There's nothing wrong with cooking. there's nothing wrong in learning how to do it either. They do say practice makes perfect. U might not want to cook cos u r not very good at it, but u can be. I know a couple of nigerian guys that are good cooks. It's just always been sort of a tradition to have the ladies cook but it's not bad if the guy helps out.

very reasonable comment
best comment ever had
thanx

@ sweet sour

i agree wit u

mamaput:



Rottweiler am going to mark your name.
True things do not change so fast .
But don't forget the Profession Housewife is dying out.
Soon there will be nothing like stay home mum.
So if both are working full time what thenm

Nobody is asking any woman to be a professional housewife! ladies bring up sentiments to cover their inadequacies. Why can't you cook? Where you brought up by homosexuals? I don't understand! All sorts of ideas crop into ladies head and they want them implemented. It's really crazy. I guess that's why a lot of marriages don't last these days.

so women should stop thinking.
An Arab man once said beat your wife first thing in the morning for anything she may do wrong that day

hahahaha mamaput - na wa fo you. Anyway Rottweiler, Let these girls be dilly dandling - the race will eventually catch up with them and they'll be forced to run. Only cooking. what's in cooking a SIMPLE meal na war? - dey lek say they've been asked to deliver sixtuplets! even da wan sef easy , 

Its not just about cooking its about telling your daughters to learn how to cook so that they will find good Husband.



good husband my @ss.
My Kids can cook but not because of any Stupid Husband.
Telling thim that is for me like Telling them they are second class citizens.
They may end up cooking for Husband but they cook first for themselves

Rottweiler well said. Everyone has a role in a household. Its not like men don't help out in the household, but women should learn to cook. My mother and sisters know how to cook. Women have an important role in the household.

What of you can you cook.
If your wife is sick will you cook for her,or will you send for yoursor her sisters to come and cook.?

thanx 4 all ur good advice mama put,i rily appreciate it!!!

What of you can you cook.
If your wife is sick will you cook for her,or will you send for yoursor her sisters to come and cook.?***********

I might cook or order out, depends.

If I'm sick is my wife going to do the lawn, heavy lifting or go to my job? Of course not.
Its if you want to say learning how to cook is optional.
Optional if you want to celibate and alone forever.

Are you planning to have kids? "oh no children I don't want to cook today." You're not being serious.

I do cook , i do have children 3 between 10 and 17.
All my kids can cook. But i do not allow the small one to deep fry or bring down pasta from the fire. Safty reasons so when they re done she has to call someone to help her take them down.
All these ohter jobs you called can wait. But we all have to eat.
I never said dont cook.
But i will never tell my children they must learn how to cook because of husband.
By the way there are daysi tell my kids am not cooking.But that dose not bother them ,becaue they can cook.

Svs, its nt like as if women are enslaved to cook, i think thats where u're gettn it wrong. It is a woman's duty n a thing of joy really. For me, i love to cook meals masef DA WAY I WANT IT.

SVS, i think you are placing a course on your self, if you are not married you do not have no respect wether in Europ or Africa, even your boyfriend will kick you out if you do not know how to cook. better learn!!!!!

pajimoh:

SVS, i think you are placing a course on your self, if you are not married you do not have no respect wether in Europ or Africa, even your boyfriend will kick you out if you do not know how to cook. better learn!!!!!

Lie. If he loves you, he won't kick you out. Oh, what do you mean by 'you are placing a course'? Course as in meal? What's that?

retro:

Lie. If he loves you, he won't kick you out. Oh, what do you mean by 'you are placing a course'? Course as in meal? What's that?

I think he means a "curse".


@ pajimoh
why are people (especially Africans) always trying to threaten (or should I say "scare" people into doing things? Maybe I have been in the west for too long, but this baffles me. If it's not religion, it's something else. Why do you think everybody think the way you do? Why try to make everything a life or death matter? Have you dated every man and know for a fact that that's how every man thinks?

The world if full of different people from different walks of life. Now I admit that if you grow up in Naija, you will encounter many people who think like you do. But even then, you will have men who don't see the issue of cooking as a life or death matter.

If you prefer that your wife knows how to cook, then that's your preference and that's good for you. if you can't respect those who can't cook, then that's your palavar and that's good for YOU.
But this "Your boyfriend will leave" "You will not be respected" and other tactics people try to use to intimidate people are a little ridiculous.
Don't mean to be so harsh, but let's get real abeg.

Nia:

I think he means a "curse".

Oh. Thanks. People, please spell correctly.

@retro - they need spelling refinery,

I think too many times people want to take the easy way out. Everyone should learn how to cook but its been the traditional role of women to prepare the food for their family. While it is the man who brings home the money. There have been variations to this theme: i.e If a womans sick, if she needs help in the kitchen, ect. a Man will help out in the kitchen,
However, If you want to make roles optional, see how a family becomes dysfunctional. Do you think certain roles that have withstood the ages of time happen by chance?

All this western thinking, if he really loves you, he wouldn't mind you cooking. If you really loved yourself and your family how can you be so selfish and so self-absorbed to not know how fundlemental the role of women are in a household ?Its this non-African me first selfish thinking that will be the detriment to the African family.

Don't mean to be so harsh, but let's get real abeg.*******

Lets get real. If we took a poll of men who want a women who can't cook, it would be extremely low, probably close to zero. Only ones saying cooking is optional are other women and if she plans on being celibate or with other women, she might want to take that into consideration.

