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How does one treat the "other" woman - Romance - Nairaland

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How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 6:22pm On Aug 15, 2008
I need to know if this practice is normal among men:

My girlfriend who is married to Nigerian man does not know that the man is still with his first wife, but I know she is married to my husbands friend and I have been to his friends house when the first wife is there.

The first wife thinks this is just an arrangement and my girlfriend thinks that the marriage is real between them two.

I have taken yall advice and not said anything to either woman.

Here is my question:
He takes my girlfriend around to meet all of his friends and shows her off and talks about her and everything but they all know that he is "really" married to wife #1 the mother of his children also from Nigeria.

Do you men do this all the time?  Do you all actually introduce your mistress to your friends?  And if so what do you and your friends say about the girl when she is not around?

Let me into the mans world for just a second.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by lexicon(m): 6:35pm On Aug 15, 2008
Actually i see no sence in what the man did but to the best of my knowledge, i think his first wife is not up to his standard, or it could be that he married her by mistake.That is why he has the gutts to introduce his new catch to both friends and families.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 6:39pm On Aug 15, 2008
lexicon:

Actually i see no sence in what the man did but to the best of my knowledge, i think his first wife is not up to his standard, or it could be that he married her by mistake.That is why he has the gutts to introduce his new catch to both friends and families.

But he told the first wife that he only married her for the papers. Is this normal behavior for that?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by lexicon(m): 6:41pm On Aug 15, 2008
I also have a feelings dat tell me the man is a gold digger
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 6:50pm On Aug 15, 2008
lexicon:

I also have a feelings that tell me the man is a gold digger

How so?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by HRhotness(f): 6:52pm On Aug 15, 2008
I really dont understand. . .

some men act in mysterious ways or r just plain dumb  sad
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by lexicon(m): 6:56pm On Aug 15, 2008
He married the first for his papers, probably your friend for work/accommodation, later a new catch for election campaign. lol
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 7:04pm On Aug 15, 2008
No the first one, the one that lives with him and his children is from Nigeria. He was married to her for 18 years. He divorced her, he says, to marry my gf for his papers. But he is telling my gf that he loves her.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by lexicon(m): 7:10pm On Aug 15, 2008
ummm. love my foot. anyway i wish ur friend the best.

@topic
not all men behave in that manner
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 9:32pm On Aug 15, 2008
lexicon:

ummm. love my foot. anyway i wish your friend the best.

@topic
not all men behave in that manner


I am clear that not all men act like this as my husband does not act like this but i was just wondering if any men have been there or been the friend that has been introduced to the "other woman" and how did you react?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by Nobody: 9:35pm On Aug 15, 2008
ahhhhhhh, polygamy o!!
Sorry for your sister. . . . .tell her to watch a lil bit of Nollywood. She'll get some ideas, but tell her not to freak out at how the first wife is beating the crap out of the seond wife! I hope she laughs at the juju part smiley
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by proo212(m): 9:37pm On Aug 15, 2008
Ok I have a number of questions.

1. Is the 1st wife in the US?
2. How did she get to the US?
3. Are the children in the US?
4. How did they get to the US?
5. How long have they been in the US?
6. Do either of them work?
7. How old are the children?
8. Do they both work?

I'll ask a few more but if you can answer these first, I will direct my question accordingly.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 9:40pm On Aug 15, 2008
proo212:

Ok I have a number of questions.

1. Is the 1st wife in the US?
Yes

2. How did she get to the US?
They came together 4 years ago

3. Are the children in the US?
Yes

4. How did they get to the US?
They came from Nigeria by plane

5. How long have they been in the US?
Four years

6. Do either of them work?
Yes they both work

7. How old are the children?
The children are teenagers

8. Do they both work?
Yes

I'll ask a few more but if you can answer these first, I will direct my question accordingly.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by Nobody: 9:47pm On Aug 15, 2008
1. Is the 1st wife in the US?
Yes
Is he planning a divorce?
If your friend is in US, and his first wife is in US, that's polygamy= dude can get arrested.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 9:48pm On Aug 15, 2008
Ruby_Pearl:

Is he planning a divorce?
If your friend is in US, and his first wife is in US, that's polygamy= dude can get arrested.

He did divorce her a year ago but they still live together and she still sees him as her husband.


They even go to parties as husband and wife. I dont tell my gf when i am going to a party with my husband because i know he is not taking her but his first wife.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by Nobody: 9:51pm On Aug 15, 2008
sistawoman:

He did divorce her a year ago but they still live together and she still sees him as her husband.


They even go to parties as husband and wife. I don't tell my girlfriend when i am going to a party with my husband because i know he is not taking her but his first wife.

Am sorry, am lost.
Ok, she's married to him. . . . . but he lives with his first wife.
So who's your friend living with? If not her husband?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by proo212(m): 9:52pm On Aug 15, 2008
I must have asked one question 2ce.

Why I asked those questions is that. (I don't know how it works in the states) but he was able to divorce his wife in the US. In Germany, you have to have your papers before you can even get a divorce.

Do you not need some kind of work permit to be able to work in the US? (Both of them work). If there is a work permit why divorce his wife and marry someone else?

If the children are teenagers, I also assume they have some sort of leave to remain in the US?

