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Cheating: Is It Ever Ok To Have An Affair? - Romance - Nairaland

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Cheating: Is It Ever Ok To Have An Affair? by Elebiju: 4:23pm On Aug 02, 2014
Humans are shrewd creatures. We say one thing
and do another, believing that we are clever
enough to get away with it. Deception is like a
cat and mouse game. We do whatever deeds are
pleasing to us and hope to never be caught. This
is exactly how cheating is. We try to justify
our lustful desires by whatever means we can.
Regardless of all this, the question still
remains, is it ever okay to have an affair? What
about personal issues, social pressures, and
effects of cheating website scams, the values
and norms we share amongst ourselves? Well,
the answer may very well not be as clear-cut as
we may think. Each person has his or her own
justification for infidelity based on his or her
own circumstances and beliefs.
Here are some rather hypothetical grounds for
cheating. I am by no means asserting the
soundness of morality on these issues; they are
just highlights of people’s own opinions about
their involvement and justification for infidelity.

1. Your Partner Cheated on You
“Get over it”
We all have an entrenched need to give our own
justice for ill done to us. This I can relate to
on the basis of my own experiences as the
middle kid at home. When the older kid takes
advantage, you try to retaliate by devising some
clever scheme. You do me this and I do you
that. It is an innate need for justice. It will not
resolve any problems of course, but there is a
peculiar ethical gray zone. In fact, it is more
like a moral red zone. How can this make having
an affair better? If your spouse cheated on you
and you decided to sleep with someone else, you
should ask yourself, “is this really for revenge
or am I just leveling the playing field?” Further,
ask yourself if you would go even further and
do it with someone you knew your spouse really
despised. Maybe you wanted to do it with
someone you had always desired to sleep with.
Of course, the other party would also have to
be willing to sleep with you. Whatever the
circumstances of the affair, your choice of
justice is conducted at your own risk. In
essence, life is not a math problem . We cannot
delete or undo what has already been done.
Likewise, we cannot say that ‘I cheated on you
because you cheated on me and that’s equal and
final justification’. We all know that life does not
necessarily work that way.

2. Cheating To Fulfill Family’s Best Interest
“Look for the signs”
There are those who believe that it is totally
okay to have an affair in the best interest of
their family and livelihood. Some people in
relationships have sex to make ends meet. It’s
like a stay-at-home occupation. Others work at
places renowned for offering sexual services.
Yes, you see these regular people every day
with their spouses, kids and massive
responsibilities. When the partner has
extramarital sex with ‘clients’ or engages in
flirty activities on the job, can it be considered
as cheating? Some may argue that infidelity is
deeper than sex. I would agree. If your spouse
supports and encourages your way of life, then
you are obviously not cheating on him. When you
are deceitful and lie about what you do, who
you’ve been with and live a secret life , then this
will be regarded as cheating.

3. You Know That Your Spouse will never find Out
“The truth has way to reveal itself”
Let us not be the valiant here. We all have our
share of secrets. Perhaps you made a mistake
one night after being heavily intoxicated or
maybe you had an unintentional fling. You will have
to measure the consequences. If you told your
spouse, it would ruin everything, and not telling
your spouse means that you only have to live
with this tiny, little lie. What should you do now?
I would say that it is all up to you. Only you can
know how important your relationship is and how
your partner would react to your deceit. We all
have our lives to live, and we live in a real world
where intimate relationships require a lot of
work. In reality, relationships should be based on
absolute trust, respect and honesty. I can see
the reasoning behind not wanting to reveal an
affair that would ruin many years of relationship
building based on one little moment of bad
decision. If I was in your spouse’s position and
you revealed your discrepancy to me, I probably
would understand and move on from there. You
cannot kill a person for being honest with you,
especially if they feel really badly about their
error. Then again, I am not your spouse.

4. A Little Flirting Here and There
“Men love to flirt”
Is flirting cheating? Since it is not actual sex,
many don’t think so. Why not have some fun at a
bar then go home to the spouse? Some people
flirt for fun and others do it for the pleasure.
Most people probably never thought that a little
flirting here and there could possibly lure them
in the bedroom. How hungry could we possibly be
for attention and sexual gratification? Then
again, every relationship is different, and the
tolerance of our intimate relations with others
varies from couple to couple. When a couple likes
to flirt together and bring other couples into
the relationship, then this is probably not an
affair. When your partner acknowledges and
encourages your flirtations with others then it
is consensual. However, when your partner has
absolutely no idea what is going on, and would
never agree with your behavior, it’s definitely
cheating. Again, every couple is different. You
have to know your own limits in a relationship.

5. Is It Cheating When You Are Far, Far Away?
Well, one thing is sure, if you had sex with
someone other than your spouse without his
knowledge and consent, then you cheated. I
guess it doesn’t really matter where you did it.
It could be on this planet or another, the fact
remains. Fun things can however happen to our
various expeditions. Sometimes people need
companionship wherever they go. It can be very
understandable why you cheated while you were
away for a long period. Nevertheless, there is
no guarantee that knowledge of your affairs will
be accepted. Sometimes in order to have great
travel experiences, we need to enjoy both
people and places.

6. Cheating Website Scams and Scandals
We are in the era of advanced technology.
Mobile phones, computers, tablets, and the
internet have all played a significant role in how
we socialize. Cheating has become rampant with
increased technology and access. Most people
own smart phones or other intelligent devices.
In addition, as our lives become more tech
savvy, our social influence is greatly
determined by what we do and where we go when
we are online. There are many tempting cheating
website scams > online that can cause quite a bit
of scandal. There are also those cheating
website scams that are not actually scams, but
has a host of legitimate people who are seeking
illicit affairs. You have to be careful when you
explore these websites. If you choose to
cheat via cheating sites, be wary of the people
you meet and the amount of information you
reveal. Many people use these sites as mediums
through which they would like to have sex with
total strangers and not being found out. Well,
whether you are tech savvy or not, people are
people. Meeting people online for sex is the
same as meeting people in a bar for sex. So, if
it is not okay to meet people at a local bar for
sex, then it is probably not okay to meet people
online for sexual affairs either.
There are many “IF’s” and “BUT’s” here. There
are many jokes in between. But, I think the
principle of cheating is quite clear. When it
comes to affairs, the truths, consequences and
resolutions are in the eyes of the beholder.
The reality is that if you would want to hide
your external sexual relations from your spouse,
and would never want to reveal the truth under
any circumstances, it is not okay for you to
have an affair.

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