Woged2005:
If u fight ur way into a position, u fight forever to remain there, and one day will be beaten out by a stronger hand!.. what belongs to u comes to you without fights. Let's not mistake 'Love' with 'Obsession'. If this was love in the first place forgiveness would have been easy, whatever the offense was. The fact that this has lingered uptill this moment simply means, the issue is strong & deep-seated. Somehow you are right that we don't have all the facts because we've only heard from one side anyway. We may be rushing to judgement here. The man's family may know something, or have secret information we don't know about OP, & have reasons to 'stick to their guns'.

Marriage is not a bed of roses it takes a lot of hard work.

Efemena_xy: ^^ Oh I know what love is.
I'm asking you for your opinion - or you haven't got an opinion of your own??
It that it?
You should have said!
*** Unfollows thread!***

What do you want to do with my opinion?

dinachi:

You are a joke . She sent me a mail, I didn't request for it so whats your own? I don't really know why you are beefing this girl so much.Are you addicted to wickedness?

You that have commented more than three times shows you are desperate to stop her from going back to her love. i detect hints of jealousy in you. Please stop beefing her God will give you your own!

Why would I beef her? It is you I am beefing! I suspect something from you, and I am trying to help a neighbour, as a wise man once said we should.

dinachi:

She is desperate to answer Mrs ...and you are are desperate for what? Leave her alone! Allow her to rediscover her love. You don't plan love it happens. Every love story is not the same. Every relationship has a history. let her be! All these Nairaland feminists and their advice sef. My dear they maybe jealous of you! Follow your heart. After discouraging you here, they cannot help you.

Seriously, I had to laugh.

It is no secret that like 80 per cent of ladies here who have advised cosmass are married and doing well with their families. So i don"t see where your jealousy idea is coming from. No one disagrees marriage is an easy thing but why would you fight for a lost cause?
Why would you fight for someone who has clearly told you, you dont figure in his plans?


Cossmass is even making excuses for his outrightly rude behaviour. If you are looking for a reason he spoilt you bad during your dating then you need not go far. He sees nothing important in you and feels you are after his money and not worth being his wife. Most Nigerian guys are like that, they spend money on you, use you while having a spare gal somewhere they are grooming to marry. Its that simple. You have been used and need to move on. He intiating marriage proposals was a mistake and "the powers that be" who control him from behind the scenes hve told him you are not worth it and just useless and quite bad for you he AGREES with them.

dinachi:

Leave her alone go and get your own!

Now I need to ask; how old are you? You don't sound matured.

kundi90:
Now I need to ask; how old are you? You don't sound matured.

And you do?

onegig:
Seriously, I had to laugh.
It is no secret that like 80 per cent of ladies here who have advised cosmass are married and doing well with their families. So i don"t see where your jealousy idea is coming from. No one disagrees marriage is an easy thing but why would you fight for a lost cause?
Why would you fight for someone who has clearly told you, you dont figure in his plans?
Cossmass is even making excuses for his outrightly rude behaviour. If you are looking for a reason he spoilt you bad during your dating then you need not go far. He sees nothing important in you and feels you are after his money and not worth being his wife. Most Nigerian guys are like that, they spend money on you, use you while having a spare gal somewhere they are grooming to marry. Its that simple. You have been used and need to move on. He intiating marriage proposals was a mistake and "the powers that be" who control him from behind the scenes hve told him you are not worth it and just useless and quite bad for you he AGREES with them.

The lady said the whole problem started from an argument... she didn't explain details...please read between the lines....you don't expect her to expose everything here.

She knows that she caused the problem and wants to make amends ...that makes sense to me.

dinachi:

What do you want to do with my opinion?

So you haven't got one?

onegig:


Seriously, I had to laugh.

It is no secret that like 80 per cent of ladies here who have advised cosmass are married and doing well with their families. So i don"t see where your jealousy idea is coming from. No one disagrees marriage is an easy thing but why would you fight for a lost cause?
Why would you fight for someone who has clearly told you, you dont figure in his plans?


