chamotex:

na when the thing make contact with pus*y juice signal dey strong pass.

Omo na contract i dey use oo, no be pay-as-you-go

u are so RAW

Mo gbona feli feli like hot sand

choose one but should av told him u had another than which would hae being cool. Females pls try and be realistic in life and stop pretending that u don't cheat on ur guy,
what a man can do , a woman can do better.

@ post

The world has become a gobal (glass) village where nothing is hidden.i will advice u sit him down and xplain to him hw it all happens, i am very sure if luv u he will 4give u.

@poster,
Please don't tell him since you are ready to turn a new leaf. He may eventually not find, unless you do things that will make him suspect you. Just cut off every relationship with the other guy or any other person.
I wish you good luck baby.

Keep us updated.

@poster ok now as u no understand.make i break am down so simple
their is no way wey dis guy no go sabi say dem dey poros ur behind,
so all u will be doing if u think say u fit hide am,na postponing ur
evil day,but the brain wey i dey try borrow u,na make u 4 know
loose on but ends atlease if u postpone the dooms day by shutting up
now u could still get a lil far with dis guy wey go pay u even if him come find
out eventually decide to waka so wake up mami,

Dear Sister:  Upon what foundation are you building the rest of your life?  Trust or Deception?  I'm not here to flagellate you, but please know this; when this Bobo finds out, believe me he will, that you lied to him on such a trivial issue, what do you expect next?  If you are really lucky, he'll find out before the wedding, not forgive you and leave you to make a fresh start with someone else.  If you are certifiably unlucky, he won't find out till after the wedding, when you'll then spend the next 10 -20 years trying to convince him you are a trustworthy person.

Personally,I don't see the need for fretting too much about discovery in this particular issue, but I would that you get off this desperate treadmill to marry at ANY cost. That's not marriage, it's prison where you become your own jailer.

I leave you with this quote;
Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention.
Doug Horton

Hello Everyone,

I have had all kinds of feedbacks and suggestions, Many thanks for barinstorming but I think Reality4 makes sense. This guy must have had "n" no. of affairs(who knows) and may be he wouldn't tell me about everything, wud he? Even some of the stories he discusses of his past how do I react to it, it is so unnecessary/ irrelevant!!! I am not telling him about my affair and relationship because I don't want to disgrace the former relationship and I had seriosly loved that person for so long!!!! It took time for me to come out of everything and form my mind to marry someone else for good. If I am positively thinking about getting married to a guy and dedicating my LIFE to him forever, where is the problem

Some pages of our life are so black/secretive that we don't even want to think about them ourselves. How do you expect me to break someone's heart or ruin his trust/whatever for this kind of unnecessary thing. I have decided to move on with this guy, get married to him and spend rets of my life with him!!! I would cheat on him ever why will he doubt me and how will he find out. Only my concern is, he will know that I am not a virgin( which he wud have guessed when I told him I am coming from a couple of bad relationships),

I know truth is the foundation of a relationship but sometimes somethings better not said!!!

Well, I wish you the best, all I will tell you is that what goes around comes around. In my humble opinion, and please do not take this the wrong way, your future husband does not deserve this. There is no point thinking of dedicating your life to someone when the foundation of trust isn't there.
If your hubby does find out, which he will, I am telling you this as a fellow guy, he will most likely despise you for it.
But anyways, I do wish you the best, hope it works out for you.

I dont understand people. Ok so you have finally found the person you want to marry, and the best way to go about a relationship that should last forever is to start off lying.

Let me ask, what are you scared off? telling the truth?, what else are you going to hide from him?. You sort of missed the big chance to tell him all when he proposed to you, but it is not too late. You must tell him, if you stand a chance of having a successful marriage, because he will, and I state it, He will find out and I can assure you that would probably be the end of the marriage or whatever you call it.

When 2 people decide they are going to get married, most times things would have happened in the past, and most times,as long as you are honest from the start, there is always a good chance that forgiveness will be had, cos in most cases the other party might not be clean either. It is the honesty at the start that sets the tone for a sound start. At that point of honesty you are both staring anew, everything is out in the open, and you will never need to hide (ever), but if you miss that chance, please pray that you get another (Probably now), and speak up. He will respect you more for telling him truth than lying and going into the marriage.

I sense desparation in your response and that is not good, just as other well meaning people have said, you must tell the truth and set yourself free, if not it always comes back to hunt you, and it might be too late then.

