Hi, first of all I wont insult your intelligence by starting this story with..."a friend of mine..."
this story is mine.

My bf and I were dating for 5 months until recently... (long distance...so we used to talk a lot on the phone)

this whole thing happened over a month ago...
At first I called, after I missed his call the previous day (had no credit to call back); when I called he sounded sleepy, said he wanted to sleep that he was gonna have a busy week so I bid him goodnight and hung up.

through out that week we didnt speak until Friday (of the same week), he calls accusing me of not caring etc
i asked why he would say such a thing, wasnt he the same person that told me he'd be busy? and besides, I called him before and he told me he wanted to sleep, he claimed I was using this as an excuse.

The next day I called him again and asked why he had to behave the way he did the previous day...his replies were all accusing about how I had to learn to be caring to be able to take care of a home, etc and I asked why he had to lay all the blame on me....to be honest I've really thought about this and I've concluded he just wanted to start up a fight, I asked him to please let me be if he just wanted to annoy me, he said "yes i want to annoy you" can u imagine? he even asked if i really meant it when i said he should leave me alone.

i told him if he wanted to do something he shouldn't use me as an excuse to do so (i was referring to him trying to use me to cause a break up)

so a few days later I sent him a happy independence day text....the dude didn't reply so I kept him quiet (last thing i am is desperate...lai lai! that one wont happen)

few days after that, his sister (she introduced us) calls me over for a visit which i honored, this dude tells his sister that i'm acting strange, i asked her how? being a sister, she asks me to call him again (i already told her of my previous efforts)...my people I told her lai lai that i wasnt going to try it again o! for what now? the one i called n he ignored nko?

the sis called him in my presence, (i told her not to inform him i was there)...the sis told me after the call that he said he will pray on the matter (this dude gave me a ring already telling me he wanted to marry me....i didnt give him an answer cos we still had other issues to iron out which I dont wanna share on this forum)

Now my people, after that information about him wanting to pray about "us" i told the sister that I had to go back home biko. (the insult was just too much!) Did he not know he was gonna pray about us before his "proposal"?

To be honest, I believe he's with someone else which is fine...but at least have the balls to say so to my face! (or at least come and collect your ring)

since then he and i havent spoken (so to me we are no more) but the sis calls...maybe cos she knows her bro did not do well so she doesnt want that to affect our relationship which is cool.

So there u have it....the perils of the immature males...

Sorry for the long gist...its my way of venting off my annoyance

So please sound off below...with your thoughts, advice and every other thing in between!

Long distance can't work , especially if the relationship is relatively new. U will only b dcivin urselves . He will 4k someone else there and u as well will 4k someone here , and that does not mk him or u a bad person , it's just normal human instinct

From your write up, I ve got to say this dude is scared of taking your relationship to the next level.

If he's not going to be bold enough to end it then you should.

Finally, don't be in a haste to move on if you truly love this guy. My best bet is, you should be patient and give it some more time.

I wish you the best and pray your relationship works out eventually!

Everytime I open 7 threads on NL romance section, 8 are either talking/discussing about heart breaks or failed relationships.... Being single rocks... Walahi.. @op, take heart... I just pray you stick to your decision(s)... But as you know, this is your own version, we won't get the opportunity to hear his.

The thing is, i dont think i want to get back with him....in fact I know i dont want to. If he can comfortably go on as he has without replying my text or even doing anything to rectify the situation then I really dont see it working in the long run. I mean seriously, if we ended up together, marry and had an argument (which married couples often do)...is this gonna be his solution? silent treatment? running away? Naaa...i thnk i'll pass...I want to be with someone that's mature and frankly speaking, responsible. Thank you for your kind words by the way....its a breath of fresh air.

starlingbawa:
From your write up, I ve got to say this dude is scared of taking your relationship to the next level.

If he's not going to be bold enough to end it then you should.

Finally, don't be in a haste to move on if you truly love this guy. My best bet is, you should be patient and give it some more time.

I wish you the best and pray your relationship works out eventually!