Cossmass is even making excuses for his outrightly rude behaviour. If you are looking for a reason he spoilt you bad during your dating then you need not go far. He sees nothing important in you and feels you are after his money and not worth being his wife. Most Nigerian guys are like that, they spend money on you, use you while having a spare gal somewhere they are grooming to marry. Its that simple. You have been used and need to move on. He intiating marriage proposals was a mistake and "the powers that be" who control him from behind the scenes hve told him you are not worth it and just useless and quite bad for you he AGREES with them.

Dinachi hasn't got a clue. He really hasn't.

Maybe in 10 years time, he'll understand what's being said here...

Well, na her palaver. I have already said my own. She has the freewill to do anything she wants with her life.

Efemena_xy:
Dinachi hasn't got a clue. He really hasn't.
Maybe in 10 years time, he'll understand what's being said here...

If I recall correctly you are supposed to have unfollowed this thread.

The fact that you don't have a handle on relationship issues is not my fault.

From what I know her relationship is worth fighting for.

dinachi:

The lady said the whole problem started from an argument... she didn't explain details...please read between the lines....you don't expect her to expose everything here.

She knows that she caused the problem and wants to make amends ...that makes sense to me.

Yes she caused the problem but what happened after is the main issue.

Why can't he forgive his potential spouse ?

Is this their first time of having disagreements?

Put yourself in the guys hoes, Your bride to be offended you, you reacted and she comes to her senses and asked for forgiveness. If you truly "wanted" her what would you have done?

If he can't forgive her, she should be the one running away from him because she would offend him 1000 times when they get married. Question is; Is she willing to be married to someone who won't forgive her misdeamenours?

Dinachi, open your eyes and reason with your brains please. I Would love you disappoint me about the preconcieved notion i have about you.

Look at the bigger picture and advise her accordingly. I

dinachi:

If I recall correctly you are supposed to have unfollowed this thread.

The fact that you don't have a handle on relationship issues is not my fault.

From what I know her relationship is worth fighting for.

Really?

What makes her relationship worth fighting for? Okay, let's put the shoe on the other foot, then you tell me (honestly) what your stance will be:

~ You go shopping with your girl. Rather than take you home as agreed, she goes home, leaves you waiting in the car for 1 hour without so much an explanation (total lack of respect)

~ Eventually you go up to meet her, only to find she's 'working' on her laptop. You try to get her attention and it degenerates into a struggle. Rather than sort it out between yourselves, she calls her father on the phone. He comes over and chastises you. You're forced to apologise to her father. (unable to handle conflict amicably without involving 3rd parties)

~ Her family postpone and eventually cancel the wedding without so much an explanation to you or your family. (undermining your role as a man)

~ She dumps you via text message (total disregard for you. Very insulting I daresay)

~ She hooks up with someone else and is leaves you hanging. (blatant cheating on you).

~ After months, her friend tortures you with tales of how the other man in her life hooked her with 'Jazz' she hasn't been herself. Her friend 'offers' to bring you back together (mocking your predicament)

~ Your now ex sends you texts telling you to 'move on'.

So, tell me, will you accept this in the name of 'love'?

onegig:
Yes she caused the problem but what happened after is the main issue.
Why can't he forgive his potential spouse ?
Is this their first time of having disagreements?
Put yourself in the guys hoes, Your bride to be offended you, you reacted and she comes to her senses and asked for forgiveness. If you truly "wanted" her what would you have done?
If he can't forgive her, she should be the one running away from him because she would offend him 1000 times when they get married. Question is; Is she willing to be married to someone who won't forgive her misdeamenours?
Dinachi, open your eyes and reason with your brains please. I Would love you disappoint me about the preconcieved notion i have about you.
Look at the bigger picture and advise her accordingly. I

You already have a pre concieved notion....keep it all to yourself


From what I know, this is not the first time they have had the disagreement...both are differing personalities.... and most of the time the fault have been hers.... the guy is a careful meticulous person...she is the carefree playful type... Actually the guy feels she is taking him for granted...and that is why....he is really offended....she truly loves the guy from what I know......and I believe that the relationship has a good chance of survival..

