason why u wouldn't bypass him and do ur own thing as u deem fit. Its only bad if he is jointly doing things and u decided to go solo.

I know what you said back there applies mostly to the Igbo culture but let's put culture aside. I have met young ladies who are my age who even when dating ( I'm not talking marriage now oh) DATING, have no clue where their partners work, what exactly he does or how much he even earns. All they are interested in is he has that ride and lives in that appartment. You can imagine after marriage if they ever will know. If you don't know your husbands assets your are not a wise woman if those assets are all in your husbands name you are not a wise woman, if your husband can afford such assets then he can afford to get you one as a gift abi. In your name! If your husband dies and you have knowledge to all these information no tradition or family members or will will leave you without a dime but you must be ready to fight teeth and nail.
A man will probably not want you to know these things but you have to know them. Being a family woman isn't going blind to life around you or trusting your husband 100% to take care of you! you should always have plan B up your sleeves....you never know...

Everything everyone has said are all true based on different life experiences. I do hope these were things done by our fathers, uncles and men of an older generation. I hope the young men of today treat their wives differently, as women and not assets.
YOUNG MEN OUT THERE IF YOUR WIFE WANTS TO FOLLOW HER DREAMS BE IT HOMEMAKER, MANAGER, CHEF, FASHION, BEAUTY ETC WOULD YOU LET HER OR WILL IT BE A PROBLEM?

YPP... Thanks for your response and I endorse your heart felt expression

The truth is that women are deprived of many things especially in tradtional settings where she is to be seen and not heard
Granted

I have told my cousins to hide money from htheir hubby as I was not comfortbale with certain aspects of the man;s actions.. so its no biggie

But in the specific example on this forum which was referenced, I do not support the action of the woman who went behind her hubby, depriving the family of financial resources considering the properties are in both their names

next of kin does not mean the person will inherit the property though it has been abused in our part of the world

Read the thread wella... the man did not bypass the woman

yellowpawpaw: Biola,I quite disagree with u.
Let me use my culture to buttress my point.
An igbo man got married and along the line started acquiring ppty. In the next of kin, he writes, children,mother, brother but no wife. When the man dies,the family will pounce on d woman. U hv heard of many cases, read many even here. So I ask u, where does this leave the woman?

I did my service in a big organisation and worked in records dept. When we were updating files, MAJORITY of the men did not put their wives as NOK but children and bro. If the man kpai, c tussle even to court level. Now what do u want such women do?

Women r getting wiser by d day and taking destinies in their hands.
Had it been men r doing the suppoesed normal thing, women won't go this far.

I hv seen threads here about whom a man will make his next of kin. Go and read it. I think it answered all the ?s u might want to ask.

I will always encourage women to fight for themselves. If ur man c no reason for bypassing ur name, I c no reason why u wouldn't bypass him and do ur own thing as u deem fit. Its only bad if he is jointly doing things and u decided to go solo.

Lerrie John:
I know what you said back there applies mostly to the Igbo culture but let's put culture aside. I have met young ladies who are my age who even when dating ( I'm not talking marriage now oh) DATING, have no clue where their partners work, what exactly he does or how much he even earns. All they are interested in is he has that ride and lives in that appartment. You can imagine after marriage if they ever will know. If you don't know your husbands assets your are not a wise woman if those assets are all in your husbands name you are not a wise woman, if your husband can afford such assets then he can afford to get you one as a gift abi. In your name! If your husband dies and you have knowledge to all these information no tradition or family members or will will leave you without a dime but you must be ready to fight teeth and nail.
A man will probably not want you to know these things but you have to know them. Being a family woman isn't going blind to life around you or trusting your husband 100% to take care of you! you should always have plan B up your sleeves....you never know...

My 1st eg was my culture.
The second was where I served which happened to be in d north. Some of them hv 2 wives or more and can't be persuaded. Only few after some xplanations on d merits changed their mindset.

Lerrie John:
I know what you said back there applies mostly to the Igbo culture but let's put culture aside. I have met young ladies who are my age who even when dating ( I'm not talking marriage now oh) DATING, have no clue where their partners work, what exactly he does or how much he even earns. All they are interested in is he has that ride and lives in that appartment. You can imagine after marriage if they ever will know. If you don't know your husbands assets your are not a wise woman if those assets are all in your husbands name you are not a wise woman, if your husband can afford such assets then he can afford to get you one as a gift abi. In your name! If your husband dies and you have knowledge to all these information no tradition or family members [b]or will will leave you without a dime but you must be ready to fight teeth and nail.
[/b]A man will probably not want you to know these things but you have to know them. Being a family woman isn't going blind to life around you or trusting your husband 100% to take care of you! you should always have plan B up your sleeves....you never know...

