yellowpawpaw:
Mr Bellong, may u live long!
I am almost going insane here!
And even if u never liked their father, u hv no right whatesoever to change their name. U won't even win. Not in my culture.
I'm just hearing this for the first time here.
U ve been scarce? Hope all is well?

Mr BB, stop pulling my legs abegi.
NL argument dey wear me out honestly.

Interestingly I am not pulling your legs at all.. I am saying lets look at all possible angles
Its not an argument thing but really looking at the facts of the case

Lets consider your culture... if a man dies with a young widow and children.. what happens to the kids...
please tell...

did you read the links i posted on legal adoption

welcome bellong.. some time

pickabeau1: welcome bellong.. some time

Thanks bro... How are you doing?

Mr BB, my hand dey pain me o but I will tell u how its done in my place.

When a young widow with kids remarry in my place, Its expected she carry the kids along with her. Infact its one of the pre requisites. The new husband automatically becomes a guardian and new daddy to those kids. At times when they r too young to know what happened, they will grow up calling and assuming d new dad is their biological dad. Eventually they will know one way or d other.
Now, some grow up and marry from d new daddy's home. For the gals, during marriage,she will marry at d biological daddy's home. For the guys, once they hv matured, they will love to start identifying with their father's pple.

This in no way stops or hinders their r/ship with the new daddy or step bros and sis. They r still like family and will continue to be so but they hv to represent where they came from.
If tomoro, they become independent and whatever, everything they will do for their biological father is still what they will do for this new dad. And their other half is integral part of them too.

They don't ever change name. Its never done. Meanwhile contrary to some beliefs, some relatives r very good to these children and their mum and r always on d look out for them. At times d lady don't remarry and the late husbandis pple supports her and her kids.
*sighs*
Not all relatives r wicked.

so many views with vital reasons... This is getting more serious than i thought it to be.

And the late husband's family will allow her?

i dey hold my side..

bellong:

Thanks bro... How are you doing?

Thanks YPP for your time explaining the cultural practice.
Now lets look at it

THis is the reason why widows are typically doomed to a life of singlehood since it is expected for a man to be the guardian even of the other man;s kids.

So whats the motive of the man to take the new responsibility as he will have his own kids too later

Some relatives are good granted but lets not assume this is the norm

Back to topic...This man wants to marry his woman and be responsible to the kids of his own accord. Whats the matter of a name

If the hubby's family are so caring, why are they not in the picture of the kids...

Nice debate though ...

yellowpawpaw: Mr BB, my hand dey pain me o but I will tell u how its done in my place.

When a young widow with kids remarry in my place, Its expected she carry the kids along with her. Infact its one of the pre requisites. The new husband automatically becomes a guardian and new daddy to those kids. At times when they r too young to know what happened, they will grow up calling and assuming d new dad is their biological dad. Eventually they will know one way or d other.
Now, some grow up and marry from d new daddy's home. For the gals, during marriage,she will marry at d biological daddy's home. For the guys, once they hv matured, they will love to start identifying with their father's pple.

This in no way stops or hinders their r/ship with the new daddy or step bros and sis. They r still like family and will continue to be so but they hv to represent where they came from.
If tomoro, they become independent and whatever, everything they will do for their biological father is still what they will do for this new dad. And their other half is integral part of them too.

They don't ever change name. Its never done. Meanwhile contrary to some beliefs, some relatives r very good to these children and their mum and r always on d look out for them. At times d lady don't remarry and the late husbandis pple supports her and her kids.
*sighs*
Not all relatives r wicked.

@OP can you tell us a bit about your late husband's family
Have you engaged them in respect of your coming marriage
What are their views especially as relating to the kids

They can just start afresh and have the family change to an entirely different name altogether.

Eg an english name, a random name from the bible, a first name they both agree on which could be used as the surname, etc.

pickabeau1: @OP can you tell us a bit about your late husband's family
Have you engaged them in respect of your coming marriage
What are their views especially as relating to the kids

iv never married sir or madam

^ check my previous post.

tpia@:
^ check my previous post.

already did dat... Wats with it?

kambili999: iv never married sir or madam

I dont get you ma... you have kids for a man but were not able to complete the marriage trites.. is that correct

In that case, what is the relationship of your late fiance's family to you at the present time

For me, I wouldn't change the name of my kids to any new husband.
They have an identity. They have relations, cousins, uncles etc.

Chillisauce: For me, I wouldn't change the name of my kids to any new husband.
They have an identity. They have relations, cousins, uncles etc.

You are not a widow and may have a superb hubby family...

Some are not so lucky

kambili999: already did dat... Wats with it?

Thats an option.

pickabeau1:

You are not a widow and may have a superb hubby family...

Some are not so lucky

It doesn't matter, I will toil for those children day and night to protect their identity with or without my in laws help.
Even if I didn't love their father, I see no reason why I won't do it for the children I love.

