WOW.indeed ther is much to learn

@RTFM nice story, may God add such another bundle of joy to your life again.

@ope, so sorry for your loss. Just take each day as it comes and you'll be fine.

@RTMF, what a beautiful story you've got and i'm so happy to see that you are finally pulling through. It is well.

opeolukoya: Hello all neva knew this thread exist until my efriend told me and sent the link and I must say its a good one since 2006 my name is opeyemi got married in April and give birth to a baby boy In august I love my hubby to bits and he loves me more Jan 26 he add an accident that affected his brain and Feb 18 2014 he left me to be with the lord our marriage was not up to a year but we had fun I enjoyed every bit of it and I say some people in marriage might not enjoy like I did in 8mnths of marriage I am young but its not been easy I thank God I have a son to show a sign of our love and I pray for Gods protection for him I miss so much and I know he misses me more but I am moving in with ma life

So sorry, sis. May God grant you the strength to carry on.

It is so difficult to be the leftover part of what was once a perfect unit. I find I'm second guessing myself, procrastinating and making stupid mistakes. It's supposed to get better and easier with time, allegedly. I am yet to see evidence of this. Last week was the Swiss national day. From my balcony one has a grandstand view of two different fireworks displays. In the past, this was shared with my significant other. I remember how lucky we felt last year as we watched and shared brandy and coffee beneath the spectacular display. The plans we made for this year and the commitments we made to stop and smell the roses and take time out for the little things. Alas, all is now for naught. I'm trying to keep my head up. I have tried and failed to make sense of this tragedy. I accept things are the way they are and God knows best, I put on a brave face in public and try to be stoic but when I am alone the knowledge that we will never share the little things is almost too much to bear. I remember her with love and gratitude for the many, many happy, joyful memories and all the "splendiferous" little things. I miss her.


Opeyemi, May God comfort you and bless your son.

@RTFM, All will be well,i tell you,just keep trusting God.pele

RTFM: It is so difficult to be the leftover part of what was once a perfect unit. I find I'm second guessing myself, procrastinating and making stupid mistakes. It's supposed to get better and easier with time, allegedly. I am yet to see evidence of this. Last week was the Swiss national day. From my balcony one has a grandstand view of two different fireworks displays. In the past, this was shared with my significant other. I remember how lucky we felt last year as we watched and shared brandy and coffee beneath the spectacular display. The plans we made for this year and the commitments we made to stop and smell the roses and take time out for the little things. Alas, all is now for naught. I'm trying to keep my head up. I have tried and failed to make sense of this tragedy. I accept things are the way they are and God knows best, I put on a brave face in public and try to be stoic but when I am alone the knowledge that we will never share the little things is almost too much to bear. I remember her with love and gratitude for the many, many happy, joyful memories and all the "splendiferous" little things. I miss her.


Opeyemi, May God comfort you and bless your son.

May God comfort you too, brother.

opeolukoya: Hello all neva knew this thread exist until my efriend told me and sent the link and I must say its a good one since 2006 my name is opeyemi got married in April and give birth to a baby boy In august I love my hubby to bits and he loves me more Jan 26 he add an accident that affected his brain and Feb 18 2014 he left me to be with the lord our marriage was not up to a year but we had fun I enjoyed every bit of it and I say some people in marriage might not enjoy like I did in 8mnths of marriage I am young but its not been easy I thank God I have a son to show a sign of our love and I pray for Gods protection for him I miss so much and I know he misses me more but I am moving in with ma life

May God comfort you, sis.

Sorry everyone for being off-post for so long. Olori and I were facing some unexpected challenges that kind of slowed everything down. Her daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor sometime in early March this year and has since gone through 3 brain surgeries. I went off post because we were spending all our time at the hospital and it was a real drain on our finances, strength and even our faith. I made up my mind not to post anything until we could see positive recovery in her condition. She lost control of her right side, especially her leg, arm and right eye and this put immense stress on Olori, myself and our relationship. To God be the glory, her daughter is improving everyday. For the 1st month or so, she couldn't talk or walk and had to start occupational and speech therapy. Now, she has regained her speech and is walking again.