Efemena_xy:

Really?

What makes her relationship worth fighting for? Okay, let's put the shoe on the other foot, then you tell me (honestly) what your stance will be:

~ You go shopping with your girl. Rather than take you home as agreed, she goes home, leaves you waiting in the car for 1 hour without so much an explanation (total lack of respect)

~ Eventually you go up to meet her, only to find she's 'working' on her laptop. You try to get her attention and it degenerates into a struggle. Rather than sort it out between yourselves, she calls her father on the phone. He comes over and chastises you. You're forced to apologise to her father. (unable to handle conflict amicably without involving 3rd parties)

~ Her family postpone and eventually cancel the wedding without so much an explanation to you or your family. (undermining your role as a man)

~ She dumps you via text message (total disregard for you. Very insulting I daresay)

~ She hooks up with someone else and is leaves you hanging. (blatant cheating on you).

~ After months, her friend tortures you with tales of how the other man in her life hooked her with 'Jazz' she hasn't been herself. Her friend 'offers' to bring you back together (mocking your predicament)

~ Your now ex sends you texts telling you to 'move on'.

So, tell me, will you accept this in the name of 'love'?

The way the fight was handled shows there was more than meets the eye.

Its simple, they had be shopping for a replacement for her and were only looking for an avenue to push the blame on her as the cause of the discontinued marriage plans and here she is not using her senses and blaming herself for a situation she never caused. If that fight didn't come up at that time they would have looked for another thing to rope him in.

I just can't see how the girl is so blind to all these. A man who is heart broken about losing a girl he respects and wished to marry would definitely not jump and conclude to marry another few weeks after the heartbreak. Its not rocket science, its simple human nature. He is human and have emotions.

Its her life and i wish her well just like My Oga Bellong has said. lol.

Cossmass best wishes.

Enough said already.

Efemena_xy:
Really?
What makes her relationship worth fighting for? Okay, let's put the shoe on the other foot, then you tell me (honestly) what your stance will be:
~ You go shopping with your girl. Rather than take you home as agreed, she goes home, leaves you waiting in the car for 1 hour without so much an explanation (total lack of respect)
~ Eventually you go up to meet her, only to find she's 'working' on her laptop. You try to get her attention and it degenerates into a struggle. Rather than sort it out between yourselves, she calls her father on the phone. He comes over and chastises you. You're forced to apologise to her father. (unable to handle conflict amicably without involving 3rd parties)
~ Her family postpone and eventually cancel the wedding without so much an explanation to you or your family. (undermining your role as a man)
~ She dumps you via text message (total disregard for you. Very insulting I daresay)
~ She hooks up with someone else and is leaves you hanging. (blatant cheating on you).
~ After months, her friend tortures you with tales of how the other man in her life hooked her with 'Jazz' she hasn't been herself. Her friend 'offers' to bring you back together (mocking your predicament)
~ Your now ex sends you texts telling you to 'move on'.
So, tell me, will you accept this in the name of 'love'?

First you must apologize for leaving the thread abruptly and returning without adequate notice...that aside....there are other aspects of the relationship that she did not disclose here....so take what you are reading with that understanding...I have a better understanding of the issues as raised. Both are wrong and if she follows my advice with her heart, the relationship will be saved...

dinachi:

You already have a pre concieved notion....keep it all to yourself


From what I know, this is not the first time they have had the disagreement...both are differing personalities.... and most of the time the fault have been hers.... the guy is a careful meticulous person...she is the carefree playful type... Actually the guy feels she is taking him for granted...and that is why....he is really offended....she truly loves the guy from what I know......and I believe that the relationship has a good chance of survival..

you have a point, but why did the guy move on so fast like he was expecting the break up?

