raffite: If it is true that the only constant thing in life is change. Then I will say, he can change. However, you also need to sit down and talk (when you guys are in your happy mood). Start the discussion with how you guys started and proceed tactfully to some of the accomplishments and most joyful moments you have had in the relationship. Then move on to recount some of his past actions and the things that makes you see him as your ideal man. At this stage, praise him and caress his ego. Then pause for a while and say something like, "but there is just one thing that makes me very sad and I fear if we can make a good husband and wife." Wait for him to ask what it is. Then tell him about the beating. Don't add any other thing like blaming him about the what happened: just the slapping and beating. Then wait for his reply. Hear him out. Then ask him what he thinks can be done for you guys to be "mature and happy" living without beating and fighting. On the girls' part she must try to work on her attitude. When a man is in a angry mood, it is the wrong time to try and argue or make any point. Wait till he is out of that mood. You can still get the right response. Lastly, never forget this: a man is the head and he is egoistic. Wise women appreciate this and they use it positively to build their homes.

This person must have a lot of experience. Cool!

@op, tell her to go ahead and marry her Mike Tyson fiance. The aunt who is encouraging her to marry him because he MIGHT change will help her wash her bloody garments when he beats her into a miscarriage. In addition, her generous husband-to-be will spare no expense to ensure everybody gets enough to eat and drink and even take away at her funeral, after he goes all Tunde Arowolo on her silly azz.

Shior.

macklef: YES THEY CAN CHANGE, because as ur fiancée he was beating only u, but wen u guys get married he will change into beating u and any of your family member that dares complain. Sheyb allof dem follow chop bride price moni.

Lmao!!

Kanwulia: Yes! When he gets tired!
Or he gets the BEATING of his life!

I agree. Each time he beats her, let her male relatives beat him. That is the fastest way for a wife beater to change. A beating for a beating

how come all the other people he loves dont get slaps and beatings at the slightest provocation

Its fine

Since she likes pitypartys there is always Nairaland - put up a post, take advice to bear with it
In fact you have a HOST of people you can beg to help talk to him since una relatives plenty
You can even beg GOd sef and angels join. Build up your tear factory cos you will need it to beg your neighbours, make-up too for all your blackeyes and miscarriages and HBP.

If she could not wait for him to change BEFORE marriage then medicine after death too is possible.
He never BEAT her well or does she believe like Tunde arowolo that the late wife stabbed herself 70plus times(like say na horror movie) abi?

GO MARRY

curtain: Never! Beating of women is demonic and requires deliverance. This is mostly caused by dating satanic girls that can force you to beat them, ones you have started with them your mom can even become a victim. My only advice is that you part ways with any girl that lured you into women-beating and go for deliverance before getting a wife........ A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE!!!

The above is a very moronic statement. Poster, please disregard

[size=14pt]Is the man mad? Does he take cocaine? I have seen a man who has never raised his finger on his late wife. He got married to another woman and he turns a woman beater. It takes two to tangle. [/size]

Hmmm, well he can change. The question is for better or worse? Many men are said to be nicer when courting than after marriage.

If the girl fit pray, make she pray well well. You can also pray for her, there is nothing God cannot do. On the other hand, they should also discuss about it.

@Op, I am guessing the fiance is very rich. Am I right or right? If so, I fear for the girl o. Marriage is for better, for worse o. Make she think well well, because of money no come go marry deathtrap.

And I like raffite's response, she may consider applying the counsel.

@poster, a leopard can not change its skin. The beating is only just beginning. Money is not everything. The earlier she calls off the marriage the better.

It runs in the blood........marriage isn't gonna change jack!

Renylee: It can only take the grace of God for these type of men to change:
Wife beaters
Drunks
Selfish men
Womanizers
Mummy's boys

Is there any man that doesn't fall into one of these categories?



No offense to guys.




Or if una like, get offended. E no consain me.

fijiano202: am not in support of wife battering,its easy to advice her before marriage but if shes already married like the aforementioned all you can do is to give her tips on how to make her marriage work

Yes you are supporting it. Even if she was married. The focus should not be on how SHE could make the marriage work but rather how to get the police to remove his savage ass out of the home before he kills her. Does he think he has a monopoly on anger? So because he gets angry and coupled with the fact that he is physically stronger than her then it should be excused? Even the angriest man will respect himself if he is facing someone that he knows would tear him to shreds. That husband needs to learn to act like a human being that was born of a human and raised like a human being

He will not chang rather its better you call it off now.

fellis:

Is there any man that doesn't fall into one of these categories?



No offense to guys.




Or if una like, get offended. E no consain me.

There are a lot and I have one beside me.

Even though we have a lot of damaged goods parading as men, there are still a lot of good men out there.

It is the duty of every woman to find hers.

If we complain that some men are bad, how about the foolish women who chose them with their two eyes opened?

bukatyne:

There are a lot and I have one beside me.

Even though we have a lot of damaged goods parading as men, there are still a lot of good men out there.

It is the duty of every woman to find hers.

If we complain that some men are bad, how about the foolish women who chose them with their two eyes opened?

What I meant was, is there any man who doesn't have at least one of the traits on that list? Is there any one who is completely free of all the qualities there?
I don't think so.
No offense to anyone.

feminine A: Once a wife/lady beater! Always a wife/lady beater

True buh nt jus a wife beater. A wife killer

Renylee: It can only take the grace of God for these type of men to change:
Wife beaters
Drunks
Selfish men
Womanizers
Mummy's boys

You've gotten it! 1 million likes for this! Never ever date or marry any of these kinda men! You will die young or have a miserable life! Only God canchange them or a life threatening experience. Other than that, they are terrible people! They can never change! When u meet them they pretend like their normal guys! They are not normal, the devil plays basket ball in their brains. The first time they beat u, they say u caused it! Then the next they start beating youfor no just cause wivout provocation! Wife beaters and drunks are the worst sets! Ladies shine ur eyes o.