Anigboinam:

Don't mean to be so harsh, but let's get real abeg.*******

Lets get real. If we took a poll of men who want a women who can't cook, it would be extremely low, probably close to zero. Only ones saying cooking is optional are other women and if she plans on being celibate or with other women, she might want to take that into consideration.

Please let me know when you've conducted the poll nah, LOL.
And why can "other women" not contribute from their own experiences? Are YOU not speaking from YOUR experiences? I didn't think one person's experience is more important than the other.
Do (some of) these women not live with men or are they not dating or married to men? No one is saying anyone should take the "easy way out". Cooking is not rocket science and it's not like walking two thousand miles. 
The problem is not having a preference for it and trying to force someone into something through "scare" tactics or claiming that your worth as a human being or a woman is dramatically reduced because you don't like to cook. (i.e. "Your boyfriend/husband will leave you if you can't cook" "You will not be respected" et cetera).

What you call "westernized thinking" I call "common sense". If a man marries you, knowing you don't want or like to cook and then decides to leave or run around for the same reason, what sense does that make? And if you're a female who knows you don't have a preference for it, why would you marry someone like that in the first place? Either you have major miscommunication going on or you're both not serious to begin with, LOL.  Because the only sensible thing to do is to settle down with someone who thinks like you do. Like I stated earlier, we're all a victim of our experiences and no one can speak for whole group of people.

me i go talk my own.

if a girl doesnt know how to cook, i sorry for her. a guy like me who only knows his stomach before every other thing, wont find it funny.

i mean, what is wrong in learning how to cook. if i can cook, why cant a girl cook? my mum had to force me to learn how to cook and every sunday i did the cooking, im grateful for that cuzz now i dont need no girl to do shakara for me when i tell her to cook.

it is one of the duties of an african woman, to know how to cook and if u cant cook, well, i wont eat hotel. so better start learning or else, you will regret ever not knowing how to cook.

A nigerian woman has got to know how to cook. Its plain simple. I was groomed to cook from age 8!!!! But do i have to cook to prove to him that i am the one? NoBut i  cook cos i enjoy to cook and if he enjoys it FINE if he doesnt, SOD OFF

Please let me know when you've conducted the poll nah, LOL.
And why can "other women" not contribute from their own experiences? Are YOU not speaking from YOUR experiences? I didn't think one person's experience is more important than the other.
Do (some of) these women not live with men or are they not dating or married to men? **********

>>>>So these women are speaking for themselves and men? How convenient.
Perhaps they are speaking for themselves as a woman as I am  as a man.

>>>>Plus. Don't you think its interesting practically every male in the thread has disagreed with svs position?
and you will be hard pressed to find a man who wants a woman who doesn't cook.

>>>Here's an idea, ask the question directly tp women: Who cooks in the household? It would further bolster your position of men's opinions , if the question was actually posed and answered, and not assumed.

No one is saying anyone should take the "easy way out". Cooking is not rocket science and it's not like walking two thousand miles. *********

>>>If its so easy why is she complaining about it in the opening thread?.

The problem is not having a preference for it and trying to force someone into something through "scare" tactics or claiming that your worth as a human being or a woman is dramatically reduced because you don't like to cook. (i.e. "Your boyfriend/husband will leave you if you can't cook" "You will not be respected" et cetera). ***********

>>>>Minimizing the role of a women  i.e cooking optional, taking care of kids optional, cleaning household optional, is as destructive as saying a man working  is optional, a man can have multiple women, its optional.  I think you reap what you sow and if a person wants to make an informed decision knowing the pros and cons to her action, great. An uninformed decision,  painting a pretty picture (i.e any man will be with a women who can't cook) is not realistic and to me is a FAIRY TALE.

What you call "westernized thinking" I call "common sense". ********

You do know the US has a 50 percent divorce rate? Are you sure you want to emulate them?


If a man marries you, knowing you don't want or like to cook and then decides to leave or run around for the same reason, what sense does that make?****************

>>>Again what sense does it make painting a fairy tale picture that all men like women who don't cook?? The point is informing svs. You call it a scare tactic, I call it reality.


And if you're a female who knows you don't have a preference for it, why would you marry someone like that in the first place? Either you have major miscommunication going on or you're both not serious to begin with, LOL.  Because the only sensible thing to do is to settle down with someone who thinks like you do. Like I stated earlier, we're all a victim of our experiences and no one can speak for whole group of people.**************

>>>Agree, but if your a women knowing the odds of men who like women who can't cook, aren't you better prepared? Its the same for a fat man who tries to choose a woman for marriage. He should know the odds aren't good at finding a woman who likes morbidly obese men. BEING INFORMED IS KEY not a SCARE TACTIC.

This your way of quoting na helele o, LOL.
Let's see:

Anigboinam:

>>>>So these women are speaking for themselves and men? How convenient.
Perhaps they are speaking for themselves as a woman as I am  as a man.

hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men.

Anigboinam:

>>>>Plus. Don't you think its interesting practically every male in the thread has disagreed with svs position?

You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar.

Anigboinam:

and you will be hard pressed to find a man who wants a woman who doesn't cook.

I have already addressed this generalization.

