Ewuro4:
Aisha2.. My dear I can't even carry my own mothers bag not to talk of another person. I can't pretend oh. What you see is what you get. I need every help I can get whenever they visit. Who has time to be counting meat or fish in the pot? ( I heard people do that) Do I even have time to cook proper sef? She calls me and ask what we feel like eating on my way from work.
I'm way too busy to be picky... I really don't care who takes what as long as nobody gets hurt abeg I don't have strength for senseless fight & pauperish bickering. When I have my own parents that won't even take no for an answer .., they dictate what they want and how they want it so why should I question other parents motives

As much as I understand that people are different I find that not sweating the small stuff makes life easier and marriage sweeter.
When you worry about meat and fish, who touched your pot, who carried your child, who said what about you, who looked at you " one kind" you will spend 70 percent of your life time angry and bitter and not even enjoy the beautiful gifts of life like freedom, a sane mind, an honest laugh.

No one is perfect, am not and neither is my mother in law hence she expects mistakes and I expect mistakes from her and we both learn from each other.

Modern mother in laws I notice no get time self. My mother in law and I same town yet to see her na waec she is very very busy still works and I tease her that she may end up doing e- omugwo lol. Even between twins there will always be friction Just understand that both of you are not perfect and always try to communicate clclearly and honestly and not through third parties who will add maggi and sugar

aisha2:


As much as I understand that people are different I find that not sweating the small stuff makes life easier and marriage sweeter.
When you worry about meat and fish, who touched your pot, who carried your child, who said what about you, who looked at you " one kind" you will spend 70 percent of your life time angry and bitter and not even enjoy the beautiful gifts of life like freedom, a sane mind, an honest laugh.

No one is perfect, am not and neither is my mother in law hence she expects mistakes and I expect mistakes from her and we both learn from each other.

Modern mother in laws I notice no get time self. My mother in law and I same town yet to see her na waec she is very very busy still works and I tease her that she may end up doing e- omugwo lol. Even between twins there will always be friction Just understand that both of you are not perfect and always try to communicate clclearly and honestly and not through third parties who will add maggi and sugar

I agree.. Very true.

Good night jare.

Ewuro4:


Abeg it's because you're good to her jare. These women were once in our shoes and see through us.. Of course we have disagreements too but a simple I'm sorry ends it (sometimes she just shakes her head and laughs it off sef.. coz I've moved on, I swear I don't want to miss out on any good service she has to offer )

but boohoo our other sisters will start praying for death over their mother in laws.. And God is greater than them let the MIL be mountain of fire prayer warrior gen gen you go hear am

Hahahahahaaa, those die by fire prayers no be small something oh. One of my mother in laws friends was gisting us how her daughter in law who practically licked her nyash before they married was praying die by fire the day she went to visit them. She had gone on work related issues and decided to spend the time with the couple na so she begin hear die, die, die for night. She say fear no gree her in the morning she pack her load say she dey go the hotel wey them office rent for them
The girl had a smug look as if to say " yes I have conquered this winch woman lol. My mother in law told her its good for her shebi she was carried away by eye service, that when the ars-e kissing becomes too much that her no dey gree oh That my husband brought one babe before who woke up 5am to start cleaning she begged her to go back to sleep as the maids will fo it in ththe morning for where. That when they broke up she started sending my mother in law text calling her ungrateful that after all she had done for her lol, na der my in law do thanksgiving oh lol

aisha2:

Hahahahahaaa, those die by fire prayers no be small something oh. One of my mother in laws friends was gisting us how her daughter in law who practically licked her nyash before they married was praying die by fire the day she went to visit them. She had gone on work related issues and decided to spend the time with the couple na so she begin hear die, die, die for night. She say fear no gree her in the morning she pack her load say she dey go the hotel wey them office rent for them
The girl had a smug look as if to say " yes I have conquered this winch woman lol. My mother in law told her its good for her shebi she was carried away by eye service, that when the ars-e kissing becomes too much that her no dey gree oh That my husband brought one babe before who woke up 5am to start cleaning she begged her to go back to sleep as the maids will fo it in ththe morning for where. That when they broke up she started sending my mother in law text calling her ungrateful that after all she had done for her lol, na der my in law do thanksgiving oh lol

Na wa for all this die die prayers o.. I can't wrap my head around 'die' in the same sentence as 'prayer' ..even if me and a person don't get along I will avoid you and keep to my lane but to wish 'death' upon the person that nurtured and cared for the man you now call husband na wa o.

