So this past friday I was having a chat with a female colleague at the office and our conversation skewed into more personal matters including marriage and family.

She mentioned that she wouldn't mind marrying a man that already has a wife, but that the man should just not show it to any of them that he loves one more than the other (I was wondering how this can be possible). She said she wouldn't mind because she has come to realise that most men cheat, whether married or not, so wouldn't it be better to marry one that you already know the other person he's sleeping with.

She mentioned that she comes from a polygamous home, but that none of the wives stay with the husband. The wives live on their on with the kids.

This was actually quite informative to me as I haven't been privy to such before, and I never really had a friend that was/is from a polygamous home.

So ladies, would you actually consider being someone's 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife? And if you're the 1st wife, would you mind if your husband takes on a 2nd wife?



My opinion on this is reserved for now as I'd really want to hear from the ladies. And if you're from a polygamous home, do share your experience please.

Thank you

My cousins lived in a polygamous home. Their childhood was hell. Your co-worker should go and live in one for a month.

No woman will willingly say she want to marry from a polygamous family. What supposed to be for one will be shared by two/more in polygamous marriage/family.... Still waiting for the elders/experienced to comment.....

masonkz:
So this past friday I was having a chat with a female colleague at the office and our conversation skewed into more personal matters including marriage and family.

She mentioned that she wouldn't mind marrying a man that already has a wife, but that the man should just not show it to any of them that he loves one more than the other (I was wondering how this can be possible). She said she wouldn't mind because she has come to realise that most men cheat, whether married or not, so wouldn't it be better to marry one that you already know the other person he's sleeping with.

She mentioned that she comes from a polygamous home, but that none of the wives stay with the husband. The wives live on their on with the kids.

This was actually quite informative to me as I haven't been privy to such before, and I never really had a friend that was/is from a polygamous home.

So ladies, would you actually consider being someone's 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife? And if you're the 1st wife, would you mind if your husband takes on a 2nd wife?



My opinion on this is reserved for now as I'd really want to hear from the ladies. And if you're from a polygamous home, do share your experience please.

Thank you

Polygamous men still cheat.

To answer your question, I never considered becoming a second wife and I can't be in a polygamous home.

masonkz:
So this past friday I was having a chat with a female colleague at the office and our conversation skewed into more personal matters including marriage and family.

She mentioned that she wouldn't mind marrying a man that already has a wife, but that the man should just not show it to any of them that he loves one more than the other (I was wondering how this can be possible). She said she wouldn't mind because she has come to realise that most men cheat, whether married or not, so wouldn't it be better to marry one that you already know the other person he's sleeping with.

She mentioned that she comes from a polygamous home, but that none of the wives stay with the husband. The wives live on their on with the kids.

This was actually quite informative to me as I haven't been privy to such before, and I never really had a friend that was/is from a polygamous home.

So ladies, would you actually consider being someone's 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife? And if you're the 1st wife, would you mind if your husband takes on a 2nd wife?



My opinion on this is reserved for now as I'd really want to hear from the ladies. And if you're from a polygamous home, do share your experience please.

Thank you

Do you not find the bolded bit of your post quite demeaning and insultive? Why are you trying so hard to sell the polygamy ticket on here?

EfemenaXY:


Do you not find the bolded bit of your post quite demeaning and insultive? Why are you trying so hard to sell the polygamy ticket on here?

I'm sorry if I sounded demeaning and insultive. I would never want that. I actually don't support polygamy, and everyone that knows me on Nairaland knows my stance on it. I was just surprised when my colleague said she wouldn't mind.

I've also come to realise that it's men that keep screaming for a polygamous home, and not women themselves. More reason why I wanted a woman's perspective.

babygirlfl:


Polygamous men still cheat.

Yeah, that was a pretty dumb thing for her to say.

masonkz:


I'm sorry if I sounded demeaning and insultive. I would never want that. I actually don't support polygamy, and everyone that knows me on Nairaland knows my stance on it. I was just surprised when my colleague said she wouldn't mind.

