aderonila18:
The difference is that when a man pays the bills the woman takes care of the children and the household so at least the work is divided and both parties bring something to the table. The problem the men whose wives pay the bills is that they don't help out with the children or the household. It's unfair to expect the person who went to work all day to fend for the family to be the same to come home and take care of the kids and cook while the lazy man seats around doing nothing all day. No one can be happy in a relationship where you are the only doing everything

how's that even possible?
it's logical that the person at home does more work. if the woman is the breadwinner, she probably doesn't close till late in the evening. it then means the hubby picks the kids in school, feeds them, helps with their homework & tucks them safely in bed.

let's even agree for argument's sake that the men are lazy to do domestic chores, why is the breadwinner not employing house help to complete the domestic chores. men in the past left their wives at home & still employed 1-3 househelps to help the wives @ home. the men didn't scream they were slaving away to feed their wives then.

why are the female breadwinners moaning now?

donpeey22: Well, on this issue, I have since made up my mind that I will NEVER marry a woman who earns more money than I do. I will rather marry a housewife and work hard to fend for her and the family. My reasons are not far fetched. It is of no use for me to marry a woman who earns so much money but sees her financial contributions to the household as out of place or doing the man a big favour, hence goes about lamenting to world how she has been fending for the family.
It is better for a man to marry a housewife, work hard to provide her needs and put her in her place when she misbehaves.

Mind sharing how to put a misbehaving housewife in her place?

Kachisbarbie:
But the scripture never said if the man doesn't provide he is no more the head. It only said 'he is worse than an infidel'
Except you know where it said, if he can't provide, he should be displaced as the head?
Pls tell me, I am open to learning on this particular issue...lol.

Do not be uneuqually yoked with unbelievers. A husband who is worse than an unbeliever has lost his headship.

Whosoever will not work let him not eat 2thess 3:10

phabulous88:

I agree with your submission except the ones highlighted. Marriage is a collaboration between two parties who share like visions. When one party is down, the other party should (not may) support the down party. If it wasn't so, we wouldn't have the 'for better for worse' in marriage vows.

You are right. i guess i have to replace the word 'May' with 'supposed to'. Afterall, women are partners. Where i find absurd is when a man Deliberately leaves his role for his wife to play when he finds out that she earns more as i consistently mentioned in my previous comments. As A man, you are to take the lead and not lag behind. Be exemplary.

andromida:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. [s]A husband who is worse than an unbeliever has lost his headship[/s]

Whosoever will not work let him not eat 2thess 3:10

Sorry...it doesn't correlate @bolded...that should be 2Corin 6:14.
I guess the part I ruled out is your own addition.
The who doesn't work shouldn't eat part, has been settled. I never said he should be eating...

Kachisbarbie:
Sorry...it doesn't correlate @bolded...that should be 2Corin 6:14.
I guess the part I ruled out is your own addition.
The who doesn't work shouldn't eat part, has been settled. I never said he should be eating...

Yeah the ruled out is my own summation. If he is not eating in his own home, how is he still the head of house?

thandii1:
Here on nairaland, housewives used to be e-battered severely and when they come running to nl, they are told they deserve it because they do not earn for a living. In the real world too, when being housewives used to be more common, many were, oppressed, cheated on and treated like slaves. Even their kids were not left out of it, the reason women have been striving for empowerment for years, to stop the oppression and gain some self worth.

except that the husbands aren't the one moaning here. when women were forced to stay at home without income, they moaned they were maltreated & they want empowerment. now that women have the empowerment & the hubbies are stay-at-home dads without income, the women are still moaning they are being used as slaves.

what do women really want?

Also, in the case of housewives, they do their roles religiously ; take care of the children, the husband, the home in general, they are submissive to their masters, so why will the masters cry out. With the househusbands, they want to spend, be fed but useless domestically. They don't want to be submissive .. If these new generation husbands aka househusbands were domestically useful and submissive like their housewives counterpart, the women will not complain na

if the husbands don't want to be submissive then the wives should hire house helps and make life comfortable for the house-husbands. plenty of men did that in the past. the breadwinner has to take care of her partner. men did it in the past without moaning, women should take the cue.

