PROLOGUE
We all know ‘LOVE’ is a very complicated word,
it comes when we least expect, and we find
ourselves loving the very person we never
thought we could love.
So in line with that, I in particular have been
through a lot of memorable experiences with
this ‘love’ thing we all talk about, so this story
is just a medium im using to share my
experiences.
You may want to ask ‘is this a true or fictional
story?’ well, i’ll let you decide what you want
to believe *winks*, after all, as the saying
go ..’no be my mouth you go hear say Beyonce
dey shît too’.
So you could drop comments but the basic
idea is just to read and just have fun.
So here it goes!!….
*******************
Hi!, my name is Michael but you may as well
call me mike if you are a guy or mikey if you
are female *winks*, anyway am based in lagos
and i school at the university of PortHarcourt,
Nigeria AKA ‘UNIPORT’ where i study
MANAGEMENT under the faculty of
management, weird right? Don’t mind the
confused people that named the
departments.
Anyway i hail from the Big Heart of the nation,
Delta state, as for my age…. well you would
know that in due time.
Well, let me state this now and clearly ‘I AM
NOT A PLAYER’, but, I’ve lost count of girls ive
dated(not like i was even counting), im just
looking for my Miss Right, you know na, that
one girl you meet and you cant picture your
life with any other girl, that girl you actually
dream and not those you lie to about
dreaming of them, you know that girl that
even if she strips nakèd and tell you to do
whatever you will, you would refuse not
because you are gay but because you love her
to a fault and of course, she too would feel
the same about you.
But my delima is my Miss Right seems far
fetched.
So basically, this story is just a well detailed
summary of my adventures in my really
tedious search for ‘Miss Right’.
Trust me when i say its been a really funny
adventure and i’ve dated them all, the cute,
ugly, fat, slim, ugly, possessive, ‘i no send you
if you no send me type’, the honest, the
churchy type,the sex freak, in short, just
name it and ive dated it or something similar
at least.
I’ll try my best to keep you guys posted, and
update as often as i can, so buckle up because
you are in for a fun filled ride into the world
of a lasgidi/port harcourt breed PLAY BOY…
oops!! Did i just call my self a play boy??
Ermm…well its just what ill like to call a slip
of hand *winks*
And before i forget, expect lotta suspense and
comedy, Don’t say you weren’t warned.
*****

Swerve

My Jambito Experience
So for starters, I have a best friend and it’s a
‘she’, I don’t really think the ‘best friend’ with
a guy thing can work because guys could be so
uncaring and there are times you just need to
stay put and cry on someone shoulder rather
than watch football or play fifa ’14.
Her name is Sandra, she’s super cute girl with
nice curves, you know that kind of toolz
Bottom?, she’s also very warm, friendly and
independent, thus never takes nor asks for
anything from me unless I insist. She cooks
too, very well too, in summary, she has got
everything a guy would ever need 4rm a girl.
She is based and hails from Port-harcourt, she
is what I’ll like to call a full PH girl to the core.
Here is the twist, sandra is an EX, and she’s
my first lady, not like am a governor or
president, just that she was my first girlfriend
in Uniport. yea, it’s kinda funny and
complicated how things turned out,
nevertheless, I love her just as a friend or so I
think.
Here’s how it all happened…
I had just gained admission into uniport, I’m
one of those lucky people that has a relative
in the ‘high places’ of the school, so getting
admission was sorta a piece of cake, all I had
to do was make good grades and I at least
credited all my subjects in my WAEC and
likewise did justice to JAMB and POST JAMB
(although I had some assistance *wink*), so as
I was saying, I got admitted into uniport and I
met Sandra during the usual hectic, generic,
annoying, stressful fresher registration…(una
wey dey school go understand wetin I mean)
even now that I’m almost done with my
program, I have like two friends who don’t
have a matric number because they haven’t
finished the registration or something like
that.
So I was finally done with my physicals after
queuing for two straight days and headed to
the famous ‘LULU BRIGGS HEALTH CENTER’ for
my medicals only to be instructed that I had
to come back two days later because they had
days for different departments and it wasn’t
my dept day. I was so pissed because I had
wasted my time, I was dead hungry tired and
frustrated and I also missed my way while
looking for lulu briggs and this people were
telling me bullshit.
I complained and para for them (para means
shout or something like that) but it fell on
deaf ears so after shouting for like 10 mins
and nobody answered me, I just shamefully
package myself well and went home with fury.
Back then I was squatting with one of my high
school friend(Tayo) and his roommate(Uche).
When I got home, the house was empty but I
heard voices at the back of the house so I
went to check if it was my notorious friends
and landlords for the time being, as I
approached I started perceiving weed and
somehow I just knew it was my landlord,
Tayo.
You see, Tayo has been a chain smoker since
high-school so wherever there is weed, there
is Tayo.
I finally got to the back and I was right, Tayo
and some other guys were there ‘getting high’
while talking about football, lecturers, girls
and so on. I just sat down with them and
contributed to my own specialty, ‘girls’.
Well nothing really happened for the next two
days, it was just boring due to the fact that I
was still a fresher and hadn’t settled nor have
friends.
Finally the day for my department to do the
Medicals came and in other to impress, my
packaging was ‘war’ oh!.
I wore my best blue pens with tear rubber
D&G 100% cotton long sleeves shirt which I
had ironed in a way the getoh could peel yam,
my dark green moccasin wasn’t a bad mixture
neither and to top it all, I sprayed almost half
of my ‘incidence made in paris’ perfume.
As I walked out of the house with my ear
piece plugged in, I had a quick look at the full
scale mirror at the exit of the lodge and I gave
myself the ‘I go kill dem 2day’ smile.
On getting to the gate of the health center in
a taxi I boarded, I dropped and walked into
the health center.
For a moment everybody in the health center
stopped and turned back to stare at me, am
not really an attention seeker so I didn’t know
either to run or just faint.
Neither of those options seemed nice so I just
chined up and walked straight to a desk at
the front the health center to make inquiries
and I was directed, as I walked, i could feel
about a thousand eyes on me, after a while I
got used to it and besides I guess that’s what I
was looking for when I dressed that way.
I was directed to the office of the lady that
shunned me the two days ago, but unlike the
other day I came, she nicely attended to me
and gave me two labeled test tubes, one had
‘BLOOD’ written on it, while the other had
‘URINE’.
‘URINE?!’ I asked, literally asked screaming.
‘yes, urine, any problem?’ she asked with a
mischievous smile.
so how was I to urinate in public in a tube for
that matter, after all my packaging, and am
sure some of my department girls would have
had their eyes on me already.
‘chai this one would be hard oh’ I said to
myself while staring at the test tube
confused.

