Bossman:

In society like Nigeria's that allows polygamy, infidelity on the part of the men will not be considered a major issue like it would in a society that does not allow polygamy. So I think the acceptance of polygamy plays a major role in this issue. Again, this is just my opinion.

Even if the man is a christan?

sistawoman:

I have heard this very statement come out of several Nigerian mens mouths when you ask them what will your wife think of you running around.

Why is it that Nigerian men, some not all, think that it is acceptable to cheat on their Nigerian wives and that the wives will not question them or do anything about it? Why do some, not all, Nigerian women put up with this mess? Why are the women, some not all, not taught that they should always come first and that their husbands should be true to only them?

I don't understand why I would want to work to save a marriage that has failed. He has stepped outside of our marriage in pursuit of his 20% instead of staying at home happy with his 80%. If he wants to be a playa then let him be, but playas are single.

There comes a point in life when the woman will do anything to work things out all cos, how many man would the woman have to dump and have kids all over in relationships, be4 she will wanna just chill and work things out?
i am sure that those that stays are not saying cos they have a choice, they staying cos all the good men are taken.
Please note, i am not trying to say it is kool.

$$Rhino:

There comes a point in life when the woman will do anything to work things out all because, how many man would the woman have to dump and have kids all over in relationships, be4 she will want to just chill and work things out?
i am sure that those that stays are not saying because they have a choice, they staying because all the good men are taken.
Please note, i am not trying to say it is kool.

NOTE: I am not being nasty just seeking clarity, if after reading what i say below you feel the need to insult do so cuz i dont give a dam!!

Rhino:

is the problem that, some not all, Nigerian women are taught that "men will be men"? I ask this because women of the south used to back in the day, way way way back in day, teach this to thier young girls. Is it that they, some not all, lack the self-estem neccessary to not tolerate this?

Are there strong black women back in Nigeria who are trying to change this trend, mend this thinking or empower the young black women coming up?

just talk things out with Ur hubby but if it persit after a while, just leave him,,, why do Nigerian men feel they can be unfaithful and be happy about it with out even a guilty conscience?

You will get a lot of advise, some from people with broken marriages, who may even want yours to be broken too. It's your decision.

Lol

you know you are right?

sistawoman:


NOTE: I am not being nasty just seeking clarity, if after reading what i say below you feel the need to insult do so because i don't give a dam!!

Rhino:

is the problem that, some not all, Nigerian women are taught that "men will be men"? I ask this because women of the south used to back in the day, way way way back in day, teach this to their young girls. Is it that they, some not all, lack the self-estem neccessary to not tolerate this?

Are there strong black women back in Nigeria who are trying to change this trend, mend this thinking or empower the young black women coming up?

Haba, why would i wanna insult you.
You are very right that in those "club" ages, the mothers thot thir daughter to just submit with questions being asked and i so much agree with you that, while it is good to submit, submission should not be regarded as slavey or cowardness, and the husband needs to do better, however, all i am saying is that, take a case of a woman that has never met a good luck or be blessed with a man that has it tgether, after 8 divorce, what else can she do? she will be left with 2 choices, either to be single mother with all the kids she has had with 8 husbands or just live with husband 9 either good or bad~~~~~~~~~`does that make it right? not at all.

Women in Nigeria are now standing up and tell the men that enuf is enuf, cos most men now owns a job, own house and have their own rides, so the man has nothing to boast of over them, but most ladies that goes thru horrible and molested marriages are ladies that has nothing to their name (most of the times), if a woman has to ask for money from the husband to buy ordinary underwear, now tell me what you think, how much respect would the man has for her, is that a real man, nope, cos it is still the duty of the man to provide for the woman, so he is not doing anything big deal.

