@Dyekatana's story

I've come to realize that most people don't marry who they truly love. They marry who is available.

Mr A and Miss B are in love. For one reason or the other they can't get married yet, but Miss B wants to feel among and she wants the aso-ebi-hype (biological clock too may be ticking fast). Mr D comes along and he's ready to wife Miss B, which results in a bland relationship in the long wrong. Mr A fûcks (always) better than Mr D, he's more spontaneous, more romantic.... and "the devil" crawls in.

@ Dyeakatana,the "mistake" has been made already. There are only two ways to this; work on your marriage or ruin it.
Ending your relationship with your ex wouldn't solve your marital issue; that's just a part of the solution.

The bigger solution is falling in love with your husband, because if you end your relationship with your ex and your marriage is still flavorless, there's still room for "the devil" to crawl in.

In the next life, marry your love/friend or remain single.

TV01:




No need to fear. But it is essential that you understand - mainly two things;

1. It's the logical follow-on sequence from "testing". Which is essentially a self-seeking, tick-box exercise

2. Many women are hypergamous - essentially traders, upward traders. Some on a limited basis and some in an open-ended sense.

The ones with a limit will typically trade to maximum utility before marriage. Then societal, family pressure etc. prevails and they sit tight. Can often turn toxic if they don't get their wants (or way), which is usually, as they are never really satisfied. For the open-ended ones, marriage is simply a trick and they'll move on without batting an eyelid when the right opportunity arises. At the extreme end here, you have your black-widows.

Hope you're a bit clearer now - even if no less fearful .

Happy hunting dude!

Teefee

Yeah I am and a lot more terrified too.

I no de try am again o. When I see d person wey I go marry, I go carry am from dia go church straight.

Ihedinobi:
Yeah I am and a lot more terrified too.

I no de try am again o. When I see d person wey I go marry, I go carry am from dia go church straight.

No fear dude!
Just be sure to get it right. With the right person you'll know peace - before and during. After sef!

Get it wrong and you won't be a husband - you'll be a "prison girlfriend". Especially if you get it wrong in the West. I could tell you stories that would give you serious rectal discomfort. Let's leave that. Get you game and approach right and marry a wife.

I'm so rooting for you sir.

TV

TV01:

No fear dude!
Just be sure to get it right. With the right person you'll know peace - before and during. After sef!

Get it wrong and you won't be a husband - you'll be a "prison girlfriend". Especially if you get it wrong in the West. I could tell you stories that would give you serious rectal discomfort. Let's leave that. Get you game and approach right and marry a wife.

I'm so rooting for you sir.

TV

Lol. Thanks o jare! I don shine my eye. Na 15 000 watts I de use fin am now.

damiso: Dyekatana you have gotten some very great advise but I just want to buttress on the fact that you can make or rather 'show' your husband how ou want him to meet your needs romantically.As I joked about earlier my husband too is not Mr Romantic or emotional(ok let me say was cos he has really been surprising me in 2013 ).As baby mama has alluded to look for why he is the way he is and take it from there.

Dont like giving specifics about my life but I will share this to encourage you and help you not give up on your man.My husband lost his mother quite young.His dad (sorry to say) really sucked at giving the right emotional support to his kids at that critical time and then married again less than 2 yrs after his wife's death . Their stepmother was really horrible to them and thet ended up having to live with relatives . These were relatively sheltered kids who were born in England, driver used to take to school the works then turning into bonafide houseboy in other people's homes . The day my husband shared some of the details with me I saw tears in his eyes. .Birthdays, Christmas etc were no longer celebrated and so he kinda grew up thinking all those things are inconsequential.

When we were courting, he did the whole valentine, birthday thing more like a show even though he always used to tell me then he did not want a fuss about his birthday and was just ok with it being like any other day.I must say here that he is a great impulsive giver, he could go out and say 'I saw this and thought you would look nice in this'.But birthday, Christmas, Valentines, Anniversary useless .Intially I used to get upset and nag, 'ehn just a card on our anniversary .But with time through deep heart to heart talks about his childhood I realised it was just not a big deal to him.He realised though that it upset me and sometimes tried to make an effort.
I decided I would take the Christian look on it and just make a fuss on his birthdays (cook, take him out get him gifts etc) without necessarily expecting the same on mine.Even Christmas I was the chief planner.
This year I got made redundant in February at work so I don't earn as much money as I used to and believe me my husband has really suprised me.As I said at valentines he took me out, bought a gift.On our anniversary he suprised me again with a day away without the kids.This Christmas I am in shock. .He has gone all out, bought all the stuff that are normally my consistuency and last night he slept at 12 midnight helping me wrap gifts. :oThat has never happened.On my way out but before I left home just got a delivery for so much drinks that I am wondering who will drink all of it.When I asked him na wa what changed this Christmas , he just laughed and said am not serious.His friend told me he does not even want me to remember that I am a lowly student at the mo .But I guess my not nagging and doing all these stuff over the years eventually got to him

So my darling dont give up.It is well with your marriage.

