rill: The mentality of an average guy goes thus....."why should i constantly feed on rice, when there are other meals out there". if u like make u fine pass agbani darego, get yansh pass Kim kardashian, get bosom pass cossy, rich pass folorunsho alakija, cum top am with a good character.......ur bobo go still wan sample other gals. Not all guys though!!!

jmoore:
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he doesn't understand the meaning of marriage vows.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he lacks selfcontrol.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he thinks with his di**.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he is filled with insatiable lustful and selfish desires.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because when he was a bachelor, he was busy sampling many women and carried the foolish behaviour into marriage.


"Ugly" or beautiful wife, a man who has a wandering di** will always cheat.

#TeamChastity.

jmoore:
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he doesn't understand the meaning of marriage vows.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he lacks selfcontrol.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he thinks with his di**.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he is filled with insatiable lustful and selfish desires.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because when he was a bachelor, he was busy sampling many women and carried the foolish behaviour into marriage.


"Ugly" or beautiful wife, a man who has a wandering di** will always cheat.

#TeamChastity.

SirShymex:

Definitely a tribute to you, the one and only Sophy-roc-a-fella - aloha aloha like my Hawaiian folks would say.

Let's get this clear: I'm in no way, shape, or form justifying cheating. Cheating isn't a good thing. And I don't see why a guy who has a woman with everything he needs - a woman who completes him and is his source of happiness - should cheat. However, I'm just saying beauty alone isn't the only catalyst that can stop cheating. In as much as there are folks out there who will cheat regardless, there are folks who do so in pursuit of happiness and comfort that are missing in the space they're in. Also, there are also folks who cheat because they were not mentally ready for the space they're in, before they got lost in the matrix. So, basically, cheating isn't something that simple, or something you can just attribute to one thing - a lot of factors are involved and it varies from one person to the other.

Anyway, controlling the d1ck is more difficult than most folks think it's. Why do you think that after a guy ejaculates, regardless of how hard he tries to continue, he'll have to wait for a few minutes to get his hard back on? This isn't about being a sex addict, the d1ck more time has a mind of its own controlled by the brain - hence it's somewhat necessary for folks to be mentally ready before getting involved in anything that has to do with the d1ck.

imoleay0: I can never cheat on Iya Akin my second wife, she knows that.








She's just too beautiful.

Sophyrocks:
Yes, beauty doesnt cut it. other factors are involved. but one thing i know is that cheating is a choice. regardless of whether we have favorable conditions/happy marriages that do not warrant cheating at all, a person who DECIDES to cheat when married/in a committed relationship, will definately cheat. It is a mindset thing. Once you are stuck to that mindset, you will do it. A married person is an adult responsible for his/her actions. if he/she doesnt want to cheat, he/she will not cheat.

The growing number of men justifying the act have already concluded within themselves that they will cheat regardless of whether they get what want in marriage or not. they have decided to join the bandwagon of s*e*x addicts since it appeals to their gender more and have bought the 'pen1s has a mind of its own and cannot be controlled' ish.. its just like a group of gay peeps for example coming up with certain ideologies and painting it to mean that every other human are just like them just so that the ideologies look appealing and are well accepted. That is why you hear the 'Man is polygamous by nature' chants all over the place. even men who were not trained to have such belief go with it just because its appealing and affords them the variety of sleeping with different women.

Yet you will still find men who dnt believe such crap. why? because they are not of that nature and are not polygamous!! they hold complettely different beliefs. These are Men guided by biblical principles who see adultery as a sin and do not share the same sentiments with other men who see cheating as oxygen. In other words, the only thing that prevents a man from cheating is the deep fear of God and discipline over his pen1s. Such a man does not see women as sex objects that are to be used to satisfy his lustful desires, hence does not believe in having many women to satisfy his pen1s. he sees s*e*x from a different angle. i am talking about men who apply biblical principles into their lives not pastors.

jmoore:
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he doesn't understand the meaning of marriage vows.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he lacks selfcontrol.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he thinks with his di**.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he is filled with insatiable lustful and selfish desires.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because when he was a bachelor, he was busy sampling many women and carried the foolish behaviour into marriage.


"Ugly" or beautiful wife, a man who has a wandering di** will always cheat.

#TeamChastity.

SirShymex:

Let me even cite my cousin's story. He's like my one and two punch, and we grew up together running around and doing basically the same thing. So, I understand him better than anyone else on this planet. True story.

He basically got married a couple of years ago in his early to mid twenties. He wasn't really ready for it, however, he had to do it because the chic got pregnant. Basically, in my family, having kids everywhere isn't allowed, and once you get a girl pregnant, you've to put a ring on it (that's how we were raised). And the chic is a very good girl from a good family - highly educated, extremely beautiful, loyal, supportive etc.. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I spoke to him about certain things going on in his family, and about a next chic being involved - with the whole thing turning into a mess.