If all the answers to these questions are affirmative then, I am looking at a man who is having cake and eating it. The wife must be very docile to accept such and arrangement. What do the children think about this?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by gabelogan(m): 9:52pm On Aug 15, 2008
why is this "other woman" thing very common amongst nigerian men?

i have a female friend in nothern ireland thats in exactly thesame situation
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 9:58pm On Aug 15, 2008
proo212:

I must have asked one question 2ce.

Why I asked those questions is that. (I don't know how it works in the states) but he was able to divorce his wife in the US. In Germany, you have to have your papers before you can even get a divorce.

Do you not need some kind of work permit to be able to work in the US? (Both of them work). If there is a work permit why divorce his wife and marry someone else?

If the children are teenagers, I also assume they have some sort of leave to remain in the US?

If all the answers to these questions are affirmative then, I am looking at a man who is having cake and eating it. The wife must be very docile to accept such and arrangement. What do the children think about this?


He drives a cab and his wife from Nigeria works under the table at a fast food place. The children all understand that after thier dad gets his papers they will have SSN's and will be us citizens. You dont need citzenship to go to primary school here.

When they arrived 4 years ago they had temp visias which have since expired (last year).

You dont need your papers here for divorce.

The new wife, my girlfriend, thinks that he is still saying at his apartment because there is not enough space at her house for his kids. And she does not go over there to "respect the childrens space" I dont know how he feed her this BS but he did. And it is not my place to say otherwise.

He comes to her at night after work and leaves a few hours later and sleeps next to his first wife everynight.

But he shows off my gf to all of his friends and she keeps pointing to this to suggest that "it must be over between him and ______ and we are really in love".
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by proo212(m): 10:08pm On Aug 15, 2008
The man is good. I suspect a situation where your friend refuses to give him the divorce when that time comes for him to get this papers and remarry his first wife.

He goes home to his wife every night! Naturally he will slept with his wife as well (if they're still doing it).

I guess in this situation the wife puts up with it because of what he sold to her/what is at stake. Is there some kind of amnesty that they can both claim?

And your friend is a bit too trusting to see what's under her nose.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 5:06pm On Aug 18, 2008
Update:

I think my gf is starting to smell it.

We had a gf retreat this weekend, I just got back an hour ago, that lasted way longer than it was planned to.

We planned to just hook up Saturday and spend the day but we did not part ways until this morning when everyone left to go to work. We all had to drive 3-4 hours to get from the retreat to our jobs.

I had the longest drive of 5 hours, anyway. . . . .

We are all married so we of course talked about men, marriage, kids the whole nine yards.
And they were hitting her with lots of questions. Only one of my other gf knows what i know cuz i told her and she was taking it to my other gf. She was asking lots of hard hitting questions and getting her to really think about it.

On the drive home she tried to corner me and ask me about his home life. I hated lying to my gf so i told her the truth. She is pissed, embarrassed, hurt and disappointed. She wants to confront him but really does not know what to do.

I have not talked to my husband yet to tell him about the weekend or the conversation we had on the ride home.

Is my husband going to be pissed at me? Or should I let it sit until she talks to her husband? I really believe the guy has it coming to him and I dont want him to get advance warning. She is even talking of divorce now cuz she feels betrayed, bambozzled, hoodwinked, frauded.

Still the orginal question: What are him and his budies saying about my gf?
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistajay(f): 7:14pm On Aug 18, 2008
You should have done what your friend did right from the start and that's by, plantin the seed of doubt in her mind. You are so right you're husband will be mad at ya, and this might mean NO nookie for a while. . . . .ouch! that will really hurt.  grin. Phew, I'm so glad she's in the know, I would never put a friend through all that.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 7:28pm On Aug 18, 2008
sista-jay:

You should have done what your friend did right from the start and that's by, plantin the seed of doubt in her mind. You are so right you're husband will be mad at ya, and this might mean NO nookie for a while. . . . .ouch! that will really hurt. grin. Phew, I'm so glad she's in the know, I would never put a friend through all that.

When i get done teasing him it will hurt him more than me. . . . . lol
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by segzicres(m): 7:29pm On Aug 18, 2008
@sisterwoman you should'nt have. i believe your friend is very dumb, for her not to even realise this sooner than this. she needs to go back to kindergarten.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 7:37pm On Aug 18, 2008
segzi cres:

@sisterwoman you should'nt have. i believe your friend is very dumb, for her not to even realise this sooner than this. she needs to go back to kindergarten.


Do you think he will be terribly annoyed with me?  If so how do i calm him or explain what a corner i was in?

On top of everything else i think my husband is not as "understanding" as i thought he was as he as yet to call me to check on me since I have been back.  He did not know I was going for so long.  What started out a one day retreat turned into a two night get away.  I only called twice while i was gone the cells phones were off and no one was allowed to break the silence.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistajay(f): 7:49pm On Aug 18, 2008
segzi cres:

@sisterwoman you should'nt have. i believe your friend is very dumb, for her not to even realise this sooner than this. she needs to go back to kindergarten.

Hey, go easy on sistawoman's friend, like you don't know a woman in love can see no wrong in her man.

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Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by segzicres(m): 7:53pm On Aug 18, 2008
@sisterwoman he's your husband so you have to call him if he doesn't.
Re: How does one treat the "other" woman by sistawoman: 8:11pm On Aug 18, 2008
segzi cres:

@sisterwoman he's your husband so you have to call him if he doesn't.

I did and he is not picking my calls cry

I hope he is not too mad tonight when i get home. at least i made it to work, thats a good thing right?

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