omomehn!
We can be smart and funny and super cool around
people who don't matter to us, but when someone
who makes our heart beat faster comes within a
one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but
cool…. Our face turn red, our words don't come
out at all as we intend, and our typically bubbly
personality turns into a dull fizz.
So what do you do? How do you control what you
feel you have no control over? Well, the answer's
not to put an extra coat of deodorant on (though
that couldn't hurt matters). Instead, investigate
ways to let your mind take over when your body is
failing you.
Here’s the scenario:
You see someone across the room and you know
instantly - she's the hottest person your eyes have
ever come across, and you must meet her. So you
gather your courage, casually walk on over,
and...s-s-s-st-st-a-m-m-e-r. Your face flushes,
your pulse quickens and the thought of actually
getting a single word out seems totally impossible.
You, my friend, are shy - and you’re not alone.
No matter how smart or sexy or confident we are,
it’s likely that we’ve all experienced shyness at
some point in our lives. The real problem arises
when our shyness is so debilitating that we can’t
overcome it and it actually stops us from moving
forward. If that’s you - I’ve got two words for you:
”fake it!” (That, and pick up my book Date Out Of
Your League for advice and tips on how to acquire
confidence.)
That’s right, I want you to fake it until you make it.
How? By having pre-established ideas for how to
approach that girl of your dreams. No spontaneity
required, but they’ll never know (because you’ll
have practiced and practiced until you have it down
pat).
The longstanding saying is true: cheaters never
win. But believe me, fakers can succeed! To
overcome shyness, sometimes you have to fake it
until you make it. What do I mean by that? Come
up with an image of the coolest, sexiest person in
your mind, and ask yourself: How would they
approach the object of your affection? What would
they say? How would they act? Now follow suit and
go through the motion.
What? Do you think movie stars are naturally so
mesmerizingly sexy and sauve since the minute
they came out of the womb? No! It’s all an act—a
very expensive act at that. Hollywood pays big
bucks to make these onscreen hunks the object of
women’s desires. It requires thousands of dollars
of scripting, hair and make-up, designer clothes
and publicists. It can costs Tinsel town millions of
dollars to make someone “sexy”—but you don’t
need millions of dollars. You simply need to role-
play.
In other words, you know you're funny and smart
and charming, but until you can actually be that
person in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend-to-be
(hey, I'm being optimistic), put on an act. Just
think of it as a temporary tool to help you get your
foot in the door.
Want specifics?
My A number 1 tip for overcoming shyness and
striking up a conversation with a woman: ask her
opinion. That’s right – become an advice seeker.
Women love it when you're interested in her – and
specifically, in what she thinks. To do this well it
pays to stay up to date on the news -- and even
the tabloid gossip. Most women love gossip, and if
you know a little -- but not too much to be
suspiciously soap-opera audience material --
she'll love talking to you. The key is to decide
what kind of image you want to project, then study
up on the topics that support that image. In fact, if
you really want to play it safe -- carry a “prop”,
and keep in mind:
-- Time Magazine projects a different image than
someone reading Details or Esquire magazine.
-- Wall Street Journal says you’re a guy on his
way up the ladder – and The Robb Report , way up
the ladder.
-- People magazine or a tabloid will invite talk
about gossip and celebrities, like, should Britney
lose her kids?
-- Ayn Rand is going to attract the poet,
philosopher type of woman.
-- A political autobiography will say you’re
worldly, smart and current.
Better yet, carry two entirely different types of
magazines or books and ask her, “I'm torn --
which do you think I should start reading? This
one or this one?”
Here’s another scenario, using the same advice
seeking technique…. Let’s pretend you’re in a
clothing store and you see the cutest sales clerk.
Here’s the perfect opportunity to use this
technique. Ask her opinion on what you should get
your mother or sister for their birthday. This
allows you to strike up a conversation without
obviously hitting on her, while simultaneously,
indirectly, complimenting her… by letting it be
known that you think she has good taste and you
trust her opinion!
Remember, within the dynamics of dating, you are
the salesman and women are your customers. It is
up to you to sell the product with such confidence
that there's no way they wouldn't buy it