Sophyrocks:

You are right. i guess i have to replace the word 'May' with 'supposed to'. Afterall, women are partners. Where i find absurd is when a man Deliberately leaves his role for his wife to play when he finds out that she earns more as i consistently mentioned in my previous comments. As A man, you are to take the lead and not lag behind. Be exemplary.

Correct! Any man who deliberately leaves his role for his wife cos she earns more is a disgrace and should be flogged in the market square

phabulous88:

Correct! Any man who deliberately leaves his role for his wife cos she earns more is a disgrace and should be flogged in the market square

A big disgrace to manhood. Such men are usually unappreciative, unsupportive and abusive too.

andromida:


Yeah the ruled out is my own summation. If he is not eating in his own home, how is he still the head of house?

So because person no dey chop for im house displaces him of his position ni'
Till I get a bible verse that says if a man can't provide for his home, he is no longer the head, then I can now reason it. I was thinking you were gonna give me one.

crackhaus:
@emboldened, that is where most women in this situation get it completely wrong...which in turn is directly responsible for why a man married to one of such women begins to rebel and do things his wife may see as unappreciation.

How does being a househusband relinquish a man of his position as head of the household?
Is being the head of the house dependent solely on who brings the money/most money?

You are beginning to defy logic.
It's not about money. Do the men in these scenarios look or sound responsible? With cheating tales and violent streaks. Have they not relinquished the rights to be called heads? Does a head spend money fruitlessly and aimlessly? Can you say The decisions the men in the stories make are in the best interest of the family? It is a marriage. When the head has faltered in his responsibilities the wife must take up the position of the head to set the family straight. Place the man on a monthly allowance and he has to be useful on the home front. If your ego is too big, bigger that mountain Everest, use that ego to make yourself worthwhile again. I don't even have patience for women who leech on their husbands. The economy is hard, every damn person must make themselves useful!!!! If you ego is too big, you should never ever have gotten married. Marriage is about sacrifices, you must learn to sacrifice your ego and take a position if you are incapable of meeting up!

coogar:

how come men don't cry out that they slave to feed their housewives. must women moan over everything? when women were asked to sit at home so men would bring the bacon - they screamed out that they are being marginalised or discriminated against.

now men are taking the backseat so that women can do what they have always wanted to do & yet they are still screaming that they are slaving to feed their husbands. which is which? feminism fought for 50 years to put women in this position, it would be heartbreaking if women are still not satisfied.

A journalist gathered information on Nigerian househusbands that still think in their minds they are the head, and the women spoke truthfully and you say they are moaning?
As a proud woman, I have absolutely no problems if you wish to take the backseat, just know that the roles have been reversed if you show any sign of irresponsibility. I will not be put to ruin because I married. I will take the reins of the marriage, place you on a monthly allowance. If your ego can't take it, you better go and make another woman's life a living misery. nobody should be made redundant when you are not handicapped.

thandii1:

Mind sharing how to put a misbehaving housewife in her place?

I guess what he meant by 'Putting her in her place' is Flogging her. He would flog her whenever she misbehaves.

No wonder horrible marriages where women are totally dependent on men are increasing as long as we have men of his kind who reason like this. Financial independence for women means power and he is scared and insecure as a result of that.

Stillfire:
A journalist gathered information on Nigerian househusbands that still think in their minds they are the head, and the women spoke truthfully and you say they are moaning?

why weren't the husbands interviewed? when women were predominantly housewives, it was their moaning we heard. now that nigerian men are becoming househusbands, the interview should have involved them too....after all, they are the ones likely to be abused as they have no income to fall back on.......

As a proud woman, I have absolutely no problems if you wish to take the backseat, just know that the roles have been reversed if you show any sign of irresponsibility. I will not be put to ruin because I married. I will take the reins of the marriage, place you on a monthly allowance. If your ego can't take it, you better go and make another woman's life a living misery. nobody should be made redundant when you are not handicapped.

then stop moaning!
take the reins of the marriage and take whatever bumps & grind that come with being the head. men were heads even when they had irresponsible wives who just sat down all day, ate like pigs & farted all over the settee.

the men never moaned, they took solace in the fact that at least, the kids are being taken care of. women should do the same as well - work hard like trojan horses and be contented with the fact that your hubby is taking care of the home front. he's a man & he's more likely to eat more so you as a proud woman must work harder to be able to afford his needs.

his gucci watches, creed cologne, ferragamo shoes and his SUV must be refreshed bi-annually. register him in a decent gym so that his performance in the bedroom is kept at the optimum level. that was how men took care of the needs of their wives in the past, women should borrow a leaf and stop being a crybaby.


by the time you spend 80% of your salary on my pair of shoes alone, na you go kpeme.

thandii1:

Mind sharing how to put a misbehaving housewife in her place?