No legally married woman should have to fight at all
Though some of them are wickeed too

Obligatuions to the man's family are neglected after the man dies,... they were not even happy with them when the man was alive though most of them are happy to provide for the maternal side of the family

pickabeau1: YPP... Thanks for your response and I endorse your heart felt expression
The truth is that women are deprived of many things especially in tradtional settings where she is to be seen and not heard
Granted
I have told my cousins to hide money from htheir hubby as I was not comfortbale with certain aspects of the man;s actions.. so its no biggie
But in the specific example on this forum which was referenced, I do not support the action of the woman who went behind her hubby, depriving the family of financial resources considering the properties are in both their names
next of kin does not mean the person will inherit the property though it has been abused in our part of the world
Read the thread wella... the man did not bypass the woman

I generalised.
I hv seen court battle over nok. I must tell u, it was bloody. I only pray pple do the right things. Let me give u an example. A man puts his bro as nok, when d inevitable happened, the wife after burial goes to her late hubby's office to collect what rightly belongs to her and her children but will be told that what was written is bro. She then presented marriage and birth certificate of her children to them, now d company is torn btw whom to listen to. But in some cases, if the woman knows her onions,she will always win.
My boss as at that time said that they don't look back when giving it to the woman even if her name is not there. Their only fear is how the family member will descend on her later when they reach home.

vanitty:

It certainly does not, that is what you want, you really don't need to justify your actions to anyone

@ post, Us Women needs to calm the hell down. Always wailing more than the aggrieved. If you must be a career woman, please do. If you must be a housewife, please do. If you can find the right balance. Good for you. One is NOT better than the other. There are pros and cons involved in both so don't come and lord your personal choice over anyone here

I presume that majority of this people in here shouting equality are not married, go and ask the ladies that are TRULY enjoying their marriage if they are not submissive. Enough gragra jare. The secret that most silly ladies don't catch on is that submissive women always always have the final say in decision making at home. Trust me on this!!

Women are emotional, men have their ego. You understand this as a woman/ man then happiness awaits you in your home.

Vannity, your head correct. Best post and a perfect explanation.

vanitty:

It certainly does not, that is what you want, you really don't need to justify your actions to anyone

@ post, Us Women needs to calm the hell down. Always wailing more than the aggrieved. If you must be a career woman, please do. If you must be a housewife, please do. If you can find the right balance. Good for you. One is NOT better than the other. There are pros and cons involved in both so don't come and lord your personal choice over anyone here

I presume that majority of this people in here shouting equality are not married, go and ask the ladies that are TRULY enjoying their marriage if they are not submissive. Enough gragra jare. The secret that most silly ladies don't catch on is that submissive women always always have the final say in decision making at home. Trust me on this!!

Women are emotional, men have their ego. You understand this as a woman/ man then happiness awaits you in your home.

Vannity, your head correct. Best post and a perfect explanation.

Okija_juju:

Madam Efe

How far na! SO you don turn Womens right activist abi?! Better pound that yam finish before I reach house or else..



@ Post:

Madam, I grew up with the mentality of whats mine is hers and whats hers is mine. Equality all round.

However.. In a union, its always right to define roles lest everyone runs around chasing their dreams at the expense of the greater good of the family. I'm sure our forefathers forsaw this thats why they created roles for each party in the relationship bearing in mind who the stronger party was and giving that party the hardest role and making the weaker party have lesser but equally crucial responsibilities.

You asked how many of us have proerties in our wifes names? ANSWER: I do. My father also does. Infact, any car in my house that carries only one persons name on it was a gift from the other partner to that person. The lands and houses all read Mr. & Mrs. The ones that dont carry Mr. & Mrs. bear the company name of which they are both the principal share holders & directors in the company.

YOU WOMEN ARE SELFISH

Look at the way the OP's post put it like the women are slaves.

When a man works and toils hard at work everyday, what is his ultimate purpose?! TO PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY (which includes the wife).

Look at what you women are here advocating. Chasing your dreams. To benefit whom?! Yourselves! So that you can make money and be equal to your husbands financially abi?

Or do you think it is a Mans dream to have a woman spend up all his hardwork?! No! But he does it as his responsiblity and sacrifice to his family. Look at me for example. I make enough money to lounge and ball like I want. But hey! I am forkig over my earning every month to my wife who already makes money just because that is what is expected of me.