Jazmine89:
The thing is, i dont think i want to get back with him....in fact I know i dont want to. If he can comfortably go on as he has without replying my text or even doing anything to rectify the situation then I really dont see it working in the long run. I mean seriously, if we ended up together, marry and had an argument (which married couples often do)...is this gonna be his solution? silent treatment? running away? Naaa...i thnk i'll pass...I want to be with someone that's mature and frankly speaking, responsible. Thank you for your kind words by the way....its a breath of fresh air.

I can understand how you feel and I think you should do what's 'BEST' for you just so you don't have any regrets in future.

Go girl!!!

The both of you are tired of one another. Do the universe a favor and break up abeg. That is not too difficult to deduce

^^
Mynd is back

Mynd44:
The both of you are tired of one another. Do the universe a favor and break up abeg. That is not too difficult to deduce

I thought we killed you, you should be rotting in the grave not coming here like a zombie to give people nightmares.

I'm loving my new moniker, Oga at the top set the other one free but we are freeworlders.


@op, long distance relationship only work if the two of you had a close intimate relationship before the distance comes.

But this your story na wa o, just 5 months long distance stuff, una don proposed. Do you think spending the rest of your life someone is anywhere near talking on the phone only when you wish to?

Both of you have same attitude towards each other: excessive proudness. When two proud people jam together common sense no longer becomes common. The only person with that common sense right now is the sister and I'm afraid she can't do much. So, I suggest you guys go your separate ways and find someone else to lord your proudness over.....

From your writ I can feel the touch of pretence, suppressed feelings, pride, front and attitudinal problems. The way you talk to somebody matters, especially your suitor. If you don't want him tell him so rather than trying to play hard to get.

I don't do the advise shiii.


Your write-up reeks of pride though...........



Nah i dnt don't do advise shiii

@Jazmine
Your little spat reminded me of a pretty similar situation I had with my ex girlfriend so I am going to give you a little secret and let you in to the mind of the creature called MAN.

Fact 1.
Men ACTUALLY want to be shown affection

Strange but true, most men are yearning for affection! Of course we pretend like we really don't need it cos we are not supposed to be involved with our emotions like women. But underneath that gruff bear like exterior is a little kitten that warms up to love and affection.
From what you wrote you stated that your bf accused you for not calling him for a week cos he was busy. Babe that accusation was actually a cry for affection! He feels like he is not important to you or else you would have called him.

I would actually lay the blame for this lapse squarely on the two of you. Regardless of how busy he is a 5 minute call twice or thrice a week would surely go a long way. You guys have a gap in communication and you REALLY have to work on this.

Fact 2.
When a man is pissed he would give his partner the SILENT treatment

When most men are angry at their partners, they give them the silent treatment. The silent treatment is his way of saying "Hey, I am pissed with what you did"
This is exactly what your boyfriend did by ignoring you and you shouldn't take it to heart.
Solution
TALK!! TALK!!! TALK!!!! You have to keep communicating with him even when he is giving you the silent treatment. You seem quite averse to this but always remember that in any relationship someone has to give in for the relationship to work(hopefully it is a two way street).

Right now your relationship is hanging on the edge because of a lack of communication between you and your partner. Somebody would need to bridge the communication gap if the relationship is to work.

Damn!! My response was almost as long as your post!

I think SAVULE as said it all...Just ask ur self will u throw away ur relationship over this minor thing under the name of being too proud to talk...If u feel he is seeing some1 else, why not call him and ask straight to his face what is going on. Let him know u are getting a wrong vibe from his attitude and u believe he is seeing some1 else cos that will be the only reason u cud point for his attitude...This is the tricky part try and listen to the tension in his voice when he defends himself then u can tell if he is telling the truth or not...work things out

cr7lomo:
Long distance can't work , especially if the relationship is relatively new. U will only b dcivin urselves . He will 4k someone else there and u as well will 4k someone here , and that does not mk him or u a bad person , it's just normal human instinct

. Ur just a proud and arrogant fellow what stops you from saying sorry and try 2 reconcile both u.this is what u see when two children a dating.stop telling us do what's in your mind.

pascenta:
. Ur just a proud and arrogant fellow what stops you from saying sorry and try 2 reconcile both u.this is what u see when two children a dating.stop telling us do what's in your mind.