He hasn't moved on yet...be patient...

dinachi:

First you must apologize for leaving the thread abruptly and returning without adequate notice...that aside....there are other aspects of the relationship that she did not disclose here....so take what you are reading with that understanding...I have a better understanding of the issues as raised. Both are wrong and if she follows my advice with her heart, the relationship will be saved...

dinachi: He hasn't moved on yet...be patient...

I hope so! I would not want another I-hate-men lady created, because she fell mugu for a guy twice. Also remember to address the family "remote control" stuff when advicing her.

dinachi:

You already have a pre concieved notion....keep it all to yourself


From what I know, this is not the first time they have had the disagreement...both are differing personalities.... and most of the time the fault have been hers... the guy is a careful meticulous person...she is the carefree playful type... Actually the guy feels she is taking him for granted...and that is why....he is really offended....she truly loves the guy from what I know......and I believe that the relationship has a good chance of survival..

I didn't wanna comment on this thread but the bolded above pushed me to punch the 'reply' button!
You expect her to change who she is because of love
What happened to the guy also easing up a little?
This relationship is nothing to write home about again, Cosmass should just let it go. Telling her to work on this relationship is not the best idea for her. To keep her sanity, she needs to let go!
If we follow your analogy, which to me is mere speculation, these people are not even compatible! Telling Cosmass to start watching every word that proceeds out of her mouth and living life like she's in prison is not a good idea (at least, not for her ego and sanity) and telling the guy to take her for who she is is clearly asking for too much!

Note: I'm just tryna see things from your perspective, not that I even bliv it!

opposites attract!

Every good relationship is supposed to CHANGE you for the better... please do not relate with anybody who has no value he or she is adding to your life......That is why two good heads are better than one..

Both of them needs to make amends. Relationship is all about compromise..

dinachi: opposites attract!

Every good relationship is supposed to CHANGE you for the better... please do not relate with anybody who has no value he or she is adding to your life......That is why two good heads are better than one.. Both of them needs to make amends. Relationship is all about compromise..

I didn't want to comment on this thread again. It's becoming a bit absurd. Many people have already dropped off from the thread. However, something tells me u've never married b4 going by some of ur posts on this thread...they sound too literary like a knowledge acquired from a romance novel or movie, not based on real life experience..

Pls relationships are not supposed to change people, and don't change people. Don't advise people to get into a relationship hoping to change the other party (it's called being controlling, or manipulation). It doesn't work and never worked. It's not a good advice please. Hope young people following this thread don't take that advice serious. Except you meant to say something else and I misunderstood u.

Now you seem to expose a basic lack of relationship principles..I don't disclose my personal information on public boards like this... A MARITAL relationship where you are not adding value and receiving value is not worth it. You are supposed to help each other become better... some learn patience ....others learn....tolerance....If you can do it alone then you shouldn't marry in the first place.....your spouse is supposed to compliment you and smoothen your rough edges...that is what i mean by change...until you change your perception that relationship is a competition instead of complimentary you may never understand what I am saying...

They both need to make adjustments....the relationship can be saved..

dinachi: Now you seem to expose a basic lack of relationship principles..I don't disclose my personal information on public boards like this... A MARITAL relationship where you are not adding value and receiving value is not worth it. You are supposed to help each other become better... some learn patience ....others learn....tolerance....If you can do it alone then you shouldn't marry in the first place.....your spouse is supposed to compliment you and smoothen your rough edges...that is what i mean by change...until you change your perception that relationship is a competition instead of complimentary you may never understand what I am saying...

They both need to make adjustments....the relationship can be saved..

Ok thanks. But it's been u against an entire crowd of differing opinions and commentators. Hope u win the entire community on the debate. I really enjoyed the e-debate though bc it's matured and without personal insults like other threads!..Nairalanders are improving. Reminded me of debating societies in school in those days, where teachers taught us to address our opponents with respect as 'honorable co-debaters'...LoL! All the luck, and have a wonderful new year ahead!

Woged2005:
Ok thanks. But it's been u against an entire crowd of differing opinions and commentators. Hope u win the entire community on the debate. I really enjoyed the e-debate though bc it's matured and without personal insults like other threads!..Nairalanders are improving. Reminded me of debating societies in school in those days, where teachers taught us to address our opponents with respect as 'honorable co-debaters'...LoL! All the luck, and have a wonderful new year ahead!