Awww!

Marry for love , but let take a look at what is happening in our society now adays,how many people is marrying for love?

jennykadry:

Excuse me madam say what? Me I was just minding my own business jejely before CC posted pictures up there. What have I done now is it my fault that CC decided to post the pictures of "hoodlessess"?

Please don't act like you don't like yekini, have you ever turned down a well hydrated off the market stand at attention yekini before? Look at her acting like she wouldn't turn down a nice nsala with snapper fish soup for a sniff of that "ogi" that presents itself at the tip of a yekini after a solid round of WAZOBIA

A grumpy yekini a.k.a weapon of mass destruction leads to a peace-less household. We cannot afford to have a disorganized home so for peace to reign, you gotta worship the yekini you sleep with

as in U.N.B.E.L.E.I.V.A.B.L.E! I used 2 tink only guys talk dix way o. Makex me rememba my sec schl days

Baby mama: Men are not romantic when money is tight.

Inu didun lo mu oko le, Na happiness dey make prick strong

^^lol.

TV01:




No need to fear. But it is essential that you understand - mainly two things;

1. It's the logical follow-on sequence from "testing". Which is essentially a self-seeking, tick-box exercise

2. Many women are hypergamous - essentially traders, upward traders. Some on a limited basis and some in an open-ended sense.

The ones with a limit will typically trade to maximum utility before marriage. Then societal, family pressure etc. prevails and they sit tight. Can often turn toxic if they don't get their wants (or way), which is usually, as they are never really satisfied. For the open-ended ones, marriage is simply a trick and they'll move on without batting an eyelid when the right opportunity arises. At the extreme end here, you have your black-widows.

Hope you're a bit clearer now - even if no less fearful .

Happy hunting dude!

Teefee

this ur vocabulary strong.can u pls explain in simple terms?? thank you

^^

Simple terms?

Some women are looking for who can best meet their selfish needs and not a life partner as such- if they find a better/richer provider, they can dump you even at engagement stage. Some will stop upgrading their providers after they meet one they can survive on and family pressures start building, others don't care - even after marriage they can leave you for the richer senator/governor.

Avoid both and seek a woman who loves you beyond your financial/social/physical attributes.

damiso: Dyekatana you have gotten some very great advise but I just want to buttress on the fact that you can make or rather 'show' your husband how ou want him to meet your needs romantically.As I joked about earlier my husband too is not Mr Romantic or emotional(ok let me say was cos he has really been surprising me in 2013 ).As baby mama has alluded to look for why he is the way he is and take it from there.

Dont like giving specifics about my life but I will share this to encourage you and help you not give up on your man.My husband lost his mother quite young.His dad (sorry to say) really sucked at giving the right emotional support to his kids at that critical time and then married again less than 2 yrs after his wife's death . Their stepmother was really horrible to them and thet ended up having to live with relatives . These were relatively sheltered kids who were born in England, driver used to take to school the works then turning into bonafide houseboy in other people's homes . The day my husband shared some of the details with me I saw tears in his eyes. .Birthdays, Christmas etc were no longer celebrated and so he kinda grew up thinking all those things are inconsequential.

When we were courting, he did the whole valentine, birthday thing more like a show even though he always used to tell me then he did not want a fuss about his birthday and was just ok with it being like any other day.I must say here that he is a great impulsive giver, he could go out and say 'I saw this and thought you would look nice in this'.But birthday, Christmas, Valentines, Anniversary useless .Intially I used to get upset and nag, 'ehn just a card on our anniversary .But with time through deep heart to heart talks about his childhood I realised it was just not a big deal to him.He realised though that it upset me and sometimes tried to make an effort.
I decided I would take the Christian look on it and just make a fuss on his birthdays (cook, take him out get him gifts etc) without necessarily expecting the same on mine.Even Christmas I was the chief planner.
This year I got made redundant in February at work so I don't earn as much money as I used to and believe me my husband has really suprised me.As I said at valentines he took me out, bought a gift.On our anniversary he suprised me again with a day away without the kids.This Christmas I am in shock. .He has gone all out, bought all the stuff that are normally my consistuency and last night he slept at 12 midnight helping me wrap gifts. :oThat has never happened.On my way out but before I left home just got a delivery for so much drinks that I am wondering who will drink all of it.When I asked him na wa what changed this Christmas , he just laughed and said am not serious.His friend told me he does not even want me to remember that I am a lowly student at the mo .But I guess my not nagging and doing all these stuff over the years eventually got to him

So my darling dont give up.It is well with your marriage.

