The level-playing aka the
Sunday-service Christians
make-up about 50% of
the Christian echelon. Just
like their name says, they
are the “regular” christians
whose righteousness and
holiness are at its peak on
Sundays.
You know the type of
Christians that talks shit
from Monday to Saturday,
act very radical from
Monday to Saturday, but
as soon as its 5am on
Sunday morning, they’ll be
acting like they’ve been
washing hands with Jesus
for a 100 years. They are
the type that’ll come out
from the Club by 4am in
the morning rush home,
get dressed and go to
church with a duck-face.
One thing I love about
these folks is their sunday-
service drama; they’re the
first to drop to their knees
at the sound of the
worship song. They know
Kirk Franklin’s Songs more
than Kirk Franklin. The
lady Christian in this
category are the first to
detonate tears to the lord
when worship songs with
lyrics like “Jesus I love
you”, “You make my life
beautiful”, “You make me
complete”, etc. The weight
of their crocodile-tears will
make the Jesus crucifix be
wondering who is really
the one crucified here.
One thing characteristic
about them is their
Sunday-service apparels.
They dress so good to
church even the pastor
would be threatened to
raise more tithes and
offerings to keep up with
the satin competition. The
females in this genre,
dress so good, even the
Pastor’s wife would be
wondering if there are
contenders for her
position. She’ll transfer the
burden of competition on
her husband who’ll
transfer the burden to the
congregation to give more
onto the Lord.
If they are the hat-
wearing Christians, their
hat would be so large to
shelter an umbrella from
the rain, their high-heel
shoes never disappoints
the church’s floor. “Koi koi
koi”, says the church tile as
they saunter across the
church auditorium with
their I-pad and samsung
tablets. In those days, they
were recipients of fancy/
colourful bibles, but
thanks to the god of
Samsung/Apple and all
things tablet. These
category of Christians are
the biggest patronizers of
tablet devices just for the
Sunday show. In a place
like Nigeria, it is now very
trendy. As a matter fact,
Nigerian Pentecostal
Christians have taken it to
another level with their
Gucci, Prada, I-pad/tablets
pouches, it is now an
operation “show-me -
your-pouche”.
Unlike the former (the
Indifferent Christian) who
only knows John 3:16 and
Psalms 23, the Sunday-
service christians knows a
bit more like the Malachi
tithing verse, a couple of
Jesus verses and quotes,
Paul’s ego-boosting
rhetoric like “by his stripes
I’m healed”, “He became
poor, that we might be
rich”, “The kingom of God
suffereth violence…. And
violence taketh it by
force”, etc. If they are the
pentecostals, they will
know how to spew a few
shits aka speak-in-
tongues.
The ridiculous thing about
these group of christians,
is that they barely know
the bible but they’ll know
all the words of the
preacher. You’ll hear them
regurgitate stuffs like
“Pastor Chris said…”, “The
other day when Papa was
filled with the anointing,
he declared….”, “My Papa
in the Lord always says…”,
etc. Their knowledge and
ignorance is kow-towed
to “Papa says”
The Pastors love these
kinds of Christians, for
they are the first to
respond to SEED calling
and donations. Their
payment of tithe is not an
option, there is no contest
on this one, the pastor is
at ease that his bank
account is ever smiling cos
of these folks.
One very recurrent
characteristic of these
folks is that when they
return home from Service,
they’ll be singing aloud to
the neighbourhood, so
that we’ll know he/she
went to church. You may
not even have to ask
them, they’ll generous tell
you “Service was great
today mehnnn, it was so
powerful today, you
missed”.
On the social media like
facebook, every Sunday
morning, their duty is to
post statuses like this :
“Good morning friends,
make sure you go to
church today, it is good to
praise the Lord”, “In the
presence of God there is
fullness of Joy, *off to
church*, catch ya later”.
Then after Church hours,
they’ll post stuffs like
“Service was explosive! I
felt blessed”, “This is my
week of celebration!
Today’s sermon was
powerful, God bless my
pastor, I was touched”, etc
These kind of Christians
may not necessarily like
the atheists or the
unbelievers, they mostly
have this “Holy-than-thou
mentality”. A lot of them
are hypocrites. In a place
like Benin city, they’ll go
to the shrine on saturday
then go to the church on
Sunday. To them, if you
don’t go to church on
Sundays, you’re toast!
Their religitard level is
60%.