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I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by bigemmmybig(m): 6:33am On Sep 23, 2014 |
“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship. As well as abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching, pornography, and actions that are known to lead to sexual arousal.” At the age of 10, I took a pledge at my church alongside a group of other girls to remain a virgin until marriage. Yes, you read that right — I was 10 years old. Let’s take a look at who I was as a 10-year-old: I was in fourth grade. I played with Barbie dolls and had tea parties with imaginary friends. I pretended I was a mermaid every time I took a bath. I still thought boys were icky and I had no idea I liked girls, too. I wouldn’t get my period for another four years. And most importantly, I didn’t have a clue about sex. The church taught me that sex was for married people. Extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it. I learned that as a girl, I had a responsibility to my future husband to remain pure for him. It was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn’t remain pure for me, because he didn’t have that same responsibility, according to the Bible. And of course, because I was a Christian, I would forgive him for his past transgressions and fully give myself to him, body and soul. Once I got married, it would be my duty to fulfill my husband’s sexual needs. I was told over and over again, so many times I lost count, that if I remained pure, my marriage would be blessed by God and if I didn’t that it would fall apart and end in tragic divorce. I believed it. Why wouldn’t I? I was young and these were people I trusted. Everyone knew I’d taken the virginity vow, of course. Gossip is the lifeblood of the Baptist Church. My parents were so proud of me for making such a spiritual decision. The church congregation applauded my righteousness. For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so, saying my testimony would inspire other young girls to follow suit. If the topic ever came up in conversation, I was happy to let people know that I had taken a pledge of purity. It became my entire identity by the time I hit my teen years. When I met my then boyfriend-now husband, I told him right away that I was saving myself for marriage and he was fine with that because it was my body, my choice and he loved me. We were together for six years before we got married. Any time we did anything remotely sexual, guilt overwhelmed me. I wondered where the line was because I was terrified to cross it. Was he allowed to touch my breasts? Could we look at each other naked? I didn’t know what was considered sexual enough to condemn my future marriage and send me straight to Hell. An unhealthy mixture of pride, fear, and guilt helped me keep my pledge until we got married. In the weeks before our wedding, I often got congratulated on keeping my virginity for so long. The comments ranged from curious (how in the world did you manage?) to downright disgusting (I bet you’re going to have one busy wedding night!). I let them place me on the pedestal as their virginal, perfect- Christian-girl mascot. I lost my virginity on my wedding night, with my husband, just as I had promised that day when I was 10 years old. I stood in the hotel bathroom beforehand, wearing my white lingerie, thinking, “I made it. I’m a good Christian.” There was no chorus of angels, no shining light from Heaven. It was just me and my husband in a dark room, fumbling with a condom and a bottle of lube for the first time. Sex hurt. I knew it would. Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now. When we got home, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. Everyone knew my virginity was gone. My parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers. They all knew I was soiled and tarnished. I wasn’t special anymore. My virginity had become such an essential part of my personality that I didn’t know who I was without it. It didn’t get better. I avoided undressing in front of my husband. I tried not to kiss him too often or too amorously so I wouldn’t lead him on. I dreaded bedtime. Maybe he’d want to have sex. When he did, I obliged. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy because I loved him so much and because I’d been taught it was my duty to fulfill his needs. But I hated sex. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to like it, because it wasn’t fair. I had done everything right. I took the pledge and stayed true to it. Where was the blessed marriage I was promised? I let it go on this way for almost two years before I broke down. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told my husband everything. My feminist husband was horrified that I’d let him touch me when I didn’t want him to. He made me promise I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do ever again. We stopped having sex. He encouraged me to see a therapist and I did. It was the first step on a long journey to healing. Ten-year-old girls want to believe in fairy tales. Take this pledge and God will love you so much and be so proud of you, they told me. If you wait to have sex until marriage, God will bring you a wonderful Christian husband and you’ll get married and live happily ever after, they said. Waiting didn’t give me a happily ever after. Instead, it controlled my identity for over a decade, landed me in therapy, and left me a stranger in my own skin. I was so completely ashamed of my body and my sexuality that it made having sex a demoralizing experience. I don’t go to church anymore, nor am I religious. As I started to heal, I realized that I couldn’t figure out how to be both religious and sexual at the same time. I chose sex. Every single day is a battle to remember that my body belongs to me and not to the church of my childhood. I have to constantly remind myself that a pledge I took when I was only 10 doesn’t define who I am today. When I have sex with my husband, I make sure it’s because I have a sexual need and not because I feel I’m required to fulfill his desires. I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality. If I could go back, I would not wait. I would have sex with my then-boyfriend-now- husband and I wouldn’t go to hell for it. We would have gotten married at a more appropriate age and I would have kept my sexuality to myself. Unfortunately, I can’t go back but I can give you this message as a culmination of my experiences: If you want to wait to have sex until marriage make sure it’s because you want to. It’s your body; it belongs to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours. www.nollywoodmagazine.com/2014/08/i-regret-remaining-a-virgin-until-i-got-married.html 15 Likes 7 Shares
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Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by pretydiva(f): 6:44am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt# 35 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by clockwise(m): 6:47am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Hmmmmmm, dis should make frontpage. 3 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by bigemmmybig(m): 6:49am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by eph12(m): 7:05am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Your opinion tho. Am sure there are thousands that'll beg to differ 3 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by pimplucious: 7:07am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Religion is nothing but a tool of mind control, ur case a perfect example. 16 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by jmoore(m): 7:17am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Wrong diagnosis= Hogwash There are wise virgins and there are foolish virgins. It is obvious where the lady belonged to. 23 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 7:19am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Hehehehehehe....serves yu Riiight. 1 Like |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 7:27am On Sep 23, 2014 |
