smilelane: I once had a relationship with a lady while in university. Before I could come back from one sessional holiday, She has welshed on me. Unfortunately, communication gadgets weren't a commonplace at the time. However, I got in touch with her close friend who said she has decided to drop-out of school and move to settle with family in another region of Nigeria away from mine.

I couldn't get any immediate information from her said friend on why my girlfriend will take such decision without letting me in. I had no choice than to move on.

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fast-forward to 8+ later: I happened upon her friend and we shared warm pleasantry and memories. Before she bade me well, she left a sour pill in my mouth. She innocently/cunningly threw in that I have a daughter from her friend(my ex). I asked to stop it once if that was meant to be a joke. She said she was saying the truth but won't discuss it any further if I wasn't keen about it. By this time, I was both furious and disinterested and eventually called her bluff.

A year later after that meeting, her word kept ringing on my heart and I somewhat was able to get her number to call her about what she told me. To my greatest surprise, she confirmed it and has connected me with her friend who is now married. I have seen the baby girl on facebook. She looks exactly like me! But I am also married now.

So, how do I start telling my family and my wife especially? My wife doesn't look like anyone that will take the news calmly.

CoCoLav: Na wa for some people here ooo

So you will sleep soundly at night knowing fully well that you have a child somewhere? LaiLai! :0

Op you better go and claim your child. Sperm donor ko! Egg donor ni!

bigfree: @op. You do nothing!!!
take care of your family and let her take care of hers.
Even if the child is yours; after nine years you wanna play father or what? The child has a father and he is not you.

DICKtator:

Do a DNA(?), Paternity(?) test to confirm.

If the daughter is truly yours, accept her

What do you mean that your wife wouldn't accept such news?

Has she told you how many abortions she must have had before she met you?

A lot of peeps would have shone her congo before she met you so tell her to quit that sanctimonious attitude.

It happened in the past. We have all been there

We have all made mistakes.

We all have skeletons

The world is like "Wisteria lane" of Desperate Housewives

So let no seed of Eve fool you

smurfy:

Cheating is cheating, friend. It doesn't matter if it happened before or after marriage.

bigfree: @op. You do nothing!!!
take care of your family and let her take care of hers.
Even if the child is yours; after nine years you wanna play father or what? The child has a father and he is not you.

Ollymurs:
Now my advice, all sentiments aside I think you should move on with your life, see yourself as a Sperm Donor, that takes away the guilt you feel if any. ex communicate urself from the child's mother the mothers friend and the child, afterall she hasnt needed you for 9 years i dont think she does now. She didnt think it imperative to tell you or look for you all these years so why give urself a headache? She is married now hence she should concentrate on her family so do same, Considerate on your family and wish the child and her mother well.... Ask urself this questions

Do you need her? (Both) Does she need you? Can i bring this into my family?

CoCoLav: Na wa for some people here ooo

So you will sleep soundly at night knowing fully well that you have a child somewhere? LaiLai! :0

Op you better go and claim your child. Sperm donor ko! Egg donor ni!

chymystique: U tell her exactly wah u ve written here for us to read... And tell her soonst.. If she rily loves u she will understand n nt cause probs.. (Tho she mit b unhappy abt et)..


Me I dnt pray for this kinda situation oo..

Ollymurs: You sound like u've had ur mind made up in telling ur wife the situation, or is it that you still are confused and havent decided on what steps to take if any?

First i'll take the former, no woman will be happy knowing that somewhere not so far away herein lives a child fathered by her husband, knowingly or unknowingly. Thats room for distrust, a recipé for a divided home, a huge feeling of self guilt and an overdose of disloyalty. Whichever way u look at it.

Now the latter, in the event that you have not made up ur mind in what to do, i'd say u take some good time to analyse the situation, put it into context clear all sentiments attached and try and figure out what you actually want given that you never knew and what you dont know wont kill you, so they say.

Now my advice, all sentiments aside I think you should move on with your life, see yourself as a Sperm Donor, that takes away the guilt you feel if any. ex communicate urself from the child's mother the mothers friend and the child, afterall she hasnt needed you for 9 years i dont think she does now. She didnt think it imperative to tell you or look for you all these years so why give urself a headache? She is married now hence she should concentrate on her family so do same, Considerate on your family and wish the child and her mother well.... Ask urself this questions

Do you need her? (Both) Does she need you? Can i bring this into my family?

yellowpawpaw: And lots of us wouldn't hv been in d mess thy find themselves had they ever used their brain instead of third leg to think.
I'm sure raincoat was like 10 bucks that time.

And gals c that as part of lv.
If u can't zip up,used raincoat.
Ur future may be ruined for one singular mistake!

smurfy:

Cheating is cheating, friend. It doesn't matter if it happened before or after marriage.

chairman: why will she be unhappy about it, it's not as if she met her husband as a virgin, she even may have flushed her own, so bros op tell her and if it suits all parties, claim your daughter