@ bolded It is because most people like to play to the gallery, i don't!

I say it the way it is and some people can't just relate with that

Woged2005: All the luck, and have a wonderful new year ahead!

Thanks! I wish you a more prosperous and fulfilling 2014...

dinachi:
First you must apologize for leaving the thread abruptly and returning without adequate notice...that aside....there are other aspects of the relationship that she did not disclose here....so take what you are reading with that understanding...I have a better understanding of the issues as raised. Both are wrong and if she follows my advice with her heart, the relationship will be saved.

dinachi:

You already have a pre concieved notion....keep it all to yourself
From what I know, this is not the first time they have had the disagreement...both are differing personalities.... and most of the time the fault have been hers.... the guy is a careful meticulous person...she is the carefree playful type... Actually the guy feels she is taking him for granted...and that is why....he is really offended....she truly loves the guy from what I know......and I believe that the relationship has a good chance of survival..

..

dinachi:
If I recall correctly you are supposed to have unfollowed this thread.
The fact that you don't have a handle on relationship issues is not my fault.
From what I know her relationship is worth fighting for.

I came in late in this party and to the Op I would say these
How dare you insult the intelligence of people by starting a thread ,actually threads on your issues and people comment sincerely to help you then you go offline to tell details to a poster?
If he is the only person who understands you and your situation then spare us and unburden on his manly shoulders ,let him help you wipe your tears and energize you to fight for your man.( whatever that stupid term means)

Based on what I have read so far ,irrespective of who did what,the bottom line is that a man doesn't want you
That is the main story here
He has told you that himself
His family has hold you the same
Please gather up the dignity you have left and move on
Have you no mother and father?
relatives?
No friends?
How can a man use you and play ludo like this and you are still dreaming of the same man and crying over him
Move on sweetie
He doesn't want again
Na by force?


If dinachi is available marry him na
E no get money?

Pleaaaaase o!
MY DARLING HUSBAND NEVER BEARS GRUDGES!
Nothing I have done has bothered him to that point of unforgivenezz!
Including DOING FULL TIME 'tricks WITH MY SUGAR DADDIES IN POD!!!!
AND VICE VERSA!!!!

If you GARRRRRRRRRIT. . . . . FLUANNNNNNNIT!!!!

E badu belle and e jolosi nor QUENCH O!!!!

Baby mama:
I came in late in this party and to the Op I would say these
How dare you insult the intelligence of people by starting a thread ,actually threads on your issues and people comment sincerely to help you then you go offline to tell details to a poster?
If he is the only person who understands you and your situation then spare us and unburden on his manly shoulders ,let him help you wipe your tears and energize you to fight for your man.( whatever that stupid term means)
Based on what I have read so far ,irrespective of who did what,the bottom line is that a man doesn't want you
That is the main story here
He has told you that himself
His family has hold you the same
Please gather up the dignity you have left and move on
Have you no mother and father?
relatives?
No friends?
How can a man use you and play ludo like this and you are still dreaming of the same man and crying over him
Move on sweetie
He doesn't want again
Na by force?
If dinachi is available marry him na
E no get money?

At least you have learnt something...no relationship is perfect and every relationship has a history....the way you got married may not be the way every other person will tie the knot.....try and be understanding....I have said enough.....I am going to be unavailable till 2014....in a few hours...happy new year in advance!

dinachi:

At least you have learnt something...no relationship is perfect and every relationship has a history....the way you got married may not be the way every other person will tie the knot.....try and be understanding....I have said enough.....I am going to be unavailable till 2014....in a few hours...happy new year in advance!

Excuse you!
If you wan chop the girl,go chop am
Which one is my own
She will come back with another thread and people will give advice

Every responder here is mad,jealous as u put it and you are the only sane one?
Comot jor make I find eye see berra place to do breakthrough service