Anigboinam:

>>>Here's an idea, ask the question directly tp women: Who cooks in the household? It would further bolster your position of men's opinions , if the question was actually posed and answered, and not assumed.

hmnn, we can already assume what majority ON NAIRALAND would say. But how is that accurate? What percentage does those on Nairaland represent? How substantial is this to who svs is LIKELY to get married to, if she decided to get married? we would again consider their background etc

Anigboinam:
******No one is saying anyone should take the "easy way out". Cooking is not rocket science and it's not like walking two thousand miles. *********

>>>If its so easy why is she complaining about it in the opening thread?

From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.  Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.

Anigboinam:

>>>>Minimizing the role of a women  i.e cooking optional, taking care of kids optional, cleaning household optional, is as destructive as saying a man working  is optional, a man can have multiple women, its optional.  I think you reap what you sow and if a person wants to make an informed decision knowing the pros and cons to her action, great. An uninformed decision,  painting a pretty picture (i.e any man will be with a women who can't cook) is not realistic and to me is a FAIRY TALE.

LOL, my brother, this your arguement dey one kind sha. We are now bordering on slippery slope type fallasies. I see no connection whatsoever with what you're yarning. How does seeing cooking as optional mean that your husband should look for more wives to marry? Now if we're saying SVS should start cheating on her husband (when or if she gets one) or start having mad passionate love affairs outside of her marriage then I can understand the analogy.  I think women should work with their husband to bring in the money. He should not be the only one responsible for providing financially for the family.

Anigboinam:
You do know the US has a 50 percent divorce rate? Are you sure you want to emulate them?

What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion.

Anigboinam:

>>>Again what sense does it make painting a fairy tale picture that all men like women who don't cook?? The point is informing svs. You call it a scare tactic, I call it reality.

hmnn, my brother, I must challenge you to post where I wrote this. I never wrote such a thing as "ALL MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO DON'T COOK." What I wrote is that all men DO NOT define women by whether or not they can or cannot cook. This is a lie and a generalization and experiences tell me differently.

Anigboinam:
>>>Agree, but if your a women knowing the odds of men who like women who can't cook, aren't you better prepared? Its the same for a fat man who tries to choose a woman for marriage. He should know the odds aren't good at finding a woman who likes morbidly obese men. BEING INFORMED IS KEY not a SCARE TACTIC.

I think you're missing the point. Now, i think everyone should try to learn any skill that will give them more independence and make them more self-sufficient, like I stated earlier. But why would anyone see not cooking as having a curse on your family? Giving a onesided view and trying to discredit others is NOT proper information. Again, no one person's experience is more or less significant than the other.

My brother, we now live in a world where you should hear both sides of the arguement and then make an informed decision. But saying things like 'you will have a curse on your family, your husband will cheat on you et cetera, is not a proper tactic of informing people, ah ah.  Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid.
Nor is it appropriate to be threatening her life because she doesn't want to subscribe to "traditional" ideas ("You will have a curse on your family" etc). Or negatively getting impassioned because other people live different lifestyles from the traditional.  Being properly informed means hearing all the views out there and letting yourself be guided according to your personal preference and what you're comfortable with. It's NOT bullying or scaring people and giving one-sided accounts of what life should be. I would never shout down someone who prefers to live traditional because that's their preference and I respect it. I was raised differently and I know that influences how I view the world. But we should all give each other that same courtesy. Again, we all come from different walks of life.

see just been reading through all the stuff you all have been writting. girls cooking is not totaly a do or die thing, it has to do with the parties involved. but marriage now thats a whole different thing all together. its funny how the threads that tie marriage find their way to the pot, . I think cooking is fun, if a guy thinks he can dictate the pace of the relationship well i dictate the pace of his feeding pattern and when a man is hungry belive me girls you can get himto do anything, [s]mind you food doesn't have to be from the kitchen alone[/s] , so my dear your pot is your weapon!

Re: Why Do Girls Have To Cook?
« #120 on: Today at 05:06:52 AM »  

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***************************************************************************************************
hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men. *****************************************************

>>>That doesn't make sense.

>>>My point most men would like a women who cooks. I'm speaking as a man.  

>>>They are speaking as woman. There isn't a post in this thread where a woman has offered their Man's opinion. So this ambiguous assertion that I'm not accepting other experiences is a phantom argument,  based on nothing.

It is perplexing that if a man states his preference, HE is "DEFINING" a woman. However if women has a list of preferences that is her right.

*************************************************************************************************
You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar.**************************************************************


>>> What do you suggest? Maybe svc who posts on Nairaland to marry a hippy from  Amsterdam  in order for cooking to be optional?  So opinions of Niaraland aren't valid?  It seems you want to be ducking from the prevailing point of view with this commentary.because your theory lacks substance.




*************************************
I have already addressed this generalization. ******************************************************

>>>No you dodged it with a ridiculous point and didn't offer an alternative.




**********************************************************************************************
hmnn, we can already assume what majority ON NAIRALAND would say. But how is that accurate? What percentage does those on Nairaland represent? How substantial is this to who svs is LIKELY to get married to, if she decided to get married? we would again consider their background etc****************************************************

>>> You said. "You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar."

>>>You have zig zagged yourself out of a point. You already conceded majority of people on Nairaland will side with my opinion but now you cast doubt  Culture has an important influence in shading ones attitudes and opinions.  