A marriage built on lies is a Worthless marriage

Building a marriage on a lie is not the smart way to go. By putting all the cards out on the table in the beginning, you are giving him a choice to stay with you or not. And it will ultimately be his choice, it wont be forced, therefore he will not resent you. But if you lie, scheme and cover up, it will come back later to bite you in the ass. If you want a successful marriage, you need to stay faithful and truthful. My concern for you is that it seems you do not trust him. You do not trust him well enough to think that he will love you enough to forgive you. That right there is a problem. If you think you need to hide yourself from him, or lie to him, then you need to rethink the marriage. You are not being fair to him or yourself. It sounds like you are tricking him into marrying you.

no kidding but after reading this thread i have nothing but pity for the man tranquil is going to marry. I dont think you love this man at all . . . if you honestly did your only thought would be how to build a foundation of trust, love and honesty with him.
I never mince words, you are only marrying this man because he is abroad and you are seeking a better life for urself (selfishness).

Its clear you really dont know this man, its clear you only broke the other relationship from the other guy you love out of expediency. Its clear you're the type of woman who will make a man's life hell in a marriage.
I read where you try to justify ur perfidy by saying well he may have had x no of flings too. How well do you know this man? What if he saved himself for you?

I pray this man finds out and goes on to meet a more deserving woman. You're just a disgraceful freeloader.

Didn't want to be that harsh,but you said it all Davidylan.

Hello everyone,

I never expected anyone to understand this but this is my truth and reality. People who really love someone would understand what love is and how difficult it is to control and apply mind where your heart gives up! I was swayed and seen the troughs and crests in this relationship for three damn years. I have lived and loved and now moving on for good! The fact that the decision is wise and good for my ex and me, its very easy to sit there and throw rotten tomotoes on someone! My ex stood by me in the worst times, he supported and brought out the best in/out of me. Again, I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND!!!!

I wish few years later I come here to say that I am happily married!!!

Well, well, if your ex was so good to you and brought out the best in you, then I think you are making thr wrong choice and marrying thr wrong guy. Just as DavidDan said you are acting very very selfish and are only considering where it best benefits you rather than is it fair to all concerned. If you go and marry this guy without telling himthe truth, in my opinion you will be doing a very wicked thing. I believe that you will be conducting a religious ceremory (probably getting married in Church), if that is the case, you must remember what the bible says, about the truth, and also about some of the very serious vows you are going to be making, including "if there is any reason why this couple should not marry".

Let me help you by reminding you what telling the truth does, IT SETS YOU FREE. I doubt you will be going into this marriage a free woman. Most people will respect someone who has come clean than someone who hides and deceives, which is what you are doing. TELL THE TRUTH

People, I think this is getting tooooo melodramatic here!!! Read the entire story(earlier posts) and then comment, I am sick of your blashpemous behavior! I am a LIVE person sitting here entangled in serious situation and you guys are busy with your own songs!!! I think you people are being just too emotional or impractical here, Stop it now!!!

I think I have made my mind, as stated earlier!!!

Thanks to your fingers(only, not minds/hearts) and regret the pain I caused to them for writing these thron-like comments!!!

Tranquil,

I think you are the one not facing up to reality, or should I say not willing to hear things your itching ears were hoping not to hear. Most people have told you the truth, and we all know for most people that can be hard sometimes. I dont understand what you want us to do, probably validate your actions, well I doubt if you want an honest opinion you would get it here. Anyone who says what you are doing is right is playing you.

My question is what did you hope to archieve by telling us in the first place? were you hoping for a pat on the back or just the plain truth? if the latter is what you seek, then, the plain and simple truth is that you must tell him. There is no melodrama in this. You must stop decieving yourself, how can you be planning on marrying someone, but up to recently still be having sex with another, and then think that is right and we must all see with you. Maybe others on here might but I can not see how that can ever be right. If you think we are making too much of it, why dont you just tell him?

I don't understand your problem Tranquil, if you really believe that what you are doing is right (deceiving him) then go ahead, because it looks as if you made up your mind on what you want to do. You are a grown woman, and you can also take the consequences as a grown woman.
Good luck to you.

