hey lovely pips. I wanna get ur opinions on sth.
A friend of my cousin has two kids(twins) for her late husband. Still young and trendy her family talked her into getting married again. She gave it a thought and decided to get married again. She is nw married to a very gorgeous young man who has a son from his late wife. Considering the fact that we are africans and bound by culture and tradition is she meant to change the surname of her kids from that of her late hubby to that of her new hubby Id appreciate ur answers.

Well IMHO, I do not think it is right to change the name of the kids. Their father's name should not be wiped off

They're his kids whether he is dead or alive and as such should bear his name. When she has kids for the new husband, they should bear the hubby's name.

The kids should retain their father's name.

If she likes - the matter has nothing to do with africa or culture, its up to her if she prefers they bear her new husband's name or retain their father's name.

I dont see the reason for this question, una nor dey get elders for una family ni? Or common sense dey scarce for una side?

And was it not this op who was asking if s/he could wear jeans to a wedding, now you're talking of culture and tradition?

I think it is horrible that she would even consider changing the children's last name. The man died. He did not abandon his children. Her new husband should love the children regardless of whose last name they carry. Honestly to me the woman is very silly to even consider it. It's not like it is an issue of life and death. She just wants to do it for her own self. Not looking at how it affects the kids or the man who was a father till the day he died. Anyway they're her children, her life

tpia@:
If she likes - the matter has nothing to do with africa or culture, its up to her if she prefers they bear her new husband's name or retain their father's name.

I dont see the reason for this question, una nor dey get elders for una family ni? Or common sense dey scarce for una side?

And was it not this op who was asking if s/he could wear jeans to a wedding, now you're talking of culture and tradition?

and so? Asking a question to clarify my doubts here on an ish is now ur problem?? Still dnt get ur point... FyI pips still wear jeans to weddings n dat doesnt mean they have forgotten their roots. I only asked coz i want to knw if pips do change their kids surnames.

soul_glo: I think it is horrible that she would even consider changing the children's last name. The man died. He did not abandon his children. Her new husband should love the children regardless of whose last name they carry. Honestly to me the woman is very silly to even consider it. It's not like it is an issue of life and death. She just wants to do it for her own self. Not looking at how it affects the kids or the man who was a father till the day he died. Anyway they're her children, her life

the ish dere is her husband wants them to use both surnames.

do what works for you

In the event the family wants to migrate or the child needs a letter of sponsorship, having a legal document makes for a stronger case

Find out about a legal adoption to protect the rights of the kids

Then maybe you can change the name


Or best contact a lawyer

yes, he can adopt them formally.

kambili999: the ish dere is her husband wants them to use both surnames.

I guess it's a little different since he wants the kids to still retain their father's name. He just wants them to add his. It's a different scenario from the one you first presented. His heart is in the right place. Maybe he does not want them to feel left out of the new family dynamic since their mother would likely be bearing his name. It makes sense now.

soul_glo:

I guess it's a little different since he wants the kids to still retain their father's name. He just wants them to add his. It's a different scenario from the one you first presented. His heart is in the right place. Maybe he does not want them to feel left out of the new family dynamic since their mother would likely be bearing his name. It makes sense now.

its kul to knw u get my point. Nw im cleared on it... I jst wanted to knw for my own knowledge nt coz she has issues with it or sth lyk dat.

i really appreciate ur comments. Very knowledgeable indeed...

I don't know about others but from where I came from, its an off topic. Pray, why will she change their names? Is she the one getting married or her children?
And for travel purpose, she don't hv to change names to obtain their documents.
A marriage certificate to d deceased and birth certificate will do. The new hubby can be their guardian.
Why will he adopt them? Don't they hv lineage to continue? So d dead man's name has to be wiped out bc mummy is now married?
Is there no elder in that family?
Infact, which kain kweshion be this?

yellowpawpaw: I don't know about others but from where I came from, its an off topic. Pray, why will she change their names? Is she the one getting married or her children?
And for travel purpose, she don't hv to change names to obtain their documents.
A marriage certificate to d deceased and birth certificate will do. The new hubby can be their guardian.
Why will he adopt them? Don't they hv lineage to continue? So d dead man's name has to be wiped out bc mummy is now married?
Is there no elder in that family?
Infact, which kain kweshion be this?

If you decide to migrate, they need adoption to be full n legal
If he wants to adopt them they r protected under the law rather than some whim...he cannot chase them away again

Elder?...please...

Where are the elders when the woman is left alone with twins to cater for

Pssst

Nawa o. Why would you want to change their names? At least, if not for anything but as a sign of respect to the late husband. Thank heavens at least the husband knows that a compound name is better than wiping the poor late man's name entirely.