By punishing her appropriately each time she misbehaves.

coogar:

why weren't the husbands interviewed? when women were predominantly housewives, it was their moaning we heard. now that nigerian men are becoming househusbands, the interview should have involved them too....after all, they are the ones likely to be abused as they have no income to fall back on.......



then stop moaning!
take the reins of the marriage and take whatever bumps & grind that come with being the head. men were heads even when they had irresponsible wives who just sat down all day, ate like pigs & farted all over the settee.

the men never moaned, they took solace in the fact that at least, the kids are being taken care of. women should do the same as well - work hard like trojan horses and be contented with the fact that your hubby is taking care of the home front. he's a man & he's more likely to eat more so you as a proud woman must work harder to be able to afford his needs.

his gucci watches, creed cologne, ferragamo shoes and his SUV must be refreshed bi-annually. register him in a decent gym so that his performance in the bedroom is kept at the optimum level. that was how men took care of the needs of their wives in the past, women should borrow a leaf and stop being a crybaby.


by the time you spend 80% of your salary on my pair of shoes alone, na you go kpeme.

I don't moan, I take charge.
And you would have to give me a detailed analysis on why you need to spend 80% of my money on shoes. This even affirms why I need to take up the role as head for thinking of spending 80% of my money on shoes. The madam and head that I am would veto any unnecessary expenses.

Stillfire:
I don't moan, I take charge.
And you would have to give me a detailed analysis on why you need to spend 80% of my money on shoes. This even affirms why I need to take up the role as head for thinking of spending 80% of my money on shoes. The madam and head that I am would veto any unnecessary expenses.

all my life, i have been used to good clothes, expensive meals, smart flats, sports cars & elegant women. i can't give that all up cos i am married to you & you want me to be the house-husband. i am high maintenance. designer outfits look better on me than "sura the tailor" products.

my cheapest pair is about £500.
you would have to maintain my lifestyle or else we might have a problem. taking care of the kids & the house is no problem. if you can't afford househelps, go to your village & bring maidens who want the lagos exposure.....men did that in the past too, they brought long distant relatives to help the wives out.

Stillfire:

A journalist gathered information on Nigerian househusbands that still think in their minds they are the head, and the women spoke truthfully and you say they are moaning?
As a proud woman, I have absolutely no problems if you wish to take the backseat, just know that the roles have been reversed if you show any sign of irresponsibility. I will not be put to ruin because I married. I will take the reins of the marriage, place you on a monthly allowance. If your ego can't take it, you better go and make another woman's life a living misery. nobody should be made redundant when you are not handicapped.

Who said they are handicapped. What happened to the big Joe.? That is what it means to be a man. ( Nigerian standard ).
High time I invest in se x surgery. make I give 60% of women in naija big anaconda for free. Make I know why things no go better for that country.

Sophyrocks:
Financial independence for women means power and he is scared and insecure as a result of that.

He is neither scared nor insecure about women having financial independence. But of what benefit is your financial independence to a marriage relationship when all you do with your money is buy exotic cars, go shopping in Dubai, and take care of your own birth family, while the man is left to slave himself away for you and your children all because your so called bible says he is the head and should provide. No wonder some people now hold the opinion that having girl child is more rewarding to families than having boy child. You know why? In a society where men and women now have equal access to wealth, people still hold on to the believe that men should provide for their wives
even she earns more. So, while the man is busy cracking his head on how to manage his income to provide for his immediate family, the woman is busy lavishing her own money on her birth family, while the man's income might not even be enough to go round the needs of his immediate family let alone his extended family. The best thing would have been for marriage to be an equal partnership where both partners make equal contribution, but then in a society like ours where women in their selfishness still hold on to the mentality that the man being the " head" must provide but fail to accept the part of the same order that makes the man her master from whom she should take command,such equal partnership can hardly work. So, for that reason, I have resolved to stick to the old order where the man is the breadwinner, while the woman is the subordinate who lives at the mercy of her husband.

