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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? (30832 Views)
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Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 5:07pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1:wherever did I profess to be a feminist? You must have me confused with someone else. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by pickabeau1: 5:42pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: Oh...thought you said so once No problem then Dont you howeveer think it should be proscribed |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 6:01pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1:I lean more toward the male folk than females. Do I think it should be proscribed? No. Do I think the amount spent should be reduced, by all means yes. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by keenn: 6:07pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
cococandy: Am a regular visitor of this forum and I do appreciate interesting comments. Quite a number of times have a appreciated comments only to discover it is from u (cococandy) 1 Like |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by pickabeau1: 6:10pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: It's a tradition rooted in times when women leaving a clan were seen as disadvantageous to her clan hence compensation These are modern times |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 6:31pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1:it remains disadvantageous to some extent. There are worse traditions than the dowry, it's hardly an issue IMO. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by pickabeau1: 6:34pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: How does a daughter leaving her father to marry disadvantage the father Which traditions are worse Please don't say FGM or widow stuff Those r barbaric...no need for discourse |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Manaty2nice(m): 7:10pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
When she does that...it will definitely have a negative effect on the husband in future to come..I.e, she will definitely make some derogatory statements to her husband... 1 Like
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Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by cococandy(f): 7:20pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
keenn: |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 7:26pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1:lol...you should discuss this with a lecturer of mine who's of the opinion that if you're going to come take away the person who cooks, cleans and does a sizable amount of housework at least drop as much as she's worked...his words not mine. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 7:29pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl:kontinu |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 7:33pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: So after he pays that huge sum I hope he isn't expected to help with house work oh since you have said it's okay he pays all the demands because the wife is coming to work You shouldn't get a maid either because why pay so much and still be forced to pay for the services of a maid again. Plus she must do all the work manually since thats what he has paid for. I would think we would be more concerned about building a life together than in having our family suck the man dry 2 Likes |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by pickabeau1: 7:34pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: Still goes back to my initial premise That women are assets to be bargained over and they have no say I'm giving you an asset that will give you babies and cook for Pay me for the loss of this asset |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 7:43pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
aisha2:if she has to go to an office and bring in money for the family, then she has the right to a maid if she pleases. My dad paid my mum's dowry, she went to work, paid 2 of 3 kids' fees and still made sure to cook the meals. It all depends on the woman in question. If you're paying her dowry and she's not working, then she needs no maid. A dowry is a small price to pay for a woman who'll bear kids for you and baby you |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 7:49pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
pickabeau1:last I checked, being an asset is a good thing...anyway tis not my concern, I'm not looking to get married |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 7:50pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: Going to the office or not she must be a maid oh after all that is the justification for the exploitation in form of bride price the fact that she will cook and clean Better believe that if I was a man and you stood by and let your family exploit me I will be your lord and master, you will not only cook, clean make babies but if you work I own your salary after all you have been purchased at a huge price 1 Like |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by lolababe331e: 7:53pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
The whole thing should be scraped. We women have come further than to be sold like a cow, in my tribe most people no longer practice it. You just bring some gifts and traditional things and the brides family gives gifts back. As a feminist I can't allow anyone to collect money from my man to marry me 1 Like |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 7:54pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
lolababe331e: |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 8:13pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
aisha2:I hope your father won't collect a cent from whoever marries you (if you aren't already married)....cuz we hear Hausas charge in terms of cows. Btw, I believe I said that the dowry should be cheaper, don't scrap it, just subsidize it. So telling me about costly bride price is you swaying from my point. The bride price in my village is about five naira for instance...I'm not aware of any other extras. And even if there was, I doubt it would cost more than 20-50k.... But I digress, matters pertaining to marriage is better discussed amongst people who wish to partake in such unions |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 8:25pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: It serves no purpose so nothing was collected. We are both enjoying the marriage we were both trained so why should he pay? Anyway the issue here is that the dowry is extravagant so much so that it will weigh down their other plans. Thats what this topic is about. Any woman who stands proudly while she is haggled over like a cow should humbly accept what she faces in her husbands house. We women are custodians of cultural practices that keep us in bondage 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 8:26pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