You women should please ease off this gender eqaulity crap & slavery nonesense.. We are both slaves to each other in the relationship.

Mazi Okija! I hail.

Nancyij37:
All over the world, Gender equality have become a raging issue. The agitation that women take an increased role in all spheres of life. But there is an important but usually neglected dimension to this agitation. The Family dimension.

A lot of women tend to be “all about him” in a relationship or marriage. something that the Denver based clinical psychologist, Susan Heitler, PhD, author of Power of Two, a marriage skills-building course calls “appendage-itis,” a situation where the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband.

Now i wonder how we are gonna achieve the much talked about gender equality when there is so much gender inequality in the family which is the nucleus of the society.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a woman should not respect his husband or be a little submissive once in awhile. My point is that some wives are too willing to give up on what they want which is a sharp contrast to the ‘all about me” attitude of men.

“Usually, many wives are afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want,” Heitler says.

The truth is that most women underestimate their worth. In their quest to make the marriage work, they give up on their dreams and things they really want. and most times, the marriage ends up breaking up anyway. This is because the feeling of hopelessness will turn to anger soon enough and eventually boils over.

Heitler went ahead to prefer a solution to this problem. And her solution is to Express your concerns about issues (be it housework, parenting duties or not having enough time for your husband or for yourself) rationally. As far as your husband loves you (which am sure he does), he will give your concerns a thought and make the necessary adjustment.

A woman  was created to be a man’s companion and support and not to be an accessory to him. A woman has the right to live her dreams, have what she wants while building a happy family with the man she loves

you copied this post from here www.naijadiary.com/should-a-woman-sacrifice-her-dreams-for-her-marriage/

you should have given them a link since its not your original work

Kanwulia: Life is full of choices!
She is free to take hers.
NOT MY CONCERN. . .I have made mine and sooooooooooooo HAPPY WITH THEM!

I don't worry about OTHER WOMEN OR PEOPLE and how they choose to live or NOT LIVE their lives. I only worry about MYSELF!

To whom it may concern ....

Nice one.. this has been an issue in the modern workplace and annually some workplaces make bulletins for personnel to update their beneficiary listings

It can be bloody... some people still come from that school and such people are hopefully reducing as time goes by ...

Some families are wicked though... You are put in trust to manage the deceased affairs and you think u will prosper when u embezzle and mistreat the deceased's children

May God help us

I trust some women i know... no nonsense but they wil not build houses behind their hubby's back

yellowpawpaw:
I generalised.
I hv seen court battle over nok. I must tell u, it was bloody. I only pray pple do the right things. Let me give u an example. A man puts his bro as nok, when d inevitable happened, the wife after burial goes to her late hubby's office to collect what rightly belongs to her and her children but will be told that what was written is bro. She then presented marriage and birth certificate of her children to them, now d company is torn btw whom to listen to. But in some cases, if the woman knows her onions,she will always win.
My boss as at that time said that they don't look back when giving it to the woman even if her name is not there. Their only fear is how the family member will descend on her later when they reach home.

dayokanu:

And its so true because right from secondary school even primary school some girls would have given up that its the guys that are supposed to work hard they are just there to get the certificate and hope for a rich man to come marry them

LOL!

Lordlexyy: And what has your dream birthed than spewing crab. If an intelligent woman finds satisfaction in raising a good home, and you call that unfulfilled dream, abi? People like you are the cause of social decadence and manance due to the volunability of children occationed by the greediness of women like you who prefer to be seen as influential over family stability. In your limited mind, material acquisition is gain leaving family value abi? Everything in life boils down to decision, which ever appeals to you, embrace it. But forcing your perception on someone else opinion is not appropriate.

So a woman should not be influential because she is married? I do not have time to discuss with unintelligent people

In one of my posts, I even mentioned some things a woman can think of doing without making money...

Everyone was created with a destiny in mind. If you are a Christian, you would know that God created everyone with talents to be used to glorify Him...

I can see that widows around me do not dress well and as a tailor, sew free dresses for them; I can decide to teach kids in my church because I have passion for kids...

Women all around the world have invented something/ a service to make their society or environment better. Everything in this life is NOT all about money but I guess you don't know that!

Cut out the insults if you want to quote me...

Kay 17:

In the alternative, the modern world opens doors for women, confirms their equality and value to the society. The modern world sees a marriage as a healthy partnership with the participants having equal respect and rights for themselves with no room for abuse.

You dey answer am?

When I say a lot of women don't have dreams, you think I am lying?

See people talking about money as if all in this life is money