Lol. Ok na

crackhaus: Haha.. cococandy, oya come see.

You're sure gonna love this after our misunderstanding the other day over the prevalence (or not) of househusbands.

I still stand by my opinion though... it's not a 'common occurrence' even though this article tries to pass it off as such.
However, the issue of 'some' women having a higher monthly gross income than their spouses is a lot easier to swallow, this I can agree on.

I've read the OP. Much of it rings true. From personal experiance and observation.
I'm not surprised

aderonila18:


The difference is that when a man pays the bills the woman takes care of the children and the household so at least the work is divided and both parties bring something to the table. The problem the men whose wives pay the bills is that they don't help out with the children or the household. It's unfair to expect the person who went to work all day to fend for the family to be the same to come home and take care of the kids and cook while the lazy man seats around doing nothing all day. No one can be happy in a relationship where you are the only doing everything

thiis is a very simple thing. I wonder why It is too hard for men such positions to understand that.

So simple.
But no. They want the wife to be 'the head' when it comes to responsibilities.
But they want to be 'the head' when it comes to having their way.

It only results in CRISIS

thandii1:

Here on nairaland, housewives used to be e-battered severely and when they come running to nl, they are told they deserve it because they do not earn for a living. In the real world too, when being housewives used to be more common, many were, oppressed, cheated on and treated like slaves. Even their kids were not left out of it, the reason women have been striving for empowerment for years, to stop the oppression and gain some self worth.

Also, in the case of housewives, they do their roles religiously ; take care of the children, the husband, the home in general, they are submissive to their masters, so why will the masters cry out. With the househusbands, they want to spend, be fed but useless domestically. They don't want to be submissive .. If these new generation husbands aka househusbands were domestically useful and submissive like their housewives counterpart, the women will not complain na

donpeey22: He is neither scared nor insecure about women having financial independence. But of what benefit is your financial independence to a marriage relationship when all you do with your money is buy exotic cars, go shopping in Dubai, and take care of your own birth family, while the man is left to slave himself away for you and your children all because your so called bible says he is the head and should provide. No wonder some people now hold the opinion that having girl child is more rewarding to families than having boy child. You know why? In a society where men and women now have equal access to wealth, people still hold on to the believe that men should provide for their wives
even she earns more. So, while the man is busy cracking his head on how to manage his income to provide for his immediate family, the woman is busy lavishing her own money on her birth family, while the man's income might not even be enough to go round the needs of his immediate family let alone his extended family. The best thing would have been for marriage to be an equal partnership where both partners make equal contribution, but then in a society like ours where women in their selfishness still hold on to the mentality that the man being the " head" must provide but fail to accept the part of the same order that makes the man her master from whom she should take command,such equal partnership can hardly work. So, for that reason, I have resolved to stick to the old order where the man is the breadwinner, while the woman is the subordinate who lives at the mercy of her husband.

That is why before you get married, you must have discussed how finances will be handled and must have ascertained whether your partner is the Traditional type or the 21st century/modern type. This is why we court/date. for us to see how compatible we are. if you want equal partnership in your marriage, then it is asumed you have accepted that you and your wife are equal. Nobody is the Head here. you both contribute equally in all finances in the marriage. Therefore, nobody should brag about being the head.

For a woman to leave her parents, stay with you till death, cook, clean the home and take proper motherly care of your children show that she is already a Helpmate/partner in your life. Some of these are things you would do on your own when you were single but a woman has come into your life to HELP YOU. For you to use words such as "subordinate" and 'Master" shows that you are naturally insecure and threatened by women who can hold their own. Why do i say so? Because what comes out of a man's mouth, so is he and you are already aware that many women are now significant contributors to financial responsibilities or even breadwinners of their home as evident in the Op. Therefore, you cannot generalise since you are not a soothsayer to know what goes on in every home, for you to conclude all women do not like to contribute to the marriage. The Bible Never called wives subordinates/slaves at the mercy of their 'Masters' even when their husbands were designated 'Heads'. It called them HELPMATES/COMPLEMENTS. So even when a woman is a full time housewife, she is already a Helpmate to you by making the home and children her business. It is very important you corrrect such thinking before getting married before you turn yourself to Hitler in your marriage. Such thinking leads to domestic abuse. Correct yourself.

coogar:

how's that even possible?
it's logical that the person at home does more work. if the woman is the breadwinner, she probably doesn't close till late in the evening. it then means the hubby picks the kids in school, feeds them, helps with their homework & tucks them safely in bed.

let's even agree for argument's sake that the men are lazy to do domestic chores, why is the breadwinner not employing house help to complete the domestic chores. men in the past left their wives at home & still employed 1-3 househelps to help the wives @ home. the men didn't scream they were slaving away to feed their wives then.

why are the female breadwinners moaning now?

I'm sure you don't live in Nigeria otherwise you'll know it's very possible. The average man here thinks taking care of the children, cooking and domestic job is for women are and to them it would be an insult . So yes they sit at home all day without helping out , waiting for the woman who's been out all day to come and do the " woman's job

As for hiring maids I'm sure the ones who can afford it will obviously do so however it seems like you're assuming that these women have money to throw around. That isn't the issue, all of them are just average earners managing to pay all the bills with their little salary. So let's say a woman earns N150,000 while the man doesn't work, by the time she pays rent, school fees, feeding, school clothing, books and such so she's basically spending every penny she has and doesn't have money to pay a maid every month with the lazy man sits down all day.

I know men who earn average incomes like that and have housewives and they never agree for the wife to get a maid saying its a waste and they can't afford it. For these women that's the same, already the family will barely have savings in case of an emergency and you expect them to get a maid while the man does nothing

coogar:

all my life, i have been used to good clothes, expensive meals, smart flats, sports cars & elegant women. i can't give that all up cos i am married to you & you want me to be the house-husband. i am high maintenance. designer outfits look better on me than "sura the tailor" products.

my cheapest pair is about £500.
you would have to maintain my lifestyle or else we might have a problem. taking care of the kids & the house is no problem. if you can't afford househelps, go to your village & bring maidens who want the lagos exposure.....men did that in the past too, they brought long distant relatives to help the wives out.

The difference is that in most if those cases the men were the ones who asked the wives not to work. The men I know whose wives suddenly decide to stop working even though while dating she knew he wants a working wife, the guys never take it lightly with them and they will certainly not buy them cars, or shopping for designer clothes or get a maid. In fact I have a friend who insisted on firing the maid immediately the wife said she wasn't working, he was like if you're not working then no need for a maid. None of these women would complain if they wanted a househusband. Even Nigerian men these days moan when their wives decide to become a housewives when they had never planned for such. Anyone who wants to be a housewives or husband should inform people while dating so they can decide if it fits with their life.its one thing to be out if work but it's another thing to not want to work when you know your spouse doesn't want that.

coogar:

all my life, i have been used to good clothes, expensive meals, smart flats, sports cars & elegant women. i can't give that all up cos i am married to you & you want me to be the house-husband. i am high maintenance. designer outfits look better on me than "sura the tailor" products.

my cheapest pair is about £500.
you would have to maintain my lifestyle or else we might have a problem. taking care of the kids & the house is no problem. if you can't afford househelps, go to your village & bring maidens who want the lagos exposure.....men did that in the past too, they brought long distant relatives to help the wives out.

Lol. You have to live by my rules otherwise I will send your Ghana must go back to your parents house. what a naughty husband.

Sophyrocks:

No I am not contradicting myself. Read slowly. The Head is to provide. A wife is to complement/be his partner. A man who deliberately sits down, does nothing and leaves major financial responsibilities for his wife is not playing the role of the Head. You are to provide a larger share financially as the Head. That is your role. TO PROVIDE. It is only when your financial status is incapable of solving other problems that your wife can be a partner. As the Head, you are the person who should take major financial responsibilities.

So I ask again, for a man who contributes much less compared to his wife in the running of their home OR for a househusband with no steady source of income, his position as the head of the home is relinquished until when he can return to shouldering full financial responsibilities?

This is your position right?

crackhaus:
So I ask again, for a man who contributes much less compared to his wife in the running of their home OR for a househusband with no steady source of income, his position as the head of the home is relinquished until when he can return to shouldering full financial responsibilities?

This is your position right?

Of course yes. How can you be the Head when you are not playing the role? Why are you the Head? His reasons for contributing less than his wife matters a lot. Are the reasons based on circumstances beyond his control(that is understandable) or are they just flimsy reasons or perhaps no reasons at all? I can't repeat myself mehn. The Head of the home is one who provides asides other responsibilities. When you are to provide, you are to take a larger share of/handle major financial responsibilities. If you are not doing that, then you are not the Head. If you are in an equal partnership with your wife in responsibilities, you are not the Head oo. You are both equal. if your wife is playing the role of a Head, then she is the Head. Kpomkwem.

aderonila18:
I'm sure you don't live in Nigeria otherwise you'll know it's very possible. The average man here thinks taking care of the children, cooking and domestic job is for women are and to them it would be an insult . So yes they sit at home all day without helping out , waiting for the woman who's been out all day to come and do the " woman's job

says who? i be omo eko(original). i know what works where & when within the confines of nigeria. how can a father just sit at home all day, refuse to pick his own children in school & make arrangements to feed them & help with their homework? abeg, naija-husbands are family oriented.

As for hiring maids I'm sure the ones who can afford it will obviously do so however it seems like you're assuming that these women have money to throw around. That isn't the issue, all of them are just average earners managing to pay all the bills with their little salary. So let's say a woman earns N150,000 while the man doesn't work, by the time she pays rent, school fees, feeding, school clothing, books and such so she's basically spending every penny she has and doesn't have money to pay a maid every month with the lazy man sits down all day.

so an average-earning wife who can barely feed herself wants her hubby to stay at home? na poverty go finish her. N150,000 and she's claiming to be the breadwinner? she's more like a yam-winner or banana-winner.

I know men who earn average incomes like that and have housewives and they never agree for the wife to get a maid saying its a waste and they can't afford it. For these women that's the same, already the family will barely have savings in case of an emergency and you expect them to get a maid while the man does nothing

that's the natural balance.....
a full housewife would spend less than a full househubby. so if a wife wants her hubby to stay at home, she'd better be utterly minted so she can meet the needs of that hubby. men spend more money - the maintenance fee is ridiculous.....so women should fully understand what they are jumping into before taking the leap.

Stillfire:
Lol. You have to live by my rules otherwise I will send your Ghana must go back to your parents house. what a naughty husband.

my taste is exotic....
get more certificates so you can earn more money to maintain my lifestyle. there are no rules if you cannot take care of me. my car must always be filled to the brim with gas. my mobile phone must be on business plan & frequent trips to europe & the americas must be once a year at least.

if you cannot provide that, move over abeg!

crackhaus:
You're contradicting your position.
What are you saying exactly? Is it that you believe whoever shoulders the financial responsibilities assumes headship or is it that a man is always the head regardless of who is the breadwinner going by the first emboldened bit?

For the second emboldened bit, are you no longer 'all for equality' in marriage? What's up with the 'may' condition on a wife when it comes to supporting her husband?

What about a full time househusband, are you saying he is no longer the head of his house because he adds no financial responsibility?

she just said thats not what she means and you go on and ask the same question again? are u a learner?

aderonila18: how come men don't cry out that they slave to feed their housewives. must women moan over everything? when women were asked to sit at home so men would bring the bacon - they screamed out that they are being marginalised or discriminated against.

now men are taking the backseat so that women can do what they have always wanted to do & yet they are still screaming that they are slaving to feed their husbands. which is which? feminism fought for 50 years to put women in this position, it would be heartbreaking if women are still not satisfied.





The difference is that when a man pays the bills the woman takes care of the children and the household so at least the work is divided and both parties bring something to the table. The problem the men whose wives pay the bills is that they don't help out with the children or the household. It's unfair to expect the person who went to work all day to fend for the family to be the same to come home and take care of the kids and cook while the lazy man seats around doing nothing all day. [size=14pt]No one can be happy in a relationship where you are the only doing everything[/size]

Thank you

even married men who are married to a housewife who does absolutely nothing except for taking herself out for shopping (she doesnt take care of the children or house chores personally) still complain about "slaving to feed their housewives" so why should a woman in the same position not complain about it?