>>>SVS is on Narialand probabilty quite high she's Nigerian of Nigerian heritage. If she plans on marrying within her culture, wouldn't it be wise to know what the prevailing themes are?

********************************************************************************************
From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.**********************************************

>>>I don't like doing alot of things but I do it because it must be done. Similar with cooking, someone must do it.  

**********************************************
Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.****************************************

>>> Can you quote her saying that? or yourself?

>>>I remember reading the book, "when things fall apart.", by Chinua Achebe. ( Very appropriate title with this line of thinking. )
While having a discussion about the book, a white young lady with long hair and tongue pierced told me how wrong my culture was for subjecting women to 2nd class citizenship. Asked me why aren't the men cooking and raising the children and women hunting. I looked at her and asked her why can't she  appreciate and learn about another culture, Why must she always look at the world through a feministic lens? I think your projecting your own agenda on SVC. I wish her mother tells her the importance of cooking in a Nigerian household. How plaintain, rice with stew, foofoo and egusi soup are relished and the women who prepare loved.    If you want to promote this western laisez faire role of nobody has a role , thats your choice. However since this is a cultural based forum, I will promote the culture.

********************************************************************************************
LOL, my brother, this your arguement dey one kind sha. We are now bordering on slippery slope type fallasies. I see no connection whatsoever with what you're yarning. How does seeing cooking as optional mean that your husband should look for more wives to marry? Now if we're saying SVS should start cheating on her husband (when or if she gets one) or start having mad passionate love affairs outside of her marriage then I can understand the analogy.  I think women should work with their husband to bring in the money. He should not be the only one responsible for providing financially for the family.************************************************************************************

>>>You didn't understand the analogy that is all. Male and females have roles within the family unit that have withstood the test of time in Nigeria. Some roles are not optional. It not optional for me to not to work. Its not optional for me to have more than one wife or sherk my duties as a male. See the connection(?) probably not.

**********************************************************************************************
What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion. **********************************

>>>Isn't this convenient? Unlike the west? WE? who is we?   You are the same person who doesn't recognize or readily dismisses cooking by women as a primary task in the Nigerian culture. Now states we (Nigerians) take marriage as a do or die affair. You understand culture in this instance but not in respects to cooking??

>>>Let me remind you there is a courting stage before marriage. Where men and women make an informed judgement based on what the males and females can bring to the relationship. So a woman who can't cook might not even get to the stage of marriage.

>>>You zig and zag but you can not escape reality. There are many things that hold a marriage together. Males and females living up to their roles helps maintain a relationship. Most studies site financial instability as one of the main reasons for divorce. More than likely a male not providing an adequate source of income. You cannot sit here and tell me that long lasting relationships occur when a woman is not living up to her role in the household. Its like you point to doubt but you can't even give credible instances that support your points.


*******************************************************************************************
hmnn, my brother, I must challenge you to post where I wrote this. I never wrote such a thing as "ALL MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO DON'T COOK." What I wrote is that all men DO NOT define women by whether or not they can or cannot cook. This is a lie and a generalization and experiences tell me differently. *********************************************

>>>"Woman Defined by cooking" , Who said this other than you? Am a defined by being the bread winner, doing hard labor?  This feminsitic mutated version of what svc said is your problem. It clouds any reasonable discussion with you.
You like using that phrase as if it can disputes what most men and some women are saying in this thread. Men like women who cooks. Simple. They look for that quality because they feel it brings stability in  a family.  

***********************************************************************************
I think you're missing the point. Now, i think everyone should try to learn any skill that will give them more independence and make them more self-sufficient, like I stated earlier. *************************************************

>>>Agree about learning the skill for independence but you miss the cultural implications and the necessity of woman's role in a family, marriage, household via cooking, which is an interdependent relationship.

******************************************************************************************
But why would anyone see not cooking as having a curse on your family? Giving a onesided view and trying to discredit others is NOT proper information. Again, no one person's experience is more or less significant than the other. *************

>>>Its his opinion as a man that not having a women cook is a bad sign. Maybe you don't like the way he phrased it but I tend to also think that way. I think giving a truthful opinion is better than giving a theory based on rare possibilities of a man thinking otherwise.  Where is the data suggesting this? , i.e Men saying I don't really care if a woman cooks:
1. You could have easily given this from your own experience which you didn't
2. You could have actually quoted a female stating their "MANS" opinion, which I haven't seen. Need to pose the question first.
3. you've negated posters opinions who agreed with me in this thread.*  
4. you will probably neglect the relevance of cooking in the Nigerian culture in a Nigerian forum.  



My brother, we now live in a world where you should hear both sides of the arguement and then make an informed decision. But saying things like 'you will have a curse on your family, your husband will cheat on you et cetera, is not a proper tactic of informing people, ah ah.  *************************************************************

Giving theories and fairy tale possibilities of a man not caring if a women cooks is not responsible. No one is threatening her just giving a prevailing point of view.


Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid. *******************************************

>>>Who has said this?  Fictional based paraphrasing of something that was never said?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks.  

