These questions only take about 45 minutes to
discuss—and they almost always make two
people feel better about each other and want to
see each other again, according to social
psychology researcher Arthur Aron of the
Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook
University in New York, who published his results
in "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal
Closeness" in Personality and Social Psychology
Bulletin (1997).
You can try these questions with a date, but
they're not necessarily only applicable to
fostering romance. You can also try them with
people you already know well—friends, family
members, even long-term partners—to deepen
your ties.
Each of you should take a turn answering each
question.

Here they are, in order:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom
would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a phone call, do you ever
rehearse what you're going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To
someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and
retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for
the last 60 years of your life, which would you
choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will
die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear
to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful ?
10. If you could change anything about the way
you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your
life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained
one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about
yourself, your life, the future or anything else,
what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamt of
doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your
life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship ?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die
suddenly, would you change anything about the
way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your
life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a
positive characteristic of your partner. Share a
total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you
feel your childhood was happier than most other
people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with
your mother?
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For
instance, "we are both in this room feeling..."
26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone
with whom I could share..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend
with your partner, please share what would be
important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be
honest this time, saying things that you might not
say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing
moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another
person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like
about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked
about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no
opportunity to communicate with anyone, what
would you most regret not having told someone?
Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own,
catches fire. After saving your loved ones and
pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to
save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death
would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your
partner's advice on how he or she might handle
it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you
how you seem to be feeling about the problem
you have chosen.
... and a few variations:
If you could choose the sex and physical
appearance of your soon-to-be-born child,
would you do it?
Would you be willing to have horrible
nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded
with extraordinary wealth?
While on a trip to another city, your spouse/
lover meets and spends a night with an
exciting stranger. Given that they will never
meet again, and could never otherwise learn of
the incident, would you want your partner to
tell you about it?

Interesting.