Let me clear this misconception - adoption does not mean they change their last name please. They can retain their last name and still be "full and legal"

[size=22pt]No[/size]

yellowpawpaw: I don't know about others but from where I came from, its an off topic. Pray, why will she change their names? Is she the one getting married or her children?
And for travel purpose, she don't hv to change names to obtain their documents.
A marriage certificate to d deceased and birth certificate will do. The new hubby can be their guardian.
Why will he adopt them? Don't they hv lineage to continue? So d dead man's name has to be wiped out bc mummy is now married?
Is there no elder in that family?
Infact, which kain kweshion be this?

mr yellowpawpaw or is it a miss or mrs, if the question seems lame to u dat doesnt mean it will be so for someone else.

these same elders people re bringing up here sometymz if nt most tymz make d silliest decisions that re life shattering...

vanitty: Nawa o. Why would you want to change their names? At least, if not for anything but as a sign of respect to the late husband. Thank heavens at least the husband knows that a compound name is better than wiping the poor late man's name entirely.

Let me clear this misconception - adoption does not mean they change their last name please. They can retain their last name and still be "full and legal"

Nice point but "in naija here" having same names clear so many issues.
There are incidents of people having issues at embassies due to different name.. remember mario "balotelli"...

Me i dont see anything wrong with the move except the husband's family are a honourable one

The elders you speak of - not all of them are honourable

Mr BB, what r u saying?
So u mean the woman can't take her biological children along with her if she wanna cross over?
I'm yet to hear that from the main sources anyway cos for all I know, birth certificate is what is needed for her to take her children along with her to wherever. Her hubby is only but their guardian. They can only be adopted and depending on d culture if she had them out of wedlock and she want them to fit in. The only thing that remains of the dead man is d children and we wanna rob them of their rightful identity and inheritance bc of what?
Na waa for some reasoning.

And who said something about leaving the woman alone to cater for the kids?

Something I got online on Legal Adoption in Nigeria for those who want to file for US Visa

http://adopt.com/nigeria/index.html

4. Adopt the Child (or Gain Legal Custody) in Nigeria

The process for finalizing the adoption (or gaining legal custody) in Nigeria generally includes the following:
Role of The Adoption Authority: The social welfare office of the state where the child is located is considered the adoption authority. The application for adoption originates from the social welfare office of the state where the child is located. The Government office responsible for adoptions in Nigeria is the magistrate court of the state where the child is located.

Role of The Court: In most Nigerian states, the adoption process begins when an application for an adoption order is made in accordance with local requirements and submitted to the registrar of the competent court. The court then assigns a guardian ad litem for the child to represent him/her in the adoption proceedings. The guardian ad litem is the social welfare officer in charge of the area where the juvenile resides, or a probation officer or some other person suitably qualified in the opinion of the court of assignment. The guardian ad litem investigates the circumstances related to the proposed adoption and files a report to the court. The guardian ad litem represents the child’s interests until the magistrate questions the prospective adoptive parents and grants the adoption order giving legal custody to the adoptive parents.


The guardian ad litem investigates the circumstances relevant to the proposed adoption and reports in writing to the court. Prospective adoptive parents must inform the social welfare officer of their intention to adopt at least three months before the court order is made. For at least three consecutive months immediately preceding an adoption order, the child must have been in the physical care and legal custody of the applicant parents in Nigeria. An applicant cannot have the child reside with another family member in lieu of living with the applicant, even if a Power of Attorney is in effect.

The social welfare officer visits the home of the adoptive parents until the officer is satisfied that the juvenile is settled and the prospective adoptive parents are capable of looking after him or her. In such a case, the social welfare officer reports in writing a positive recommendation to the court. The magistrate will meet the adoptive parents in court to confirm their suitability and will issue or deny the adoption order.

After the adoption order has been issued, adoptive parents should obtain a new birth certificate for the child listing them as the child’s parents. In some states, after the adoption has been granted, the adoptive parents must obtain the court’s permission to remove the child from Nigerian jurisdiction, either temporarily or permanently. In addition, the social welfare officer might be required to submit a letter to the Nigerian immigration office, stating that the adoptive parents are now the legal parents of the child. This letter then permits the adopting parents to apply for a passport to take the child out of Nigeria.

vanitty: Nawa o. Why would you want to change their names? At least, if not for anything but as a sign of respect to the late husband. Thank heavens at least the husband knows that a compound name is better than wiping the poor late man's name entirely.
Let me clear this misconception - adoption does not mean they change their last name please. They can retain their last name and still be "full and legal"

Vannity,can u educate me more on what adoption entails pls.

Listen t others viewpoints once in a while

All you people are talking about is sentiments - husband's family et al and name etc

Will name provide the diapers for the babies
Will name provide the education for the babies
Will name provide the medcal care for the babies

Are we not here with our phoolish culture where a widowed woman with a biological child was abandoned by her fiance family because her marriage rites were not fully complete

This man wants to take responsibility for another man's child and he wants to change their names

whats the big deal about the name

This is my stance if the husband's family is not a responsible one
If they are, they will be involvd anyhow during the adoption process

yellowpawpaw: Mr BB, what r u saying?
So u mean the woman can't take her biological children along with her if she wanna cross over?
I'm yet to hear that from the main sources anyway cos for all I know, birth certificate is what is needed for her to take her children along with her to wherever. Her hubby is only but their guardian. They can only be adopted and depending on d culture if she had them out of wedlock and she want them to fit in. The only thing that remains of the dead man is d children and we wanna rob them of their rightful identity and inheritance bc of what?
Na waa for some reasoning.

