Hello nairalanders ur constructive advice is urgently needed here!


I have a friend who is really very close to me, she is a nairalanda too, bt shy of throwing her problem publically wit her naiaraland handle cos of fear of stigimatization, so I decided to play the devils advocate on her behalf. Ur useful contributions will be appreciated cos am sure she will be followin this thread seriously.


She is gay though still in da closet. She was in a seriouse relationship with her girl frnd until late last year. She got married to her husband whom she bearly knew late last year cos of pressure frm her family esp. her parents to settle down. She got married wit the determination of gettin rid of lesbianism and buildin a happy home and left her girl frnds heart broken in the process. Btw she is in LDR (long distance relationship) I.e, the husband is based in spain and she in Nigeria.


Fastforward to this year: the problem started wen she couldn't control her feelins 2wards the husband's kid sister who is staying with her. She seriously fought the feelins she had for her sister in law bt all to no avail. she simply find the girl highly attractive and irresistable. "I feel so powerless around her " was her exact words wen she was narratin the whole ish to me!

After several attempts she gave up and gave in to her feelins towards her sis in law, convincin herself dat its cos she is sex starved and all dat, and dat if she sleep wit her @least once she wil get over her and as such end it asap.

Dey slept 2geda for the first time bt it didn't end as she envisaged. One tin led to anoda and she find her self still sleepin wit the girl almost evrynite.

Few months later, she decided to call it quits, bt dats wen the problem started. The sis in law doesnt want it 2end. And she is now threatenin to tell her broda and the entire family wot dey v bin doing if she eva tries to leave her!

This is where ur advice is needed cos she doesnt no wot to do rit now nor how to handle the case.

The major problem now accordin to her is dat the hubby is cumin bac this xmas! And she is feelin so bad and guilt already, and dsnt want 2be sleepin wit broda and sista at the same time. Nor does she want to loose her marriage shuld their secret be made open. And worse is dat she is sooo scared of soilin her family's reputation if her parents and oda family members find out.

Wot do u tink she shuld do?
Quit the marriage on her own witout a good reason? Open up to her hubby? Continue wit their little secret?

lirusehn: SHE is a GAY. Nawa 4 English

Sowii ws typin wit phone, though didn't see where I used the word a gay!!

U can still make ur contributions if u have any sha!!

abeg arrange four guys for her,if dem knack her for 3 straight month nobody go tell her before she go turn straight.

Tadon200: abeg arrange four guys for her,if dem knack her for 3 straight month nobody go tell her before she go turn straight.

Lolsssss!

Bt on a serious note, I tink dat wil be lik addin salt to an injury u no!

Tanx for ur contribution though!

Tadon200: abeg arrange four guys for her,if dem knack her for 3 straight month nobody go tell her before she go turn straight.

Lolsssss!

Bt on a serious note, I tink dat wil be lik addin salt to an injury u no!

Tanx for ur contribution though!
Am sure she is seein dem all!!!

I think d best tin is for her to continue. WHY? Because the hubby's sister would also get married and/or eventually get fed up wit the whole thing:-/

definitely I know she must have exploited several means to make the sister in law see reasons with her but to no avail...and one fact she should know is that no matter what ever she does or intends to do, she should keep that away from the hubby cos it will definitely cause her more harm. My advice: she should meet mayb a family pastor and relate this truth to him, mayb he could talk better of to the gal in the language she will understand and secondly mayb she should just put up an act, claim that since she doesn't wanna see reasons with you, that is better she just leav with tears in her eyes let her pretend to leav she will definitely react to those actions and again the two of them need cerious deliverance prayers cos lesbianism is spiritually inclined that's what many pppl fail to understand...u can't fight it physically alone cos with time, the urge will still come back bt with prayers, u are a sure winner...goodluck!

Still_stan: definitely I know she must have exploited several means to make the sister in law see reasons with her but to no avail...and one fact she should know is that no matter what ever she does or intends to do, she should keep that away from the hubby cos it will definitely cause her more harm. My advice: she should meet mayb a family pastor and relate this truth to him, mayb he could talk better of to the gal in the language she will understand and secondly mayb she should just put up an act, claim that since she doesn't wanna see reasons with you, that is better she just leav with tears in her eyes let her pretend to leav she will definitely react to those actions and again the two of them need cerious deliverance prayers cos lesbianism is spiritually inclined that's what many pppl fail to understand...u can't fight it physically alone cos with time, the urge will still come back bt with prayers, u are a sure winner...goodluck!

Wow! This is so thoughtful of u I must confess!
Though she had tried all she culd 2make the girl undastnd all 2no avail, even cryin her ocean didn't change the case!

Tanx a lot, believe she is takin note!

