Well i am still amateur in the act of writing or creatin novels but there is no harm in trying. Please kindly point out my mistakes for correction. Thank you.

"Lilian! Lilian! Liliiiiiiaaaan" mrs dan shouted from the palour "are you not ready yet?". "am in the bathroom" lilian shouted back. "what! You are still in there?, will you come out before i descend on you. You know this is your first day is school".

Lilian knew she had to hurry up. She did not want to be late on her first day. She quickly poured the remaining water on her body and came out. Rushed to her cupboard, took her cream, and started the rubbing process. When she was true, she quickly wore her undies and since she had no uniform yet,wore a pink top and a navy blue skirt. Satisfied after looking at the mirror, she took her school bag, and off she went.

Lilian was the last daughter of mr and mrs Dan who made sure she was disciplined. She had no brothers but a sister who was in her second year in unilag. Faith was her name.

If you were told to write an essay about lilian and u excluded beauty, you have not started. Lilian had a sort of baby face garnished with small eyes, mouth, ears and a pointed nose which she inherited from her grand father. She had the kind of pink lips that you would always want to kiss which graced her fair complexion and a very nice body to match. She was envied for her hour glass figure which fitted any clothes she put on.


Lilian was once a student of bahamas secondary school she she schooled till her jss3 and took her junior waec. She had wanted to continue her schooling there but her parents relocated to a new site which was very far from bahamas and so she had to look for a new place to study. She had thought of a recently developed school named Adonai group of schools but her mum did not quite like the school. She was shocked one day during the vacation when her dad came back from work with the news that she would be attending Loveworld international secondary school.

Loveworld was an expensive school noted for its ever brilliant students who had won loads and loads of awards. It was a school mainly for children from rich families because their fees were high. "dad how are you gonna pay my fees" she could remember herself asking her dad. For an answer, her mum looked at her sternly which meant she should shut up. Her familiy were not that rich but they were well to do. Well...the case had been settled and now she found herself in her mum's car going to her new school.

Please u guys should try 2 encourage me na.

Lilian was busy looking at the beautiful scenario outside the car as her mum drove her to school. She was not as nervous as she was before, she was anxious now.

"Finally we've arrived" mrs Dan announced. Lilian gasped. This place was damn too beautiful.

There were beautiful flowers planted by the wall which was painted sky blue. Its building was magnificient. The sky blued wall was made complete with an enormous white gate. And there was a signboard perfectly situated beside the wall and an inscription boldly written "LOVEWORLD INTERNATIONAL SECONDARY SCHOOL".

Mrs Dan blew her horn three times before a short man whose legs could be mistaken for broomsticks and groaned under the weight of his large pot belly came to open the gate. Mrs Dan drove in with Lilian and her ever observing eyes which almost popped out of its sockets on sighting the inner part of the school. There was a very large field which carpeted with green grass used for games and sports activities. Lilian took another look at the building and concluded that saying it was beautiful was an understatement. It stood like a huge giant among the midst of dwarfs. Its pillars were painted light blue which seemed to be in line with the wall........ " Lilian, are u deaf" her mum called out " i have been calling you for the pas three minutes"
Lilian looked at her mum in confusion " anyway never mind lets go i am late for work".

Lilian opened the door and came out, went to her mum, took her hand bag and off they marched to the principals office. On the way, they met the secretary who after greeting mrs dan told her that students are not allowed in the office. Lilian was directed to a place to sit.
Lilian sat down wondering if this was really a school. Their fees must be very expensive she said to herself. Just then two girls neatly dressed in their milk coloured shirts tucked in their richly stripped red skirt passed.
"babe guess what" the taller one asked
" you have beign awarded a scholarship" the shorter one said smiling
"you are not serious." the other one said walking away.
"i am sorry na. Ok whats the gist" the short girl said holding her back
"anyway you know that maths assignment Mr Oko gave us " the taller one said waiting for a nod which she got " Leo helped me with it" she said stressing the name Leo
"you dont mean it" the other girl said in disbelief "how did you do it?" she was obviously jealous

Lilian listened with rapt attention. Who was this Leo she asked herself, a demigod i guess judging from the way the girls talked about him. She heard her name and turned to see her mother with a young lady smiling akwardly " she will take you to your class. Ave got to go now am late" mrs Dan was already near the door when she said this.

Lilian got up and quietly followed the still smiling teacher to her class. They did not have a long way to go for within two minutes she saw an inscription "WELCOME TO SS1".
The lady opened the door and told Lilian to follow her. She went to the teacher's table not minding the large pair of eyes looking at her. Maybe she was used to it. After a few minutes, the teacher got up and pointed at a vacaant seat. Lilian followed his direction and went to the vacant seat. She knew all eyes were on her. She looked around to see who was near her. She noticed that the next seat was vacant. The she looked back and was suprised to see two vicious pair of eyes staring at her with an angry look on the owners face. Lilian was confused.