And who said something about leaving the woman alone to cater for the kids?

pickabeau1:

Nice point but "in naija here" having same names clear so many issues.
There are incidents of people having issues at embassies due to different name.. remember mario "balotelli"...

Me i dont see anything wrong with the move except the husband's family are a honourable one

The elders you speak of - not all of them are honourable

Wait a minute, so cos my mummy remarried when my dad died, I now hv to erase every single memory of my late dad abi u think that children don't remember? When they grow up r u ready for the xplanation?
If the marriage didn't work, what then happens to the children?
I wish those that practice this luck cos they might need it.

Your late husband has family and I believe that children do not only belong to the couple but also to the two families. That being said, I think you need not change the surname to preserve their father's heritage and also give the children their own parental identity. It doesn't mean that the new husband wouldn't act right towards them.

Except you never liked their father and looking for a way to erase his memory, you can change the name.

yellowpawpaw:

Wait a minute, so cos my mummy remarried when my dad died, I now hv to erase every single memory of my late dad abi u think that children don't remember? When they grow up r u ready for the xplanation?
If the marriage didn't work, what then happens to the children?
I wish those that practice this luck cos they might need it.

it depends also on the age of the kids... if the kids are old enough, it does not matter really
Adoption may not even be necessary

Most likely the kids here are toddlers or pre-sef

Per your requeste see the folowing inks

http://nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/guest-articles/adoption-laws-of-lagos-state-practice-and-procedure.html

http://www.lagosstate.gov.ng/pagemenus.php?p=124&k=41

Ultimately we dont pray for untimely death but the truth is that we dont know what happens after we are gone - Ecclesiastes

bellong:
Your late husband has family and I believe that children do not only belong to the couple but also to the two families. That being said, I think you need not change the surname to preserve their father's heritage and also give the children their own parental identity. It doesn't mean that the new husband wouldn't act right towards them.

Except you never liked their father and looking for a way to erase his memory, you can change the name.

There, sir, you nailed it
Some families are wicked

pickabeau1: Listen t others viewpoints once in a while
All you people are talking about is sentiments - husband's family et al and name etc
Will name provide the diapers for the babies
Will name provide the education for the babies
Will name provide the medcal care for the babies
Are we not here with our phoolish culture where a widowed woman with a biological child was abandoned by her fiance family because her marriage rites were not fully complete
This man wants to take responsibility for another man's child and he wants to change their names
whats the big deal about the name
This is my stance if the husband's family is not a responsible one
If they are, they will be involvd anyhow during the adoption process

A guardian does that and more. A good husband don't hv to rob those kids of the most important thing that brings them close to their dad cos he want to take care of them. And how can they inherit what is rightfully theirs if they change their names? And u think the children will ever forgive u if they later learnt d truth? If he can't fit in role of a daddy without altering who they really r, he is not fit to be their daddy. Simple.

Jehova!
What has sentiment and culture gat to do with this?

yellowpawpaw:
A guardian does that and more. A good husband don't hv to rob those kids of the most important thing that brings them close to their dad cos he want to take care of them. And how can they inherit what is rightfully theirs if they change their names? And u think the children will ever forgive u if they later learnt d truth? If he can't fit in role of a daddy without altering who they really r, he is not fit to be their daddy. Simple.

Jehova!
What has sentiment and culture gat to do with this?

Good points... you assume there is an inheritance to go to.. hahaha

The choice is ultimately the man's but only few people will take a woman with her child(ren) especially young ones
Moreso he may want them as his

Sentiment.. because a spade is a spade by any other name...
The children still need to grow up... will name feed them

If the man wants to make them his, it should be total and legal.. nothing like compound name sef

bellong:
Your late husband has family and I believe that children do not only belong to the couple but also to the two families. That being said, I think you need not change the surname to preserve their father's heritage and also give the children their own parental identity. It doesn't mean that the new husband wouldn't act right towards them.

Except you never liked their father and looking for a way to erase his memory, you can change the name.

Mr Bellong, may u live long!
I am almost going insane here!
And even if u never liked their father, u hv no right whatesoever to change their name. U won't even win. Not in my culture.
I'm just hearing this for the first time here.
U ve been scarce? Hope all is well?

Mr BB, stop pulling my legs abegi.
NL argument dey wear me out honestly.

yellowpawpaw:
Mr Bellong, may u live long!
I am almost going insane here!

U ve been scarce? Hope all is well?

All is well, these days have been very busy with too many deadlines to beat... I have a free time today