I've also come to realise that it's men that keep screaming for a polygamous home, and not women themselves. More reason why I wanted a woman's perspective.

More like you're trying to instigate a religious fight on a holy day.

Is your colleague Muslim? If she is or comes from an Islamic background, that should more than answer your question. For some, it's a way of life and if that's how they as adults choose to live their lives, then you'd do best to respect them for it.

There are cultures out there that also practice Polyandry. Would that "surprise" you too?

Live and let live, abeg.

EfemenaXY:


More like you're trying to instigate a religious fight on a holy day.

Is your colleague Muslim? If she is or comes from an Islamic background, that should more than answer your question. For some, it's a way of life and if that's how they as adults choose to live their lives, then you'd do best to respect them for it.

There are cultures out there that also practice Polyandry. Would that "surprise" you too?

Live and let live, abeg.

Lady, calm down. You are looking for drama where there is none.

He's asking a simple survey question, and you're demanding to know why he didn't make a sweeping generalization from one woman's comments.

That lady must be 37 and counting

MissMeiya:


Lady, calm down. You are looking for drama where there is none.

He's asking a simple survey question, and you're demanding to know why he didn't make a sweeping generalization from one woman's comments.

On the contrary, I am calm.

I suspect he knows her religious background and she's probably Muslim. So if he knows that, then why the very unintelligent question?

What's his hidden Agenda?

No, i won't stand sharing my man with a fellow woman. And i wouldn't dare dating a married man talk more of marrying a man who already has a wife.

MissMeiya:
My cousins lived in a polygamous home. Their childhood was hell. Your co-worker should go and live in one for a month.

I'm raised in polygamous home, I didn't see any hell there.

There are hell in monogamous home too, stop the shii.

suregurl:
No woman will willingly say she want to marry from a polygamous family. What supposed to be for one will be shared by two/more in polygamous marriage/family.... Still waiting for the elders/experienced to comment.....

The irony part of your post is that we can see women preferring/go into polygamous marriage.

EfemenaXY:


More like you're trying to instigate a religious fight on a holy day.

Is your colleague Muslim? If she is or comes from an Islamic background, that should more than answer your question. For some, it's a way of life and if that's how they as adults choose to live their lives, then you'd do best to respect them for it.

There are cultures out there that also practice Polyandry. Would that "surprise" you too?

Live and let live, abeg.

If you notice, I've left out religion out of the post. This is clearly because I understand that this would be subjective and more of a person's opinion than anything else.

Yes, there are cultures that may promote polygamy, but that doesn't mean everyone from such culture/religion would wanna go by it.

@bold, I definitely respect her views on that of course, or did I also sound judgemental? I only asked for other people's views on this, and any experience from polygamous homes.

Thanks

EfemenaXY:


On the contrary, I am calm.

I suspect he knows her religious background and she's probably Muslim. So if he knows that, then why the very unintelligent question?

What's his hidden Agenda?

The insults are highly unnecessary. Why the defensiveness and paranoia? Why are you bringing religion into it? My grandfather and uncles were polygamous and they were Christians. You need to back up and chill.

tintingz:
I'm raised in polygamous home, I didn't see any hell there.

There are hell in monogamous home too, stop the shii.

Then you were lucky. I've seen terrible fights between wives and their children that last until adulthood. To this day, my father can't trust his siblings enough to let them serve him food. How fúcked up is that?

My aunt was held down by the other wife and her children and... And that's just one of the things that I know of. Your case is rare.

babygirlfl:


Polygamous men still cheat.

To answer your question, I never considered becoming a second wife and I can't be in a polygamous home.

Same as monogamous men.

tintingz:
Same as monogamous men.

If you saw what she bolded, you would understand her comment. Stop being defensive.

She said being polygamous doesn't stop mean from cheating. I.e. monogamous cheating men will still cheat in a polygamous marriage. Notice her use of the word "still".

tintingz:
Same as monogamous men.

