tintingz:
...But you will collect bride price and change you maiden name huh?

What do you want to prove? That i'm property? Okay, here goes. No, i won't, my dad will, it's our culture. No, i'm not changing my maiden name, ever.

Chiamaka01:


My dad will collect the bride-price because it's our culture. I'm not changing my maiden name, ever.

Sure girl!

Chiamaka01:


My dad will collect the bride-price because it's our culture. I'm not changing my maiden name, ever.

And will your dad give dowry? he's the dealer nao.

You will not change your maiden name? your man will decide after he paid your bride price.

Chiamaka01:


What do you want to prove? That i'm property? Okay, here goes. No, i won't, my dad will, it's our culture. No, i'm not changing my maiden name, ever.

Do you know the origin of bride price?

tintingz:
And will your dad give dowry? he's the dealer nao.

You will not change your maiden name? your man will decide after he paid your bride price.

Hmm, my dad can answer that.
Yes, i won't. My husband can't decide that because i am not a sex slave. He will see reason with me. He's not narrow-minded as the men you surround yourself with.

tintingz:
Do you know the origin of bride price?

Origin of bride-price? In what culture? Every ethnic group has their own marital custom.

No thank you, there are plenty of men to go round, why share?

Chiamaka01:

Hmm, my dad can answer that.
Yes, i won't. My husband can't decide that because i am not a sex slave. He will see reason with me . He's not narrow-minded as the men you surround yourself with.

I like this

Chiamaka01:

Hmm, my dad can answer that.
Yes, i won't. My husband can't decide that because i am not a sex slave. He will see reason with me. He's not narrow-minded as the men you surround yourself with.

You mean African men can't decide that? *chuckles*

Chiamaka01:


Origin of bride-price? In what culture? Every ethnic group has their own marital custom.

In your culture(Igbo) do you know the origin of bride price.

Your kinsmen are the best in collecting heavy bride price.

tintingz:
In your culture(Igbo) do you know the origin of bride price.

Your kinsmen are the best in collecting heavy bride price.

First things first, I'm bini, not igbo. Now, you were saying?

tintingz:
You mean African men can't decide that? *chuckles*

'African men?' It's the 21st century, dude. Enough with your caveman mentality-induced generalizations. Later, when women say all men are the same, you start barking.

Chiamaka01:


'African men?' It's the 21st century, dude. Enough with your caveman mentality-induced generalizations. Later, when women say all men are the same, you start barking.

save me the 21st century ish, African men will always be African men there is nothing that can change some certain things, this is not about caveman mentality.

To my point, Women in polygamous marriage are not property if you think you are not as well.

I can see you stylishly called them properties.

first of all they were paid bride price like they will pay yours.

Secondly, They were not forced into polygamy marriage.

I will not force my wife to change her maiden name but it is a general believe that when a woman marry she must change her maiden name.

You said that your hubby can't decide about you not changing your maiden name, don't forget that he paid your bride price, you will move in to his house and if you disobey him be ready to move out. This is Africa.

Chiamaka01:


First things first, I'm bini, not igbo. Now, you were saying?

Sorry, I thought chiamaka is Igbo.

tintingz:
save me the 21st century ish, African men will always be African men there is nothing that can change some certain things, this is not about caveman mentality.

To my point, Women in polygamous marriage are not property if you think you are not as well.

I can see you stylishly called them properties.

first of all they were paid bride price like they will pay yours.

Secondly, They were not forced into polygamy marriage.

I will not force my wife to change her maiden name but it is a general believe that when a woman marry she must change her maiden name.

You said that your hubby can't decide about you not changing your maiden name, don't forget that he paid your bride price, you will move in to his house and if you disobey him be ready to move out . This is Africa.

You make it sound like the lady has no choice but to marry the man.

It may surprise you to know that there are men that would not mind the name change thingy.

There's nothing wrong with polygamy. All of us West Africans have polygamous background even if it's 3 or 4 generations back
Our mothers were happy with our loving fathers. Oyinbo has come to pollute ur minds

masonkz:


You make it sound like the lady has no choice but to marry the man.

and what if she marry the man.

She's well aware that the man will pay her bride price.

She will move into the man house.

and ofcos he's the head of the house.

if she didn't change her name, her family will question her.

It may surprise you to know that there are men that would not mind the name change thingy.

I'm a man that will never force my wife to change her maiden name, my religion doesn't allow forcing a woman to change her maiden name, infact she must not change her father's name.

My family will not question me and my wife about the name changing, the question to chiamaka01 is will her family and husband family take it from her?

Thread almost successfully derailed through unnecessary and willful arguement.

Chiamaka01:


What do you want to prove? That i'm property? Okay, here goes. No, i won't, my dad will, it's our culture. No, i'm not changing my maiden name, ever.

Really, interesting......

Please for the sake of clarity, are yo saying you will retain your father's name in addition to your husbands' (as in hyphenated) or you will stick to your fathers name after marriage?