Although, some ladies have it all and yet being abused, those, i will put in the folder labelled "low self esteemed" and that is sad, they need help.
However, dont ever expect me to insult you, cos we are just exchangind ideas and view and we need to disagree to agree sometimes

$$Rhino:


Haba, why would i want to insult you.
You are very right that in those "club" ages, the mothers thot thir daughter to just submit with questions being asked and i so much agree with you that, while it is good to submit, submission should not be regarded as slavey or cowardness, and the husband needs to do better, however, all i am saying is that, take a case of a woman that has never met a good luck or be blessed with a man that has it tgether, after 8 divorce, what else can she do? she will be left with 2 choices, either to be single mother with all the kids she has had with 8 husbands or just live with husband 9 either good or bad~~~~~~~~~`does that make it right? not at all.

Women in Nigeria are now standing up and tell the men that enough is enough, because most men now owns a job, own house and have their own rides, so the man has nothing to boast of over them, but most ladies that goes through horrible and molested marriages are ladies that has nothing to their name (most of the times), if a woman has to ask for money from the husband to buy ordinary underwear, now tell me what you think, how much respect would the man has for her, is that a real man, nope, because it is still the duty of the man to provide for the woman, so he is not doing anything big deal.

Although, some ladies have it all and yet being abused, those, i will put in the folder labelled "low self esteemed" and that is sad, they need help.
However, don't ever expect me to insult you, because we are just exchangind ideas and view and we need to disagree to agree sometimes

Thanks for your honest reply.

My wish is that no woman has to sit by idly and let her husband treat her like a second class citizen. The point of marriage is to have someone who will be faithful and true to only you.

I know what it feels like to be trapped in a marriage and afraid that you wont be able to feed or care for your children on your own, as i stayed in a marriage for 4 years longer than I should have. But I found that strength, by chance, and I hope that all other women do the same.

Women are the stronger of the species and should know and understand that. I just hope that they take strength from those before us and use that to free ourselves from the slavery that some men subject these women to. Being an independent woman has its pluses and minus but when balanced it can be of so much benefit to ourselves, husbands,children and community.

sistawoman:


Thanks for your honest reply.

My wish is that no woman has to sit by idly and let her husband treat her like a second class citizen. The point of marriage is to have someone who will be faithful and true to only you.

I know what it feels like to be trapped in a marriage and afraid that you wont be able to feed or care for your children on your own, as i stayed in a marriage for 4 years longer than I should have. But I found that strength, by chance, and I hope that all other women do the same.

Women are the stronger of the species and should know and understand that. I just hope that they take strength from those before us and use that to free ourselves from the slavery that some men subject these women to. Being an independent woman has its pluses and minus but when balanced it can be of so much benefit to ourselves, husbands,children and community.

I couldnt possibly agree with u more, however, like u said, there is always a + and - to all coins, so there is a need for everyone to consider both side of the coin be4 they act.

sistawoman:


Thanks for your honest reply.

My wish is that no woman has to sit by idly and let her husband treat her like a second class citizen. The point of marriage is to have someone who will be faithful and true to only you.

I know what it feels like to be trapped in a marriage and afraid that you wont be able to feed or care for your children on your own, as i stayed in a marriage for 4 years longer than I should have. But I found that strength, by chance, and I hope that all other women do the same.

Women are the stronger of the species and should know and understand that. I just hope that they take strength from those before us and use that to free ourselves from the slavery that some men subject these women to. Being an independent woman has its pluses and minus but when balanced it can be of so much benefit to ourselves, husbands,children and community.

Madam, it happens all over, nigeria, china, america, europe . . .all men are the same.
American men seems to plan their cheating ways very neatly and are more discreet about it. Nigerian on the other hand . . alot of them grow up to think that such things is more acceptabe and that their women are below them.

Adonica:

Madam, it happens all over, nigeria, china, america, europe . . .all men are the same.
American men seems to plan their cheating ways very neatly and are more discreet about it. Nigerian on the other hand . . alot of them grow up to think that such things is more acceptabe and that their women are below them.

I understand that it happens everywhere but that attitude that the woman dare not question him is something I have only heard from Nigerian men.

@ poster

Dont get all worked up cus of d txt he sent, juzz keep kool!!!