Nor is it appropriate to be threatening her life because she doesn't want to subscribe to "traditional" ideas ("You will have a curse on your family" etc). Or negatively getting impassioned because other people live different lifestyles from the traditional.  *******************************************************************************

>>>Are you sane? or reliving some post-tramatic experience in your posts because this statement is not reflective of reality. Who threatened her life? Who is forcing her to subscribe to traditional ideas?
She is being informed of traditional ideas, is that NOW A CRIME?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks. You can translate that anyway you want but please base it in the realm of reality.


Being properly informed means hearing all the views out there and letting yourself be guided according to your personal preference and what you're comfortable with. It's NOT bullying or scaring people and giving one-sided accounts of what life should be. I would never shout down someone who prefers to live traditional because that's their preference and I respect it. I was raised differently and I know that influences how I view the world. But we should all give each other that same courtesy. Again, we all come from different walks of life.  *****************************************

>>>She will marry who she wants to marry. A man will marry who he wants to marry. If she can find a man who primarily cooks more power to her, but she should know the probablilties of that happening is very slim . Its not a bullying tactic, its the truth. Its funny if a man states he would like to be with women who cooks, its a threat, but you as a woman can give a mans opinion and call it  informed. My sister please stop projecting your traumatized past into this discussion,  I come from a very stable household were women are respected. Please give the same respect in allowing me to give an opinion from a Nigerian male's point of view.    

I think Anigboinam has some pretty good points especially this one.

Anigboinam:

if he really loves you, he wouldn't mind you cooking. If you really loved yourself and your family how can you be so selfish and so self-absorbed to not know how fundamental the role of women are in a household? Its this non-African me first selfish thinking that will be the detriment to the African family.

It's not a crime that she can't cook but then she should be willing to learn. If she really loves her man and family, it's not too hard to learn how to prepare food for them. But the same should apply to the man, if his wife ultimately wants him to cook too, he should also be willing to learn. Anything for your lover/partner, isn't it?

There is a similar thread here with more interesting views:
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-7287.0.html

i think is nice for a woman to know  how to cook ,
but we africans think that cooking is created only for women that is not true,
don't you think that it's nice when a women see his man cooking for her?
       that shows  real love                
   I think great chelf are allways men

                                     this one go for the men


cook for your women, that is the most beautiful thing a man can do for his baby 

@ Anigbonaim
My brother, if we want to engage in a healthy debate, then we're better off staying away from personal insults. If you can't poke holes in what I have posted you're free to disengage from the discussion. But throwing out personal insults when you can't properly diagree with someone is childish and immature and will quickly take away from intelligent discourse. 
You don't know me and I don't know you. Up till now, I have given you the respect anonymity (and a healthy debate)requires and if it is too much to do the same in return, I have no problem stopping the discussion. Again, ad hominems does nothing to disprove the points I raised nor do they help make your points any accurate or agreeable.

Anigboinam:

  Re: Why Do Girls Have To Cook?
« #120 on: Today at 05:06:52 AM » 

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***************************************************************************************************
hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men. *****************************************************

>>>That doesn't make sense.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

Anigboinam:
>>>My point most men would like a women who cooks. I'm speaking as a man. 

read my first post again. Your views are your views, you do not speak for a whole sex/gender.

Anigboinam:


>>>They are speaking as woman. There isn't a post in this thread where a woman has offered their Man's opinion. So this ambiguous assertion that I'm not accepting other experiences is a phantom argument,  based on nothing.

If there's mutual agreement between the women (who have posted here) and the men (the ones they live with) about the arrangements within the household, why is it difficult to see that they also represent their boyfriend, lover, or partner's view? If they both live in a household where there's agreement that cooking is not exclusively left to one person, that means it is a decision that is supported by the males they're with. Logically speaking, they also represent their partners' views.

Anigboinam:

>>> What do you suggest? Maybe svc who posts on Nairaland to marry a hippy from  Amsterdam  in order for cooking to be optional?  So opinions of Niaraland aren't valid?  It seems you want to be ducking from the prevailing point of view with this commentary.because your theory lacks substance.

hmnn, my words have never been so twisted and misunderstood. I don't know who svs will marry. She might have a preference for people who she grows up with. She might take a course in art when she goes off to college and fall madly in love with a German, or somebody from Jamaica. She might decide to never get married. She might change her mind and get married to someone from work when she's like 30. She might get hearbroken by someone from a particular region and decide never to date anyone from that part of the world. She might like a lot of men and get married many times to different people from all over the world. Nobody knows.
The only information we know is that she doesn't live in Nigeria. Unless you know FOR A FACT who she will marry, neither you nor I have the monopoly on who or what culture should be dictating her life for her. That is a decision she will make and become more comfortable with as she gets older.

Here, I will try to break things down for you:
In case you don't know, Nairaland is not the only naija forum. There are countless numbers of forum for people from Naija. Let's assume svs asks a question about cooking on nairaland.com. then goes to naijaryders.com. I can gurantee that the responses she will get will be different. For one, the demographics of forumers on each forum are different. And if she gets two different answers from two different forums, which one is suppose to be more important? Common sense should tells us that RANDOMLY going to a forum for any accurate analysis is flawed and should not be used as the sole representation of a majority.

Anigboinam:

I have already addressed this generalization. ******************************************************

>>>No you dodged it with a ridiculous point and didn't offer an alternative.

You will have to read my post and understand. Everything is self-explanatory.

Anigboinam:
>>> You said. "You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar." <<<<<<

>>>You have zig zagged yourself out of a point. You already conceded majority of people on Nairaland will side with my opinion but now you cast doubt  Culture has an important influence in shading ones attitudes and opinions. 

