when past failed relationships leave you so feeling so hurt and empty, and you meet a new guy who seems like the nicest and sweetest guy from heaven. what do u do to get over the hurt n dissappointment of the past and show love to the new guy u love,


especially when u feel like uve lost ur faith in love and ure afraid of being hurt again, and at the same time ,you really don't want to loose him

how do u overcome these fears and not make the same mistakes again, and at the same time show quality love to ur new found love.

first, i will advise u sort urself out before venturing into another relationship. Forgive d guy and let go of the hurt. And when u eventually get into another one, don't ever compare ur new guy with the previous one. Guys really hate this. And above all, give him ur attention and treat him like he is the best. This way, he won't even suspect even if u r still hurting from d previous one . . .

word Tgirl but the truth is that nobody likes it boy or gal,

yes. I get u, but it's not easy to get over the hurt sometimes

@ kiss angel

i check thru ur profile 2 c if i cud find ur mail add but it was hidd.pls send it to my add [segun4luvv@yahoo.co.uk.}asap.

thx

na wa o . . .

T, ure so right. i wish it was that easy, but im feeling so empty inside, not like im missing my ex, but i guess he devastated my sense of loving and humanity and now i feel so unable to show affection and i have become so unlovable. il try though, cos at this rate, i really dont know how long he'l put up with it.

its been ova seven months now i called it quits with my ex, but the healing process has been quite slow

@agwoko
pls wat do u need my email addy 4?

I was wondering why d guy dey ask for email add too.

Anyway girl, i get what u mean. Have been dere too eventhough i was d one dat called it quit. u won't beliv I actually called my him my ex's name by mistake . . .

You don't cos of yesterdays pains lock out yourself and miss out from today.
You just give love a chance again.Try and pretend like yesterday never existed and NEVER ever compare/contrast the new person with the ex BUT in everything be wise !

ifyalways:

You don't because of yesterdays pains lock out yourself and miss out from today.
You just give love a chance again.Try and pretend like yesterday never existed and NEVER ever compare/contrast the new person with the ex BUT in everything be wise !

Yes o. Some girls just hold on to some emotional attachments they had with their ex. me? i derived great pleasure in burning the teddy he gave me (actually wishing he was d one) threw away loads of stuff that kind of connected me to him emotionally and grew up fast!

that's why it ended its past its FAILED and you should get over it and enjoy your life cos i'm pretty sure your ex is not mooning around wishing he was still with you, get over yourself

D babe aint saying she is drolling over him. Y'all sound like it's easy. Eventhough u claim u burnt his stuff and all , u could be living in denial for all I care . . .

She isn't sayn she wish him back too and we don't know how far dey av gone. Pls, don't quick to judge or condem.

tygirl4real
denial. lol. u r very funny. The thing got me laffing, seriously.
Look, the past doesnt affect u unless u dwell in it.

No one is judging and the response that is above shows that pple are speaking from experience. The guy's stuff i burnt, it was an 8 yr relationship if u must know, and i am not judging my new guy or putting him on a scale cos of what my last guy did.

Poster, like someone said above, its d past, dnt measure ur guy's worth by somebody else's mistakes. The fact that u still do shows that u still hurt .

Love , but with sense.

I feel ya, I'm actually in the same shoes, trying to move on but still the people i meet, it's very hard to give them the real affection, infact there's a particu;ar one i like but still cant give my all and to make matters worse, my ex or boyfriend or wateva he calls himself still wouldn't let me go after hurting me.

@Janami,
Don't get me wrong. Some things don't as easy as they sound. Burning his stuff doesn't erase d memory from ur mind. And my previous posts sums up what u wrote. We don't even know what led to d break-up. Fine she has to move on. It's not easy we all need to admit. . .

Interesting to read how people react in these circumstances.

Whatever anyone say, a person can try to adjust but it is difficult to forget the past relationship.

Well. . . . .  the past is an integral part of our present and indeed, the future. Hurt from a previous relationship
I don't really have any special advice or therapy. . . .  all I can say is time heals all wounds - even if you don't do jack, time eventually washes all the hurt away. . .  every now and then, the grief returns but then again, it always goes away!

My advice is that simply learn from your previous mistakes.

But then remember that every new relationship has something mew to offer.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to bring the baggages from your old relationship into the new one. You'll end up hurting yourself and prolly driving away your new partner.
After every relationship, observe a mourning period and move on. Take nothing with you but memories and lessons. Give the new one all it needs to grow and let it ride.

Personally; I am currently suffering for the sins of my current girlfriends ex. I knew she had it bad so basically she has withdrawn into her shell. I love her so I am willing to stick it out. But there is a limit to the shit I can take.

yeah. True. its easier said than done for most. and we deal with our hurts differently.

kiss angel:



how do u overcome these fears and not make the same mistakes again, .

simply have a[b] me[/b] time , in-btwn relationships ,me-time is meant for healing, looking inwards, taking stock of what went wrong in the last relationship,try to adjust accordingly and lastly party like crazy " ' .Before starting a new relationship

Okija_juju:

My advice is that simply learn from your previous mistakes.