People say I can't say what might have happened but I know I would have had a very good relationship with my MIL.I think i can judge by the kind of relationship I have with my SIL who is the closest thing to a mother figure that hubby has.My hubby's family are quite 'mind your businessy' people but they are still very nice and approachable. What you see is what you get no high expectations just be you do your own thing. I am also quite laid back about life and don't take myself too seriously (does not mean I don't take life seriously) I just don't sweat the small stuff.

Life is too short and its a cycle..one day we will all be MIL's.

Like you said most modern MIL don't even want to stay too long in your house sef

I agree some MIL' s are cantankerous (as are some DIL's) but to wish her death naa too far.

My cousin got married last December and unfortunately she lost her MIL a week to the wedding, she was very sad and even felt it more than her hubby cos she never wished her MIL such.

People said all sort of things but her conscience is clear and they are doing fine.

aisha2:


Truth is eye service kills us, before we marry we will even offer to carry her on our backs so she wont walk just so we can be termed " good wives" after we marry we start seeing her as a human with faults which we gladly ignored because we desperately wanted to enter.

Women are different sha, some mother in laws hold on to the old ways of doing things while some are progressive. God knows the kind of person I am and so blessed me with a mother in law who am so similar too in a lot of ways. I never had to pretend and never will, when I cant do something I say sorry mummy I don't like this idea, matter ends.

Long and short if you love your husband then realise that this is where he came from and she is a part of your family now. Smiling to her face and wishing her death is witchcraft nothing more nothing less. I had a suitor whose mother screamed at me for something minor and as far as that relationship went I broke it off because I wasn't ready to live with that especially because he didn't caution his mom but even stylishly defended her. So now imagine that because I wanted to just marry I married him and become a prisoner in my home I will be saying Mama and be praying she dies each day God forbid

You are correct again
No woman can expect to have peace in her home with her husband if she hates her MIL
The only way it will happen is if her own husband also hates his mother but if he doesn't,I don't care if she is a ritualist ,you hate her,you cannot expect that man to love you.
Simple
For the most part,his mother could never do any wrong ,that is just the way it is

As for the pretense thing,I remember one Igbo girl that was marrying a Yoruba man and came here asking about kneeling down to greet her husbands people and who she should kneel for.advice poured in from left and right and how she has to kneel for husbands sisters too including the ones she was older than.i said nne listen and listen good.anything you can't sustain,don't even start it from day one.
One of the best premarital advice my momma gave me
I personally don't kneel for my fellow man and while I can accept to do it for the love I have for my man, I will draw a line.I cannot kneel before my juniors.period .and I will start that from day one so they know that is my style and take me as they see me.

aisha2:


Hahahahahaaa, those die by fire prayers no be small something oh. One of my mother in laws friends was gisting us how her daughter in law who practically licked her nyash before they married was praying die by fire the day she went to visit them. She had gone on work related issues and decided to spend the time with the couple na so she begin hear die, die, die for night. She say fear no gree her in the morning she pack her load say she dey go the hotel wey them office rent for them
The girl had a smug look as if to say " yes I have conquered this winch woman lol. My mother in law told her its good for her shebi she was carried away by eye service, that when the ars-e kissing becomes too much that her no dey gree oh That my husband brought one babe before who woke up 5am to start cleaning she begged her to go back to sleep as the maids will fo it in ththe morning for where. That when they broke up she started sending my mother in law text calling her ungrateful that after all she had done for her lol, na der my in law do thanksgiving oh lol

One I know was practically serving her mil like a maid to marry American based son till her papers came through
She has now thrown the woman out of her house in America
Women sabi pretend I tell ya
The same MIL you said called you eediot for 3 years in Nigeria and you said yes ma, will call you eediot in America and you couldn't take it
The mil never changed
She was her true self from day one but all the babe was looking at was coming to America

babyosisi:


You got that right

I just told someone that same line
Your mother in law can never be like your mother
Cut out the cliche
Your mother is your mother your MIL is your MIL,make no mistake about it

I could be driving back from work tired and very hungry and call my mom on the phone to please cook me some yam and she will gladly do
Can I ask same of my MIL?
My mother sees me struggling with the kids,she will go make her own food,an MIL will wait for you to serve her food no matter how exhausted you are.
Mom can say something and I totally disagree and tell her mom,I don't agree with you or she asks me to do something and I say mom please I am very tired can it wait till an hour or even next day and it is totally oK with her
Will an MIL understand that?
Your mom sees your husband cooking or cleaning,she is ecstatic she has a son in law that is so sweet and understanding and helps around the house,MIL sees your husband cleaning,she will yell and hate you for turning her beloved son into your maid

Ladies, love your MIL and treat her right but she is not your mother, make no mistake about it

True

The bolded is classic!

Funny enough, your mum would complain if she sees her son doing that for his wife

Hilarious!

babyosisi:


You got that right

I just told someone that same line
Your mother in law can never be like your mother
Cut out the cliche
Your mother is your mother your MIL is your MIL,make no mistake about it

I could be driving back from work tired and very hungry and call my mom on the phone to please cook me some yam and she will gladly do
Can I ask same of my MIL?
My mother sees me struggling with the kids,she will go make her own food,an MIL will wait for you to serve her food no matter how exhausted you are.
Mom can say something and I totally disagree and tell her mom,I don't agree with you or she asks me to do something and I say mom please I am very tired can it wait till an hour or even next day and it is totally oK with her
Will an MIL understand that?
Your mom sees your husband cooking or cleaning,she is ecstatic she has a son in law that is so sweet and understanding and helps around the house,MIL sees your husband cleaning,she will yell and hate you for turning her beloved son into your maid

Ladies, love your MIL and treat her right but she is not your mother, make no mistake about it

I000 likes

babyosisi:


You are correct again
No woman can expect to have peace in her home with her husband if she hates her MIL
The only way it will happen is if her own husband also hates his mother but if he doesn't,I don't care if she is a ritualist ,you hate her,you cannot expect that man to love you.
Simple
For the most part,his mother could never do any wrong ,that is just the way it is

As for the pretense thing,I remember one Igbo girl that was marrying a Yoruba man and came here asking about kneeling down to greet her husbands people and who she should kneel for.advice poured in from left and right and how she has to kneel for husbands sisters too including the ones she was older than.i said nne listen and listen good.anything you can't sustain,don't even start it from day one.
One of the best premarital advice my momma gave me
I personally don't kneel for my fellow man and while I can accept to do it for the love I have for my man, I will draw a line.I cannot kneel before my juniors.period .and I will start that from day one so they know that is my style and take me as they see me.

The bolded is what I have always believed

babyosisi:

One I know was practically serving her mil like a maid to marry American based son till her papers came through
She has now thrown the woman out of her house in America
Women sabi pretend I tell ya
The same MIL you said called you eediot for 3 years in Nigeria and you said yes ma, will call you eediot in America and you couldn't take it
The mil never changed
She was her true self from day one but all the babe was looking at was coming to America

Hehehehehe that's how they do, after kneeling down for younger sisters them go come dey form ninja later

babyosisi:


You are correct again
No woman can expect to have peace in her home with her husband if she hates her MIL
The only way it will happen is if her own husband also hates his mother but if he doesn't,I don't care if she is a ritualist ,you hate her,you cannot expect that man to love you.
Simple
For the most part,his mother could never do any wrong ,that is just the way it is

As for the pretense thing,I remember one Igbo girl that was marrying a Yoruba man and came here asking about kneeling down to greet her husbands people and who she should kneel for.advice poured in from left and right and how she has to kneel for husbands sisters too including the ones she was older than.i said nne listen and listen good.anything you can't sustain,don't even start it from day one.
One of the best premarital advice my momma gave me
I personally don't kneel for my fellow man and while I can accept to do it for the love I have for my man, I will draw a line.I cannot kneel before my juniors.period .and I will start that from day one so they know that is my style and take me as they see me.

Am sure she will be adviced to pretend and kneel down here even when its not her culture setting herself up for failure.
My mother in law is from the south west I have never knelt down and she has never asked me to.