Its cmplete nw. Please i really nid ur criticms and advice b4 i cn cntinue. Dis is my 1st story

Continue ma

In the front row, there were two girls talking i whispers and pointin at her

"damn! Shes sitting near Leo" the fair one said pointing at lilian
for an answer, the other girl looked at Lilian with anger. " well i dont care cos i know Leo does not have time for girls. He is the arrogant type you know" but obviously she was jealous.

Lilian saw the fair girl pointing at her and she was very confused. Then she heard the name Leo from the same girl's mouth. She wondered what was happening.

Just then Lilian felt every girl in her class looking towards the door. She followed their gaze and............she was ASTOUNDED!!.

Standing by the doos was the most handsome light skinned guy Lilian had ever seen in her life. Infact he was too light skinned that you would take him for an american citizen with his curly jet black hair and his drop dead gorgeous body garnished with a perfectly shaped pink lip. He had the kind of muscular body that a lady could die for and had the height of a great basket baller. Everything about him was heavenly as Lilian could notice his blue eyeballs which fit his face perfectly staring at her akwardly.

"Hello Leo, how you doing" a voice behind Lilian broke the silence his magnificient presence had caused. Lilian turned to see the owner of the voice and was suprised to see it belonged to the frowning faced girl. "So thats Leo" Lilian thought to herself as she gasped back to look at the gorgeous figure again. For an answer Leo who had long taken his eyes from Lilian catwalked like lee min hoo to his seat. He was the occupant of the vacant seat near Lilian. The girls giggled and the frownining face girl looked down with shame.
Leo did not bother taking another look at Lilian but brought out his Ipad and started operating. Lilin could feel the aroma of his exotic perfume and she felt like touching him. He was truly arrogant.

Críticms and encouragements are allowed. I think i will drop this story since am nt getting the kind of response i need. Make una encourage person na. Na wa o

Daughterzion:
Críticms and encouragements are allowed. I think i will drop this story since am nt getting the kind of response i need. Make una encourage person na. Na wa o

don't drop it,you will have a good story...
people will comment soon...
just do what you enjoy doing most...

prettydiva89:

don't drop it,you will have a good story...
people will comment soon...
just do what you enjoy doing most...

thanks for the encouragement. I wil update later

Daughterzion:
thanks for the encouragement. I wil update later

okay

prettydiva89:

okay

meanwhle u cn invite ur frnds rite?

Daughterzion:
meanwhle u cn invite ur frnds rite?

okay....yes

Uhm please am also using this medium to invite
royover,audreytimms,d9ty,divepen,temitopedaniel,jennima,mario,obinoscopy,flakkydagirl,whitemosquito,bukkydan,ishilove,illicit,and a host of other nairalanders to come help me in this work by encouragements and criticms. I am stil a secondary studnt so please 4gve me if i may nt b as perfct as u wish.

"Goooddmoornning maaaa" greeted the ss1 when an obviously new corper walked in.
"Good morning class how are you doing" she asked. When she got her response she said "you can sit down"
"for starts am your new biology teacher and my name is miss David vivian" the students exchanged looks "can i know your names now starting from the front row"
"my name is Angel Eke" a girl in the fron seat said. " my name is victor bello" came another voice. This when on till it reached the third row, lilian's seat " my name is Lilian Daniels"
" hm interesting almost the same with mine" the corper chuckled "next". That was Leo's turn. He stood up, looked at the teacher and then came the sweetest male voice Lilian had ever heard "i am David Leo" then he sat down quietly.
My name sake the teacher smiled expecting Leo to smile back but the response was negative.
When the lecture was over, she left the class and almost immediately a male teacher came in and that was how lecture went on till the end of the day. The school regulator rang the bell .....grin grin grin grin.......
Everybody took their bag and lilian did the same. Her mum wont come to the school to pick her so she had to walk. As soon as she got to the gate she met cars of different sizes and colour. She was amazed but none caught her eye as the huge jeep standing not very far from where she was. Those people must be rich she murmured to herself. Then suddenly she saw a figure gently walking o the car. She looked closer and she gasped. That was Leo!.
She looked around and the school was almost empty. She made her way home. The way to her house looked deserted so she was alone. She tried to walk fast because she was afraid. There were no cars so the main road was free she wanted to walk on the main road but then she heard a car horn. She shifted t unaware of the fact she was near a mud of water. Then she saw the car, it was the same huge jeep she saw in school. She stood to take a better view of the car then it happened! She looked at her clothes. The car had splashed water on her. She became angry and looked at the driver who just said sorry and continued on his way. She noticed that leo did not even turn in her direction when she was dead sure he knew what the driver did.
She shrugged it off. He was indeed arrogant!

Na wah 4 dis leo guy ooo, weytin dey do A̶̲̥̅Ṁ̭̥̈̅̄ self......
9ce 1, More grease 2 ur elbow.

Mzbolar:
Na wah 4 dis leo guy ooo, weytin dey do A̶̲̥̅Ṁ̭̥̈̅̄ self......
9ce 1, More grease 2 ur elbow.

thanks a lot

waiting for updates @ zion

To start with, I think I love your story. Its still in its early stage tho, but am sure it will pull crowds.
Now lemme go straight to the point, the things I noticed that I want you to correct.
1. The use of the capital letters: You were kind of inconsistent with the way you use the upper case letters. In your first update, I saw something like 'mrs dan' also I saw something like 'bahamas' or something. I think things like that should start with capital letters. Shey you get?
2. Your posts are kind of stuffy: I must confess, I had difficulty reading the previous updates, you know why? Your spacing and paragraphing. I think you should use your space button more often. When you want to start a new paragraph, press the space button like three times to give it the margin it deserved. And also when you want to write a dialogue.
Lemme give you an example here;
I walked into the classroom with my schoolbag hung tightly to my back.
"Good morning ma." I greeted Mrs Andrew, the Government teacher. A beautiful blonde lady in her mid forties...bla bla bla
3. Maybe I am making mistakes or I failed to read that part, I will say I know little or nothing about Lillian and her family. You told us she has a sister, Faith you called her, try and paint a clear picture of the family. Lillian is beautiful, with pointed nose, she got that from her grandfather according to you. But give us details, where does her father work? Her mother nko?
Basically I think you should work more on your descriptions, paragraphing and spacing. Someone else will correct your grammar and use of tenses, simply because I am no grammarian.
Lastly, I think you should work on your updates. I can see you have many stories in writing, why don't you start with one and finish it before venturing into another one. By the time you finished your first story, you yourself would be suprised at the rate at which you have improve, then you can make your other stories better before posting them here.
You may not see my comments here anymore, don't worry, I am always busy. Am a writer too and I welcome you into the league. I do hope you'll make 2015 one of my bests on Nairaland.
Cheers!

prettydiva89:
waiting for updates @ zion

comin up leta plx busy nw

"how was your first day in school?" Mrs Dan asked her daughter Lilian who was suprised to see her home.

"not bad" Lilian replied as she rushed to her room for a change of clothes.

"i came to take some files i forgot" Mrs Dan said as if answering the puzzling look on her daughter's face. "i will be on my way now. Bye dear".

Mrs Dan worked as an assistant to managing director of Dew Drops company. She was a middle aged woman in her late forties and took no nonsence from anybody. She was average in height with beautiful rounded hips which complimented her fair skin and her protruding belly which she was always covering with long gowns and tight belts. Her face was rounded with a beautifully shaped chocolate lips and fairly big eyes and nose. Her hair was long but she was not the type to keep her natural hair. She was forever fixing weavons and attachments. She loved her body and took great care of it.


Lilian quicky removed her dress and went to the bathroom to wash it. After washing, she hung it on a rope and marched back to her room. Been the first day in school, her class were not given assignments and they had not copied much notes so she was free. She ruminated about the events of the day as she tried to sleep. But only one name kept flashing tru and fro her mind "Leo". "It cant be!" she thought to herself " i cant be falling in love with that arrogant guy". She thought of how pompous he had been. Not saying a word unless asked by a teacher, ignoring the girls in the class when they tried to talk to him, his hands were always at akimbo, never smiling and so on. She was angry but she did not know why. Well that was his business not hers she said to herself as she slowly drifted to sleep to wake up when dad comes back.

Thanks d9ty7 am gonna work on it

I like your story line. I believe there is room for improvement.

aprilwise:
I like your story line. I believe there is room for improvement.

thank you. Am gonna try to improve

na me and my twin sis..my twin sis dey for ur other story me dey here...get something for me oo

Daughterzion:
Uhm please am also using this medium to invite
royover,audreytimms,d9ty,divepen,temitopedaniel,jennima,mario,obinoscopy,flakkydagirl,whitemosquito,bukkydan,ishilove,illicit,and a host of other nairalanders to come help me in this work by encouragements and criticms. I am stil a secondary studnt so please 4gve me if i may nt b as perfct as u wish.

am with u sister, body and soul

Lilian was in class on her second day when she heard a voice.
"hello" she looked up to see a tall beautiful dark girl smiling at her.
"hi" Lilian smiled back as the girl took a seat beside her.
"am mara and you?"
"am Lilian"
"nice name. Uhm i was just wondering if we could be friends" the girl spat out.
"of course" Lilian smiled. "are you in this class?"
"yea am sitting in front of Leo" she said stressing the name Leo.
"oh i see......." grin grin grin it was break over.
"we will talk later. Bye" mara said as she walked briskly to her seat.
Everybody filed into the class as the mathematics teacher walked in. Then Lilian held her breath. Leo was walking in her direction!. She took out her book and looked at it not knowing if she reading or just watching but she was damn sure she was just watching the written words in the book. Then she brought the book down. There was Leo sitting down with hands akimbo and eyes on the board.
What a fool she was! She had forgotten that his seat was near hers. Leo must had been going to his seat not walking to her...........
"Hey! You" Mr Oko shouted in her direction." come and solve this"
Lilian breathed in as she walked up to the teacher and took the marker. She looked at the question. Gosh! It was binary. She thanked her lucky stars as she quickly solved it.
" seems you are smart" the teacher said as he took the marker from her "a round of applause". Everybody but one person clapped as she went back to her seat.
" now as i was saying when turning a number in binary to another denary, you have two methods......"
Lilian was not listening she was thinking. " why did he not clap or does he hate me that much? Or he did not hear it or........" she kept thinking of possibilities till school over. Immediately she heard the bell she took her bag and left. She did not want history to repeat itself. ******************** "Leo the man! How far na" jude hailed as he came to sit beside Leo who was not yet ready to go home though his driver was waiting.
"how you doing?" Leo stood up took his bag and walked away from jude who followed him.
"this one your face is like this any p?" Jude asked concerned.
Leo looked at Jude. Jude was his best friend and they shared secrets together. He acted like a second brother to him since he was an only child. "nothing. Am just a bit worn out......" he halted. He saw her again! The new girl who kept looking at him in class.
Jude followed his gaze and then whispered "Lilian?. Do u like her?"
"what! Impossible! How can i? She's a lowlife" Leo shot back as he walked quickly to the car. He had just lied to his best friend!

prettydiva89:
na me and my twin sis..my twin sis dey for ur other story me dey here...get something for me oo

ok bter for you. Tel ur sista make she pay me my mney o. E dn overdue

illicit:

am with u sister, body and soul

i knew i could count on you.

Daughterzion:
ok bter for you. Tel ur sista make she pay me my mney o. E dn overdue

haha don't let everyone know say she own u money
but hey reserve our seat till tomorrow we wan sleep

Can't believe you are still a secondary school student(don't mind me, that's what caught my eyes in the first place ni oo)

Anyways, you are doing a great job here, let's see how we can help thou(did I said we, sorry I mean I)

OBSERVATION(s)
1. Proof-reading: the only way you can you avoid too much typographical errors, is to proofread all what you've written over and over again(I mean times, like 30times per se), before updating. By this, (I mean) after you must have finish typing, (all you need, is to just) take your time to read all over again, so as to minimize the errors.

2. Spacing(punctuations): think oga boss as wrote something about that earlier, all you need is to just take your time, put necessary (punctuation)marks to anywhere they deem fit, and believe me, you story will be like... What can I use oo(let me keep that, for now). Reading some story here on NL by our mighty autors(writers), will surely helps you on that.

3. Grammatic Expressions: I won't say much on that, as it is obvious that, you have to work on you use of Tenses and ya grammatic expressions(I won't cite you any example)

4. Invitation: I wan use style invite our amiable readers and writers, whose their pressense(here) will surley give you the ginger, swagger, criticism, encouragement that you're clamouring for.

Tag: Kingphilip, fataveli, fembleez1, almacherish, tiffanyJ, repogirl, therock555, bluestarry, nitefury, onemansquad, kinwayne, thronekid, supermartins, hazardous, frank317, and some importants people like ormorlehwah , grocery ,
christybabe , ice4jez ,
pwettynini , chijudith ,
fluffyp , blesynluv ,
kennylizzy , lilypet ,
bibiolu , gra890 ,
unibenstudent ,
tuddiies , peacynelson ,
olasunbophummie ,
debbysky , aprilwise ,
maputohq , shaks97 ,
rmfunky , benz4pimp ,
Hyfe , mohjisolah ,
bdaniel178 ,
muniratAbolanl ,
ziziola , bumsiee ,
spotmataz, ogunsiji ,
zikyke , mohjisolah ,
larteefah , hnkan ,
mitchelle55 , HelenBee ,
Oluwatyna ,
preciousberry , mary
haam , lyzee21 ,
ebonyme890 ,
ifedinna ,eielalove ,
alayormii , rudepen ,
sebak , chistar01,Shaxee... You are all invited ooo, our sister here needs your help(welcome in advance)

Did I forget to say, you gat a nice work doing here, keep it up oo

prettydiva89:

haha don't let everyone know say she own u money
but hey reserve our seat till tomorrow we wan sleep

nice story u got here. I love it. So when re we expectin d next update?