pretydiva: Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt#God bless you sister • 4 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 7:29am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Nice literature. 3 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by nikkypearl(f): 7:30am On Sep 23, 2014 |
What message are u trying to pass here,especially to the young ones out there? The fact that it didn't work for dosent mean it wouldn't for another!pls change that mentallity asap! The truth/Fact is that Premarital sex is a sinful act..take it or leave it! 19 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by jonglexer: 7:31am On Sep 23, 2014 |
American Virgin-the remix 4 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by jnrbayano(m): 7:34am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Gospel of doom! 4 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Crocz(m): 7:37am On Sep 23, 2014 |
A 10yrs old taking a vow?...that's not just right How can a girl that young understand the gravity of what she's doing?...or is this a case of catch 'em while they are young? Looks like it's not only those northern paedophiles taking advantage of little girls...yes, it may not be exactly the same but it is still "preying on their innocence" Virgins always have my respect thou 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 7:38am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Op,sincerely don't know what you are driving at. Are you condemning the pride of virginity,or what? Please expantiate. 3 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Smoj(m): 7:39am On Sep 23, 2014 |
how e take concern me |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by magicfingers009: 7:49am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Virginity is so overrated 8 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by vincent561(m): 7:59am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Since u regret keeping ur v.irginity because of some flimsy excuses i don't get,i think the best thing is keeping it to urself and not making it public. This article u just wrote is capable of discouraging some gullible young people who are willing to keep theirs till they tie the knot!. I still believe keeping one's v.irginity till their marriage nights is a good thing and it's also discretional!. Having the h.ymen seal doesn't guarantee u of having a good home or husband. Neither does it make a man find a good wife/home or even make a good husband. Which ever way u choose to go,just be yourself!!!!!!!!. Do things cause u want to do it and at the same time always do what is right!!!! #my one kobo. 9 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by mojeed4(m): 8:01am On Sep 23, 2014 |
pretydiva: Stil don't get were ur driving @buh I wld say dat keeping oneself till d nyt of ur wedding is d best.cos premarital sex is a sin#teamnosextillweddingnyt#he is simply implying that premarital sex is the best and one will regret it if she does not engage in it.... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Adeoba10(m): 8:01am On Sep 23, 2014 |
See them... #teamnosextill... Na express if person enter dia, dey come dey claim holy Mary for here... Abegi, park ur napap well make my bently park. 1 Like |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 8:10am On Sep 23, 2014 |
I'm allergic 2 Blood |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by marieolae(f): 8:11am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Virginity. It's a big word. But I don't think u should regret the fact that u lost your virginity after marriage. Its a blessing that most people tend to loose. You followed your heart, and that's the most important thing. But there comes a time when you grow from a girl into a woman. Sex is a beautiful thing. And its meant for a man and a woman. Why u feel disgusting and ashamed I don't understand! God believes that as a married couple, you should be fruitful and multiply. Its in Genesis. He said " Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it". Well I don't know if its the OP..but that's my advice to the lady that wrote this. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Taleeysun(f): 8:12am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Lame reasons 1 Like |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Kaycee7(m): 8:19am On Sep 23, 2014 |
bigemmmybig:Actually, your body belongs to God. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you do not obtain forgiveness for fornication or adultery, you will go to hell. I'm not in support of virginity by force but you let your virginity become ur personality instead of a quality, therein lies your problem. It should be a thing of pride and comfort not a burden. Bottomline: Do your best to keep it. 1 Like |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Complexalfa(m): 8:22am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Been a virgin for the rest of your life doesn't guarantee you heaven. And also been an Ashawo doesn't guarantee you heaven as well. Been a responsible human being to the society is the most important thing in life, and for you to be an important somebody in your life, always do what is strategically right at the right time. 1 Like |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by solomonbrown64: 8:23am On Sep 23, 2014 |
....Keeping yourself as a virgin and refusing to have knowledge on intimacy and sex are two different spheres........ ....The Lady is just confused... 4 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Exjoker(m): 8:28am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Now this is serious...The devil is a liar! I dont think it is the church who brought out the issue of virginaty purity. Its written clearly in the bible that sex with someone who is not your spouse is a sin nd the narrator claimed that the bible allow men to have sex with someone who is not their wives which is also a big lie. The narrator claimed to be a devoted xtian yet didnt know her bible 3 Likes |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Nobody: 8:29am On Sep 23, 2014 |
The last I can do to any girl is to 'disvirgin' her. Many have come my way but I always advise them instead. I can snatch somebody's girl friend but virgins NO. There are enough 'hoes' to deal with why initiating more hoes into d court? Decision about having sex or not having sex till marriage should be a personal thing. |
Re: I Regret Remaining A Virgin Until I Got Married by Roon9(m): 8:30am On Sep 23, 2014 |
Well said! You people should understand that her post is not for everybody, she is trying to dissuade young teens from making thr same mistakes she did. Hhonestly, if you are ever present in church when ''big mummies" are hammering issues on sex, u will swear never to do anything remotely intimate with anyone. + " behind every virgin gal is a dumb guy who attempted n failed"....u can print that |
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