Ewuro4:
People should please please speak for themselves alone ..

aisha2:

Truth is eye service kills us, before we marry we will even offer to carry her on our backs so she wont walk just so we can be termed " good wives" after we marry we start seeing her as a human with faults which we gladly ignored because we desperately wanted to enter.
Women are different sha, some mother in laws hold on to the old ways of doing things while some are progressive. God knows the kind of person I am and so blessed me with a mother in law who am so similar too in a lot of ways. I never had to pretend and never will, when I cant do something I say sorry mummy I don't like this idea, matter ends.
Long and short if you love your husband then realise that this is where he came from and she is a part of your family now. Smiling to her face and wishing her death is witchcraft nothing more nothing less. I had a suitor whose mother screamed at me for something minor and as far as that relationship went I broke it off because I wasn't ready to live with that especially because he didn't caution his mom but even stylishly defended her. So now imagine that because I wanted to just marry I married him and become a prisoner in my home I will be saying Mama and be praying she dies each day God forbid

I am not speaking for 'everyone' ( It would be silly to do that )

We have customs guiding relationships which we can decide to ignore depending on our personality and upbringing (Lord knows I do not give a damn about most of them )

I have 4 SILs and relate quite often with you. One of them very 'modern' and quite free... I remember once I made little food for her (unfortunately she had not eaten all day unknown to me), she just swapped with my hubby's own and ate while hubby had to eat her small portion . When I do not call for a while(very lacking in that dept) she calls and says long time. The second one has reported me to hubby and others that I do not call her often; her mom's remembrance was on a weekday and she expected me to come and fry akara etc.

My point, MILs and SILs are different and we would study them to know the kind of relationship we can have with them.

I do not need to study my mom to see if she is the kind of mother that would mind helping me cook or clean or loosen my braids... she would offer to help if I do not ask.

Relationships with inlaws are tricky and while we make the first step of sincerity, they make the first step of openness and acceptance

The fact I did not cook or wash for my inlaws before marriage does not mean I would ever have a relationship they can cook or clean for me. The fact they cannot cook or clean does not mean I have a bad relationship with them either.

aisha2:


Am sure she will be adviced to pretend and kneel down here even when its not her culture setting herself up for failure.
My mother in law is from the south west I have never knelt down and she has never asked me to.

CHineke mee!!!
She is good o
My friend here kneels till she is sore on the knees

aisha2:


Am sure she will be adviced to pretend and kneel down here even when its not her culture setting herself up for failure.
My mother in law is from the south west I have never knelt down and she has never asked me to.

Your MIL doesnot like you kneeling doesn't mean another MIL would not want such esp. south west

When we were younger, we never knelt for our parents and as such, I was not used to it.

Strangely enough, my mom started complaining few years back that we do not kneel for her; I had to learn how to do so because I hate it .

My point, if you had a MIL like her, she would like you kneel while greeting.

It is not all good or bad.

aisha2:

Am sure she will be adviced to pretend and kneel down here even when its not her culture setting herself up for failure.
My mother in law is from the south west I have never knelt down and she has never asked me to.

A friend visited my in law with me once and her too being Yoruba went on all knees to greet her, me I gave her our customary hug no one died, my friend was asking me to learn to kneel down and I said we didn't start with kneeling down I no dey that one

babyosisi:



CHineke mee!!!
She is good o
My friend here kneels till she is sire on the knees

If her kids kneels for her, she might have to.

When I first went to visit a cousin, I just curtseyed to greet her MIL; she sharperly told me to kneel full for her FIL which I did. I later noticed that all their kids kneel fully and prostrate fully to greet their parents and my cousin and everyone else had to adapt to it too.

Some MILs are crazy; some DILs probably did all sorts while courting.

bukatyne:


Your MIL doesnot like you kneeling doesn't mean another MIL would not want such esp. south west

When we were younger, we never knelt for our parents and as such, I was not used to it.

Strangely enough, my mom started complaining few years back that we do not kneel for her; I had to learn how to do so because I hate it .

My point, if you had a MIL like her, she would like you kneel while greeting.

It is not all good or bad.