TVT KOKO: I think d best tin is for her to continue. WHY? Because the hubby's sister would also get married and/or eventually get fed up wit the whole thing:-/

I totally agree with u bro. It's both the girl and the hubby's fault, cos the distance relationship matter no jel at all and the reason why some goddamn person invented masturbation is when u no go fit hold sef u go free ursef via self service, it might not be as fun as the main thing sha, but u'll ease ursef for crying out loud, no be all food wey we dey eat be the exact food wey we want eat, we dey eat am cos we no get choice. I dnt know whether it is only me who this sexual urges isn't self destructing *i wonder*.
Finally, terminating the wedding is a bad idea, who talk say the guy no dey do en own for spain? And let her not terminate the relationship with the hubby's sis yet, let her play along with the girl(makin her to understand why they're not having sex is cos of her hubby's present). Getting rid of her hubby's sis is a very hard thing to do, unless the girl will connect the hubby's sis with another powerful lesbian fucker like herself or leave naija to spain wit hubby for good.

TVT KOKO: I think d best tin is for her to continue. WHY? Because the hubby's sister would also get married and/or eventually get fed up wit the whole thing:-/

Yea, bt dts the problem, cos she is seriously dyin of guilt already 4sleepin with two siblings!
And if she per adventure heeds this advice and shuld continue wit her , the questn den bcoms, 4how long ar they gonna kip on playin their hide and seek game b4 bin caught? Cos accordin 2hr, marriage is the last tin on the sister in -law's mind presently!

Tanx a bunch 4ur input dear!

Messy!!! Deep sh*t!!!

I hate all "mails" prefixed with "colour Black".

I make it a duty to never see any girl close to my age or BELOW, in this homophobic country... some people don't just understand when things are not meant to be esp when they let an habit get into their head.

OMG... I'm so sorry about her situation, if only that sister-in-law will kindly shut up and let the woman be.

...Talking to that girl wont help cos she would definitely not understand...
...Opening up to her husband is a no-no except she wants to quit the marriage...
...If she quits her affair with this girl, there is everyone possibility that her family will take her side and "make her life impossible"...
...Another thing is that her husband might understand her situation when he finds out, which I highly, completely and totally doubt...

In short, let her remind that girl that she'll also get married someday and it'll be their little secret...

Personally, I'm all for "let sleeping dogs lie"
I hope things go well for her...

tony ayo:
I totally agree with u bro. It's both the girl and the hubby's fault, cos the distance relationship matter no jel at all and the reason why some goddamn person invented masturbation is when u no go fit hold sef u go free ursef via self service, it might not be as fun as the main thing sha, but u'll ease ursef for crying out loud, no be all food wey we dey eat be the exact food wey we want eat, we dey eat am cos we no get choice. I dnt know whether it is only me who this sexual urges isn't self destructing *i wonder*.
Finally, terminating the wedding is a bad idea, who talk say the guy no dey do en own for spain? And let her not terminate the relationship with the hubby's sis yet, let her play along with the girl(makin her to understand why they're not having sex is cos of her hubby's present). Getting rid of her hubby's sis is a very hard thing to do, unless the girl will connect the hubby's sis with another powerful lesbian fucker like herself or leave naija to spain wit hubby for good.

Dts sooo wow!!!

I hate when pussy:s waste

she should get over it, except the husband ain't digging right. Ko kon le. but how was she shaggin with the sister ? did they use toys ? or just heavy petting. So that we'll know if she likes ponron or she's just really into womenc if that's the case it's gon be a lil hard.

GSKing: Messy!!! Deep sh*t!!!

I hate all "mails" prefixed with "colour Black".

I make it a duty to never see any girl close to my age or BELOW, in this homophobic country... some people don't just understand when things are not meant to be esp when they let an habit get into their head.

OMG... I'm so sorry about her situation, if only that sister-in-law will kindly shut up and let the woman be.

...Talking to that girl wont help cos she would definitely not understand...
...Opening up to her husband is a no-no except she wants to quit the marriage...
...If she quits her affair with this girl, there is everyone possibility that here family will take her side and "make her life impossible"...
...Another thing is that her husband might understand her situation when he finds out, which I highly, completely and totally doubt...

In short, let her remind that girl that she'll also get married someday and it'll be their little secret...

Personally, I'm all for "let sleeping dogs lie"
I hope things go well for her...

Well spoken!!!

Tanx dearie!!!

And they say men are dogs, now a lady is confessing being powerless to sex and with a fellow woman, I wonder what that makes her..
She was never powerless, she was just starved.
her problem started when she did a LDR not when she started sleeping with her SIL.
the problem was worsened by... as a Les (not me o) who is determined to change her sexuality, it's very possible but a man, preferably her hubby should be close to her all the time and women should be far from her, unfortunately the reverse was the case.
now the solution... Will she ever tell her hubby that she slept with his sister??
If no..... That means she would keep it a secret all her married life from her hubby if conscience lets her, that means she won't have problem hiding the fact that she killed her SIL,,,,, abeg na joke I de o..
but if yes, all she needs to do is to pray for understanding, that's all. I'll brb!!!