Baba.. y u con quote dis person na.. no b him get d yawa na

I didn't even read...too long an epistle and my ba3 is low


Can someone summarize

I just think that you people are going too fast and also not compartable.

There's only one issue between both of you
PRIDE
And you're not helping the matter by insisting you don't care, he shud come and collect his ring. But deep inside of you, you really care.
Why don't u do away with all dat pride and sort out dis problem instead of pretending its not affecting u and destroying a relationship you've already built. The devil u know is better dan d angel you've not met! There's no perfect partner and guys can be affected by dis ego stuff atimes, so its left for u to come down humble and be d mature one.
Two people don't get mad at d same time!

cutemii:
I didn't even read...too long an epistle and my ba3 is low


Can someone summarize

Her guy is having second thoughts about marrying her because all he wanted was someone that could show him care but the op is saying that she doesn't want to show that she cares so as not to look cheap and desperate…even though she does care!

the problem with u ladies is that when a man starts changing a bit, u suddenly feel its becos he ia seeong another gal

thats not true....

surpose it is is ur attitude that is pissing him off, after all u mentioned that u guys have ur problems too!!

sevule:
@Jazmine
Your little spat reminded me of a pretty similar situation I had with my ex girlfriend so I am going to give you a little secret and let you in to the mind of the creature called MAN.

Fact 1.
Men ACTUALLY want to be shown affection

Strange but true, most men are yearning for affection! Of course we pretend like we really don't need it cos we are not supposed to be involved with our emotions like women. But underneath that gruff bear like exterior is a little kitten that warms up to love and affection.
From what you wrote you stated that your bf accused you for not calling him for a week cos he was busy. Babe that accusation was actually a cry for affection! He feels like he is not important to you or else you would have called him.

I would actually lay the blame for this lapse squarely on the two of you. Regardless of how busy he is a 5 minute call twice or thrice a week would surely go a long way. You guys have a gap in communication and you REALLY have to work on this.

Fact 2.
When a man is pissed he would give his partner the SILENT treatment

When most men are angry at their partners, they give them the silent treatment. The silent treatment is his way of saying "Hey, I am pissed with what you did"
This is exactly what your boyfriend did by ignoring you and you shouldn't take it to heart.
Solution
TALK!! TALK!!! TALK!!!! You have to keep communicating with him even when he is giving you the silent treatment. You seem quite averse to this but always remember that in any relationship someone has to give in for the relationship to work(hopefully it is a two way street).

Right now your relationship is hanging on the edge because of a lack of communication between you and your partner. Somebody would need to bridge the communication gap if the relationship is to work.

Damn!! My response was almost as long as your post!

my eyes dey pain m, i no fit c wel wel, is ds person a male or a female, how i wish sey na woman em b o, i dey look for wife, wifing you wldnt b a bad idea cus u make sense die...

@Op i hv nothin else to say, ds "ojogbon" has said it all, but if i may add, dat aspect of a little pride, pls try eschew it, its obvious u both hv som little pride in u, most times in a relationship som1 has to gv in to d oda, dat y i wl always appreciate my ex, though she's getting married soon, but i stil appreciate her, isn't that awesome?

When a guy starts acting shady its good as the chic to take a step back and let him sort himself out it could be anything or nothing however since you guys have gotten to the proposal stage i'd say you should take a chill pill and ask him what is going on do this when you are over your anger.

DigitalSignal:


Her guy is having second thoughts about marrying her because all he wanted was someone that could show him care but the op is saying that she doesn't want to show that she cares so as not to look cheap and desperate…even though she does care!

Okay...thanks for the summary!

No wonder some comments suggest op os proud and they are not far from the truth...

Btw...I say a loud 'Amen' to the prayer on ur dp

cutemii:


Btw...I say a loud 'Amen' to the prayer on ur dp

Thanks and stay blessed!