If she wanted kneeling down and I don't want to I would politely and respectful tell her so. I do what is right for me, I wont kneel down and be resentful because I knoe I would, I don't pretend, anyone who wants a kneeling daughter in law should get one. Me I dont and I wont simple. Its not a master slave relationship WIVES HAVE A SAY.

bukatyne:


If her kids kneels for her, she might have to.

When I first went to visit a cousin, I just curtseyed to greet her MIL; she sharperly told me to kneel full for her FIL which I did. I later noticed that all their kids kneel fully and prostrate fully to greet their parents and my cousin and everyone else had to adapt to it too.

Some MILs are crazy; some DILs probably did all sorts while courting.

If you were not comfortable with it you should have simply said so. If you dont like something say it, life is not that hard.

aisha2:


If you were not comfortable with it you should have simply said so. If you dont like something say it, life is not that hard.

Life is not black and white either...

Who would I complain to? My cousin?

Better still, if I was not comfortable, I would have left

aisha2:


If she wanted kneeling down and I don't want to I would politely and respectful tell her so. I do what is right for me, I wont kneel down and be resentful because I knoe I would, I don't pretend, anyone who wants a kneeling daughter in law should get one. Me I dont and I wont simple. Its not a master slave relationship WIVES HAVE A SAY.

Wives have a say and MILs have a say too

There is always a middle point somewhere

bukatyne:


If her kids kneels for her, she might have to.

When I first went to visit a cousin, I just curtseyed to greet her MIL; she sharperly told me to kneel full for her FIL which I did. I later noticed that all their kids kneel fully and prostrate fully to greet their parents and my cousin and everyone else had to adapt to it too.

Some MILs are crazy; some DILs probably did all sorts while courting.

Yes her husband kneels for his momma so she does also
One time we went for her MIL's birthday and right there in front of everyone she knelt before the woman and they were reciting some things in Yoruba
It took so long and we were just looking with amazement
After the ceremony I said jokingly ,nne you are strong o
See as you just dey serve punishment in full regalia,she said my dear na so o
Marry a man,marry his culture for peace sake and she added," I can't wait for her to return to ibadan,my knees are paining me"

aisha2:


If she wanted kneeling down and I don't want to I would politely and respectful tell her so. I do what is right for me, I wont kneel down and be resentful because I knoe I would, I don't pretend, anyone who wants a kneeling daughter in law should get one. Me I dont and I wont simple. Its not a master slave relationship WIVES HAVE A SAY.

You only say so because of the type of man you married and the liberal minded mother he has
If yours was the very traditional type,you will have no choice but kneel if you want to be at peace with them
I have nothing against people who choose to kneel but I ike the fact that you didn't kneel from day one and established that understanding
Rather than kneel at courtship and after the wedding,you start greeting them on your two feet.

babyosisi:


Yes her husband kneels for his momma so she does also
One time we went for her MIL's birthday and right there in front of everyone she knelt before the woman and they were reciting some things in Yoruba
It took so long and we were just looking with amazement
After the ceremony I said jokingly ,nne you are strong o
See as you just dey serve punishment in full regalia,she said my dear na so o
Marry a man,marry his culture for peace sake and she added," I can't wait for her to return to ibadan,my knees are paining me"

LOL @ last statement

The MIL might be a traditional ruler or from a royal family

There is a difference between a MIL demanding for what her kids don't give her and what clearly her kids give her.

Your friend will be courting serious trouble if she said 'I don't feel like kneeling for MIL and I will not'

babyosisi:


You only say so because of the type of man you married and the liberal minded mother he has
If yours was the very traditional type,you will have no choice but kneel if you want to be at peace with them
I like the fact that you didn't kneel from day one and established that understanding
Problem comes when you kneel at courtship and after the wedding,you start greeting them in your two feet

True

bukatyne:

Wives have a say and MILs have a say too
There is always a middle point somewhere

Here we go again trying to force me to believe that your world view is the ultimate. I wasn't raised to kiss ar-se and it works perfectly for me. If I am uncomfortable with a situation i don't get into it.

babyosisi:

You only say so because of the type of man you married and the liberal minded mother he has
If yours was the very traditional type,you will have no choice but kneel if you want to be at peace with them
I have nothing against people who choose to kneel but I ike the fact that you didn't kneel from day one and established that understanding
Rather than kneel at courtship and after the wedding,you start greeting them on your two feet.