Olori's parents are actually in the US with us right now, giving all the support you can think of. It's been harrowing, but I believe that our relationship has become even stronger than ever. We put our marriage plans on hold until our daughter is strong enough to be a part of everything. She's too weak for that now and her rehabilitation is expected to take at least a year.

I see a lot has been going on here and I'm really happy that the thread did not die off because of my absence. I'm personally happy because this thread is meant to be a blessing and a place of solace for those that need it.

RTFM, please accept my deepest sympathies. I know exactly what you're going through and how painful and depressing it can be. I am here for you brother if you need anything. As I've said earlier on, it might seem like the end of the world right now, but the Lord is smiling on you and in time, you'll realize that yourself. Thanks everyone for the encouraging messages to RTFM. You have no idea the positive and soothing effect it has on him in this time in his life.

Salsera, I am replying your email today. Sorry it took so long.

serubawon:

.

so sorry Uncle Serubawon,i pray God makes her healing a permanent n perfect one in Jesus Mighty name. Amen.

God will continue to uphold your relationship with Olori also. My prayers are with her this period.

Take care sir n tanks for remembering us n updating us.

@opeolukoya. I'm sure you're tired of hearing the sympathies and condolences, but it's part of the process. As Salsera said, this thread is not a personal thread, but a thread for people to pour out their hearts and seek solace. So RTFM, you're not hijacking this thread. Actually, you're making the thread stronger and in anyway possible, you will find peace as I have. Whenever your heart desires, pour out your thoughts. It really helps. It's been 10 years since my tragedy happened and I am truly grateful to the Almighty for all He has done for me. The emotional pain was terrible and physically palpable. However, it goes away with time as long as you allow God to lead you through the process. There's no specific or perfect way. It's different with every individual, but the end result with God is always the same...Peace and Happiness and there is no better feeling.

@Joy4mi. Thanks for missing? me. I truly appreciate it. How is life with you?

Serubawon, welcome back, it is well with your daughter IJN, amen. Thanks for this thread, the day I stumbled on it, I read the whole thing as if my life depended on it, days later I was at my lowest ever, posted here and I dont know, my spirit just became calm. The next morning, I was still in the same circumstance but I found myself happy and singing. The peace of the lord really dwells on this thread, thank you all. RTFM, you are blessed.

@serubawon you are right about the sympathy part in fact sometimes I don't want it cause it brings back memories as for oloris daughter it is well with her ijn I know what it means to have any issues with brain cause my hubby had TBI and was operated on but believe me he was not d same man again he tried to recollect himself back but he dint survive it I pray for Gods healing for her ijn

egopersonified: Serubawon, welcome back, it is well with your daughter IJN, amen. Thanks for this thread, the day I stumbled on it, I read the whole thing as if my life depended on it, days later I was at my lowest ever, posted here and I dont know, my spirit just became calm. The next morning, I was still in the same circumstance but I found myself happy and singing. The peace of the lord really dwells on this thread, thank you all. RTFM, you are blessed.

And truly, that's the real essence of this thread. The process might be slow, but anything that has to do with emotions and the human psyche needs time. As a yoruba adage goes " A good soup/stew takes time and effort to cook". The Lord will continuously be your sustenance. With Him, you can NEVER go wrong.

opeolukoya: @serubawon you are right about the sympathy part in fact sometimes I don't want it cause it brings back memories as for oloris daughter it is well with her ijn I know what it means to have any issues with brain cause my hubby had TBI and was operated on but believe me he was not d same man again he tried to recollect himself back but he dint survive it I pray for Gods healing for her ijn

Thanks. I really don't know if this will help you, but I'll say it knowing that God will give it meaning for you.

When my late wife passed away, I kind of just wanted the whole world to leave me and my kids alone. I got tired of the sorry's and the "it is well" quotes that I got from people. All I could think of was they had no idea what I was going through. Then, a close friend asked me a question that I had no choice but to ponder on it. He asked "Would you prefer her to be here a vegetable that had to be taken care of all the time, or for her to be free and joyful with the Lord". I felt selfish after hearing that. He finalized by saying "If she was given the choice to leave heaven and come back to you, do you think she would do that"? Now I know heaven is a beautiful place that everyone aspires to get to. I'm pretty sure that with all the love we shared, she wouldn't want to leave all that peace and beauty and come back to suffer in this world. So, it made sense that the more I sorrowed down here, the more unhappy I might make her up there. Might seem childish, but it helped me. It took awhile, but i got out of feeling sorry for myself and immersed myself in taking care of my kids. Today, my kids are doing beautifully well and I'm thankful to God for helping me get out of the rut. I'm sure she's happy about that too (don't you think).