Sis, 1 think I can sense here is pride on the part of a 25 year old lady. Though his actions seems childish, but for him to involve his sister means he genuinely cares. Guess u don't really want him again

I was in a long distance relationship for three and half years, never cheated, never jealoused or failed to forgive her when she flirted around but when she started giving me excuses, I knew it was over. If I tell U the excuses, u'll know that her own worst pass, so I let her go.

Excuses that doesn't exist or flimsy ones are perfect signs to tell U that ur partner is tired or seeing another person. I was younger but I handled the relationship maturely even at my age, and now am stronger and more immune to certain behaviours . Love sounds like "slangs" to me now sef .

If d guy truly luvs u as he claims by even going to d extent of giving u a ring,hw can he stay 4 a whole week without calling u. Dere's sometin fishy here. As 4 me,I can't stay a min without callin someone I truly luv nt mindiing d issues we ve got to resolve

That's my reasoning too oh cos Its not sth worth keeping beef over. For people that claim I'm proud, how can I be when I sent him a text but he ignored d text n never replied. And still claimed he was praying about us when he had proposed already. D tin get as e dey biko. To me, he just sounded unserious.

anidan:
If d guy truly luvs u as he claims by even going to d extent of giving u a ring,hw can he stay 4 a whole week without calling u. Dere's sometin fishy here. As 4 me,I can't stay a min without callin someone I truly luv nt mindiing d issues we ve got to resolve

Jazmine89:
Hi, first of all I wont insult your intelligence by starting this story with..."a friend of mine..."
this story is mine.

My bf and I were dating for 5 months until recently... (long distance...so we used to talk a lot on the phone)

this whole thing happened over a month ago...
At first I called, after I missed his call the previous day (had no credit to call back); when I called he sounded sleepy, said he wanted to sleep that he was gonna have a busy week so I bid him goodnight and hung up.

through out that week we didnt speak until Friday (of the same week), he calls accusing me of not caring etc
i asked why he would say such a thing, wasnt he the same person that told me he'd be busy? and besides, I called him before and he told me he wanted to sleep, he claimed I was using this as an excuse.

The next day I called him again and asked why he had to behave the way he did the previous day...his replies were all accusing about how I had to learn to be caring to be able to take care of a home, etc and I asked why he had to lay all the blame on me....to be honest I've really thought about this and I've concluded he just wanted to start up a fight, I asked him to please let me be if he just wanted to annoy me, he said "yes i want to annoy you" can u imagine? he even asked if i really meant it when i said he should leave me alone.

i told him if he wanted to do something he shouldn't use me as an excuse to do so (i was referring to him trying to use me to cause a break up)

so a few days later I sent him a happy independence day text....the dude didn't reply so I kept him quiet (last thing i am is desperate...lai lai! that one wont happen)

few days after that, his sister (she introduced us) calls me over for a visit which i honored, this dude tells his sister that i'm acting strange, i asked her how? being a sister, she asks me to call him again (i already told her of my previous efforts)...my people I told her lai lai that i wasnt going to try it again o! for what now? the one i called n he ignored nko?

the sis called him in my presence, (i told her not to inform him i was there)...the sis told me after the call that he said he will pray on the matter (this dude gave me a ring already telling me he wanted to marry me....i didnt give him an answer cos we still had other issues to iron out which I dont wanna share on this forum)

Now my people, after that information about him wanting to pray about "us" i told the sister that I had to go back home biko. (the insult was just too much!) Did he not know he was gonna pray about us before his "proposal"?

To be honest, I believe he's with someone else which is fine...but at least have the balls to say so to my face! (or at least come and collect your ring)

since then he and i havent spoken (so to me we are no more) but the sis calls...maybe cos she knows her bro did not do well so she doesnt want that to affect our relationship which is cool.

So there u have it....the perils of the immature males...

Sorry for the long gist...its my way of venting off my annoyance

So please sound off below...with your thoughts, advice and every other thing in between!

loong distance are difficult.
remain calm the rite guy will come along!

Jasmine lemme talk to u in private. Here is my contact 08065506143