Eeeyah, Tranquill EEyah, eeeyah, ooo

Tranquil:

Hello everyone,

I never expected anyone to understand this but this is my truth and reality. People who really love someone would understand what love is and how difficult it is to control and apply mind where your heart gives up! I was swayed and seen the troughs and crests in this relationship for three damn years. I have lived and loved and now moving on for good! The fact that the decision is wise and good for my ex and me, its very easy to sit there and throw rotten tomotoes on someone! My ex stood by me in the worst times, he supported and brought out the best in/out of me. Again, I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND!!!!

I wish few years later I come here to say that I am happily married!!!

Isnt it just so sad. I've read through the entire thread and this post just sums up my conclusion. You've talked so much about your ex, his love for you, his standing by you through the rough times bla bla bla . . . there is no single post talking about your feelings for the man you want to marry.

Isnt it obvious even to the blind that this marriage is merely a financial investment for you?

Poor poor man he who decides to make you his wife.

I beg people make una leave am. She is only here to seek sympathy and probably find those who would validate her actions. She wants us to understand how she can be marry someone, but still sleeping wiht her ex, but just not to rock the boat, which in my opinion will be rocked sometime in future, she chooses not to tell him, amd you know what, none of us has gone through love, so we dont understand why we need to lie sometimes to keep love going.

I feel really bad for you that your married life is starting with lies because it's going to come out one day, nothing stays hidden forever and it will still cause trouble then, maybe even worse. When I get married, I want to be able to tell my partner everything/anything and be honest because we're two halves of one whole y'kno and if I can't then I don't really want to marry someone just for the sake of marriage because it's not really by force. And maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm being idealistic, but to me sha marriage already has enough problems and complications without adding pre-marriage drama, at the beginning you should be able to start with a clean slate at least.

I'm not going to advice you to tell your guy because I think even before u posted u had already decided not to tell him. You know what you did and you're the one who has to live with it. So, its not really anyone's place to convince you. I just will warn you to be very very careful because these things have a way of coming out and things tend to be blown up more after marriage if your partner feels deceived. I've seen many examples of this in life. So girl, be careful!

OK, you guys are important to me so I going to TRY to explain how I feel one more time. If you have been following the trail of my posts you may know that I am in love with a guy who is already married. I got a lot of flak from you guys on that issue, homebreaker etc! Still it happens to people and we really love each other (I know sounds cliche) He treats me so well and although we do fight (as passionately as we love), I know he is the one person I can trust in this world. Together we show each other what it is to truly live. So you will ask, why doesnt he marry me? , He has 2 kids who he loves very much and is himself torn as to what to do. I decided to not make it tough for him and his kids and to leave. Try as we did, we just have too much fun when we are together that it was not easy to leave. Of course I want to get married and have kids but not by breaking his home. I dont think he would be happy that way either. We have tried MANY times to break up. He also understands this and says that if he cannot provide me what would make me happy then he does not want to stop me from seeking it out.

SO I met this guy online. We hit it off and he is coming next month to seal the deal. My guy know all about it and though it upsets him he is actually supportive (!) WHat do I do?? The new guy is actually like my guy in some ways (mature etc) and I think I can be happy with him and make him happy. I deserve a chance at happiness in my life dont I? You guys have abused me a lot and maybe i deserve some of it but I am just a girl trying to find my horizon, my goal. I know the day I finally leave my guy it will be like a bride leaving her childhood home, and there will be tears. But I feel I am being brave to go ahead with my life.

And I know I can devote myself to new guy and be sincere to him. So f**k you all

Wait. lets get this right, so the guy you were or still involved with is married? OK, I dont think anybody on here as suggested that you do not deserve the right to a happy life, all we say is be honest with yourself and tell the guy you are hoping to marry the truth, at that point let him decide, but deciding for both of you, that what you conceal is not important is deceit in my books.

Tell him that the guy you have been involved with is a married man with 2 kids, and that while you accepted his proposition of marriage, you were still actively sleeping with him. You never know what will happen. And by the way the truth is never easy to swallow that is why we all have to F ourselves as you suggested.

Good luck

Please,please,please,pleeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeee

For the sake of trouble and chaos, do[b] tell [/b]ur husband to-be,his family and even that guy's wife and family sef!

He who hath no sin cast the first stone, i can relate with what you are going through,but i don't condone such,but things happen,we all make mistakes big or small no one is free from sin, aks God for courage and find a way to come out to your husband to be, you need to pray and turn to God for Help in this situation.Don't get it all wrong am no religious person but i know he works in ways not known to man.Take care girl and all the best,Might i add Happy married life,and dedicate your life to your own family now.