Adonica:

Madam, it happens all over, nigeria, china, america, europe . . .all men are the same.
American men seems to plan their cheating ways very neatly and are more discreet about it. Nigerian on the other hand . . alot of them grow up to think that such things is more acceptabe and that their women are below them.

i am sure if they could allow people in da western world to have 2 wives, even bush will marry another one.
Detroit mayor just resign and booty call was one of dem reasons.
Clinton lied under oath that he wasnt sucked like a banana.
so many senators cant run for something better, cos they have too much to hide.
women get too much power sha

if you don't kids I would walk away, men like that will always be cheaters.

i know too many naija ladies in ireland alone that put up with constant cheating. they are always pregnant too. it makes me feel ill. i have seen their husbands with tramps behing their backs. jeeeezzz what about diseases? im telling you one of these ladies is going to get a disease, one of ther husbands got a ugandan pregnant and he visits this ugandan and phocks her in her house also behind his lvoing wife's back. its really sick. :-x

ANOTHER ONE HAD BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH A CONGOLESE NATIONAL WHO TURNED OUT TO BE HIV POSITIVE. IT WAS A MIRACLE IT WANT PASSED ON TO THE LADYS HUSBAND, THEN TO HER AND EVEN POSSIBLY TO HER UNBORN FETUS.

Leilah:

i know too many naija ladies in ireland alone that put up with constant cheating. they are always pregnant too. it makes me feel ill. i have seen their husbands with tramps behing their backs. jeeeezzz what about diseases? im telling you one of these ladies is going to get a disease, one of ther husbands got a ugandan pregnant and he visits this ugandan and phocks her in her house also behind his lvoing wife's back. its really sick. :-x

ANOTHER ONE HAD BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH A CONGOLESE NATIONAL WHO TURNED OUT TO BE HIV POSITIVE. IT WAS A MIRACLE IT WANT PASSED ON TO THE LADYS HUSBAND, THEN TO HER AND EVEN POSSIBLY TO HER UNBORN FETUS.

It is really sad, but maybe it is time for the wife to tell the husband to zip up or cheat protectively, dont mine me oh, just messing around.

I am speechless!

Moyola:

@ poster

Dont get all worked up cus of d txt he sent, juzz keep kool!!! 

ehhh what about the condom "that fell out of his friend's pocket"?

sistawoman:


I understand that it happens everywhere but that attitude that the woman dare not question him is something I have only heard from Nigerian men.

a woman who complains that her husband cheats in Nigeria would hardly find a sympathetic/empathetic ear. The only questions she would hear are: Does he feed you and the children? Does he clothe you guys? and he pays the rent? If she answers yes to these questions people think she's crazy to complain about his infidelity. Things really need to change.

A man i know once asked his complaining wife to show him on what part of his body God stamped her name.

@ poster

Don't call the girls, the problem is with him not them. And please don't ever think its your fault he is behaving this way.Men can be jerks sometimes, but not all are. Sit him down and explain to him how his behavior make you feel. If he does not change please leave him cause chances are that he does not respect you.

These kind of men are the ones who contribute on making our lives miserable. These kind of men make it impossible for us(good guys) to be fully trusted by our girlfriends cause they tend to believe all men are jerks . When are we men gonna improve. i have noticed that its very rare to meet a woman who does not have men issues and its so sad.

thendo:

These kind of men are the ones who contribute on making our lives miserable. These kind of men make it impossible for us(good guys) to be fully trusted by our girlfriends cause they tend to believe all men are jerks .

These kind of men reduce marriage to this:

In regard to all the cheating husbands,

We as wives can't change a cheater but If you are lucy enough to find out his girlfriends name like I did, What you do is expose her name to the public and let the world know where she comes from.Let her village know that they have produced a husband stealing harlot, then what will her parents and relatives think of her then. Sometimes you just have to shame them both. De demons work best under the cover of darkness and like it if no one knows whst they are doing. EXPOSE THEM

Euchena:

In regard to all the cheating husbands,

We as wives can't change a cheater but If you are lucy enough to find out his girlfriends name like I did, What you do is expose her name to the public and let the world know where she comes from.Let her village know that they have produced a husband stealing harlot, then what will her parents and relatives think of her then. Sometimes you just have to shame them both. De demons work best under the cover of darkness and like it if no one knows whst they are doing. EXPOSE THEM