But then remember that every new relationship has something mew to offer.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to bring the baggages from your old relationship into the new one. You'll end up hurting yourself and prolly driving away your new partner.
After every relationship, observe a mourning period and move on. Take nothing with you but memories and lessons. Give the new one all it needs to grow and let it ride.

Personally; I am currently suffering for the sins of my current girlfriends ex. I knew she had it bad so basically she has withdrawn into her shell. I love her so I am willing to stick it out. But there is a limit to the shit I can take.

You're 1 lucky dude man cuz if she were still smarting from a previous hurt, you wouldn't be calling her your girlfriend now!

RuuDie:


You're 1 lucky dude man because if she were still smarting from a previous hurt, you wouldn't be calling her your girlfriend now!

I am lucky indeed.
The only thing is I knew her way before we started dating. Was there through her previous relationship and knew how it was and how much intimacy she comitted into it.
The problem now is although we are dating and all, she is definitely holding back. _{(or should I say thats part of the lesson she learnt from the previous one)}.

Well, Okija Jujuman. . . . . . since you've been thru the ups, downs, thicks and thins with this dame, i s'pose it wouldn't be so difficult for you to put up with her theatrics - guess its safe to say that her behavior is expected after all - you just have to be exceptionally patient, she'll come around. . . . Hopefully, not after you've hit the road

thanks for all ur contributions. i feel a little relieved like I'm not alone in these emotional struggles. I'm no where ne being still in love with my ex, but the guy really punched me where it hurt most and ive kind of really withdrawn into ma shell.

my new bobo hasnt called in two days. i hope he isnt that pissed, he just sent a text yesterday which is so unlike him. I'm thinking of calling him. canu imagine, i don't even have his no stored on my phone because ive been trying so hard not to get too attached and do most of the calling. so i just return few times after he calls me.

i was able to retrive his no from my partner in ma office who insisted on writing down his no atleast. i think that was really silly of me and quite extreme. if he is still all in me, il store his no rite away and try to loosen up more.

i really love this guy, and I'm really missing him.hope i havent screwed up my chances by my excess baggage.

Tgirl,

funnly, my best and closest friends petname while in the university to be "T",
i miss her like hell.we did everything together and really gave each other support back then especially when the guys wanted to misbehave. imagine likstening to ur pain and sick love talk from 5am till dawn? where i go find dat kind friend again. still keepin touch though, but u know what distance does to fiendships

You are lucky to even be in a new relationship. . . Some peeps cant move on from the old one yet because they got too emotionally involved. I think we should be praying for them right now.

its hard but u got to let go of the past, whats past is past. besides if u keep looking back, u keep u keep bumping into something hard or worse u become a pillar of salt.

just feel good about yourself, and never give up on love, cos when u do, then love gives up on you. every happy ending have lots of failures, disappointments, & rejections.

for me, i dont think meeting anyone was by chance, i feel God sends ppl our way cos they have a role or a lesson to teach in preparing us for the perfect day. so if someone left i just know they're one of the messengers and if they can feel so right and good, how will the real ''GOD SENT'' feel. that way i just feel better.

IFYALWAYS :NEVER ever compare/contrast the new person with the ex BUT in everything be wise !

showing to ur new love that u are scared becos of ur past relation will make him try not to hurt u, why not live freely with him as if u never get hurted befor, it's heard to get off from herat break but then life goes on, who u are waiting for never waits for u so i advice u to build this new one with tenderness.

just spoke to him now. i feel much beta.

kiss_angel:

Tgirl,

funnly, my best and closest friends petname while in the university to be "T",
i miss her like hell.we did everything together and really gave each other support back then especially when the guys wanted to misbehave. imagine likstening to ur pain and sick love talk from 5am till dawn? where i go find that kind friend again. still keepin touch though, but u know what distance does to fiendships

I'm glad i could fill a vaccum. It's all good girl. Don't chase the new guy away and at the same time love with your senses intact. Cheers!!!

@Poster: A song for u, it helped me in those days

Never

In this world today
Love is scarce and far away
And your heart gets so afraid
To trust someone
All the times he let you down
There was no love to be found
Well it’s not the end
There’ll be time to mend
And you’ll love again

Chorus
Never, never let a broken heart
Take a chance for love away
Don’t ever let it make you fall apart
Never, never ever let the pain
Take your need for love away
Never, no never

And I know it seems hard
Open up, let down your guards
But you owe it to your heart
To try again
Oh, comes the time
When we must change
With the past has thrown away
Don’t take the blame
Don’t be ashamed
Throw your fears away

Chorus
I know, don’t be afraid
For you will never find
Another one you love again
I know that you’ll be sorry girl
Be strong before it’s too late
Because forever is too long
For you to live in pain
Just don’t give up
Please open up to love
Chorus till fade

@ Whitelexi

lovely song o . . .

where was this song wen i needed it