iceberylin: ŤŐŐ MÁŃŶ ŔĔĹÁŤĨŐŃŚĤĨP ĔЖPĔŔŤŚ ŐŃ ŃĹ

iceberylin:
ŤŐŐ MÁŃŶ ŔĔĹÁŤĨŐŃŚĤĨP ĔЖPĔŔŤŚ ŐŃ ŃĹ

PedroJP:
Wat about infidelity, bad tempered and other bad characters inherent in one of d parties dat can dismiss d union ?

PedroJP:
Wat about infidelity, bad tempered and other bad characters inherent in one of d parties dat can dismiss d union ?

dmcdad:

You are right, but that's another phase of the fight to curtail these predicaments that arise in relationships (or marriages). First things first, infidelity bad temper etcetera surfaces even with the right mindset, but you will agree with me that there will be less of problems if we go into these unions for the right reasons (purpose), at the right time (readiness, either mentally, financially or otherwise) and with the right persons (someone that suits you well, one you know you can get along with at all times). Of course there would be problems, but then it would be less if these aforementioned are in place before going into a relationship.

kay29000:
Eventhough I don't think this is the "all in all" cause of all problems in marriages, it sure is an area that surely affects marriages and relationships. For example, my ex-girlfriend believes all men are cheats, and she is always on the look out to prove this. I went for a late business meeting one day and couldn't pick her calls when she called. I called her later and explained why I could not pick her call, but she didn't want to hear it. She had already made up her mind that I had a girl with me. Other cases like this made me end the short lived relationship.

eighTHREAD:
Naija babes spend the best of their life breaking the heart of every Good Guy Greg thinking they are just enjoying youthfulness....Scumbag steve shows up and phucks up their life in a rubbish marriage cos he finally realized they got married to him cos he was very lavish as a yahoo boy. They get divorced and find themselves in the midst of feminists who make them believe every man is as bad as Bad Guy Napoleon. They go about spreading this hateful message to young girls making it difficult for Good Guy Greg to find a decent girl to marry. Smh @Good Guy Greg.

dmcdad:

I guess if there were lesser problems, then the amount of experts springing up would be lesser cause they would obviously have lesser problems to tackle or analyse. But as it seems, the problem is worsening as the day go.

A lot are happening these days and it's paramount to adress some (if not most) of the common issues that destroy relationships and/or marriages nowadays. I am with the OP on this. Very many people go into relationships and marriages for the wrong reasons. This issue itself has been over-emphasised, but then, are the changes coming in? Nah... One would think that for an issue of this sort that has been over flogged time and time again, it would have helped in reducing the amount of people out there who still go into these unions for reasons that negate what they actually need. Yet, as much as it has been over flogged, the amount of people who still go into such relationships (or even marriages as the case may be) keep increasing drastically.

Well, much has been said and people are still doing their utmost best to say more. Anyone who is wise enough would pay heed to these and learn to do things for the right reasons. Not just about relationships and/or marriages, but also about things in other facet of life.

GlorifiedTunde:

.......
NB: most relationships fail before they start, because we got in with the wrong mindset, motive or made wrong choices. There are people who have awesome experiences in their relationships or marriage. Not every man/lady is the same.

[b]Finally, if people took their relationship more serious, like a career (which it definitely is) there will be lesser problems; and stop looking for the right person MAKE YOURSELF ALSO RIGHT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON....

fuckshit:
FÜCKING lovely one. it drives the FÜCKING point home

GlorifiedTunde:


Bro, this your f-word Monika nawa oooo

2nex:
agreed..bad mindset..wc u canot change.nomata wat..

psalmsonovic:
Mindset can change.

100Cents:
Wetin dey knack sef ?

100Cents:
A fling can end in a blissful marriage.

Don't know why people keep repeating this line..

GlorifiedTunde:
Yes - BAD MINDSET!

When you listen to stories of breakups and other relationship issues, you can all trace it back to the unfavourable mindset of either the he or she or even both of them.

Even here on Nairaland, you hear chants like "all men are cheats" , "women are inconsiderate", bla bla bla...

BAD MINDSET HOW?

1. You think no one is good, honest, pure, loving, caring, understanding or faithful just because you are not.

Titus 1:15 - Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

2. You think all or most of a sex (male/female) are the same because of your past experience. This is so NOT TRUE

3. You make wrong choices based on the thoughts you've made up either from friends, movies or any other contacts. E.g better to have money than love, or love is all you need, or better you have beauty etc.

4. Starting a relationship for the wrong reasons in the first place and expecting something better. It started as a fling, now u want marriage. You started with sex now you're expecting some respect or decency...

5. You approach a relationship the wrong way - thinking its the way it should be done.


CAUSES OF BAD MINDSET

1. You're a product of a failed marriage. You grew in a home of hatred, strife, abuse, unfaithfulness or division, its most likely you hate the opposite sex, marriage or relationship itself. In this case you must first understand its not always like that. There are people who enjoy marriage or relationships like its from heaven. all you need to do is find such people, move with them, talk to them, study them and believe you can have a far better one than your parents.

2. You just experienced a terrible breakup because he/she treated you badly. Sorry about that. It happens and sometimes its for the best. All you need do is sit down and identify your mistakes in the relationship or your wrong choice, get a fresh air and allow self healing before venturing another. Also note that not all men/ladies will be like the former. It is important you're emotionally healed before jumping into another relationship else you'll make it difficult for your new partner. Please do not transfer aggression.

3. What you read, listen to or watch . Making other people's experience a basis of your judgement. High tendencies that if all your friends are broken up by relationship you'll have a wrong impression about the opposite sex. When you watch too much movies with excess unfaithfulness, divorce, hearth breaks etc. When you read too much books that don't help your view of a relationship. You're always around wrong counsellors, people who don't have a good relationship or marriage. You make TV stars your role model etc. JUST DESIST FROM ALL THESE!

NB: most relationships fail before they start, because we got in with the wrong mindset, motive or made wrong choices. There are people who have awesome experiences in their relationships or marriage. Not every man/lady is the same.

Finally, if people took their relationship more serious, like a career (which it definitely is) there will be lesser problems; and stop looking for the right person MAKE YOURSELF ALSO RIGHT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON.

And for the ladies, this one is for you: work on your self esteem. Low self esteem is why many ladies stay in abusive relationships or go for one in the first place. You are not at any man's mercy until you marry him at least. This is not to say you should drag places with your man. Just don't take ridicule, that's all.

Thanks.

SOURCE: ELEDA MI O!