I agree

Leilah:

i know too many naija ladies in ireland alone that put up with constant cheating. they are always pregnant too. it makes me feel ill. i have seen their husbands with tramps behing their backs. jeeeezzz what about diseases? im telling you one of these ladies is going to get a disease, one of ther husbands got a ugandan pregnant and he visits this ugandan and phocks her in her house also behind his lvoing wife's back. its really sick. :-x

ANOTHER ONE HAD BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH A CONGOLESE NATIONAL WHO TURNED OUT TO BE HIV POSITIVE. IT WAS A MIRACLE IT WANT PASSED ON TO THE LADYS HUSBAND, THEN TO HER AND EVEN POSSIBLY TO HER UNBORN FETUS.

I know a caribbean lady who gives her husband condoms so he doesn't come home with any disease. She claims to know that its impossible to stop a man who wants to cheat and she knows that the guy is a ladies' man.

As far as I have seen, they are a very happy couple and their marriage is very healthy.

JustGood:

I know a caribbean lady who gives her husband condoms so he doesn't come home with any disease. She claims to know that its impossible to stop a man who wants to cheat and she knows that the guy is a ladies' man.

As far as I have seen, they are a very happy couple and their marriage is very healthy.

I am glad that works for her but it would never work for me in my home.

If I have to stay faithful then so do you.

sistawoman:

I am glad that works for her but it would never work for me in my home.

If I have to stay faithful then so do you.

that is fair.
however, always better to be prevent what is preventable.

Fhemmmy:

that is fair.
however, always better to be prevent what is preventable.

how can i prevent him from cheating?

sistawoman:

how can i prevent him from cheating?

I mean prevent him from bringing to you some diseases that are not being sold in da market, but being contacted for be unfaithful.
So tell him to protect himself, cos you cant prevent a man that wanna cheat from cheating - so sad and pathetic though, but just no cure yet for a cheating husband.

what is ur own personal effort to approach ur hubby on this issue? U shd try as much as possible to avoid confrontation with him.Dialogue is a virtue and shd be embibed by you.moreover pray to God to help him withdraw cus its not easy oh!

Euchena:

In regard to all the cheating husbands,

We as wives can't change a cheater but If you are lucy enough to find out his girlfriends name like I did, What you do is expose her name to the public and let the world know where she comes from.Let her village know that they have produced a husband stealing harlot, then what will her parents and relatives think of her then. Sometimes you just have to shame them both. De demons work best under the cover of darkness and like it if no one knows whst they are doing. EXPOSE THEM

After you find your husband's girlfriend, exposed will he stop cheating? Probably not, he will just find another girlfriend to cheat with will you have to deal with another womanhunt. I believe in the sanctity of marriage but if you have to police every woman around town then its not worth it. Either the husband stops cheating, or have a go at two can play that game. The easiest hard thing to do though would be to end the unfaithful marriage that causes constant worrying and a possible heart attack in years to come.
Many people stick out a useless marriage because of kids, but their is no use getting a disease or an infection because the kids won't tell you, "Thanks mom for sticking it out with the VD carrying a**hole"
I can't understand why most women rather make other women public enemy number one when the problem could be nipped at the bud by going after the man.

Watch the Tyler Perry movie Why did I get Married

insecurity is breaking a lot of homes and marriages.

u ve right to check ur hubby's fone or take his calls not checking through his messages, now if u nag him i will go out and keep his affairs goin if he's having any.

let it the way it is, dont ask him and confront him will realise someday and make an amend

beingme:

insecurity is breaking a lot of homes and marriages.

u ve right to check ur hubby's fone or take his calls not checking through his messages, now if u nag him i will go out and keep his affairs goin if he's having any.

let it the way it is, dont ask him and confront him will realise someday and make an amend

Well said, however, most times it stares the ladies in the face that they just cant help but to deal with it.