A little background info...

A dear friend sent me a message that I should stop doing those things exclusive to married couples whenever I come to visit his household.

To say I was shocked to get that message would be an understatement. I kept my cool and asked him as nicely as I could muster what my crime was.

He smiled and told me that whenever I come to visit and I am presented with food, I should not appreciate his hospitality by helping the wife take the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

He said that sends the wrong message to the wife and it is one area that should be left for him to handle. I totally did not understand him and he said I would understand when I eventually get a wife of my own.

Recalling my conversation with him still leaves me rather confused, hence my question: Is it improper to help put away the dirty dishes in the home of a married friend?

Nope.
Your friend is lazy and insecure. The reason he wants you to stop is because he doesn't do those things and has probably told his wife that "Men" don't do such. You doing it exposes him.

AZeD1:
Nope.
Your friend is lazy and insecure. The reason he wants you to stop is because he doesn't do those things and has probably told his wife that "Men" don't do such. You doing it exposes him.

If that's his reason then I think its not a good one. Anyways I assured him that I won't do it again whenever I come visiting.

striktlymi:


If that's his reason then I think its not a good one. Anyways I assured him that I won't do it again whenever I come visiting.

Well that's my theory. Besides when ever people give you vague answers like "When you marry, you'll understand bla bla", it means they have no point.

AZeD1:

Well that's my theory. Besides when ever people give you vague answers like "When you marry, you'll understand bla bla", it means they have no point.

Okay, cool!

You had a good home training.. Majority of guys can't do that, reason..it's supposed to be the woman who should do it whereas it's not just the woman that ate there. It's something any one can help with and I think ur friend is just being jealous and insecured bcus he can't ever reason doing such.
But u should just respect his wish bcus it's not ur home and you wouldn't want to ruin ur friendship.

TrishaP:
You had a good home training.. Majority of guys can't do that, reason..it's supposed to be the woman who should do it whereas it's not just the woman that ate there. It's something any one can help with and I think ur friend is just being jealous and insecured bcus he can't ever reason doing such.
But u should just respect his wish bcus it's not ur home and you wouldn't want to ruin ur friendship.

Cool!

I have hands off already.

Tempted to not visit him at home again.

Maybe,the wife don't want you to be entering her kitchen.

It is better you obey your friend,because you are a guest and you can also do yourself good by limiting your visit.

striktlymi:


Cool!

I have hands off already.

Tempted to not visit him at home again.

Better.. I'll do the same too

It isn't wrong! It is very polite. I would appreciate it. It says a lot about you, very good manners. However, if your friend has a problem with it, you have to accept it.

It shows you have good manners.

However, a lot of men feel it is forbidden to actually help their wives in the kitchen, lest she starts to demand it and before you know it, she will also want a maid, expect him to tidy up after himself, iron his clothes, demand for a washing machine and ask her Lord and Master, sorry I meant Husband to please help her with chores and keeping an eye on the children they both have and kasala will just burst.

However, please accede to his demands, as it is his home (most likely his wife brought it up in an argument like "why can't you be as nice as your friend!"

If you did come to my home and do that, I'd make sure you get 2 pieces of meat in your plate everytime you showed up. I'd also look for a good girl for you

striktlymi:
A little background info...

A dear friend sent me a message that I should stop doing those things exclusive to married couples whenever I come to visit his household.

To say I was shocked to get that message would be an understatement. I kept my cool and asked him as nicely as I could muster what my crime was.

He smiled and told me that whenever I come to visit and I am presented with food, I should not appreciate his hospitality by helping the wife take the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

He said that sends the wrong message to the wife and it is one area that should be left for him to handle. I totally did not understand him and he said I would understand when I eventually get a wife of my own.

Recalling my conversation with him still leaves me rather confused, hence my question: Is it improper to help put away the dirty dishes in the home of a married friend?

He has told you WHAT he does not like.
You should have no problem complying. . . . .OR STOP GOING/EATING THERE!
Your crime is that you are interfering with the 'master-servant' relationship in this marriage.
A BIBLICAL, submissive wife is the ONLY thing that allows MOST NIGERIAN MEN'S BLOKOSES TO RISE TO HALF DECENT MASTS ABOVE OR BELOW THE MATTRESS LEVELS!

Do you want him to suffer ERRRRRRRRREKTILE DYSFUNCTION or PREMATURE EJJJAKULATION?

KanwuliaJara:



He has told you WHAT he does not like.
You should have no problem complying. . . . .OR STOP GOING/EATING THERE!
Your crime is that you are interfering with the 'master-servant' relationship in this marriage.
A BIBLICAL, submissive wife is the ONLY thing that allows MOST NIGERIAN MEN'S BLOKOSES TO RISE TO HALF DECENT MAST ABOVE OR BELOW THE MATTRESS!

Do you want him to suffer ERRRRRRRRREKTILE DYSFUNCTION or PREMATURE EJJJAKULATION?

KanwuliaJara strikes again!

marbee:
Maybe,the wife don't want you to be entering her kitchen.

It is better you obey your friend,because you are a guest and you can also do yourself good by limiting your visit.

I don't think the wife has any issue with it. I maintain my distance actually.

I go there strictly on invitation and most times I don't honour the invites.

Any more limiting my visit would mean not going there at all even when invited.

carefreewannabe:
It isn't wrong! It is very polite. I would appreciate it. It says a lot about you, very good manners. However, if your friend has a problem with it, you have to accept it.

I do accept it....

Just trying yo understand the rationale.

Thanks!

KanwuliaJara:



He has told you WHAT he does not like.
You should have no problem complying. . . . .OR STOP GOING/EATING THERE!
Your crime is that you are interfering with the 'master-servant' relationship in this marriage.
A BIBLICAL, submissive wife is the ONLY thing that allows MOST NIGERIAN MEN'S BLOKOSES TO RISE TO HALF DECENT MAST ABOVE OR BELOW THE MATTRESS!

Do you want him to suffer ERRRRRRRRREKTILE DYSFUNCTION or PREMATURE EJJJAKULATION?

Now didn't he make me feel sheepish!

Ajuwaya brah!

striktlymi:


I do accept it....

Just trying yo understand the rationale.

Thanks!

I doubt it is rational.

Maybe he is jealous but definitely not rational, my two cents.

However, I really like your attitude. Keep it up. Some people will appreciate it.

carefreewannabe:


I doubt it is rational.

Maybe he is jealous but definitely not rational, my two cents.

However, I really like your attitude. Keep it up. Some people will appreciate it.

Thanks!

striktlymi:
Recalling my conversation with him still leaves me rather confused, hence my question: Is it improper to help put away the dirty dishes in the home of a married friend?

What is proper is for you to humbly respect the boundaries your friend sets for you in his home. If you can't, don't visit, or un-friend him . You are gracious to offer, but should take no offence - and graciously accept - if he declines. End of.

It could be either he or his wife are uncomfortable with it - for reasons best known to them. Perhaps the see doing the dishes as a special bonding activity for just the two of them. Please learn to be more diplomatic, unperturbed by relatively insignigficant stuff and stop over-analysing. All you've done here is expose yourself and your friend to unthinking criticism. Honestly.


TV

^{I've come back to some wierd utterances by men on the Family board. May have to put a series together .}

TV01:


What is proper is for you to humbly respect the boundaries your friend sets for you in his home. If you can't, don't visit, or un-friend him . You are gracious to offer, but should take no offence - and graciously accept - if he declines. End of.

It could be either he or his wife are uncomfortable with it - for reasons best known to them. Perhaps the see doing the dishes as a special bonding activity for just the two of them. Please learn to be more diplomatic, unperturbed by relatively insignigficant stuff and stop over-analysing. All you've done here is expose yourself and your friend to unthinking criticism. Honestly.


TV

^{I've come back to some wierd utterances by men on the Family board. May have to put a series together .}

Cool!

KanwuliaJara:



He has told you WHAT he does not like.
You should have no problem complying. . . . .OR STOP GOING/EATING THERE!
Your crime is that you are interfering with the 'master-servant' relationship in this marriage.
A BIBLICAL, submissive wife is the ONLY thing that allows MOST NIGERIAN MEN'S BLOKOSES TO RISE TO HALF DECENT MASTS ABOVE OR BELOW THE MATTRESS LEVELS!

Do you want him to suffer ERRRRRRRRREKTILE DYSFUNCTION or PREMATURE EJJJAKULATION?

Carlotti! you no go kill me with laff, see as you take translate am. Naija man don suffer for your hand

striktlymi:
A little background info...

A dear friend sent me a message that I should stop doing those things exclusive to married couples whenever I come to visit his household.

To say I was shocked to get that message would be an understatement. I kept my cool and asked him as nicely as I could muster what my crime was.

He smiled and told me that whenever I come to visit and I am presented with food, I should not appreciate his hospitality by helping the wife take the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

He said that sends the wrong message to the wife and it is one area that should be left for him to handle. I totally did not understand him and he said I would understand when I eventually get a wife of my own.

Recalling my conversation with him still leaves me rather confused, hence my question: Is it improper to help put away the dirty dishes in the home of a married friend?

It's not wrong to put away dirty dishes when you visit someone, neither is it a sign of proper upbringing if you do (I see that sentiment being thrown around here).

It's quite simple really - you visit your friend, his wife serves you a plate of food (on the dining table probably), then you finish having your meal but instead of heading back to the sitting area, you pick up the plate and head into the kitchen.

Please tell me you're seeing the problem here...

It's either you're much too comfortable in that house, or you overestimate the kind of friendship you have with your friend and his wife.

Now imagine you are not the only visitor, and they all finish their meal (served by the hostess of course) and make their way to the kitchen - each and everyone of them...
Would you understand your friend's POV better now?


My only grouse with your friend is in the way he voiced his displeasure by sending a message.
Usually it happens that when you're in the process of returning the used dish(es) to the kitchen, a normal friend would ask you politely then and there not to bother but to come join him in the sitting room/continue your conversation if you both were having one.

crackhaus:

It's not wrong to put away dirty dishes when you visit someone, neither is it a sign of proper upbringing if you do (I see that sentiment being thrown around here).

It's quite simple really - you visit your friend, his wife serves you a plate of food (on the dining table probably), then you finish having your meal but instead of heading back to the sitting area, you pick up the plate and head into the kitchen.

Please tell me you're seeing the problem here...

It's either you're much too comfortable in that house, or you overestimate the kind of friendship you have with your friend and his wife.

Now imagine you are not the only visitor, and they all finish their meal (served by the hostess of course) and make their way to the kitchen - each and everyone of them...
Would you understand your friend's POV better now?


My only grouse with your friend is in the way he voiced his displeasure, usually it happens that when you're in the process of returning a used dish(es) to the kitchen, a normal friend would ask you politely then and there not to bother but to come join him in the sitting room/continue your conversation if you both were having one.

Nah not as you say it is.

We are close enough for him to have a key to my crib and prepare himself whatever meal he wants in my absence.

striktlymi:


Nah not as you say it is.

We are close enough for him to have a key to my crib and prepare himself whatever meal he wants in my absence.

I see, and thus you feel very comfortable in his crib as well...

Bros. Dont eat their food again. Just an indirect way of saying... your visits are becoming a nuisance. Sit your azz down in your own house. Or better still, go and marry.

crackhaus:

I see, and thus you feel very comfortable in his crib as well...

Yep until he got married.

Though I am somewhat close to the wife before they got married but I know my limits when gf turns to wify.

Anyways, his grouse really is that we are sending the wrong message to the wife.

veave:
Bros. Dont eat their food again. Just an indirect way of saying... your visits are becoming a nuisance. Sit your azz down in your own house. Or better still, go and marry.

Lol!!!

I don't visit unless invited actually!

The only reason I even visit is because he accused me of pulling away from any friend who gets married.

Maybe I would have to revert to that since I obviously am getting things wrong with him.

At least now I have an excuse not to honour the invites.

striktlymi:



Yep until he got married.

Though I am somewhat close to the wife before they got married but I know my limits when gf turns to wify.

Anyways, his grouse really is that we are sending the wrong message to the wife.

Okay.

I even do that in the restaurant sometimes

I even do that in the restaurant sometimes

Unknowingly tho.

Maybe it gave his wife ideas and he is not too happy about it

mployer:

I even do that in the restaurant sometimes

Used to do that too

Sometimes clean up an hotel room or the table I use in a restaurant To me, good manbers

@OP: All has been said