[s]anything is possible with feminist movement/ideology[/s]

Odilafta:
That lady must be 37 and counting

Not at all.

Have heard a lady on this forum who is not 30 say she'll rather be a 2nd wife to a man as long as he has enough to cater for them both. surprise isnt it?

No I will not. Cannot share a husband finis!

MissMeiya:


Then you were lucky. I've seen terrible fights between wives and their children that last until adulthood. To this day, my father can't trust his siblings enough to let them serve him food. How fúcked up is that?

My aunt was held down by the other wife and her children and... And that's just one of the things that I know of. Your case is rare.

I saw the same too in the compound I lived in. The landlord had two wives And the second was an absolute bytch. She caused problems within her family and even with neighbours. Lol, have you seen grown azz women fight, those in their late 40s and early 50s? That compound was always live. There was never a day without someone arguing or fighting.

We were lucky to not experience it in our family. My grandma was initially a first wife to my mother's father then divorced and became a second wife to the one I know as my grandad. When she first got married at a tender age it was never something she wanted but growing up in it, it became a way of life for her hence why she chose to be a second wife. We never lived with the first wife. We hardly even saw her just the kids. If they had lived together I definitely know my grandmother would have been the instigator of the problems. My grandma ended up finding a younger wife for my grandad two years ago after he divorced his first wife and she did so because couldn't be around to be looking after him like a wife would anymore. She wants to live the freedom she never had as a teenager and young adult now.

As for me, I am open to certain things but not polygamy.

macof:
There's nothing wrong with polygamy. All of us West Africans have polygamous background even if it's 3 or 4 generations back
Our mothers were happy with our loving fathers. Oyinbo has come to pollute ur minds

Mintayo oya come and read this post from a non-muslim.

tintingz
post=27282525:
save me the 21st century ish, African men will always be
African men there is nothing that can change some certain things,
This is Africa.

Look, there is no way all African men are the way you stated and if they are, who says i must marry an African?

[quote
author=tintingz post=27285161]
My family will not question me and my wife about the name changing, the
question to chiamaka01 is will her family and husband family take it
from her?[/quote]

Yes, they will.

shizzle11
post=27285264:

Please for the sake of clarity, are yo saying you will retain your
father's name in addition to your husbands' (as in hyphenated) or you
will stick to your fathers name after marriage?

[s]anything is possible with feminist movement/ideology[/s]

I'll add my husband's own, it'll be hyphenated. BTW, why is it that any female that refuses to be denigrated is called a feminist, not that there's anything bad in being called one, though?

Chiamaka01:


I'll add my husband's own, it'll be hyphenated. BTW, why is it that any female that refuses to be denigrated is called a feminist, not that there's anything bad in being called one, though?

Just discovered you started this thread, saw it earlier but didn't click on it till minutes ago, having gone through some pages i understand what you mean now https://www.nairaland.com/1950259/ladies-hyphenating-surnames-husbands/7

How does changing your fathers name for your husbands' equate to denigration? So if a man says he wants his wife to take up his name only as her husband that means denigration?.

Equality as is being sought be feminist comes in different shades and this is one of them. You said it yourself that you don't believe there's a senior partner in marriage and by description, thats what feminism seeks to achieve-equality. You probably have been a feminist without knowing it. ......

.... well, you may as well chose to be a feminist, nothing wrong with it, good luck with that

shizzle11
post=27286901:

How does changing your fathers name for your husbands' equate to
denigration? So if a man says if he wants his wife to take up his name
only as her husband that means denigration.
.... well, you may as well chose to be a feminist, nothing wrong with
it, good luck with that

tintingz made some comments which were 'denigrating'. I hope that's cleared, now.

Chiamaka01:


tintingz made some comments which were 'denigrating'. I hope that's cleared, now.

ok then if you say so....was wondering if it had to do with my comment

Chiamaka01:


tintingz made some comments which were 'denigrating'. I hope that's cleared, now.

How is my comment denigrating?

Aren't you the one that stylishly called women in polygamous marriage "properties"?

Chiamaka01:


Look, there is no way all African men are the way you stated and if they are, who says i must marry an African?

Lol, you think it is only about African men? no it doesn't end there, there is a lot about African society.

And ofcos you can marry any man from other continent.

Odilafta:
That lady must be 37 and counting

definitely if not above 40 n desperate.my colleague here who is about that age says d same thing,she insists that if d man is rich n can take care of her,she won't mind,imagine!TUFIAKWA!

[quote
author=tintingz post=27288809] How is my comment denigrating?

Aren't you the one that stylishly called women in polygamous marriage
"properties"?
[/quote]

You stylishly told me that since a woman's kinsmen would be paid the
bride-price, her husband will impose his will on her. That the woman has no say since she is being 'sold' from her dad to her hubby.

tintingz:
And will your dad give dowry? he's the dealer nao.

You will not change your maiden name? your man will decide after he paid your bride price.

Dealer? Like seriously? You don't see anything denigrating in this comment?