The sun will shine again my sister. Take that from a person who's been there before.

How did I even stumble on dis thread?! Spent 2hrs reading from page 1 to 34. Damn... Mr Seru,God b wit u and ur family. God will surely perfect d healing of ur step daughter. All da best bro. One love

olu4life: How did I even stumble on dis thread?! Spent 2hrs reading from page 1 to 34. Damn... Mr Seru,God b wit u and ur family. God will surely perfect d healing of ur step daughter. All da best bro. One love

Thank you bro. It's prayers like yours that have sustained me since I started this thread. Now, it's time to pass it on to others that need it even more.

Hmmmmmm. Tgirl, where you dey sef? I need to get in touch with all my peeps.

RTFM: Thank you MARKone, bellong and Caracta.
It really is difficult to find solace or comfort.
It has been seven weeks now and the pain is still intense.
Unfortunately, we moved from the UK to Switzerland three years ago and I have no family or close friends around.
I had family members come over to attend my wife's burial in Germany where she was born but of course, for them life goes on.
Be strong and move on ? That may be too soon. I feel numb and empty and life has lost it's meaning.
Trying to express myself here helps.
I appreciate your kind words.

RTFM, you wrote that's it's just been several weeks since it happened and I wish to my heart that I could tell you that the pain just disappears. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It will take time. How long? I have no idea. There will be days that seem like nothing could cheer you up. Those days will pass. When you do experience them, I hope you will remember my words and know that it won't last long.

Another important thing (and I learned a lot from what friends on this thread told me), you will have to move on (and that will happen when the time is right). Sometimes, in moving on, you will feel that you're betraying her and her memory and that is only normal. I felt the same way (for a looooong time too). Allow yourself to mourn and grieve, but don't let it eat you up. I can't say too much because it's way too early for you.

Most importantly, let God heal you. In all my pain then, I never stopped thanking God for her life (especially when I didn't feel like thanking Him). He understands you more than you know yourself and if you let Him, He will guide you through this process. Please don't bottle up your pain. It's like poison that eats you from the inside out. You will survive this and even though it sounds crazy, you will be grateful for a lot of things in the future. Stay strong.

serubawon: Sorry everyone for being off-post for so long. Olori and I were facing some unexpected challenges that kind of slowed everything down. Her daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor sometime in early March this year and has since gone through 3 brain surgeries. I went off post because we were spending all our time at the hospital and it was a real drain on our finances, strength and even our faith. I made up my mind not to post anything until we could see positive recovery in her condition. She lost control of her right side, especially her leg, arm and right eye and this put immense stress on Olori, myself and our relationship. To God be the glory, her daughter is improving everyday. For the 1st month or so, she couldn't talk or walk and had to start occupational and speech therapy. Now, she has regained her speech and is walking again.

Olori's parents are actually in the US with us right now, giving all the support you can think of. It's been harrowing, but I believe that our relationship has become even stronger than ever. We put our marriage plans on hold until our daughter is strong enough to be a part of everything. She's too weak for that now and her rehabilitation is expected to take at least a year.

I see a lot has been going on here and I'm really happy that the thread did not die off because of my absence. I'm personally happy because this thread is meant to be a blessing and a place of solace for those that need it.

RTFM, please accept my deepest sympathies. I know exactly what you're going through and how painful and depressing it can be. I am here for you brother if you need anything. As I've said earlier on, it might seem like the end of the world right now, but the Lord is smiling on you and in time, you'll realize that yourself. Thanks everyone for the encouraging messages to RTFM. You have no idea the positive and soothing effect it has on him in this time in his life.

Salsera, I am replying your email today. Sorry it took so long.

May Grace be multiplied to you, sir. May you find the Wisdom and strength to bring joy out of pain in your trials.

serubawon:

And truly, that's the real essence of this thread. The process might be slow, but anything that has to do with emotions and the human psyche needs time. As a yoruba adage goes " A good soup/stew takes time and effort to cook". The Lord will continuously be your sustenance. With Him, you can NEVER go wrong.