It doesnt necessarily mean the man is against the kids, he may be trying to protect them.

Changing names isnt too unusual in nigeria, many people do change their names at some point.

The whole family can just switch to an english name or a christian one. They can also choose a general name in their language.

pickabeau1:

I dont get you ma... you have kids for a man but were not able to complete the marriage trites.. is that correct

In that case, what is the relationship of your late fiance's family to you at the present time

sir, the lady in question is my cousin's close friend. Not me.

Chillisauce:

It doesn't matter, I will toil for those children day and night to protect their identity with or without my in laws help.
Even if I didn't love their father, I see no reason why I won't do it for the children I love.

that is your ball...

if i were female, why i will keep a name of a family that neglected me with my child or keep a name of a man that abandoned me with my kids...

Still sentiment

Inlaws will now come and reap where they did not sow
Thats why some stewpid fadas will deliberately leave kids up and down saying he will look for me when he is old

I am not excusing using a child gainst the fada (or family) where the man or his family wants to be a part of the child's life

kambili999: sir, the lady in question is my cousin's close friend. Not me.

No problem what is the relationship with the man's family...

pickabeau1:

that is your ball...

if i were female, why i will keep a name of a family that neglected me with my child or keep a name of a man that abandoned me with my kids...

Still sentiment

Inlaws will now come and reap where they did not sow
Thats why some stewpid fadas will deliberately leave kids up and down saying he will look for me when he is old

I am not excusing using a child gainst the fada (or family) where the man or his family wants to be a part of the child's life

This is someone you were married to.not a single parent Ish.
I don't care of in laws, I care of doing the right thing.
That's just my opinion. The right thing is they belong somewhere.

The only exception here is maybe for immigration purposes, I will just know how to hyphen their fathers name with my new husband name or mine.
Their faters name is going no where.
Even if the name long wella, I just reduce it.

I dont think a woman keeps her late husband's name when she remarries?

Generally speaking.

Nice debate ....

Chillisauce:

This is someone you were married to.not a single parent Ish.
I don't care of in laws, I care of doing the right thing.
That's just my opinion. The right thing is they belong somewhere.

The only exception here is maybe for immigration purposes, I will just know how to hyphen their fathers name with my new husband name or mine.
Their faters name is going no where.
Even if the name long wella, I just reduce it.

tpia@:
I dont think a woman keeps her late husband's name when she remarries?

Generally speaking.

The issue here is actually about the kids not the woman

tpia@:


Thats an option.

of course, it is appreciated.

pickabeau1:

The issue here is actually about the kids not the woman

Changing their name doesnt necessarily mean they'll lose their identity.

They will lose part of their identity, yes, but sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation.

pickabeau1:

No problem what is the relationship with the man's family...

she doesnt seem to flow with them properly from d little apuroko i did. D late man was very wealthy n his mum wanted her to marry one of her late hubby's younger bro, prolly to circulate d wealth coz she and the kids were willed a large portion of it

tpia@:

Changing their name doesnt necessarily mean they'll lose their identity.
They will lose part of their identity, yes, but sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation.

Changing their names means losing their identity completely. What stake do they hv in their late father's name again if the only binding thing is forcefully removed?

And tomorow God forbid something bad happens and they fall out of lv with the step siblings, how will they feel when they r reminded that they r not part of them?
Hv u guys tot about the emotional trauma?
If their dad was one time big boy with many ppty attached to his name and he willed them to his kids? Pls tell me how they can legally get those things if their surnames hv been changed.

I'm interested in this cos this is the first time I'm hearing this.

Even the oyibos we copy knows better.

Frankly she needs to get them involved as marrying afresh will lead to alienation of the kids from their paternal family
If they are a family she does not want to associate with or they washed their hands off her, by all means move on

If they watn to be involved and have been involved... its more tricky

The mum looks manipulative... arrangee

kambili999: she doesnt seem to flow with them properly from d little apuroko i did. D late man was very wealthy n his mum wanted her to marry one of her late hubby's younger bro, prolly to circulate d wealth coz she and the kids were willed a large portion of it

why will they be fighting for property when they have been thrown away already

yellowpawpaw:
Changing their names means losing their identity completely. What stake do they hv in their late father's name again if the only binding thing is forcefully removed?

And tomorow God forbid something bad happens and they fall out of lv with the step siblings, how will they feel when they r reminded that they r not part of them?
Hv u guys tot about the emotional trauma?
If their dad was one time big boy with many ppty attached to his name and he willed them to his kids? Pls tell me how they can legally get those things if their surnames hv been changed.

I'm interested in this cos this is the first time I'm hearing this.

Even the oyibos we copy knows better.

Its tough... changing names tends to be irrevocable//

tpia@:


Changing their name doesnt necessarily mean they'll lose their identity.

They will lose part of their identity, yes, but sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation.