“Believing that true love waits, I make a
commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends,
my future mate and my future children to be
sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter
a biblical marriage relationship. As well as
abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching,
pornography, and actions that are known to lead to
sexual arousal.”


At the age of 10, I took a pledge at my church
alongside a group of other girls to remain a virgin
until marriage. Yes, you read that right — I was 10
years old.


Let’s take a look at who I was as a 10-year-old: I was
in fourth grade. I played with Barbie dolls and had
tea parties with imaginary friends. I pretended I was
a mermaid every time I took a bath. I still thought
boys were icky and I had no idea I liked girls, too. I
wouldn’t get my period for another four years. And
most importantly, I didn’t have a clue about sex.
The church taught me that sex was for married
people. Extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I
would go to Hell if I did it. I learned that as a girl, I
had a responsibility to my future husband to remain
pure for him. It was entirely possible that my future
husband wouldn’t remain pure for me, because he
didn’t have that same responsibility, according to
the Bible. And of course, because I was a Christian, I
would forgive him for his past transgressions and
fully give myself to him, body and soul.

Once I got married, it would be my duty to fulfill my
husband’s sexual needs. I was told over and over
again, so many times I lost count, that if I remained
pure, my marriage would be blessed by God and if I
didn’t that it would fall apart and end in tragic
divorce.
I believed it. Why wouldn’t I? I was young and these
were people I trusted. Everyone knew I’d taken the
virginity vow, of course. Gossip is the lifeblood of
the Baptist Church. My parents were so proud of me
for making such a spiritual decision. The church
congregation applauded my righteousness.
For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a
badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so,
saying my testimony would inspire other young girls
to follow suit. If the topic ever came up in
conversation, I was happy to let people know that I
had taken a pledge of purity.

It became my entire identity by the time I hit my
teen years. When I met my then boyfriend-now
husband, I told him right away that I was saving
myself for marriage and he was fine with that
because it was my body, my choice and he loved me.
We were together for six years before we got
married. Any time we did anything remotely sexual,
guilt overwhelmed me. I wondered where the line
was because I was terrified to cross it. Was he
allowed to touch my breasts? Could we look at each
other naked? I didn’t know what was considered
sexual enough to condemn my future marriage and
send me straight to Hell.

An unhealthy mixture of pride, fear, and guilt helped
me keep my pledge until we got married. In the
weeks before our wedding, I often got congratulated
on keeping my virginity for so long. The comments
ranged from curious (how in the world did you
manage?) to downright disgusting (I bet you’re
going to have one busy wedding night!). I let them
place me on the pedestal as their virginal, perfect-
Christian-girl mascot.

I lost my virginity on my wedding night, with my
husband, just as I had promised that day when I was
10 years old. I stood in the hotel bathroom
beforehand, wearing my white lingerie, thinking, “I
made it. I’m a good Christian.” There was no chorus
of angels, no shining light from Heaven. It was just
me and my husband in a dark room, fumbling with a
condom and a bottle of lube for the first time.
Sex hurt. I knew it would. Everyone told me it
would be uncomfortable the first time. What they
didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the
bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I
didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d
be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt
dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was
married and it was supposed to be okay now.
When we got home, I couldn’t look anyone in the
eye. Everyone knew my virginity was gone. My
parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers.
They all knew I was soiled and tarnished. I wasn’t
special anymore. My virginity had become such an
essential part of my personality that I didn’t know
who I was without it.

It didn’t get better. I avoided undressing in front of
my husband. I tried not to kiss him too often or too
amorously so I wouldn’t lead him on. I dreaded
bedtime. Maybe he’d want to have sex.
When he did, I obliged. I wanted nothing more than
to make him happy because I loved him so much and
because I’d been taught it was my duty to fulfill his
needs. But I hated sex. Sometimes I cried myself to
sleep because I wanted to like it, because it wasn’t
fair. I had done everything right. I took the pledge
and stayed true to it. Where was the blessed
marriage I was promised?

I let it go on this way for almost two years before I
broke down. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told my
husband everything. My feminist husband was
horrified that I’d let him touch me when I didn’t
want him to. He made me promise I’d never do
anything I didn’t want to do ever again. We stopped
having sex. He encouraged me to see a therapist and
I did. It was the first step on a long journey to
healing.

Ten-year-old girls want to believe in fairy tales.
Take this pledge and God will love you so much and
be so proud of you, they told me. If you wait to have
sex until marriage, God will bring you a wonderful
Christian husband and you’ll get married and live
happily ever after, they said. Waiting didn’t give me
a happily ever after. Instead, it controlled my
identity for over a decade, landed me in therapy,
and left me a stranger in my own skin. I was so
completely ashamed of my body and my sexuality
that it made having sex a demoralizing experience.
I don’t go to church anymore, nor am I religious. As
I started to heal, I realized that I couldn’t figure out
how to be both religious and sexual at the same
time. I chose sex. Every single day is a battle to
remember that my body belongs to me and not to
the church of my childhood. I have to constantly
remind myself that a pledge I took when I was only
10 doesn’t define who I am today. When I have sex
with my husband, I make sure it’s because I have a
sexual need and not because I feel I’m required to
fulfill his desires.

I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire
concept of virginity is used to control female
sexuality. If I could go back, I would not wait. I
would have sex with my then-boyfriend-now-
husband and I wouldn’t go to hell for it. We would
have gotten married at a more appropriate age and I
would have kept my sexuality to myself.
Unfortunately, I can’t go back but I can give you this
message as a culmination of my experiences: If you
want to wait to have sex until marriage make sure
it’s because you want to. It’s your body; it belongs
to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s
business but yours.




www.nollywoodmagazine.com/2014/08/i-regret-remaining-a-virgin-until-i-got-married.html

Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt#

Hmmmmmm, dis should make frontpage.

Your opinion tho. Am sure there are thousands that'll beg to differ

Religion is nothing but a tool of mind control, ur case a perfect example.

Wrong diagnosis= Hogwash

There are wise virgins and there are foolish virgins. It is obvious where the lady belonged to.

Hehehehehehe....serves yu Riiight.

pretydiva: Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt#

God bless you sister •

Nice literature.

What message are u trying to pass here,especially to the young ones out there?
The fact that it didn't work for dosent mean it wouldn't for another!pls change that mentallity asap!

The truth/Fact is that Premarital sex is a sinful act..take it or leave it!

American Virgin-the remix

Gospel of doom!

A 10yrs old taking a vow?...that's not just right
How can a girl that young understand the gravity of what she's doing?...or is this a case of catch 'em while they are young?

Looks like it's not only those northern paedophiles taking advantage of little girls...yes, it may not be exactly the same but it is still "preying on their innocence"

Virgins always have my respect thou

Op,sincerely don't know what you are driving at.

Are you condemning the pride of virginity,or what?

Please expantiate.

how e take concern me

Virginity is so overrated

Since u regret keeping ur v.irginity because of some flimsy excuses i don't get,i think the best thing is keeping it to urself and not making it public.

This article u just wrote is capable of discouraging some gullible young people who are willing to keep theirs till they tie the knot!.

I still believe keeping one's v.irginity till their marriage nights is a good thing and it's also discretional!. Having the h.ymen seal doesn't guarantee u of having a good home or husband. Neither does it make a man find a good wife/home or even make a good husband.

Which ever way u choose to go,just be yourself!!!!!!!!. Do things cause u want to do it and at the same time always do what is right!!!! #my one kobo.

pretydiva: Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt#

he is simply implying that premarital sex is the best and one will regret it if she does not engage in it....

See them... #teamnosextill... Na express if person enter dia, dey come dey claim holy Mary for here... Abegi, park ur napap well make my bently park.

I'm allergic 2 Blood

Virginity. It's a big word. But I don't think u should regret the fact that u lost your virginity after marriage. Its a blessing that most people tend to loose. You followed your heart, and that's the most important thing. But there comes a time when you grow from a girl into a woman. Sex is a beautiful thing. And its meant for a man and a woman. Why u feel disgusting and ashamed I don't understand! God believes that as a married couple, you should be fruitful and multiply. Its in Genesis. He said " Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it". Well I don't know if its the OP..but that's my advice to the lady that wrote this.

Lame reasons

bigemmmybig:
Unfortunately, I can’t go back but I can give you this
message as a culmination of my experiences: If you
want to wait to have sex until marriage make sure
it’s because you want to. It’s your body; it belongs
to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s
business but yours.

Actually, your body belongs to God. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you do not obtain forgiveness for fornication or adultery, you will go to hell.
I'm not in support of virginity by force but you let your virginity become ur personality instead of a quality, therein lies your problem. It should be a thing of pride and comfort not a burden.
Bottomline: Do your best to keep it.

Been a virgin for the rest of your life doesn't guarantee you heaven.

And also been an Ashawo doesn't guarantee you heaven as well.

Been a responsible human being to the society is the most important thing in life, and for you to be an important somebody in
your life, always do what is strategically right at the right time.

....Keeping yourself as a virgin and refusing to have knowledge on intimacy and sex are two different spheres........
....The Lady is just confused...

Now this is serious...The devil is a liar! I dont think it is the church who brought out the issue of virginaty purity. Its written clearly in the bible that sex with someone who is not your spouse is a sin nd the narrator claimed that the bible allow men to have sex with someone who is not their wives which is also a big lie. The narrator claimed to be a devoted xtian yet didnt know her bible

The last I can do to any girl is to 'disvirgin' her. Many have come my way but I always advise them instead. I can snatch somebody's girl friend but virgins NO. There are enough 'hoes' to deal with why initiating more hoes into d court? Decision about having sex or not having sex till marriage should be a personal thing.

Well said! You people should understand that her post is not for everybody, she is trying to dissuade young teens from making thr same mistakes she did. Hhonestly, if you are ever present in church when ''big mummies" are hammering issues on sex, u will swear never to do anything remotely intimate with anyone. + " behind every virgin gal is a dumb guy who attempted n failed"....u can print that