This is why I love this thread
There is nothing as powerful as speaking from one's own experiences.thanks for sharing,I am sure this will speak to many

dayokanu:

Inu didun lo mu oko le, Na happiness dey make prick strong

Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!

TV01:




No need to fear. But it is essential that you understand - mainly two things;

1. It's the logical follow-on sequence from "testing". Which is essentially a self-seeking, tick-box exercise

2. Many women are hypergamous - essentially traders, upward traders. Some on a limited basis and some in an open-ended sense.

The ones with a limit will typically trade to maximum utility before marriage. Then societal, family pressure etc. prevails and they sit tight. Can often turn toxic if they don't get their wants (or way), which is usually, as they are never really satisfied. For the open-ended ones, marriage is simply a trick and they'll move on without batting an eyelid when the right opportunity arises. At the extreme end here, you have your black-widows.

Hope you're a bit clearer now - even if no less fearful .

Happy hunting dude!

Teefee

Let the woman bashing continue
What else do you have to say

^^ You just took the words straight out of my mouth.

This beautiful thread slowly being marred by such a hate-filled post

Baby mama:

Let the woman bashing continue
What else do you have to say

Efemena_xy: ^^ You just took the words straight out of my mouth.

This beautiful thread slowly being marred by such a hate-filled post

Ah, but I didn't think he was bashing women o. TV's not like that na.

hello guys , been kinda ill real bad cold/cough stuff took some medicine that just knocked - me - out. . oh my goodness guys i am sooo glad to see all the responses to my issues now.........

let me tell y'all what happened yesterday ; i told you i've been ill right, this cough cold is really bad but you know me ..(superwoman ) i kept on doing what needed to be done in the home. at night i went to cactus man and said i needed him to cuddle me,(no jigi jigi involved ) cos you know that nothing can make you more miserable than when you have a cold/cough and you know what he said.... no!
let me tell you, i was fed up and came straight to the computer and logged on to facebook......................... and...........................


i swear i heard y'all in my head............... jk saying "put his needs first" "he might be under pressure" chaircover generously lending me her men. ihedinobi saying "cut if off now" nashville asking me why i married him (haven't figured that out yet either ) and of course baby mama saying "work on your marriage" now i have seen many more great posts that make me feel like the bad guy here


y'all need to get out of my head!
thanks guys. now i know why addicts often fall off the wagon
and why they need support x 10 o all of you guys


i logged out and just went to bed cos i was feeling really bad again to his credit though he saw my displeasure.. i did not make an issue (drama) but i just sighed went out to watch tv and he later said i should come and stay with him .... i said no that i did not need to be cuddled again and just stared straight at the tv. i was plenty pissed by then.
then this morning he said he was sorry. i just laughed and said all is forgiven

just have to go now. i promise to reply to all the great posts but right now my cough is really acting up and i have to go and take my medicine again and that potion just plain knocks me out



group hug to all you lovely people

Awww... that's so sweet.

He apologized, how nice. I think like what everybody has said, he has a lot on his mind.

This thread is a life saver, marriage wise. I'm glad I'm following.

LMAO Aluta, this is character assasination Whereever did you dig that out from

@Chillisauce

I cannot believe you "believed" Aluta I did not "say" that and if I did, someone posted with my user id

@Efe

Have you tried catheterizing a hooded yekini especially post surgery? na wa, you go pull foreskin back tire until you wanno give up, a hoodless is so easy. Now watch a hooded man trying to pee, he cannot control his yekini and misses target most times, now can you imagine him trying to hit that "spot" during ikwokirkwo?... the guy will miss road and end up all over the place. Who wants a yekini-miss-road everyday? how will the guy be able to position it properly when I am innocently stretched out and wiping clean my dining table? or doing the reverse cow gurl, or wheelbarrow missionary style? just imagine him trying to do dog..g..y style? the guy will end up shoving himself up his woman's anus due to lack of control.