You know the first thing he told me? He said he wasn't/isn't mentally ready for marriage thing, and it's more or less like being in a cage albeit he loves his wife and kid. He'd try for a year to get used to the lifestyle and space. However, it's just difficult taking the back seat, when your wife cares about her work, the baby, and her family before him. Especially when you feel you need to be the priority, and you're used to being the priority. And apparently, he isn't with the next chic just because he wants to cheat, he just feels different around her, and she makes him happy. I know because at this stage of our lives, we don't really care about sex that much - we've had the best of the best and all kinds of girls, from early, through Uni, and we got tired of chasing the skirts. That was a no holds barred conversation and reality hit after that. And it kind of helped me made adjustments to my life, about going forward.

Now back to what you posited:

1). Adult, boy, or kid - once there are certain things lacking in your life and you're not mentally ready to deal with them - you'll always be involved in certain vices to deal with them. And cheating sometimes can be part of these vices.

2). Not all men get involved with other women for sex. Sex might, or most likely, come with it, but more time, folks do it in pursuit of happiness. If you've had sex with someone you love and see as your other half, you'll know it's different from having sex with just any chic. It's just different and far better. That's why you have to question if sex is the primary reason for every guy to cheat, or a lot do it for other reasons, till I get caught-up in it, and they start seeing whoever they're with as their other halves.

3). The "men are polygamous by nature" thingy is mostly used to get at women. No sensible/educated guy in this day and age wants the stress that comes with that lifestyle. One woman is difficult to deal with since human wants are insatiable - so why would you want more than one, if one can make you complete and happy? And perhaps, those who do it, engage in the act because the woman they're with isn't woman-enough to do she's meant to do as a woman. Then again, it's an individual thing and, it depends on the mentality and how you're raised.

P.S: I wasn't really on posting an epistle(lol), but I had to do this to explain myself better.

SirShymex:

Bruv, is that a picture link?

I'm not on facebook, and I don't really do social media like that apart from forums and blogs where people can be anonymous.

Attach the pic to your post, and post it here. Thanks.

Sophyrocks:
this is why we are still responsible for our actions. He is responsible for the circumstance he put himself. Knowing that he must marry whoever he imprregnates as a law/principle in his family, He could not have gotten his wife pregnant before marrriage. He could have been very cautious with females. Knowing that he cannot marry her or that he aint ready would have prompted him to make wiser choices. we need to calculate before making certain big decisions. Who is he gonna blame? his wife? Nope. he is fully to blame.

2ndly, since he aint ready for the challenges, he went ahead to marry regardless. not saying he couldnt have married her. but the fouundation of the marriage is already wrong. Now he claims his wife's attention is elsewhere, what has he done to bring her attention back? has he sat his wife countless times to discuss this? You see the problem with some men. They always see cheating as a problem solver and an easy way out but never tell themselves the truth about the damage it can cause. o.k, what will he do if his wife finds out? how does he intend to solve the bigger problems it will cause? how about stds? is he also ready for the conseqences? what if he gets his side chick pregnant? does he know what his wife will do? Some women will forgive easily but some others will make sure he faces the consequences the hard way. some women would even cheat. Does he know what his wife is capable of doing? Is that what he wants for his marriage? You dnt solve a problem by creating more problems.

He is in the marriage. He has to be ready for it. he can seek help whenever he is facing challenges. You are to explore every means possible to solve problems with your spouse. Communication is key. If he had made the wife understand how important her attention is to him, she would have adjusted. that is why they say marriage is for adults not kids. If you are not ready, dnt marry and make someone suffer for nothing.

Toks2008:
This is the content of the link.

THE POWER OF COMMUNICATION.

Do you know that communication is the only prerequisite for any long lasting union?

Every break in any form of union starts with a break down of communication. And worst still, delayed communication.

Writing from experience,i had an issue in my relationship simply because my spouse did not adequately communicate some issues in a timely manner and while i was feeling cool that all is well, she was busy building up resentments that would have been trashed out in a timely manner if she had voiced out with every sense of seriousness and not jokefully and i never even had the slightest clue that she was hurting and will just wave any form of remarks she makes and we will even laugh over it.

This is the same case with many union today, we tend to stomach issues that would have been discussed and trashed out. There is no small or big issue, all issues must be treated with urgency. Don't be lackadaisical in expressing your resentments but communicate your pains sternly.

The worst part of it is that most of the time, the other party does not even have a clue if you are hurting so while you keep building up resentments, he/she will help you to add more until it becomes so big that before you say Jack, the union is broken beyond repair.