So very true. Thank you for this thread, sir.

ihedinobi2:
So very true. Thank you for this thread, sir.

We thank God for His grace on this thread. If not for His grace, the thread would have died off a long time ago.

@serubawon,welcome,missed your posts,God will perfect your daughter's healing and will once more bring laughter to you and your family,tell olori to be strong!

serubawon: It's been a while since i've been on this thread. It's really nice of all the people that have contributed one way or the other. Well, fear not. I'm not rushing into marriage or anything. I owe my kids some quality time with their dad. Also, i actually posted this thread in 2006, so i'm actually 39 now. It's funny how time flies. It's been difficult, but God has been faithful. We'll see how the story continues. Thanks everyone.

r u remarried

hbpeze:

r u remarried

Not yet. But soon.

sello555: @serubawon,welcome,missed your posts,God will perfect your daughter's healing and will once more bring laughter to you and your family,tell olori to be strong!

Thank you. I sincerely appreciate it.

ihedinobi2:
May Grace be multiplied to you, sir. May you find the Wisdom and strength to bring joy out of pain in your trials.

Amen!!!!

@serubawon Thank you so much. I am praying for both you and yours.
Your words and your experiences have been an inspiration and comfort to me and I Pray that God mightily bless you.

I have been a veryyyyyyy longgggggg silent follower of this thread
@uncle serubawon,@RTFM and @opeolukoya, I don't know if you guys are christains but I have this scripture of the bible for you 2cor chap 1 vs 3-4
Blessed be God, even the father of our Lord Jesus Christ,the father of mercies and the God of all comfort.
Who comfort us in all our tribulations,that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble,by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted by God.


That's all my prayer for you,that God almighty himself will be your comfort, I am deeply sorry for all you are going through.

Thanks dear

lamdec: I have been a veryyyyyyy longgggggg silent follower of this thread
@uncle serubawon,@RTFM and @opeolukoya, I don't know if you guys are christains but I have this scripture of the bible for you 2cor chap 1 vs 3-4
Blessed be God, even the father of our Lord Jesus Christ,the father of mercies and the God of all comfort.
Who comfort us in all our tribulations,that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble,by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted by God.


That's all my prayer for you,that God almighty himself will be your comfort, I am deeply sorry for all you are going through.

lamdec: I have been a veryyyyyyy longgggggg silent follower of this thread
@uncle serubawon,@RTFM and @opeolukoya, I don't know if you guys are christains but I have this scripture of the bible for you 2cor chap 1 vs 3-4
Blessed be God, even the father of our Lord Jesus Christ,the father of mercies and the God of all comfort.
Who comfort us in all our tribulations,that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble,by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted by God.


That's all my prayer for you,that God almighty himself will be your comfort, I am deeply sorry for all you are going through.

Thank you. That's very deep and I truly understand the meaning of every word.

I took a couple of weeks off to visit my wife's grave and also visit with her family and friends in Germany.
It was a bittersweet experience. In the course of our marriage, we had been there together several times and to see the same sites, walk the same routes all on my own, was almost too much to bear.
It has been therapeutic to talk and share with her friends and family, as we reminisced we laughed and cried and were thankful. She brought us all together, Europeans and myself from Africa. It was good to see my wife through the eyes of others and I am so thankful for that.
I still miss her so much but the overwhelming aching pain in my heart is slowly being replaced with a measure of gratitude for the time we had together and the love we shared. I came so close to packing it all in. Life had lost all meaning and I failed to see the point of my existence.
Its better now but I am not yet where I need to be. For the last 17 years, I lived for her and worked to build a better life for us both as she did for me. All I know is how to be husband as we were together for the greater part of my adult life. Without someone to share things with, life has been without colour, taste or flavour. I have been trying to pick up the pieces but it is so difficult. At the moment all I can concentrate on is work. I have let everything else slide. I have important documents and administrative tasks related to her demise to complete but just can't bring myself to do them. Maybe it makes things less real and less final. I don't know. It is my hope that by writing my thoughts here. I will be able to find it inside me to cross this hurdle. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm looking for or what I want. This post is rather narcissistic and I apologize for that. I think I better stop now.