Let her seek the face of God before she makes the mistake that she will regret for life. Is only God that knows the heart of men, if he is going to change or not , is only God that knows. Peace

the hard truth about this situation is that he'll not change Infact he'll be worse cos wot ladies don't no is that the best love shown in a relationship is during courtship. so if he shows such attitude then expect worse after marriage. marriage is full of worse situations Infact there're times wen u'll be turned off be your partner then it'll take a conscious effort to tolerate......he dat has ear let him hear marriage is a lifetime affair so y rush it must not be dat particular person.

She should not deceive herself, he will only change for the worse. I know 2 ladies who had to run from their matrimonial homes following frequent beatings from their husbands. In both cases the beatings had started during courtship and both ladies felt the men would change after marriage. A word is enough for the wise.

Abi o ti change ni... If na belt he day use b4 na punch he go port to.. Smh..

sapien: I decided to post this topic here because I know I'll get mature responses.
I have a high school 'girlfriend' who is engaged and about getting married to her fiance of a year and half in a couple of months, precisely April, next year. She is 25 years old. The problem, however, is that the guy hits and slaps her at the slightest provocation and she is really getting worked up and pondering on calling off the wedding. Though, she says the guy is generous and highly caring but his bad temper is the only turn-off in him. She really loves him. She also doesn't have the guts to tell her parents about the constant slapping and hitting from the guy as it is apparent that they will support calling off the marriage. Her aunt, however, is encouraging her to go into the marriage since the guy is caring and generous. The aunt says the guy might change after the wedding, especially if the lady(my friend) can get pregnant as early as possible. Moreso, they have spent a whole lot of money on the wedding preparation and other miscellaneous. Please, Family section married folks, what advise should I give her? Does she call off the wedding or go ahead and marry the guy with the hope that he'll change? Would a fiancee beater not turn to a wife beater at the end of the day?

Yes he will definitely change after killing you in the process and will now regain his senses and repent.

Run for your dear life o o

Really? In this time and age ? We still. have wife beater? My dear he beats u when u are nt married to him? Hw will kill when he pays for ur bride price. Don't let. D love of money send u to an earlt grave. There is nothin bad as that. Shine ur eye oo. Use ur head

Pls advice d guy to get married to a female boxer ooo. Na there him mate dey. No sense

Yes he would change from a fiencee beater to a wife murderer

why be say once women don see money everything don change about them.

The only positive OP said was generous which means money

It all depends on the People involved. I do hit my girlfriend when we were still dating knowing that it was wrong. I have a bad temper but believe me ladies always have a way of driving men crazy. When I made up my mind in marrying her, I had a chat wit her and we discussed our issues and promised never to provoke or hit each other again and believe me it worked.
We are married now and we enjoy every bit of our lives. Even when we provoke each other the simple solution is 'I am sorry'.

dayokanu: Yes he would change from a fiencee beater to a wife murderer

why be say once women don see money everything don change about them.

The only positive OP said was generous which means money

Maybe I'm wired differently.

I just don't see how this should even be a topic for analysing, yet alone being up for discussion. The answer is quite obvious. No amount of generosity or money spending should compensate for a partner getting the panel beating of her life.

And yet she asks if the abuser will change? Like seriously?

Efemena_xy:

Maybe I'm wired differently.

I just don't see how this should even be a topic for analysing, yet alone being up for discussion. The answer is quite obvious. No amount of generosity or money spending should compensate for a partner getting the panel beating of her life.

And yet she asks if the abuser will change? Like seriously?

You never know Naija women. They would marry anything as long as money is involved. Some would even share a boyfriend with their own sister as long as they are getting money

Why does caring in Nigerian context = Giving me money

At least if you want to get paid for being beaten try pro boxing the pay would be worth it

Please tell her to run for her dear life. My mum always says whatever character a man has now, it won't miraculously disappear in marriage. If he is already beating her now..it may be worse in the marriage. He is using his hands now, when they get married it may be koboko he will use. That aunt of hers is only thinking of what she herself stands to gain since the said guy is generous and not about the welfare of her niece.
Your friend should bone whatever anyone thinks and leave! It is her life, not theirs. Marriage is for life o.. She is 25 years, she is still young. She will get someone else. I'll advice that she leaves the guy. It may be hard now but time heals all wounds.
My two cents.

Sweetlemon: I don't know why people equate financial generosity with being caring.

Please abeg. They are two different things entirely. Can you call a rich man who lavishes money on a lady but has done juju to take her womb, destiny, etc away from her "caring"

Please money is just one of the ways of showing that you care. A man who cares about a woman does not even want to see her hurt, not to talk of being the cause of her pain!

Ladies get that into your skulls!

This sister talk true plenty.

Girls with cheap mentality equate lavishing money with care. He cares so much yet doesn't mind causing her pain and tears? true he might change, but what if he doesn't? why take the chance?

I have a former colleague crying into my ears every week about the beast her generous fiancee turned husband has become. She just confessed now that she didn't really know him and was only enthralled by all the beautiful places he took her to and the rich home he came from. She's begging for a divorce now but the guy will have none of it. He's turned a very bold, boisterous and funny lady to a docile, depressed and fearful woman afraid of everything, even her shadow.

Very pitiful