Hmnn I don't know how my words can be twisted so much. If you go to a naija forum where majority are Yankee born Naijas or people who grew up or live somewhere out of naija, (like svs), they are less likely to arbor the traditional ideas you have on Nairaland. A great majority of people on Nairaland post from naija and l stated earlier that within Naija, you are likely to find similar sentiments like the one pajimoh expressed.  i have never disputed that culture influence people's attitudes and opinions.

Anigboinam:


>>>SVS is on Narialand probabilty quite high she's Nigerian of Nigerian heritage. If she plans on marrying within her culture, wouldn't it be wise to know what the prevailing themes are?

***********************************************

unless you know her future for a fact, I don't see what your point here is.

Anigboinam:

From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.**********************************************

>>>I don't like doing alot of things but I do it because it must be done. Similar with cooking, someone must do it. 

my brother, good for you. That's a decision you've made for yourself and as long as you're at peace with yourself I respect that. But not everyone need to make the same decision.

Anigboinam:

**********************************************
Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.****************************************

>>> Can you quote her saying that? or yourself?

this is what she wrote:

but anywayz,i just don't feel that women should be stuck in the kitchen

Go back and read more of her posts and you'll get a better understanding of what's she's saying.

Anigboinam:

>>>I remember reading the book, "when things fall apart.", by Chinua Achebe. ( Very appropriate title with this line of thinking. )
While having a discussion about the book, a white young lady with long hair and tongue pierced told me how wrong my culture was for subjecting women to 2nd class citizenship. Asked me why aren't the men cooking and raising the children and women hunting. I looked at her and asked her why can't she  appreciate and learn about another culture, Why must she always look at the world through a feministic lens? I think your projecting your own agenda on SVC. I wish her mother tells her the importance of cooking in a Nigerian household. How plaintain, rice with stew, foofoo and egusi soup are relished and the women who prepare loved.    If you want to promote this western laisez faire role of nobody has a role , thats your choice. However since this is a cultural based forum, I will promote the culture.

I don't see why this is be taken personally. if you want to live like chinua Achebe said, good for YOU. If you want to live like Michael Jackson good for you. Pick anybody you want to live like, good for you.  The important thing is having freedom to live however you want. If you enjoy watching women sweat when they make rice, good for you, when they make fufu, good for you. Even when they make amala, LOL, good for you. There's nothing that says every man or person has to like the same thing. I will suggest you read this thread thoroughly and carefully to understand the originator's intent.

Culture is not stagnant and the only constant thing is change. If people disagree with the traditional way of life, they are FREE to live however they want. If you subscribe to traditionalism, GOOD FOR YOU. If other people don't, GOOD for them.

Anigboinam:



>>>You didn't understand the analogy that is all. Male and females have roles within the family unit that have withstood the test of time in Nigeria. Some roles are not optional. It not optional for me to not to work. Its not optional for me to have more than one wife or sherk my duties as a male. See the connection(?) probably not.

There's no analogy in people refusing to cook and somebody sleeping around or trying to get a second wife. It's apples and oranges. You have many women who choose to cook for their husbands and the men still go out after other women and sometimes marry them. So no, your analogy leaves much to be desired.
You are free to say you don't want to do certain things. Just find someone who agrees with you and live happily ever after. The beautiful thing about the world is that it is filled with very diverse people and not everybody thinks the same way.

Anigboinam:

**********************************************************************************************
What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion. **********************************

>>>Isn't this convenient? Unlike the west? WE? who is we?   You are the same person who doesn't recognize or readily dismisses cooking by women as a primary task in the Nigerian culture. Now states we (Nigerians) take marriage as a do or die affair. You understand culture in this instance but not in respects to cooking??

hehehe I am rolling on the floor with this. Now my naija-ness is in question.

Anigboinam:

>>>Let me remind you there is a courting stage before marriage. Where men and women make an informed judgement based on what the males and females can bring to the relationship. So a woman who can't cook might not even get to the stage of marriage.

The last thing I need to do is come to a forum for dating tips. And in all likelihood you and I probably don't hang around the same type of crowds, so thanks for your advice, but i'll have to pass.

Anigboinam:

>>>"Woman Defined by cooking" , Who said this other than you? Am a defined by being the bread winner, doing hard labor?  This feminsitic mutated version of what svc said is your problem. It clouds any reasonable discussion with you.
You like using that phrase as if it can disputes what most men and some women are saying in this thread. Men like women who cooks. Simple. They look for that quality because they feel it brings stability in  a family. 

I suggest you read the entire thread. 

Anigboinam:
>>>Its his opinion as a man that not having a women cook is a bad sign. Maybe you don't like the way he phrased it but I tend to also think that way. I think giving a truthful opinion is better than giving a theory based on rare possibilities of a man thinking otherwise. Where is the data suggesting this? , i.e Men saying I don't really care if a woman cooks:
1. You could have easily given this from your own experience which you didn't

Hmnn, I'm not privee to disclosing info about my intimate relationships on a public forum. It's not something I like to do. But since you asked, yes, I have been living with my partner for a few years. And no, cooking is not just my job. It's a chore we share together.