It could be an issue as trivial as the way your partner uses water, toothpaste,eati ng habit,relates with people, uses groceries in the house,the snoring habit, dress sense,abusive words,talkativeness or as serious as drunkenness, smoking,addiction of any kind,philandering and so on.

Even in sexual matters, you may like to be touched in a certain manner, made love to in a certain way,it may be a body odor from your partner or mouth odor.

It can be anything and i mean anything at all. Don't shelve it, don't ignore that issue,TRASH IT OUT IMMEDIATELY and i mean real trashing in a serious but humble and loving manner.

If he does not last long in bed please tell him to do something about it because you don't want to go out. If she is not good in bed tell her or teach her how you want it.

If you allow that resentment to go undisclosed, you can be sure to have more and more every passing day until it becomes a great wall of permanent divide.

Don't be scared in discussing issues with your spouse because if you are afraid of doing this then i guess you should as well opt for a break because i don't see that union getting better. And if you are the type of man who is so bossy that you think women have no say then you are indeed a beast who deserves to be living alone in the jungle.

It is no longer news that tolerance is vital in any union we find ourselves but nevertheless, we can always adjust and be the best we can for our partners if only we know the area that needs adjustment which can only be known by us if the other party opens up.

Lets learn to be communicative in a constructive and humane manner and we will realize how powerful this can be.

Hope this helps.

SirShymex:

Firstly, in as much as he's responsible for the action, and he should take part of the blame for it - it takes two to tango. The chic obviously knows he wasn't mentally ready for marriage, and they had been together long enough to ditch condoms - she shouldn't have neglected the contraceptives she was on. I'd say she intentionally got pregnant for him, just to keep him - despite the fact that she knew what she was getting herself into. Now, she manipulated a guy into something he wasn't ready for, yet you want to blame him for trying to happy, to avoid depression - and tell him he's thinking with his d1ck, no? This is why it's bad to simplify things that differ from one person to the other. It's complex, hence I labelled it "a puzzle wrapped up in an enigma."

Secondly, a kid is involved - and being an absentee/dead-beat dad is foreign to us out here, so what do you expect him to do? If he didn't put a ring on it, it would've been cohabitation, which is more or less the same thing, without the formalities involved in marriage. Moreover, everything you listed has more to do with the wife checking herself, and looking for ways to balance the equation, rather than putting all the blame on the guy. He's still the same guy - however, the wife has changed after she locked him down. She moved from making him the priority and making everything about him - to telling him to take the back seat, while she's occupied with work, the kid, and her family. And he isn't mentally ready for that yet.

Lastly, you can't force folks to be ready for something they're not ready for, else depression beckons. Why can't she just remain the same chic he was with before they got married, just as he has remained the same? Growth is a gradual thing, and couples should grow together. You can't just move for point A to point B, just because you got what you want. And expect the next person to move with you like that - that's impossible.

P.S: you can't always blame men for everything, women also need to check themselves. Beauty isn't the only thing, there are other tangibles/intangibles involved and you've to always be cognizant about how you can make the best out of whatever space you're in without giving out an energy that will push the other person involved away to the wolves.

Sophyrocks:

Now you are justifying his actions. Are you gonna be this sympathetic when a female cheats? how are you sure he was manipulated to marry her? Is he a baby? he was fully aware of what he was getting himself into. he chose to marry her still. so he got to be prepared. you dnt want unwanted pregnancies, dnt have sex. Simple.!! let him carry his cross. let him be prepared for the consequences of his actions. He is an adult not a baby. If his satisfying his pen1s would make him happy at the expense of his marriage, so be it. Let him get ready for the more problems it will bring. communication and patience would have solved it but he chose the easy way out with double problems. All men who cheat are controlled by their pen1ses. Period!!

SirShymex:

I'm not justifying his actions and I understand the whole situation because I was there when they started going out in college. The chic is my friend, I know everyone in her fam, and I've slept over in her house few times. She's a good girl. And obviously, as a black guy who understand what's wrong with the black community out here, with how single parent households have destroyed a lot of people - I'd chastise him for trying to self-destruct. However, after hearing his story with no holds barred - knowing that he isn't primarily involved with the other chic just for the sex - and based on what I've seen every time I visited the family. Coupled with my personal experiences in the game. Then, you have to question women and the roles they play as well.

Hell yes, I'll always be sympathetic with anyone trying to find happiness, as long as sex and money aren't the premise. Once you're in a relationship, the happiness of your partner has to be your priority. If you can't do that, then deal with whatever comes with it.

C'mon, there are implants, pills, and injections out there to stop pregnancy. And once you agree to start having sex with your partner without condoms, the responsibility falls on the woman to do the right thing. So, in this case, she intentionally got pregnant for him - without considering if he's mentally ready for it or not.

Stop blaming men, women need to check themselves. Blame game isn't going to help anyone - and there are still a lot of folks out there that can be salvaged.

