http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/do-you-need-privacy-in-your-marriage/
http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/do-you-need-privacy-in-your-marriage/


Yes

Everyone requires and deserves a little space in marriage and that little space may be what is actually required to grow the relationship and take it to the next level.

For a few people and myself included, being open and honest with my partner doesn’t mean that all thoughts, dreams, fears and fantasies must be shared without a conscious effort to censor some of those things.

Every man and woman for me deserves to have privacy. We do not only need it but, it’s a requirement for a healthy and normal emotional relationship growth.

Honesty as has been said by a lot of people older than me who I have interacted with on this issue even while growing up, is a double edged sword because knowing what to share and what not to share is an important communication skill that a lot of married couples must learn to use in their relationship.

The right to privacy is an embedded right which helps to expand your level of intimacy with your spouse because you cannot learn to be totally intimate with your spouse without being in touch with the innermost parts of yourself. A lot of people have issues from their past that they may still be battling with and which they may not even have full grasp of yet.

They may still be dealing with those issues and trying to find a solution that will not only be okay, but that will also minimize the hurt if we do get to find out in the end.

And at times the secrets may concern someone else who may have asked us to keep their secrets private and not reveal them to anyone, not even our spouse.

The sense of a “private me’ and space is important to many people who may have been married for a long time and it goes even beyond privacy in a relationship. For most people who care to hear, I always tell them that asking or hearing your partner saying he or she needs some space doesn’t really mean that you or your partner want out of the relationship.

Asking for time alone to be with oneself is actually a mature way to get to know who you are as a person more. What matters is how you put the request forward and how your partner receives the news. Most people throw the phrase of needed space out without really knowing the truism behind what they have said.

The space is privacy or time alone for just you. It’s what I call a “me” time. The funny thing is that a lot of people tend to feel guilty when they ask for this “me’ time because they think it’s a selfish act and that there shouldn’t be anything like that in their relationship. But the truth is that this “me” time is actually a time to re-energize and to create more time for one’s partner and others we love.

We tend to forget also that as individuals, we have our individual differences. Marriage for most people tend to box them in a tight corner that after a few years may feel like a cage and the reaction to free oneself may lie quietly below the surface, waiting for something or an incident to push it up into the open. I believe one of the ways to avoid this feeling or to minimize it to the barest level is to allow each other some time off to be alone in the relationship.

This will help to remove the feeling of exhaustion that may rear its ugly head once in a while in any relationship. Personal privacy as I see it is actually a time for selfrealization within the idea of marriage or a meaningful relationship. It’s a time for one to reconnect with that person in you who decided he or she wanted to get married in the first place.

One thing I also do tell people is that we shouldn’t wait till that feeling of suffocation gets to us before we decide that we need that precious “me” time.

Therefore to answer the question of whether personal privacy is required in marriage, I’ll gladly and unequivocally say it’s a yes and even go further on a limb here to say it’s as equally important as a “we” time which we all want in our marriages too.


Absolutely!

Like I said last week, we have ‘worlds’ outside that of our partners. These ‘worlds’ could be so wide that it may be practically impossible for our partners’ to have knowledge of every part of our lives. Some things are deliberately kept secret while some are so by default.

On the other hand, everybody needs some personal space from time to time; this could involve doing things without your partner, so long as those things do not amount to infidelity.

Whatever is the case, do you think it is unreasonable for a married person to be entitled to privacy of any sort? Can she decide to keep some things to herself, in her desire to retain some sort of privacy? Some synonyms given for the word “privacy” are: confidentiality, discretion, secrecy, concealment, solitude, seclusion and isolation.

This shows that the word has a wider meaning than we assume, even in the context of marriage. Privacy in marriage could range from some ‘alone time’ in the matrimonial home to ‘privacy’ which amounts to deliberately keeping some aspects of one’s life ‘concealed’ from a spouse.

Of course, there is a difference between doing ‘runs’ behind your spouse’s back and simply exercising your discretion on what areas to let your partner in. Someone may be quick to shout a big “NO!”

when asked the question being discussed because marriage means that two have become one, the couple should be naked and not ashamed, and being ‘one’ means one mind (and possibly one brain! LOL!!!).

However, the reality is that we are still individuals after marriage. We still want to retain personal dignity; we still want to be able to exercise a level of independence, and most of all, we would rather keep some ‘stuff ’ to ourselves because we do not want our partners to use them against us during our ‘down moments’. For instance, can you possibly gist your husband about every man who makes a pass at you?

It may be safer to just be silent about them, particularly when your spouse is very insecure or suspicious and you have a strategy from keeping those men far away from you (In my opinion, you should tell your spouse if the another man is seriously on your case and is in such close proximity to you that not telling your partner would make you look like you are interested in the man. This way, you can ‘fight’ the man together).

Another instance would be matters in your place of work. You may need to keep to yourself, information about happenings involving you at your workplace because you do not want to give them much attention or place a magnifying glass on them by gisting your spouse. You could have a senior colleague or supervisor who picks on you and gives you lousy appraisals because he/she feels threatened by you.

You may decide not to tell your spouse for many reasons, including the need to keep your spouse neutral about the person. This will help if your spouse gets to see the person often; you do not want any tension between them.

Also, in a situation where you have a colleague or boss who wants to have a relationship with you, and telling your spouse may compel him to demand that you leave the job, you could keep it to yourself, AS LONG AS YOU ARE SURE THAT YOU WILL NOT FALL FOR THE PERSON.

How about taking a vacation without your spouse because you want some privacy? Is this abominable? I don’t think so. Is it a crazy thing for a woman to have her own private room where she dresses up and spends some ‘alone’ time often?

I also do not see any qualms with such a private room as long as she sleeps in the same room with her husband and does not use her room as a tool for going on a sex strike. Anyway, there should be no hard and fast rule; I believe that each person should give his/her spouse the entitlement to privacy so that he/she does not have to demand for it. This does not have to be literarily given; one can tell when his/her spouse is liberal in this regard.

So, should one be entitled to personal privacy in marriage? Why not?



http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/do-you-need-privacy-in-your-marriage/
http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/do-you-need-privacy-in-your-marriage/

Bro dis ur post is long oh. I bin dey read am b4 but i stop when i see say e long. No vex. Yes, space is gud. Which is why if am gona get married, i'd luv to av a separate bedroom to myself alone