I wrote earlier that I broke up with a man with that kind of mother if a man had a mother who must have her way I wouldn't be marrying him because life is too short to spend it unhappy and pretending

Haaaaa is this a nollywood movie Caro goes to hamerika or it happened for real



bet the girl na desperado o.so she called malu broda so she can see road cross to the land of the free

babyosisi:


One I know was practically serving her mil like a maid to marry American based son till her papers came through
She has now thrown the woman out of her house in America
Women sabi pretend I tell ya
The same MIL you said called you eediot for 3 years in Nigeria and you said yes ma, will call you eediot in America and you couldn't take it
The mil never changed
She was her true self from day one but all the babe was looking at was coming to America

babyosisi:


You only say so because of the type of man you married and the liberal minded mother he has
If yours was the very traditional type,you will have no choice but kneel if you want to be at peace with them
I have nothing against people who choose to kneel but I ike the fact that you didn't kneel from day one and established that understanding
Rather than kneel at courtship and after the wedding,you start greeting them on your two feet.

..

You will and always have a choice abeg. Anyway who decides to be choiceless and later resentful is their choice also I choose not to use that kind of life

This topic is a huge one with ladies married into the Yoruba culture
It causes a whole lot of problems
I know someone that hates going to see her husband's people or having them come over because of this kneeling thing and the awkwardness she feels about it.her greatest fear are the trips to his place and feeling like people are specifically watching to see her slip in that area.

Another friend lives In England with hubby and kids and called one day very very upset because hubby's aunt came visiting from Nigeria and accused her of not raising her children right .kids were not kneeling to greet her.so naturally she threw out the line of,I know you are ibo but your children are Yoruba and she proceeded to scold the husband for allowing the wife de-yorubalize the kids.
People need to have these discussions at courtship so these issues are covered before hand
These are not a big deal IMHO
If I married a Yoruba man from a traditional family,I know I will kneel before his parents if I loved him and they required it of me but I will never never kneel before anyone my junior
Never
And if they insist I may stop the kneeling kpa kpa

SAMBARRY:
Haaaaa is this a nollywood movie Caro goes to hamerika or it happened for real



bet the girl na desperado o.so she called malu broda so she can see road cross to the land of the free

True story the one I told
She was in Nigeria after the trado and it took years to get the papers to travel and the mil who was the one that found her to marry her son,treated her like crap( according to her).
She is now Americanized and the woman comes visiting and wants to be served like she served her in naija and the girl has grown wings and wouldn't take none of that.

babyosisi:
This topic is a huge one with ladies married into the Yoruba culture
It causes a whole lot of problems
I know someone that hates going to see her husband's people or having them come over because of this kneeling thing and the awkwardness she feels about it.her greatest fear are the trips to his place and feeling like people are specifically watching to see her slip in that area.
Another friend lives In England with hubby and kids and called one day very very upset because hubby's aunt came visiting from Nigeria and accused her of not raising her children right .kids were not kneeling to greet her.so naturally she threw out the line of,I know you are ibo but your children are Yoruba and she proceeded to scold the husband for allowing the wife de-yorubalize the kids.
People need to have these discussions at courtship so these issues are covered before hand
These are not a big deal IMHO
If I married a Yoruba man from a traditional family,I know I will kneel before his parents if I loved him and they required it of me but I will never never kneel before anyone my junior
Never
And if they insist I may stop the kneeling kpa kpa

The thing is that people decide what they get to live with. If you decide you can manage it don't be resentful later and wishing anyone death.

aisha2:


Here we go again trying to force me to believe that your world view is the ultimate. I wasn't raised to kiss ar-se and it works perfectly for me. If I am uncomfortable with a situation i don't get into it.




I wrote earlier that I broke up with a man with that kind of mother if a man had a mother who must have her way I wouldn't be marrying him because life is too short to spend it unhappy and pretending

@bold, strange

Was trying to point out that there are different POVs

My MIL is late and I don't kneel down (just courtesy) for my SIL when she visits.

Not talking solely from my experience