lolababe331e:even in those parts where they collect 'exorbitant' bride price, the girl's family remains responsible for the traditional marriage ceremony proper, so it's not like someone is being swindled for nothing. Please any married people in the house? I've noticed most of the complainants here are single....we want expert opinion on those who paid dowries and if they led to a master-slave relationship |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by safarigirl(f): 8:33pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
aisha2:once again, I'm forced to reiterate my stand. My initial point from the onset is: Reduce the dowry, do not scrap the dowry. All this 'feminist' talk na wash...many feminists have gotten married and 'exorbitant' fees were paid on their heads. You can blow all the hot air you want, when a man comes along, your father and kinsmen will be the ones to deliberate on what he should drop, you can only intervene by pleading for a reduction, but you can't stop the dowry tradition. That's the point I've been trying to make |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by pickabeau1: 8:34pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: OK...no problem Its a free world Your current mien is more enjoyable than your previous one which was very controversial sort of Enjoyed the discourse |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 9:05pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: Am not single madam and yes we can change tradition if we want to. My father and I discussed it extensively before I ever imagined getting married and when time came i reminded him and he stood by it, told his kinsmen even one who was trying to be funny was told off, so yes madam if we want to we can change it. I hear some communities women protested and it was changed so we are not helpless little women |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by babygirlfl: 9:37pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: What has feminism got to do with this? |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by blank(f): 10:09pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
safarigirl: I wonder why people take such pride in archaic things. According to my village rites, bride price is N60. Mt dad collected N100 cos there was no change. All those extra things, he didn't ask. His brothers were shouting, She is a graduate, she has masters, she is tall, the most ridiculous things but he stood his ground. He even gave me a sizable dowry. I was gisting a friend of mine, she now turned it to abuse. That they won't value me cos na small money they pay. I had to ask her to compare the two of us who is enjoying more and she was ashamed. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by deavicky(m): 11:56pm On Jan 15, 2015 |
listenersky:so ur definition to readiness for marriage is money abi. And for those of u who think bride price is chocolate. Come and marry from rivers state where they are at liberty to tell 500k and even more there u will understand u need help and where it comes will not matter to u then. and as for u Ops there is no time. help if u can, cos waiting for him to get the money himself, it means if he gets it maybe in five years time thats when u ppl will get marry. I don't know your age but if u are not less than 22 u should know what u are doing. |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by sorepco(m): 8:53am On Jan 16, 2015 |
my guy, you have seen anything yet. there was this bride price ceremony at ukpor in aambra state (shares boundary with imo state) where the items the guy was asked to bring was about N2.5 million.....it was one of the most bizarre experiences of mine. check out some of the bizarre aspects f that bizarre show: --the guy was to give expensive george wrappers each to all the women in the village who saw the girl on the day she was born. --he was asked to bring about 20 cartons of cigarettes, with emphasis on st morritz!!! --All the umuada(girls from that kindred who were married outside) were to be given 3 expensive wrappers--forgotten the name. --Since the guy was a graduate, the cash money was automatically astronomical. --when the girl ad the mother protested (thats the previous day); they were shut up by the elders...some even say they know the guy's shop in kaduna; that it always full and very large for a small boy!!!! what could the women do? she only lamented that had her husband been alive, she would have made sure they collected nothing more than 50,000. What could the guy do? they already had two children, so he could not back off. The worst part of it was that since we were there for our kindred, we had to stay put. However, when we asked for water to drink (after about 2 hrs of them baring their greed); they snobishly pointed us a well, to get drinking water, inspite of him having brought 50 crates of eva water? by then, i was so pissed and just kicked my car and left....after that i decided to not marry, unless i find a wife from my own village!!!! Kachisbarbie: |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 9:43am On Jan 16, 2015 |
unibenstudent1:y will I be desperate 4 a guy wen I have u |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by unibenstudent1(m): 9:46am On Jan 16, 2015 |
jomile:hey hey ,so when did we marry jomile? |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by talk2dhanny: 12:34pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
mutter: OR Woman - Baby I know the pressure is a bit too much, i'd love to assist with some of the bills. We are in this together remember? Man - oh love, i'm most grateful. What would i do without you? (hugs her tightly and NEVER EVER forgets the treasure he has been blessed with) |
Re: Should A Woman Help Her Fiancé To Pay Her Bride Price? by Nobody: 2:55pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
unibenstudent1:I know we r not married yet,but we will somday,nd I know u have enuf money to pay my bride price |
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