Let her begin fasting & prayer.let her reach out for a bible & begin reading now.each time the lesbian thought cross her mind,she shd begin fervent prayer.let her inform the hubby when he comes that she cant stay alone in naija again that he must take her wit him abroad.now if she want me 2 give her some bible passages 2 read let me know.but she may hav 2 confess & seek for forgivness.

[size=23pt] ehyyaaa, how touching. [/size]

lirusehn: SHE is a GAY. Nawa 4 English

gay does not only refer to males. Could be used to refer to a woman as well.

blessed4ril:

Wow! This is so thoughtful of u I must confess!
Though she had tried all she culd 2make the girl undastnd all 2no avail, even cryin her ocean didn't change the case!

Tanx a lot, believe she is takin note!

Really? Hope that "I" was a mistake? You know it's NOT so bad if you say you're the "her" we're all talking about. Nobody will kill you on nl

GSKing:
Really? Hope that "I" was a mistake? You know it's NOT so bad if you say you're the "her" we're all talking about. Nobody will kill you on nl

Nope! Am not the her . If I am I wouldn't hesitate 2mak it clear after all I owe nobdy any apology!
Lik I said earlier, she is my frnd and a close one at dat, and shy of postin hr problem usin her nairaland moniker! So I volunteered 2help out cos she is really goin tru a hell of emotional stress rit now cos of the whole shit. And the least I culd do is help her throw the problem 2d floor usin my handle!

And am hapi she bin so grateful 4 the advises so far cos she is followin this thread!


Tanx all the same 4ur input though!!!

Let her called the bluff of the sister inlaw, i doubt the sister inlaw will want to expose because it will means exposing her own self which will have negative effect on her own(sister inlaw) future as well, but in calling the bluff, she should be ready for the worse, it is better to be truthful for ones and lose everything than cover lies with lies and become powerless when the lies can not be restricted or covered.

Handsomeemmy: Let her called the bluff of the sister inlaw, i doubt the sister inlaw will want to expose because it will means exposing her own self which will have negative effect on her own(sister inlaw) future as well, but in calling the bluff, she should be ready for the worse, it is better to be truthful for ones and lose everything than cover lies with lies and become powerless when the lies can not be restricted or covered.

yh right, easier said than done!!!

Op dont lie, u are the person. Come clean so that we can know how to advise you.

aventura: Op dont lie, u are the person. Come clean so that we can know how to advise you.

like you have anything to say before, mtcheeew

Handsomeemmy: Let her called the bluff of the sister inlaw, i doubt the sister inlaw will want to expose because it will means exposing her own self which will have negative effect on her own(sister inlaw) future as well, but in calling the bluff, she should be ready for the worse, it is better to be truthful for ones and lose everything than cover lies with lies and become powerless when the lies can not be restricted or covered.

Guy is not dat simple oo! Esp wen it cums to always tellin d truth stuff, bliv me I hv bin there n can authoritatively tell U it ain't dat simple. Infact, I hv learnt some truth are beta left unsaid.

@topic, she shuld b kiaful on which Eva way she wishes to handle d situation esp wen dealin wit d sis in law so it doesn't boomerang.
wish hr d best though!

GSKing:

yh right, easier said than done!!!

One million likessssssss!

The sis in law wicked oooooo,she must not continue with the relationship,no matter the threat.A blackmailer won't stop until he/she is caught,I know it not easy but she just gotta confess,it would definitely be messier if she continue.I know its easier said than done,but your husband will definitely find out someday,even if your sis in law decided to let you be for now,that doesn't mean she won't burst your bubble later.She will manipulate you at any given opportunity,no be woman?

Handsomeemmy: Let her called the bluff of the sister inlaw, i doubt the sister inlaw will want to expose because it will means exposing her own self which will have negative effect on her own(sister inlaw) future as well, but in calling the bluff, she should be ready for the worse, it is better to be truthful for ones and lose everything than cover lies with lies and become powerless when the lies can not be restricted or covered.

Even though its very hard,you have said the truth,only the truth can set her free.She was enjoying it the whole time,didn't she know there would be consequences?

So simple......I tink say na hard tin when I dey read comment.....until I flipped back to read the main story!

Is she with kids?if no then quit the marriage.......cuz no matter what she does to cover up the track.......the lady mouth go loose.....and she should be more careful if them stil dey Bleep..cuz a person lyk her,since she knows she's tired of the sex she go one grab am wella as culprit,by recordin dia act,by such doin enslavin her for life marriage......she don't needs to stay cuz when they stat vn kids that's when the real war will stat cuz the sister inlaw cuz still wan fu!ck after marriage which make it worse, all she can do is save name,save hersef n stat a new life.......if hubby ask y leavin mak she talk say she can't cope wit long distance dat she's still young to end up lonely as dat........if dat one apen d sister inlaw wings go cut finally.......make she no go try tell him hubby at all ooo or any pastor....live with peace n start a new life....afterall no kids yet.....better than be in bondage wit no joy in a marriage.....abeg she's still very young to make new life jawe.