Stay away from hooded yekinis women, they move all over the place widening the small area and expanding the v@ginal wall

emmmmm we are still right on topic aii?

^^

Ihedi..ogini?

chaircover:

He has only one, while I have 3

I have black, white and when I am fed up of both, I can move to my in-between colour i.e van snickers LOL

. . .besides I am still winning; cos my booobs are larger than omotolas so she will remain on the wall while I am in the bed

LMAO. Just wait until Omosexy visits your home wearing a skinny jean, with that ikebe.. don't call me on the phone ooo asking for advise on how to kick her out because Oga CC is not ready to send her packing

The hatred my husband has for 007 now is shocking

Dyekatana: hello guys , been kinda ill real bad cold/cough stuff took some medicine that just knocked - me - out. . oh my goodness guys i am sooo glad to see all the responses to my issues now.........

let me tell y'all what happened yesterday ; i told you i've been ill right, this cough cold is really bad but you know me ..(superwoman ) i kept on doing what needed to be done in the home. at night i went to cactus man and said i needed him to cuddle me,(no jigi jigi involved ) cos you know that nothing can make you more miserable than when you have a cold/cough and you know what he said.... no!
let me tell you, i was fed up and came straight to the computer and logged on to facebook......................... and...........................


i swear i heard y'all in my head............... jk saying "put his needs first" "he might be under pressure" chaircover generously lending me her men. ihedinobi saying "cut if off now" nashville asking me why i married him (haven't figured that out yet either ) and of course baby mama saying "work on your marriage" now i have seen many more great posts that make me feel like the bad guy here


y'all need to get out of my head!
thanks guys. now i know why addicts often fall off the wagon
and why they need support x 10 o all of you guys


i logged out and just went to bed cos i was feeling really bad again to his credit though he saw my displeasure.. i did not make an issue (drama) but i just sighed went out to watch tv and he later said i should come and stay with him .... i said no that i did not need to be cuddled again and just stared straight at the tv. i was plenty pissed by then.
then this morning he said he was sorry. i just laughed and said all is forgiven

just have to go now. i promise to reply to all the great posts but right now my cough is really acting up and i have to go and take my medicine again and that potion just plain knocks me out



group hug to all you lovely people

hahahahah!!!!!! I love your happy spirit .

Ihedinobi:
Ah, but I didn't think he was bashing women o. TV's not like that na.

na grammar cause am, i think dayo decoded well
@JK
Biko wetin una dey use 'catheter' do for yekini in the first place

jennykadry: Ihedi..ogini?

You too plenty o, Madam JK!

chaircover:

No wahala . . he is not an ikebe drooling type guy

Na today ?. . .the worst nollywood actor according to Mr CC is van "snickers" and Daniel Craig is the worst bond actor ever.

all na bad belle

jennykadry:

LMAO. Just wait until Omosexy visits your home wearing a skinny jean, with that ikebe.. don't call me on the phone ooo asking for advise on how to kick her out because Oga CC is not ready to send her packing

The hatred my husband has for 007 now is shocking

Nnaa, I don't envy una oga dem at all at all!

Dyekatana: hello guys , been kinda ill real bad cold/cough stuff took some medicine that just knocked - me - out. . oh my goodness guys i am sooo glad to see all the responses to my issues now.........

let me tell y'all what happened yesterday ; i told you i've been ill right, this cough cold is really bad but you know me ..(superwoman ) i kept on doing what needed to be done in the home. at night i went to cactus man and said i needed him to cuddle me,(no jigi jigi involved ) cos you know that nothing can make you more miserable than when you have a cold/cough and you know what he said.... no!
let me tell you, i was fed up and came straight to the computer and logged on to facebook......................... and...........................


i swear i heard y'all in my head............... jk saying "put his needs first" "he might be under pressure" chaircover generously lending me her men. ihedinobi saying "cut if off now" nashville asking me why i married him (haven't figured that out yet either ) and of course baby mama saying "work on your marriage" now i have seen many more great posts that make me feel like the bad guy here


y'all need to get out of my head!
thanks guys. now i know why addicts often fall off the wagon
and why they need support x 10 o all of you guys


i logged out and just went to bed cos i was feeling really bad again to his credit though he saw my displeasure.. i did not make an issue (drama) but i just sighed went out to watch tv and he later said i should come and stay with him .... i said no that i did not need to be cuddled again and just stared straight at the tv. i was plenty pissed by then.
then this morning he said he was sorry. i just laughed and said all is forgiven

just have to go now. i promise to reply to all the great posts but right now my cough is really acting up and i have to go and take my medicine again and that potion just plain knocks me out



group hug to all you lovely people

I like you cos you seem like one with a lively spirit who does not take herself too seriously.
One way or the other our experiences sometimes shape our world views.Am happy he apologised.You know some people think showing an emotional or soft side makes then vulnerable but you have to make your husband see that you are his and who else can he share his vulnerable side with than his other half.