.......lips sealed.

Is that a story? Will be back to read anyway.

*Reading in Ghost Mode*

My Complex Love Story – Episode 2
The test tube thing gave me a hard time but
somehow I cleared the blood part and headed
to the toilet to do the urine thing because I
had no other option.
On getting there the toilet was empty, I was
so glad, that I rushed in, but…
I forgot to lock the door.
I brought out my ‘D’ and tried placing it in the
tube, which was very hard because I have a….
well never mind (I guess you know what I
mean.
While I was doing my thing someone just
pushed the door open and came in.
That was the most embarrassing moment of
my life, at that moment I wished the ground
would open and swallow me, although the
person quickly locked the door back with the
speed of light I’m pretty sure she saw
something.
What made it so bad was it wasn’t a guy but a
girl who opened the door.
I tried to console myself with the conclusion
of uniport being a big school and I’ll never see
the girl again, but I was wrong.
So I finished up and cleared the urine thing
finally, then headed home.
It was a friday so I made plans of going
clubbing to clear my head and forget about
the earlier incident, I told Tayo and Uche who
liked the idea, so they invited their chicks and
since I didn’t have any ‘chick’, I just made up
my mind to go and pick up a girl I’ll take home
not knowing fate had a different plan for me.
It was about 11:36pm when we got to the club,
we headed straight for the VIP section where
some of Uche guys were, they hailed him.
‘URCH MONEY!!! URCH MONEY!!!’.
I don’t get why almost all the Uche(s) I know
automatically bears ‘Urch’ as a nickname,
anyway we shaked exchanged pleasantries
and joined them.
Without wasting much time Uche ordered for
drinks and I figured out why ‘money’ was
attached to his nick name. The guy bought
drinks that the money could buy a car and
fuel it for 2 years conveniently. I was happy
that the drinks part was covered, little did I
know that we are in for a night of many
adventures.
While I was just sitting and observing the
babes in the club, I saw a girl doing something
I hate and assume every guy hates too, she
was with her phone, probably pinging.
‘For crying out loud, if you want to ping, stay
at home! You don’t come to a club and do that’
I thought
The alcohol was already kicking in so I had
what is they call a ‘drunk man’s courage’, I
stood up, walked up to her, but instead of
being a gentleman and sit down then talk to
her or something like that, I snatched her
phone from her, kept it in my pocket and
dragged her to the dance floor. Funny enough,
she didn’t complain, just followed me.
The DJ probably read my mind and changed
the song to;
‘young girl you don’t know the thing, I am
teaching you the thing, you are playing with
the thing…’
Still in my ‘drunk man’s courage’ mode, I
whispered to her ‘lemme teach you
something’, then turned her and started
rocking her from behind, and strangely again,
she complied.
We danced for quite a long while then slowly
my eyes cleared up and I got back to my
senses, I strained my eyes to see who this
hottie was, even in the dark she looked hot
with her killer curves, to my greatest surprise
it was the same chick that had busted into me
in the toilet when I was doing this ‘urine’
thing.
I was super embarrassed this time, she
noticed what was going on and then said;
‘maybe we should talk and clear things out’, of
course I agreed.
So we headed out of the club because the
music was too loud and unless we were going
to scream, talking in the club wasn’t a good
idea.
We got out and found no where to sit, so we
just decided to stroll.
There was a quite long awkward silence
between us until she finally spoke;
‘am sorry’
‘for what?’ I asked pretending not to know
what she was talking about
‘for this afternoon, bursting into the toilet like
that, I should have knocked’
‘oh, that?, It’s nothing, shit happens, anyway I
am Mike’ I was feeling really uncomfortable so
I just tried to quickly change the topic.
‘hi, I’m Sandra’
‘you school in uniport right?’
‘yea, I’m a fresher tho, how about you?’
‘ermm fresher too, what dept are you, or wait,
lemme guess, medicine?’
she laughed then replied;
‘no oh, medicine ke? You want to kill me? I’m
studying economics’ and
at that point I actually knew I had gotten a
girl for the night.
The thing with girls is that they like a guy that
ain’t boring, one who can make them laugh
and make them feel comfortable, if you can
do that well, you can have ‘almost’ any girl
and Sandra fortunately is among the ‘almost’.
Funny how time flies, we had talked for about
two hours when it happened.
Tayo called;
‘guy where u dey?’ he asked
‘around sha,wetin dey happen?’ I r
replied.
‘rush come the club, now now! kasala don
burst’ before I could ask any more questions,
he hung up.
Sandra who was already getting worried then
asked if all is well, all I could say was;
‘i hope so’
We headed back to the club as fast as we
could, not knowing what to expect