Anigboinam:
Giving theories and fairy tale possibilities of a man not caring if a women cooks is not responsible. No one is threatening her just giving a prevailing point of view.

You continue to speak from your experiences and consider differring opinions as "fairy tales". But again, you're one man and you do not speak for all. 

Anigboinam:

Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid. *******************************************

>>>Who has said this?  Fictional based paraphrasing of something that was never said?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks. 

I tell you, we will continue to have problems communicating if you don't actually read the thread.
Here’s one such reply from mizkay

@ all the girls who say they can't cook/wont cook blah blah blah blah blah. Piece of advice - no cook now. no problem. but no cry when i come cook better food for ya man and them him follow me come run away from you. knowing how to cook is an art, a talent. it is first and foremost for your own benefit and then that of your man/subsequent family. it is a GOOD thing. trust me. Ask all the men who have left their women for the simple reason that they were rubbish in the kitchen. I know my cooking well well o! No man will run away from me when he starts eating from my pot! word to the wise,

Its funny if a man states he would like to be with women who cooks, its a threat, but you as a woman can give a mans opinion and call it  informed. My sister please stop projecting your traumatized past into this discussion, I come from a very stable household were women are respected. Please give the same respect in allowing me to give an opinion from a Nigerian male's point of view.   

There are other men that have expressed that they prefer females who cook. And I have not focused any attention on it. Again, you should read the entire thread carefully and get a better understanding of what's going. There’s nothing wrong in stating your view and moving on. That’s what mature people do. And we should all respect each other's views. Getting highly emotional and trying to intimidate people to conform to your view does no justice to your view and sometimes makes it less credible. And neither is replacing insults with otherwise, constructive and interesting discussions.

talk of Authors!

Anigboinam:

Re: Why Do Girls Have To Cook?
« #120 on: Today at 05:06:52 AM »

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hmnn, what I wrote is that your experience is no more important than theirs. You are a man, but you are not THEIR man. We all have our different experiences and no one person's experience is more important than the other. If the women who say that cooking should not define her as a woman say so because they live or have lived with men this way and cooking has never been a defining aspect of their relationship, why should their view not hold water? They are speaking for themselves and, in a sense, THEIR men. *****************************************************

>>>That doesn't make sense.

>>>My point most men would like a women who cooks. I'm speaking as a man.

>>>They are speaking as woman. There isn't a post in this thread where a woman has offered their Man's opinion. So this ambiguous assertion that I'm not accepting other experiences is a phantom argument, based on nothing.

It is perplexing that if a man states his preference, HE is "DEFINING" a woman. However if women has a list of preferences that is her right.

*************************************************************************************************
You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar.**************************************************************


>>> What do you suggest? Maybe svc who posts on Nairaland to marry a hippy from Amsterdam in order for cooking to be optional? So opinions of Niaraland aren't valid? It seems you want to be ducking from the prevailing point of view with this commentary.because your theory lacks substance.




*************************************
I have already addressed this generalization. ******************************************************

>>>No you dodged it with a ridiculous point and didn't offer an alternative.




**********************************************************************************************
hmnn, we can already assume what majority ON NAIRALAND would say. But how is that accurate? What percentage does those on Nairaland represent? How substantial is this to who svs is LIKELY to get married to, if she decided to get married? we would again consider their background etc****************************************************

>>> You said. "You might want to also include the fact that these people come from similar geographic regions and cultural background. Logically, their responses would be similar."

>>>You have zig zagged yourself out of a point. You already conceded majority of people on Nairaland will side with my opinion but now you cast doubt Culture has an important influence in shading ones attitudes and opinions.

>>>SVS is on Narialand probabilty quite high she's Nigerian of Nigerian heritage. If she plans on marrying within her culture, wouldn't it be wise to know what the prevailing themes are?

********************************************************************************************
From my understanding, she's not complaining because it's difficult. She's complaining because she doesn't LIKE it. Something doesn't have to be hard for you to dislike it.**********************************************

>>>I don't like doing alot of things but I do it because it must be done. Similar with cooking, someone must do it.

**********************************************
Also because she doesn't want cooking to define who she is.****************************************

>>> Can you quote her saying that? or yourself?

>>>I remember reading the book, "when things fall apart.", by Chinua Achebe. ( Very appropriate title with this line of thinking. )
While having a discussion about the book, a white young lady with long hair and tongue pierced told me how wrong my culture was for subjecting women to 2nd class citizenship. Asked me why aren't the men cooking and raising the children and women hunting. I looked at her and asked her why can't she appreciate and learn about another culture, Why must she always look at the world through a feministic lens? I think your projecting your own agenda on SVC. I wish her mother tells her the importance of cooking in a Nigerian household. How plaintain, rice with stew, foofoo and egusi soup are relished and the women who prepare loved. If you want to promote this western laisez faire role of nobody has a role , thats your choice. However since this is a cultural based forum, I will promote the culture.

********************************************************************************************
LOL, my brother, this your arguement dey one kind sha. We are now bordering on slippery slope type fallasies. I see no connection whatsoever with what you're yarning. How does seeing cooking as optional mean that your husband should look for more wives to marry? Now if we're saying SVS should start cheating on her husband (when or if she gets one) or start having mad passionate love affairs outside of her marriage then I can understand the analogy. I think women should work with their husband to bring in the money. He should not be the only one responsible for providing financially for the family.************************************************************************************

>>>You didn't understand the analogy that is all. Male and females have roles within the family unit that have withstood the test of time in Nigeria. Some roles are not optional. It not optional for me to not to work. Its not optional for me to have more than one wife or sherk my duties as a male. See the connection(?) probably not.