I also mentioned something at the beginning of the thread about how my hubby is not really into externded family but I am.I come from a clanish large family (esp my mum's side) so large that there is a descendants association in the UK and America .Yup they hold monthly meetings in people's houses and on Jan 1st a big party.We had over 11 people living with us growing up so I grew up an extended family person. My husband is not really an extended family person and this also used to cause conflict earlier on in our marriage. I said some hurtful things to him but upon calming down I realised his reasons

.His mum died in her early 40's but prior to that she and their dad were already have issues.Because of this, ,they did things separately I.e investments, property etc cos the woman felt It was better to do all these things in her own name.She had a sister who was so close to her and was her confidant. Knew about her properties etc.Of course she never thought she would die early but when she died my husband and his siblings were still kids.When the maltreatment by their stepmum became too much, my sil was in UI so she told hubby to go stay with this aunty.He was more like a houseboy and unknown to them, the woman had diverted about 2 of their mum's landed properties.Alot of the other relatives could not even be bothered (which hubby does not really hold against them cos this life sef everyone has their own issues) to check up on them.My Sister in law had to become a mum to her younger siblings at an early age.Till today,one of their mums houses still has family staying in it who claim its theirs.
Told this story cos my hubby has seen first hand how sometimes extended family can be horrible but I haven't. Maybe my experiences are different cos my parents were always there to be the buffer and who says all this aunties, uncles, cousins I love so much would not be the same if my parents were not there.My husband is very me and my wife (I know every investment he has even those before we got married) because he feels they suffered alot cos his parents were not united and trusted extended family over trusting each other

.Like one thread on this section, I am very open even with my extended family that I don't see the big deal in letting them know plans etc.But my husband believes some things are meant to be between us.I used to get upset and even fight him but now I realise we are different, different upbringing, different experiences etc so we both have to accomodate those differences. His relatives can't just call up and say they are coming to stay but mine can and always want to do that.I intially used to allow it but now except my mum or siblings I have made it a norm that you can't just spring up visits cos its not fair on him.My mum is not too thrilled cos she ran a open house where everyone from Ijebu, Abeokuta etc would just fall into so she can't understand why my house can't be the same in London .Its been a long battle as she feels my hubby is changing me but I am just trying to let her and them know that my husband and me have different backgrounds and it's his house too.


So dyketana, sorry for my long stories but I just want you to try to understand what is behind your hubby being the way he is and take it from there.Our backgrounds, experiences form part of what makes us who we are.
I don type o

To all in the house - both married and single, I recommend you reading the following book:

Men Read Newspapers, Not Minds by Sandra P. Aldrich.

If you're not a Christian, you can ignore the Christian aspects but the essential lessons are the same - marriage is hard work and we need to realise this at the start, and set aside unrealistic expectations.

Baby mama:

Crush when you are single
Shoot!
You are allowed to have crushes when you are single
If it escalates to something else and is genuine, that means your heart belongs there ,you simply leave the other person ( in a nice way ) and migrate
My dear,until you walk that aisle,you are a single woman and can change your mind at anytime
This is the time to do it

I left a fiancé to marry my husband and I have no regrets whatsoever
Go with your heart

Please explain how a mature lady available for courtship and able to legitimately accept a proposal, is able to simply change her mind at any time?
And this not as a result of a serious failing on the part of her HTB, just on a personal whim?

Even for one who claims faith in God and has recourse to family and other support?

She can "engage" - and presumably test - agree to marry and then with no remorse or recriminations (just a few well-spun words) up until vows are taken ditch him like a used tissue. Where are the abuse police when you need them ?

And the catch-all proviso here is "going with your heart"...nice!

Pray tell, what is it you could see, explore and fully test in another potential spouse, having committed to one already? Even with a "multi-shine" deal , the logistics are still convoluted at best.

Hypergamy fits and trading is apt. In fact both words are somewhat mild

Why did you use the word "love" in your title? Trading is for profit.

TV

This means war!!!!