SirShymex:

I'm not justifying his actions and I understand the whole situation because I was there when they started going out in college. The chic is my friend, I know everyone in her fam, and I've slept over in her house few times. She's a good girl. And obviously, as a black guy who understand what's wrong with the black community out here, with how single parent households have destroyed a lot of people - I'd chastise him for trying to self-destruct. However, after hearing his story with no holds barred - knowing that he isn't primarily involved with the other chic just for the sex - and based on what I've seen every time I visited the family. Coupled with my personal experiences in the game. Then, you have to question women and the roles they play as well.

Hell yes, I'll always be sympathetic with anyone trying to find happiness, as long as sex and money aren't the premise. Once you're in a relationship, the happiness of your partner has to be your priority. If you can't do that, then deal with whatever comes with it.

C'mon, there are implants, pills, and injections out there to stop pregnancy. And once you agree to start having sex with your partner without condoms, the responsibility falls on the woman to do the right thing. So, in this case, she intentionally got pregnant for him - without considering if he's mentally ready for it or not.

Stop blaming men, women need to check themselves. Blame game isn't going to help anyone - and there are still a lot of folks out there that can be salvaged.

Sophyrocks:
I REFUSE TO DISCUSS THIS S*E*X AND PREGNANCY ISSUE WITH YOU. because its a bloody waste of my precious time. we have argued about this in some other thread and we were going in circles. so i cannot aagree with you on that. Sorry.

Every action has a consequence. Once you tow a path, be ready for whatever that will come out of it. Most problems in marriage can be easily solved once there is communication and patience. anyone who does not understand this should not bother getting married. if you aint ready for the challenges of marriages, DO NOT GET MARRIED!! now honestly answer, does cheating ever solve any problem at all? Does that problem ever disappear? And for how long will it solve the problem? Yes, his wife needs to be reasonable and adjust. but that will also need your cousin's patience. Your cousin needs to find out why she has too many things on her hands that seem to distract her and find ways to reduce them. His wife is a nice lady right? Then she must be reasonable. COMMUNICATION IS KEY O!! Now women are cheating. I guess that is how men want it anyway. No problemo!

SirShymex:

Sophy-roc-a-fella, I know you won't discuss s3x and pregnancy with me because you're stuck in blaming men solely for the consequences/end-game, when it takes two to tango and the action involves two people. If a woman doesn't want to get pregnant or have s3x, she won't - end of story.

Yes, every action has a consequence and the end will always just the means. However, when two people are involved - the responsibility for a desired consequence/end falls on the shoulders of both parties. And they both have to carry the cross together if anything goes wrong.

Also, with communication: in as much as it's part of process, the primarily thing is the willingness to change based on whatever is agreed on after communicating with each other.

We can agree to disagree...but I still got love for you, Hawaiian Sophy - aloha aloha without the Hawaiian shirt on.

Sophyrocks:

Have you been to Hawaii?

SirShymex:

Maybe or maybe not, who know? But do you want me to take you there and get lost in that beautiful landscape with you, while we get lean on coconut rum cocktails?

Then, sail to Aruba, my fantasy Island, afterwards.

Sophyrocks:



Cassanova. Won't go there with you but with someone special.

SirShymex:

Nah, I'm just papi chulo to special women...and I treat them like Queens.

Never a cassanova -that's for youngins still trying to make a headway in the game.

Sophyrocks:

Nope. #sniff sniff sniff#. You smell like a cassanova. I know one when i see/smell one. Like i said, Hawaii is a nice place to spend with a loved one.

SirShymex:

Lmao! Cass-a-what?!?!

I'm averse to anything with "cass" hence I don't mess with cassava, cassette, and casserole.

Anyway, don't let the moment pass you by, Hawaiian Sophy. The sounds of aloha with Hawaiian shirts on, and coconut rum cocktails, on a beautiful Island - is the best thing ever.

Sophyrocks:
Seriously, i can get there without you/your help.

I think i need to find a name for you since you could come up with Hawaiian Sophy for me.

addempsea: I think your reasons are fallacies..

SirShymex:

I absolutely agree with communication.

However, communication without taking the necessary approach to make amends to whatever the problem is would amount to catch-22 situation - whereby you waste time talking(losing time that should be used for other things) but with everything getting worse by day.

maxisfield: Men are alwez trying so hard to justify cheating. .a cheat is a cheat!n its a sin bfor God n evn man.there shud b no damn reason for a man to cheat on hz wife. If u cnt stay faithful plz stay single n Bleep around, its nt by force to marry

freecocoa: Anyone who cheats is an undisciplined and greedy plus selfish person.

If he/she isn't giving you what you want, up the hell outta there and leave instead of cheating, yea it's that simple.