**********************************************************************************************
What does this have to do with cooking? I have said it in the past and will say it again. Like religion and many other things, we make marriage a DO or DIE affair, unlike the west. The west did not have a 50% divorce rate when it was taboo to get a divorce and when society frowned on it. Unless you can prove that women choosing not to cook is the root of 50% divorce, I don't see what this has to do with the discussion. **********************************

>>>Isn't this convenient? Unlike the west? WE? who is we? You are the same person who doesn't recognize or readily dismisses cooking by women as a primary task in the Nigerian culture. Now states we (Nigerians) take marriage as a do or die affair. You understand culture in this instance but not in respects to cooking??

>>>Let me remind you there is a courting stage before marriage. Where men and women make an informed judgement based on what the males and females can bring to the relationship. So a woman who can't cook might not even get to the stage of marriage.

>>>You zig and zag but you can not escape reality. There are many things that hold a marriage together. Males and females living up to their roles helps maintain a relationship. Most studies site financial instability as one of the main reasons for divorce. More than likely a male not providing an adequate source of income. You cannot sit here and tell me that long lasting relationships occur when a woman is not living up to her role in the household. Its like you point to doubt but you can't even give credible instances that support your points.


*******************************************************************************************
hmnn, my brother, I must challenge you to post where I wrote this. I never wrote such a thing as "ALL MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO DON'T COOK." What I wrote is that all men DO NOT define women by whether or not they can or cannot cook. This is a lie and a generalization and experiences tell me differently. *********************************************

>>>"Woman Defined by cooking" , Who said this other than you? Am a defined by being the bread winner, doing hard labor? This feminsitic mutated version of what svc said is your problem. It clouds any reasonable discussion with you.
You like using that phrase as if it can disputes what most men and some women are saying in this thread. Men like women who cooks. Simple. They look for that quality because they feel it brings stability in a family.

***********************************************************************************
I think you're missing the point. Now, i think everyone should try to learn any skill that will give them more independence and make them more self-sufficient, like I stated earlier. *************************************************

>>>Agree about learning the skill for independence but you miss the cultural implications and the necessity of woman's role in a family, marriage, household via cooking, which is an interdependent relationship.

******************************************************************************************
But why would anyone see not cooking as having a curse on your family? Giving a onesided view and trying to discredit others is NOT proper information. Again, no one person's experience is more or less significant than the other. *************

>>>Its his opinion as a man that not having a women cook is a bad sign. Maybe you don't like the way he phrased it but I tend to also think that way. I think giving a truthful opinion is better than giving a theory based on rare possibilities of a man thinking otherwise. Where is the data suggesting this? , i.e Men saying I don't really care if a woman cooks:
1. You could have easily given this from your own experience which you didn't
2. You could have actually quoted a female stating their "MANS" opinion, which I haven't seen. Need to pose the question first.
3. you've negated posters opinions who agreed with me in this thread.*
4. you will probably neglect the relevance of cooking in the Nigerian culture in a Nigerian forum.



My brother, we now live in a world where you should hear both sides of the arguement and then make an informed decision. But saying things like 'you will have a curse on your family, your husband will cheat on you et cetera, is not a proper tactic of informing people, ah ah. *************************************************************

Giving theories and fairy tale possibilities of a man not caring if a women cooks is not responsible. No one is threatening her just giving a prevailing point of view.


Again, it makes no sense to marry someone who you know doesn't like cooking and then try to punish them by cheating or disrespecting them. Not all men are that vindictive or stupid. *******************************************

>>>Who has said this? Fictional based paraphrasing of something that was never said?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks.

Nor is it appropriate to be threatening her life because she doesn't want to subscribe to "traditional" ideas ("You will have a curse on your family" etc). Or negatively getting impassioned because other people live different lifestyles from the traditional. *******************************************************************************

>>>Are you sane? or reliving some post-tramatic experience in your posts because this statement is not reflective of reality. Who threatened her life? Who is forcing her to subscribe to traditional ideas?
She is being informed of traditional ideas, is that NOW A CRIME?
The prevailing point once again: Men like women who cooks. You can translate that anyway you want but please base it in the realm of reality.


Being properly informed means hearing all the views out there and letting yourself be guided according to your personal preference and what you're comfortable with. It's NOT bullying or scaring people and giving one-sided accounts of what life should be. I would never shout down someone who prefers to live traditional because that's their preference and I respect it. I was raised differently and I know that influences how I view the world. But we should all give each other that same courtesy. Again, we all come from different walks of life. *****************************************

>>>She will marry who she wants to marry. A man will marry who he wants to marry. If she can find a man who primarily cooks more power to her, but she should know the probablilties of that happening is very slim . Its not a bullying tactic, its the truth. Its funny if a man states he would like to be with women who cooks, its a threat, but you as a woman can give a mans opinion and call it informed. My sister please stop projecting your traumatized past into this discussion, I come from a very stable household were women are respected. Please give the same respect in allowing me to give an opinion from a Nigerian male's point of view.

Thanks to you, this thread is now officially BORING.