Please read the op's post again and see why I wrote that.

MissMeiya:


Then you were lucky. I've seen terrible fights between wives and their children that last until adulthood. To this day, my father can't trust his siblings enough to let them serve him food. How fúcked up is that?

My aunt was held down by the other wife and her children and... And that's just one of the things that I know of. Your case is rare.

I'm not lucky, I don't really believe in that word.

Different family with their problems, in my polygamous home I came from I never experienced any fight, conflicts till date.

The problem is not with the marriage setting, the problem is with we humans.

MissMeiya:


The insults are highly unnecessary. Why the defensiveness and paranoia? Why are you bringing religion into it? My grandfather and uncles were polygamous and they were Christians. You need to back up and chill.

What's insultive about my post?

What paranoic about my post?

What's defensive about my post?

Now let's put all of this in perspective. If I open up a thread titled: Guys, would you consider marrying into a polyandrous home? What sort of reaction do you think such a thread would elicit?

More importantly, what would be my real reason for opening up such a thread?

tintingz:
I'm raised in polygamous home, I didn't see any hell there.

There are hell in monogamous home too, stop the shii.

The irony part of your post is that we can see women preferring/go into polygamous marriage.

something else must be attached to marrying from polygamous family for the few(women) that choosed to.

EfemenaXY:


On the contrary, I am calm.

I suspect he knows her religious background and she's probably Muslim. So if he knows that, then why the very unintelligent question?

What's his hidden Agenda?

So it is only Muslims that go into polygamy?

masonkz:


If you notice, I've left out religion out of the post. This is clearly because I understand that this would be subjective and more of a person's opinion than anything else.

Yes, there are cultures that may promote polygamy, but that doesn't mean everyone from such culture/religion would wanna go by it.

@bold, I definitely respect her views on that of course, or did I also sound judgemental? I only asked for other people's views on this, and any experience from polygamous homes.

Thanks

Okay. So answer my question then.

Is she Muslim? Or from an Islamic background? Surely you should know the answer to that, seeing as she's your colleague, yes?

tintingz:
So it is only Muslims that go into polygamy?

Did I explicitly state that it's only Muslims who go into polygamy?

babygirlfl:


Please read the op's post again and see why I wrote that.

suregurl:
No woman will willingly say she want to marry from a polygamous family. What supposed to be for one will be shared by two/more in polygamous marriage/family.... Still waiting for the elders/experienced to comment.....

The lady the op talked about said something about knowing who her husband is sleeping with, she never said polygamous men don't cheat.

EfemenaXY:


Okay. So answer my question then.

Is she Muslim? Or from an Islamic background? Surely you should know the answer to that, seeing as she's your colleague, yes?

I think i understand the angle you are coming from. I will like d Op to answer the question too.

MissMeiya:

If you saw what she bolded, you would understand her comment. Stop being defensive.

She said being polygamous doesn't stop mean from cheating. I.e. monogamous cheating men will still cheat in a polygamous marriage. Notice her use of the word "still".

he will be defensive because he is a muslim,he believes in polygamy!

suregurl:
something else must be attached to marrying from polygamous family for the few(women) that choosed to.

What attachment?

Most of these women in polygamous marriage were not forced into it.

MissMeiya:


The insults are highly unnecessary. Why the defensiveness and paranoia? Why are you bringing religion into it? My grandfather and uncles were polygamous and they were Christians. You need to back up and chill.

she's just being biased.

^^ Really? How?

Dey don come again

OP as a first wife the answer to your question is no. I won't tolerate polygamy

EfemenaXY:


Did I explicitly state that it's only Muslims who go into polygamy?

and why did you bring religion into this?

The first thing that comes to your mind about the lady op is talking about is that she's from a Muslim background?

My neighbor here is a Christian and a polygamous man in his marriage.

Nigeria culture is into polygamy why not ask questions about that?