Just so you know, Uche is a cheerful giver and
not like stingy Tayo, he is rich as I have made
clear earlier, he has the kinda complexion
that would give baba suwe hope, as in his
blackness no get part 2! The funny thing about
Uche is, although he has got a twisted past
with cultism and used to play girls, he is
settled now, and has a stable GF.
NB: GF – GirlFriend
I later got to find out that from Tayo that this
GF of his name is Chisom, from my own
perspective she is alright in all aspect, not too
flashy or have any ‘outspoken’ feature, she is
just normal but she is a hardcore born again
Christian, I and Tayo find this disturbing
because every sunday she would carry her two
‘left’ legs and come to the house, then literally
drag the three of us to church even when we
don’t want to go, (don’t ask me how she does
it).
Anyway, after about the longest ten minutes
walk of my life, I and my new found friend got
back to the club. From a distance everything
looked normal so that made us relax a little
but getting closer we saw where there was a
little crowed that seems to be growing by the
second, without thinking twice we knew that’s
where the ‘WAHALA’ was.
We got closer and I tried asking someone was
happening, but it was no use because she
seemed to be drunk and simply smiled at me
(I don’t know what she was smiling about and
didn’t care), the best option was to go to the
center of the crowd and see what was
happening with my own eyes.
So after pushing, pulling, punching, cursing
and biting a few people, I finally got to the
middle, and then it. What I saw made me
speechless and my body froze instantly.
There he was, lying on the floor with blood
was gushing out of his head at an alarming
rate and that made me nearly throw up
because I hate the sight of blood…
It was Uche, yes ‘URCH MONEY’ who was in
the middle of this crowd, I was confused and
didn’t know what to do nor think.
Sandra again being her observant self noticed
my mood and somehow figured it was my
friend and pointed at Tayo who was at the
other side of the crowd (I still don’t know how
she knew I ,Tayo and Uche were friends up to
date, maybe she was even eyeing me in the
club too*winks*).
After starting at the body for a while, I got so
curious and I headed to where Tayo was in
other to get some answers, then I asked;
‘o boy, wetin happen for here nah?’
‘guy I confuse oh,the thing happened too fast
self’
‘wetin happen too fast? Talk better thing jhur’
I asked already losing my patience.
‘me and Urch, say make we go outside go
smoke some weed because smoking no dey
allowed inside the club, na hyn we commot
oh, as we dey find corner to do our thing, we
no pay too much attention to wetin dey
happen around us, before we reach were we
dey go, na so don surround us oh,
before i fit talk Jack Robinson them don start
to dey beat urch oh, one of them come use
one sharp axe knack him head, na why hin
dey bleed so, after them do finish with urch,
them face me, I done dey piss for ground self
because of fear, but them no touch me, them
just say if Urch wake up make I tell am make
hin leave Chisom if hyn never ready die’.
At that point I wanted to laugh but I
compressed the laughter, I was surprised that
cult boys had interest in such a churchy girl, I
tried picturing ‘capon’ with axe in his back
pocket going to church.
After thinking of the whole case I knelt closer
to Urch to confirm if he was still alive, then
went to board a taxi, with the help of Tayo ,we
both carried him into the taxi.
Sandra insisted she came with us of course
but that wasn’t my problem, my guy was at
the verge of dying, so blowing (blowing means
bleeping or sex) her wasn’t even on my mind.
We got home and placed him on a chair,
Sandra requested for a towel and a bowl of
warm water to clean him us and massage
Uche, we gladly provided all she asked for,and
even brought a first aid kit which she used to
treat his wound which wasn’t that big tho,
just a scratch. Afterwards we all went to
sleep, feeling like gentlemen, I and tayo slept
on the floor in the parlour and gave Sandra
the bedroom but she suggested we placed
Urch on the bed while she slept on a small
‘hostel’ kind of bed we had around.
After gisting for a while with Tayo in the
sitting room, slowly sleep crept in and we
slept soundly, not knowing what was going to
happen the next day would change my life for
ever!.